She takes my face in her hands, her ragged palms rest on both of my cheeks lightly. "Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight." She leans into me and kisses my lips softly before I can protest. I kiss her back, her lips lingering a little before she pulls back and looks me in the eyes. As soon as she turns around and asks Johanna if she's ready I instantly regret not running away with her like she wanted. We should've just run away that night after that kiss on the beach, but we were caught up in Beetee's plan and I wouldn't go against what she wanted to do. She wanted to stay with them so that's what I did.
I watch her figure fade slowly into the surroundings with every step she takes away from me, from us. I turn around and scowl at Finnick. "Seriously? You wouldn't let me go as a guard? What if Enobaria finds them and leaves them as good as dead? I'll never forgive myself," I snap.
"Peeta, you're too slow. They'll put it on the beach and then we'll meet them in the next section over. They're going to be okay, they're stronger than they look you know." He snaps back. I roll my eyes and sit on the rough textured floor.
I go over the memory of her lips pressed against mine just then, on the beach and when my heart stopped. Does she finally realise what I feel for her? Does she love me the way I've loved her since I was five? I shake my head. Probably not, she's probably just doing it for the cameras. Giving them a good show, just as they want.
The next thing I know is I'm being pulled from my feet by Finnick. He pulls my arm and shouts, "Come on, Peeta. Move, come on!" I instantly follow his lead away from the tree. Why did he leave from guarding Beetee at the tree? Has something gone wrong? Has Enobaria found Katniss and left her as good as dead? "I have to find Katniss," I scream at him.
He takes, what seems to be, his last look at me before taking off and running down the hill where Katniss and Johanna headed. I hadn't realised I'd fallen to my knees until I'm scrambling to get up and take off running. I clutch the knife I have in my hand tighter, I'm going to need this when I find the careers. No-one hurts Katniss and gets away with it. Ever.
I hear the cannon sound and the only thought running through my mind is Katniss, where is she? Is she okay? That cannon wasn't sounding for her was it? I hope not.
"Katniss!" I yell into the air. No response. They've killed her haven't they? They've killed the only thing I care about and love. They've killed my whole world. I let a few stray tears flow down my cheeks but then I remember what Finnick said. 'They're stronger than you think.' Katniss and Johanna wouldn't go down without a fight and I'm just hoping that's what she's doing. Fighting her way back to me.
"Peeta." She yells. My ears prick at the sound of her voice. She's alive, she's actually alive. My Katniss is alive and well. I sigh with relief that she's alive and then start to search for her in the direction her voice echoed from.
"Katniss!" I shout back but it's not heard over the sound of lightening hitting the tree. Everything shuts down, including me. The arena turns a bright white before everything starts sparking up and the roof starts falling in. I'm forced to the floor by the impact of it all and I black out.
I open my eyes, suddenly realising what's happened. Katniss is dead and I am alive, I failed my only mission that was to save her. I failed to save the love of my life, Prim will never forgive me. I let the tears flow down my face as I stifle a sob.
"You're awake lover boy," Johanna speaks up. We're lying next to each other on identical hospital beds and wearing identical paper gowns that hardly provide and protection or cover.
"W-Where are we?" I ask.
"I don't know but she's safe, we saved her. She's alive Peeta, don't worry." She reassures me. Katniss is really alive and safe. I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding and let happy tears make their way down my face.
I black out almost instantly and fall into a dream filled sleep of Katniss, of what we could have in the future when I find her. When I find her? Where am I?
I wake again, but this time I'm in a small room with a sink and toilet. Where am I? I'm definitely not home back in District twelve, I'm far from there.
I look down at my body and take in what I see, a bandage around my leg, just above my knee and another just below my knee. I look at my arm and notice a blood filled bandage covering my forearm, from my wrist right to my elbow, just where the tracker was. Then it all clicks in my mind, I'm in the Capitol aren't I? How did I get here? How did Snow get me out of the arena? Where's Katniss?
He's here again, what does he want with me? I just want to go home, back to district twelve and be with Katniss. The Katniss I truly know and not the changed Katniss that's been running through my mind since he visited me last time. And the Katniss that seems alien to me. Did she really kill my family or try to kill me?
I've been a piece in their games, the exact opposite of what I wanted. I took part in two games and he still hasn't had his fore fill of me, what more can I possibly do? I wish he'd just get this over and done with.
"Peeta Mellark," he announces, making his presence clear in the room.
My body tenses up at the sound of his voice, piercing through my ears. I lift my head and look to the door, he's standing there. He looks well groomed, well looked after. At least one of us has maintained our look since the quarter quell a few weeks ago. I'm sickly thin and bruised. Not like I was when my mother used to beat me with a rolling pin, I am truly bruised. I'd take my mother's beating a million times over what he's doing to me. At least she had a reason to beat me, being late coming in from playing with the other merchant children in the street and not putting the frosting on the cake to her standards. What's his reason to beat me? He has none.
The purple tender skin that used to cover the top of my arm in a straight line is nothing compared to the bruises I have now. The deep purple, yellow and slightly blue covers most of my torso and arms, the top of my leg where I have my prosthetic attached too is untouched but the other leg is covered in the swelling from the sickly purple colour.
"President Snow," I choke out.
"What a lovely surprise to see you here, Peeta," he laughs. Yes, what a lovely surprise.
I scowl at him, watching his every move around the room. He walks over to the white table situated under a large white television screen. On that screen they show me videos of Katniss and me, madly in love. Well he used to. Now they're just videos that I fight the urge to not be real. The memories of them are foggy and I can't remember details and if it happened or not. When they're finished with me they take me back to my cell which is next to Johanna's. We talk about what they've done to us and how traumatized we both are. We talk mostly of Katniss, to keep the images of her trying to kill me away. We focus on our love and how she's possibly doing everything she can to get to me and to get me safe.
I mentally hope that today doesn't go as yesterday did. Yesterday I experienced something I never thought they would've done to me. I was strapped into a chair, wrists and ankles bound to the wood. They'd ask me for information about what their plan was in the Quarter Quell, I'd scream back, "I don't know." And that's when they done it, they shocked me. I cried out for Katniss, praying she wasn't far away and that she'd hear my cries for help and come to save me. But she didn't. I was send back to my cell left to cry and ease the pain with the coldness of the bars that surrounded me, us, Johanna, Annie and me.
"Are you going to tell us that information today or do we have to keep doing this until you tell us?" He cackles. I look at him, forcing him to lock eyes with me.
"I've told you, I don't know anything," I say innocently.
"Oh, Mr Mellark, I thought we promised we wouldn't lie to each other?"
I sigh and take a deep breath. If this horrible torture brings me one step closer to being with Katniss again I'd take it, I'd take all they've got. I just want to be with her again, is that too much to ask for? I want to hold her in my arms and never let her go, kiss those sweet, sweet, innocent lips that I took her first kiss from in the cave. Look into those beautiful Seam grey eyes that make me vulnerable. I'd do anything for her, I told her I'd die for her.
"I'm not lying. I don't know anything." I snap.
"I'm sure you know something about your precious Katniss Everdeen?" he mocks.
Her name, Katniss, my dearest Katniss, I can still remember the first time I ever laid eyes on her; she's just progressively got more beautiful over the years.
I stand in the children littered area with my father. My grip tightens on my father's hand as we edge closer to the building door. "You'll be okay, Peeta, there's nothing to be scared about," my father says as he bends down and grips my shoulders with both his hands. I see other children with their parents just as scared as I am. Why do we have to go to school? I ask myself.
"Look here, son," he says proudly. I smile at him calling me 'son'. My father has far more respect for me than my mother. She wanted a girl but she got me instead, a house full of boys and her being the only girl. I understand why she dislikes me so much. "You see that family over there?" he asks, pointing his finger to a family of four. The mother has beautiful blonde hair that falls down just over her shoulders with bright blue eyes, the father a dark haired, olive skinned man, reassuring what seems to be his eldest daughter. The eldest daughter has all her father's looks, dark brown hair, that's now in two braids trailing down her back, and olive skin. The baby in the mother's arms looks like her, not like the other two.
"Yes?" I ask.
"You see that little girl? She's the same age as you, lovely little girl. Her father usually brings her along to the bakery when he trades the squirrels he hunts for bread. Her mother I wanted to marry but she ran off with a coal miner, the little girl's father." My eyes go back to the family; they look like a loving family who made do with what they have. I bet their mother never hits them when they're a few seconds late coming in from playing in the street.
"Why did she run off with a coal miner when she could've had you?" I ask innocently.
"Because you see son, when he sings even the birds stop their chirping and listen to him. I don't have a beautiful voice like that, I couldn't compete with him, and I wasn't the one for her. I let her slip away from me and that's something I never want you to do. I never want you to let the girl you've set your eyes on slip through your fingers and into marrying someone else who has less than what you have. You hear me?"
"Yes, daddy," I confess.
The father kisses the little brown haired girl my age on the forehead and then she kisses the baby in her mother's arms. The bell, signalling for us to go inside, rings. My dad pats my head and tells me to have a good day and not be scared. I hurry along into the building, following all the other children as they squeal with their friends.
I'm snapped from my thoughts when President Snow speaks. "Sit still while I give you this shot, it won't hurt as long as you're still."
I take a deep breath as he approaches me. The thick smell of roses follows him. Why does he have to give me a shot? I'd much rather if I was actually shot; it would hurt less and would be over in a shorter amount of time. He jabs the needle in my upper arm. I wince, it hurts. "Very good, Mellark," he rewards. He walks away and takes a seat near the white television, the smell of roses lingering behind him. If he's trying to smell nice he isn't doing a very good job at it, he reeks. He should definitely try something more, less strong and piercing. It's an eye-opener for sure.
Whatever the liquid was he put in my arm it's affecting me. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying not to let the liquid take me away, take me away from my happy place where Katniss and I are, happily walking through the town in District twelve, our hands are intertwined and she's laughing and smiling. Actually smiling, not this fake smile she had when we were on the victory tour, but a beautiful more natural smile. It suits her, she should wear a smile more often.
"Eyes up or do I have to restrain you and force you to watch it? You know I will." He commands.
I lift my head up from looking down at my lap and fix my eyes on the television. I know what's coming but I'd rather take it when my head isn't forced into some clamp. She appears on the screen, we both do.
We're stood on top of the cornucopia, me, Katniss and Cato. The memory of this is cloudy and I can't remember the minor details they're slightly muddled. Katniss is pointing the arrow at me, there isn't any sound on the video and they told me they were having difficulty, so they've typed up what was said.
Katniss: There can be only one victor, and it's going to be me.
This isn't like Katniss at all, how are we both still alive? How did we get into the games and share that kiss on the beach? I squeeze my eyes shut tight trying to remember the night that represents the end of the 74th annual Hunger Games that both Katniss and I participated in.
Katniss didn't say that, she didn't say that. She didn't say anything, she just shot her arrow. She shot her arrow at me didn't she? She wanted me dead.
"Eyes open, Peeta. Eyes on the screen," he commands.
I open my eyes instantly and return my focus back onto the screen. I push away the things he's showing me and keeping the memories I have of the girl on fire, Katniss, my beautiful Katniss Everdeen. She didn't shoot me; she didn't even aim for me. She was aiming for Cato right?
That's all they're doing to me today? Injecting some stupid liquid into my arm and making me watch a video of Katniss presumably trying to kill me when she didn't? Did she?
I'm dragged back to my cell by two guards, one on each of my arms. They talk between each other discussing the new Capitol TV advertisement that's been let out. They mention mine and Johanna's names but I don't take notice in what they're saying, I'm not interested in anything unless being released from this prison can be counted as interesting.
They throw me back into my cell with both my wrists hand cuffed in front of me, restraining my movement. I can hear Annie's screams for help and for Finnick echoing throughout the room. "Finnick," she screams, "Finnick please help me." I feel useless not being able to help Annie. If only I could wrap my arms around her small frame and tell her everything's going to be alright. And that Finnick and Katniss are probably coming up with a plan to get us freed right as this minute as we speak.
I wish I could tell her that all the pain will be worth it in the end but I can't do that, she'll worry even more and inflict pain upon herself. I don't know how but she'd find a way to do it but she would.
Johanna's stifled screams are louder than usual. She usually just curses at the guards and curses Snow's name over and over again but this time she's screaming. Screaming for them not to do it, screaming at them to leave her alone, screaming at them to free her and she insists she knows nothing. I remind myself that I need to ask her what happened today and if it's worse than what they usually do to her.
I sit in my cell up against the back wall and the metal barrier that separates Johanna and me, waiting for her to be brought back to her cell. A few hours later she is thrown back into her cell next to mine. She quivers as her body hits the ground with a force. This is the first time I've ever seen Johanna cry in this place, she's usually the strongest out of all of us because like she said in the Quarter Quell, there's no-one left that she loves.
"They pushed me, they've really pushed me too-fucking-far this time," she blurts out.
"Hey, tell me about it, talk it out," I say trying to comfort her. These stupid bars in the way, blocking access to each other, it's not like were any better off in our own cells, being together wouldn't cause anything would it? Highly unlikely. She tells me all about her day, how they drown her to get information out of her. She didn't like being in water as it was. They finally found out what they needed to know about the plan to get Katniss out of the arena to be the Mockingjay. Maybe that's why I had such an easy day, no whipping, no beating, no electric chair and nothing else that could harm me in any way, except that liquid that took over my body and made me feel alien.
I realise tonight that neither of us are chained to the walls like we usually are, this is strange for us. Maybe they're planning on doing something big to us tomorrow so they're not touching us now. I hope not.
That night it's the worse night it has ever been since we were there. Every time I would close my eyes and finally find sleep they would play some high-pitched screaming noises. My first thought of are Katniss and that they are her screams but Johanna informs me that it's not Katniss, it's someone we don't know.
I hear Prim's screams, the ones they played in the arena to get Katniss to follow the jabber jays and my heart swells at the thought of them hurting her, hurting anyone in fact. Finnick's gargled cry from when Katniss and I dunked him in the water in to get rid of the poisonous fog's puss jewels. Annie was screaming for him, screaming for them to let him go. It took us four hours, FOUR HOURS, to explain that it was from the arena and that Finnick is safe in District thirteen with Katniss and the rest of the tributes.
I don't usually get much sleep but at least I actually get to close my eyes and be at peace for a few hours each night. Every time I fall into a deep sleep I'm pulled out of it from a nightmare of losing Katniss, until I realise it's not a nightmare, its real life. I've really lost her.
I like to imagine the day I see Katniss again sometimes. I imagine me walking into a room, wherever she is, and she's just came back from hunting so she's relaxed and her eyes are closed. Her head is tilted back as she takes little breaths and she's reflecting on what a good day it's been for her. I slowly walk to her and take a seat, quietly. I whisper just gently, 'I'm back.' And her eyes fly open and land on me. She smiles that I-Hate-You-But-I-Love-You smile and leans forward, touching my chest with her hands. 'You're really here,' she says to me before smiling once more and letting a lone tear fall down her cheek. I wipe away the tear with my thumb and tell her not to cry, especially not over me. She then leans forward again and pulls on my shirt pulling me towards her a little more, our lips touch briefly and a new emotion takes over my body. Her hands move around to the back of my neck and she pulls me in for another kiss before pulling back and letting the tears fall uncontrollably. And then she looks in my eyes and tells me the one thing I want to hear. 'I've missed you so much, Peeta.
Today he's told me I have to do an interview with Caesar, he told me it's exactly like the interviews I've done with him before, the ones that are compulsory that you do. This is going to be broadcasted all over Panem, I don't know why. To show people I'm still alive and in good hands? I'm sure they'll figure out I'm not when they take one look at me. I've lost an enormous amount of weight. Let's just hope my family sees me and does something to come and save me, highly unlikely, it's worth a try.
So this is why they didn't chain me to the walls last night? They didn't want the marks to be shown on my wrists. They want the impression that we are here and being treated like victors should but boy are they wrong. We're being treated far from what victors should be treated like.
I always imagined that after you had survived the games that you would be in riches and would be left alone but that obviously isn't the case when President Snow has anything to do with it.
I'm taken into a padded out white room, nothing unusual about t that. There in front of me is a suit. Two women, who I didn't even see in the room, come over and help me get undressed, as if I needed any help, and help me put the suit on. It fits really well and it feels comfortable. It reminds me of the suits they sent me after the victory tour. The ones I needed to choose from for Katniss and I's fake wedding, that never actually happened.
Snow sent her numerous amounts of wedding dresses and he sent me numerous amounts of suits, I don't see why. Dresses are different to suits, you have all different styles, length and colours but with a suit it's just the simple black with the colour of the brides choosing tie.
"Hm, you'll do, Peeta Mellark," one of the girls says. The other nods in agreement. I smile in appreciation before one of them walks over and sorts out my collar.
They add a piece of metal covered in fabric to the joining of the buttons just under my chin, so if I look down I will be pricked. Inflicting pain upon me even when I'm doing something for him, I see how this is. I can't go anywhere or do anything without being threatened by pain.
I'm escorted out of the white room and into a different part of the building. Caesar is sat in one of the arm chairs while a few people run around him, straightening his suit, spraying his hair, brushing his eyebrows and applying powder to his face. I'm seated across from him in another arm chair and Caesars prep team come over to me and brush powder over my face, trying to make me look presentable. I wonder what happened to my prep team, I wonder if they're sat back with their families enjoying themselves, relieved that there is no more games and they won't be provided with district twelve tributes who never win, again.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
I give a slight nod before answering, "Yes," and smiling.
Caesar starts of the broadcast with, "Hello, good evening and a big welcome to all in Panem. I'm Caesar Flickerman, and whoever you are and whatever it is you're doing, if you're working, put down your work. If you're having dinner, stop having dinner. Because you are going to want to witness this tonight," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "There has been rampant speculation about what really happened in the Quarter Quell and here to shed a little light on the subject for us is a very special guest, please welcome, Mr Peeta Mellark." He stops and looks at me "Peeta a lot of people feel as though they are in the dark."
"Yeah, yeah I know how they feel," I say honestly. He laughs a little and I scowl at him. I'm being deadly serious; they've kept me in the dark here in the Capitol. Away from everything, away from everything and everyone I love. Away from Katniss.
"Now, so set the stage for us. Talk us through what really happened on that final and controversial night." Why does he want to know about what happened? Hasn't he seen the footage? I certainly have. It shows it all in the tapes, no explanation is needed.
"Well first off you have to understand that when you're in the games you only get one wish, it's very costly-" I explain.
"It costs your life," he cuts in.
"I think it costs more than your life." Of course it costs more than your life. You're going into the games with no hope of ever seeing your family or your loved ones again. You sacrifice yourself to some stupid rule the Capitol made 75 years ago. The killing of innocent children for their own pleasure, it's sickening.
"How do you mean? What's more than your life?" Is he being serious? I thought Caesar of all people would understand this. Does he not remember the 'star crossed lovers' from district twelve?
"I mean to murder innocent people."
"Ah."
"And that costs everything that you are." Murdering innocent people is just going to make things worse about these things. You live with murder your whole life; you're never going to forget something like that. How can you forget when the families of the people you've murdered are probably wishing death upon you as we speak?
"Yes."
"So you-you-you hold onto that wish and that night my wish was to save Katniss." I wish my wish came true; all I wanted to do was save Katniss, that's all I've ever wanted to do. Since the day I threw her that bread, it's been my main goal to save her.
"Yes."
"And I should've just run off with her, earlier in the day like she wanted."
"But you didn't."
"No." Of course I didn't, anyone in Panem could see that I didn't.
"Why? Were you caught up in Beetee's plan?"
"No, I-I was caught up in trying to play allies, and then they separated us and," I stop for a second before continuing, "that's when I lost her. Then the lighting hit and the- the whole force field around the arena just blew out."
"Yes but Peeta, Katniss is the one who blew it out, you saw the footage."
"She didn't know what she was doing, neither of us knew there was a bigger plan going on we had no idea," I say trying to defend Katniss and myself, I've already told President Snow and the rest of his torturing team that I knew nothing. It surprised me as much as it surprised them. What part of that don't they understand?
"You had no idea."
"No." I roll my eyes at him.
"Alright, well Peeta. There are many who find this suspicious to say the least, it seems as though she was part of a rebel plan."
"What do you think it was part of her plan to be almost killed by Joanna? Or part of the plan to be paralyzed by lightening? No, we-we were not part of any rebel plan, we had no idea what was going on," I snap. I've really had enough of him contradicting me and not listening to what I'm saying. I can't wait until this interview is over, I can't wait until the rebels figure out a plan to get me from this place, that's if they will.
"Alright, I believe you Peeta Mellark, thank you." I roll my eyes again and look away from him, I can't do this anymore. We haven't got onto my script yet. He's told me that he'll leave me alone for two days if I say this script, anything not to be almost killed by whips, bats, electricity and lack of sleep. Hopefully they will understand that they're making me say this and I'm not doing this from my own mind. Well making me say some of it, some parts I thought of myself.
Caesar and his stupid hand gestures, can't he just keep his hands still for one minute? He's waving them around like he's going to swat some flies. He needs some serious help; they probably have surgery for something as stupid as that here in the Capitol. What don't they have surgery for here?
"I was going to ask you to speak about the rest but I think you might be too upset."
"No-no, I-I can-"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, absolutely," I take a deep breath before continuing. I look directly into the camera and start my speech. "I want everyone who's watching to stop. And to think about what a civil war could mean. We almost went extinct once and now our numbers are even fewer. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off? Killing is not the answer. Everyone needs to lay down their weapons immediately; or less that's it, for all of us."
"Are you calling for a Cease fire?"
"Yeah I am."
Caesar ends the interview by telling the views to 'tune in soon for some more interviews with Peeta Mellark'. This is tiring; I don't know how much longer I can keep this up for. I smile at him before we're cut off air. As soon as the cameras are put down Caesar looks across at me and gives a sympathetic smile. I wonder if he knows what they're doing to be in the mansion. Maybe I should tell him sometime, that's if they let me see him.
"Are you going to interview Johanna and Annie too?" I ask innocently.
"No, Peeta, I'm not," he answers.
"Why not?"
"I think we have enough with you. You're the main muse here in the Capitol, haven't you heard all about your fans here?" he laughs.
"No, but I'd love to meet some of them."
"Maybe they'll let you one day."
"Yes, maybe."
"Well, it was nice seeing you Peeta, see you again soon," he says before standing up and leaving the room. I wonder if he means it. The Capitol, Snow, has obviously put him up to this, have they gone into his mind and changed some of his memories and changed the way he thinks too? Are they forcing him to interview me and act the way he's acting? Because this isn't the Caesar I've known in my past interviews and it certainly isn't the Caesar that I've watched interview other people either. Something tells me that he doesn't want to be here just as much as I don't want to be here either. Maybe we could come up with a plan together somehow and get out, get out of the Capitol and run away back to District Twelve. We could do that right? Maybe if they let me see him in the time that they just throw me back into my cell, I could tell them that I want to prepare for future interviews to know what I'm working with. That sort of thing.
The guards that were standing at the door come over and help me stand. They handcuff my hands behind my back and leading me out of the room to where I usually stay. Well, I wouldn't go as far as to call it a room, where I stay is a cell. A dark, sinister feeling cell.
They walk me through the cell doors and chain me to a wall. The chain is quite long so it allows me to move around a bit, not that I'd be dancing around my cell and singing The Valley Song any time soon.
I wake up with the strong smell of antiseptic filling both of my nostrils. The loud beeping of machines fills the room and echoes from the walls. I'm connected to what sort of machine? Is it helping me live or is it helping them hurt me, I do not know, all I want to know is how I'm here, why I'm here and what they're doing to me.
The beeping of the machines gets louder as I open my eyes and look around the room. I notice the IV drip pierced into my arm, I wonder if the contents are relieving the pain or are just adding to it.
The content of the IV bag is not noticeable as it's got a matte black cover, covering the bag with the solution inside. The hospital I went to in the Capitol after the first games was both, similar and very different to this hospital, if this can even be classed as a hospital. The contents of the rooms were the same but the hospital before had a deep red wall colour; it was relaxing to look at, whereas here the room is just white, plain white. The IV bag in the other hospital was clear so I could see what was being injected into my body, unlike this time.
Katniss and I sit on the wet sand, we're not sitting together facing the same way, were angled so I watch the jungle and she watches the water. My hip and shoulder and pressed against hers and it feels weird. I've ached for this personal contact with Katniss my whole life. This is an intimate moment for the both of us, probably the most intimate moment we'll ever have with each other. After a while she rests her head on my shoulder so I lift my hand up and run it through her hair. Okay I lied; this may be the most intimate moment we'll ever have with one another.
"Katniss," I say softly, "It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." Of course she knows because she's thinking it too. She isn't the only one who made a deal with Haymitch and I'm guessing it has something to do with sacrificing her life and I won't let her do that. I'm here to protect her and get her home to her family and everyone who loves her, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
"I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well. So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us." And he's lying to you, he isn't going to let you die to save me Katniss, are you stupid? Everyone in Panem loves you, I love you, and you're going to be the one leaving this arena.
Katniss lifts her head off my shoulder and her eyes meet mine. "Why are you saying this now?" she asks. I try to work out her emotion from her eyes but I get nothing, she's being pretty serious.
"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for meat all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," I say honestly. "I would never be happy again." I confess. I see her start to object with what I'm saying so I gently place a finger to her lips to quiet her. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living." Like Gale, you could marry Gale and have children with Gale. You could do it all with Gale, but he can't have you first kiss, because I have it. It's something of yours that I can die with, knowing that no one else will have it.
I reach up to my neck and pull the gold medallion, I had as a token from Effie, from around my neck. I hold it in my hand so the reflection from the moonlight shines off it clearly. I slide my thumb along the catch and the disk pops open, just as I'd asked Effie to do. Inside there are three photos, on the right, her mother and Prim and on the left, Gale. The person she is most likely to marry, if I get her out of this arena like I've vowed to do.
"Your family needs you, Katniss," I say confidently. I need you too but they need you more, they're the ones who have been there when you were growing up. If only your father was still alive, that would be persuasive to get her home alive. But instead I've used Gale, her best friend.
I should mention the 'baby' but I want her to know that I'm not doing this to be a part of the games; I'm doing this to actually protect her and to get her out of the arena alive.
I say the truth. "No one really needs me." My family doesn't need me, my mother wouldn't miss me, she'd probably be thankful I'm gone. My father might miss me working a few shifts at the bakery decorating the cakes and baking some loafs. My brothers wouldn't miss me at all; they're both too busy with their girlfriends to care about the 'little brother' of the family.
"I do. I need you," he says. It catches me off guard and I have to take a deep breath to process the words in my mind. Is this a dream or did she actually just tell me she needs me? She doesn't need me; she's just doing this for the cameras. I go to argue back about how she doesn't need me and that she just thinks she does but she does something unexpected. She kisses me.
This isn't like the kiss we shared in the cave back in the 74th Hunger Games, this was deeper, more 'needy'.
I give up on talking and enjoy the sensation of her lips moving against mine, so this is what a real kiss from Katniss Everdeen feels like. There is no chance I'm letting you out of my sight now, not after that.
"Mr Mellark," a man in a white coat says, snapping me from my memory of Katniss, my sweet, sweet, innocent Katniss. I look over at him, taking in his features.
His prominent cheekbones and his chiselled jawline standing out from the rest of his features. He either doesn't eat or he goes under surgery where they scrape his bones for this effect and then suck the access skin away, pulling his face tighter around the bones. The thought of it send shivers up and down my spine.
I crease my brow at an attempt to figure things out, the last thing I remember doing is an interview with Caesar and then them putting me back into my cell next to Joanna where I was handcuffed to a metal bar on the wall. I slept on the cold cell floor and the next thing I know I was awakened in a room flooded with the smell of antiseptic.
"Mr Mellark, how are you feeling?" he asks. I scowl at him. Like you already don't know? I think to myself. I roll my eyes at the thought of them knowing everything about me and how I'm doing.
"As if you don't already know," I snap.
"Very well, I've been informed to up your dosage of medication and to put a short film on for you, so that's why I'm here. As soon as I'm done I'll leave and you'll be by yourself again." I nod in response. So this is why I'm in the hospital, for them to mess with my braid but legally.
The man, who works for the hospital I assume, walks over to where the wire attached to my arm is connected to and takes off the black casing revealing a purple solution. He unscrews the cap at the top and pours in a new liquid which is a much darker than the original liquid that was in there. Must be stronger so it affects me more, just as they want
He finishes pouring the liquid into the bag and seals the cap. He puts the black casing back over the bag and gives me a weak smile. Why is he smiling at me?
"Why don't they just kill me now?" I plead.
"Mr Mellark, you do know everything you tell me I have to report back, don't you?" he says sadly. I cock my eyebrow up at him. So Snow has him working for him, I wonder what district he's from and under what circumstances he's in if he agreed to work for Snow. Maybe Snow threatened to kill his whole family if he didn't agree to do it. Just as he done with Katniss when he told her that he needed her to make our love story real, just like he needed her to convince him she was in love with me. We came to the conclusion together that night we spent on the train in my room that the reason he didn't come to see me was because he knew I was in love with her, everyone in Panem knew my undesirable love for Katniss Everdeen.
I wonder if all of Panem could see me now, if they'd still think I'm madly in love with her, the girl I'd risk my whole life for, the girl I'd unmistakably die for.
"Yes, I'm not asking anything that I shouldn't? I'm just asking why they can't just kill me. I'm no good them, I've told them, I don't know how many times, that I know nothing about all that's happening. Why can't they understand that and let me go? Let me be reunited with the one I love?"
"Mr Mellark, I can't answer that because I simply don't know. You'll be reunited with your love as soon as they've had their fore fil of your help." He smiles and then starts walking towards the door he entered through
"I thought you said you had to put a film on? And you're leaving? I'm not sure they'd be happy if you didn't complete the tasks you've been given by your boss," I say coyly.
"Oh yes, thank you, Mr Mellark. You may have just saved my job."
Liar. You don't want to be in this job as much as you're made to think you do, you know that. You'd love to be reunited with your family, that's if they haven't killed them already. I don't say this, I wouldn't dare. Who knows what they'd do to me if I had a sudden outburst. They'd probably bring back that electric chair and shock me until I almost pass out, wouldn't surprise me. So I just smile and nod and watch him as he sets up the television screen and changing it to the right channel that it needs to be on.
"Afternoon Mr Mellark, I'll see you tomorrow at the same time, I believe," he says politely. I smile in response so I don't say something that I regret. He probably wouldn't go back and tell the hospital and Snow what I'd have said because it would affect him and his so called 'job' here.
The television starts showing a scene I'm very familiar of, from the first Games.
Glimmer, Clove, Cato, Marvel and I are standing at the bottom of the tree Katniss is currently climbing up. The careers shout things at her but I just keep silent. Cato begins to climb the tree with his sword in his one hand. He continues to climb up the tree as they continue to scream things up at Katniss. Cato places his hand onto a weak branch and falls straight to the floor.
Glimmer gets frustrated and shoots her arrows up at Katniss, missing by miles. No-one can shoot like Katniss can.
The programme skips past what happens next and the next thing I see is Katniss cutting down a tracker jacker nest which lands upon our group. I watch myself as I scramble up straight away and run off into the forest away from the poisonous tracker jackers.
So it's true? Katniss really did try to kill me? She really did try and get rid of me because I was with the Careers.
The television screen flickers to another channel without me touching anything. I don't protest because I'd much rather see this than see Katniss trying to kill me.
"I want the rebels to know that I'm alive." Her voice echoes through the room. Its Katniss, how is this being shown on the screen here? The Capitol isn't a part of the rebel team? Is this the rebel plan that Caesar was talking about in that interview we done yesterday?
She continues speaking. "That I'm in district eight, where the capitol has just bombed a hospital, filled with unarmed men, women and children, and there will be no survivors." Is the Capitol really doing such things? Why would they bomb a hospital filled with unarmed men, women and children especially? It's a hospital. Those people are sick and dying and getting help but the Capitol had to go and bomb it and kill everyone. It's a wonder they haven't killed me yet, they seem to be killing everyone off these days.
"If you think for one second that the capitol will ever treat us fairly, you are lying to yourselves. Because we know who they are and what they do. This is what they do, and we must fight back!" She points to behind her where there are flames lighting up in the background. I assume that that's the hospital the Capitol has just bombed? How sick can President Snow get? Killing innocent children. But that's what he's always done, kill innocent children. Putting children from the age of twelve into an arena to fight to the death for self-pleasure. He really is a sick, sick man.
"I have a message for President Snow, you can torture us, bomb us and burn our districts to the ground. But do you see that? Fire is catching, and if we burn, you burn with us!" Her voice echoes through the room perfectly and I see the emotion on her face. This isn't just a set-up, this is really happening, the Capitol are really bombing places.
She shoots an arrow into the air which catches and lights a Capitol hovercraft, yes Katniss, fight back, I think to myself. The words 'Join the Mockingjay' fill the screen and I blink furiously trying to piece this all together.
I know I'm in a district, no way would I be in the Capitol, and they wouldn't even let that get past the barrier to be shown on Capitol TV. I must be in a district close to the Captiol and that district must not be a part of the rebellion because if they were I'm pretty sure they'd help me get out of here. Help me get away from him. President Snow.
An army (literally an army) of doctors dressed in white uniforms barge into my room and stand in front of the television as one doctor furiously plays with the buttons trying to turn it off and disconnect it from the server.
"How much did you see, Mr Mellark?" A female doctor asks. I plainly ignore her; I don't need to answer to these people. They're probably going to report everything I say to them back to President Snow who will then use this information to try and get information that I don't know out of me.