Date Written: 7/10/05
Non-Challenge
Word Count: 525
Rating: K
Pairings: Gonou/Kanan
Notes: A longer version of two connected drabbles written, which are posted over on 100roadtrips. Half Kanan's POV, half Gonou's.
---
He's up writing again.
I can hear the faint scribble of pen on paper, the faint lamp light filtering in through my eyelids. I roll over in our bed, feigning sleep and put my hand on his side of the bed. The sheets are cool to the touch; he's been up for a while.
I roll back over and climb out of bed as quiet as possible, but the squeaking of the mattress springs breaks him from his reverie. He looks over at me, pushing his glasses up with the heel of his hand. "I woke you, didn't I?"
I shake my head in denial, not trusting myself to voice the lie. He knows, however--he's not dense--and sighs before turning back to the desk. I move behind him, looking over his shoulder. Philosophical proofs litter the expanse, some papers heavy with black scratch-outs, others forming neat lines in his concise hand. I have barely enough knowledge of the subject to realize what it is, but beyond that I'm lost. While we both excelled in school, his mind gravitated towards mathematics, sciences and philosophy while mine was content to fill with and analyze literature.
My hands glide over the bare skin of his back, warming the chilled flesh. He relaxes a little into my touch, and I catch myself before I ask if I can help. It would only disturb him, and I seriously doubt that I could help him come up with some great wonderful philosophical breakthrough.
Gonou has two loves: Philosophy, and me. In that order.
---
Sometimes
I hate myself, the part of me that over analyzes. It keeps me up at
night, writing at all hours, keeping myself from her.
It tears her up inside. And I have no way to heal the wound I've created.
I feel her hands leave my skin, watch from beyond the blurred edge of my glasses as she moves from behind me to the kitchen. I can hear her rummaging around in there, but soon the thoughts in my head are too loud, drowning out the outside world. The words flow from my mind down my arm to end up on the paper in front of me.
...While we understand much of how the brain learns, remembers, and even emotions, there appears to be a gap between the ability to learn and experiences we have --
I stopped writing mid-sentence as Kanan set a steaming mug of green tea by my hand. I stared at it, not brave enough to meet her gaze.
She moves behind me, heading for the bed, and I grab her, pulling her to me. I lay my head on her stomach, nuzzling her softness through the thin nightgown she's wearing. "You know I love you, right Kanan?" I mumble against her warmth, my arms wrapped possessively around her waist.
I sense her smile above me, and slim fingers wind through my hair. "I know, Gonou, I know."
We kiss gently and she retreats to our bed, pulling the comforter up to her neck.
I wait until her breathing slows to turn back to my paper.
---