Disclaimer: I don't own RK
A Confusing Hero
Sometimes, I wonder…
People criticize him, judge him…and yet he smiles as if everything in the world was okay. I know it hurts him, I can see it in his eyes - in his smiles that never seem to fully reach his eyes. He acts as if nothing ever bothers him, as if he doesn't care that hundreds of people are either afraid of him or hate him for things he did in the past.
He does care…I know he does.
Why doesn't he say anything? Why won't he fight back when people put him down? Why doesn't he yell or get angry or …just do something?
I mean, I get angry. I get so mad and frustrated sometimes that I just want to hit him. Sometimes I just want to yell at him. Tell him how stupid he's being! How much he deserves better…
But that's just it though…he believes that he deserves what they give him. He feels like he deserves to be hurt for the pain that he caused a long time ago.
Sometimes, I wonder how such a smart and intelligent man can be so stupid. How a man who seems to know so much can know so little. There are times, when he just takes one look at you and he knows that something's bothering you, or that you're upset about something. And he always seems to know the exact words to make you feel better. He can be so amazingly sharp and his eyes seem to catch everything that happens. I can never get away with anything with him around. And yet, even with his amazing judgment of character, he somehow judges himself all wrong.
He thinks he can hide it from me, from all of us, but he can't. He's always hiding behind that stupid rurouni mask of his, but he doesn't realize that we can see right through it. I mean, I'm only a kid, and I can see that his smiles are rarely ever genuine. If I can see that, than I figure that the others can see it too.
He smiles and says he's fine, but I know he's not. I know that deep down, his heart breaks every time a child cries out in fear of the name Battousai. All he ever wanted to do was to make an era of peacefulness and justice, but instead, the politicians are corrupt and there are still people who live their lives in fear. I'm not so naïve as to think that the Meiji Era is perfect because I know…I know what its like to live on the streets, to live in fear.
It isn't fair! He deserves so much more, and yet…there's nothing that I can do about it.
I can't make people forgive him for the things he did as a child. I can't make people forget about the past and see the present. I can't make them realize that he's a kind and loving man that would never hurt anyone if he knew there was another way.
Watching him do the laundry in the yard, or playing with the children, I find it hard to see him as the legendary hitokiri from the Bakumatsu. It just doesn't seem possible that such a goofy and seemingly carefree rurouni could actually house the most feared demon deep inside him.
It hurts…
It hurts when he smiles and says that it doesn't matter. It does matter.
It hurts when he smiles and tells me not to worry about it. I do worry.
It hurts when he smiles and says that nothing happened. I want him to trust me.
It hurts when people try and kill him for things that he did as a teenager. Don't they ever think about what will happen to his friends? Do they believe that he has no friends, no family that cares about him? Or is it that they don't care?
Why should I care? Why should I get angry? It's his life, his pride…
But I do care, and I do get angry. He's been like an older brother to me, a father even. He's taken care of me. He's given me advice. He's helped me get through so much while still giving me the space and independence to grow and get stronger. I care…I wish that I could give something back. I wish I could take away the pain and guilt that I know he feels, even if for only a day. But I can't. I can't do anything but to be there for him and grow up to be a man that he can be proud of. And so until that day comes, until I can fight beside him and defend him against the criticism thrown at him, I will continue to grow.
And maybe, if I continue to watch him, I can grow up to be a man like him. A man who can ignore the insulting jibes thrown at him and focus on what's more important. I guess I understand why he just stands there and smiles. It shouldn't matter what others think of us. What matters is what you think of yourself and what your family thinks of you. Who cares what people that you don't even know think of you. What matters is that you can live your life as a good example to others.
And that's exactly what he is. He's a great example of what a human being should be. He cares, he protects, and he doesn't let others' insults bring him down, no matter how much it hurts. He isn't like everyone else.
And yet, it still hurts to know that anyone can hate such an amazing role model, a hero. He thinks that it doesn't affect us, but it does…
AN: Well, what do you think? A little one-shot dedicated to Yahiko. I've got to say, I was really impressed with the type of man he grew up into at the end of the manga. This is my first one-shot. Please tell me how I did.