Fighting An Already Lost Battle
Disclaimer : Everything but the plot belongs to J.K. Rowling...lucky girl!
We didn't really like each other at the start did we? Just friends for his sake. But when our relationship started to grow, well, that all changed didn't it?
We were both lost. Lost in the world of school, gossip, and figuring out who we are. We saw one another as just a friend. A person to trust with silly secrets, a person to talk to till 3:00 am, to take to family functions and be bugged about our relationship. We weren't anything more then friends though. Just close because we could be without it being strange. Though I would never admit it to you, I wished you would notice me. I'm not that bookworm little girl you knew at the start. I've grown up, I've changed.
You're life is different then mine though. You were raised with just a little, but had a lot. A caring family, and a simple home. I was spoiled when I was young, as an only child. When my little sister was born i thought i was going to die. I didn't get the attention anymore. But you never really got any attention. Your brothers were so bothersome, you never got what you needed, but your mother and father did the best they could with what little they had. I forced myself into my studies, making myself the un-noticeable girl you know. Just the troublesome bookworm, not what you want.
When I looked into you're blue eyes i always thought that i was going to be alright, that I was safe. I didn't have to worry when i was with you. We all try to be something we aren't, we are never happy with what we have, we are trying to out live our life. You had so much to live up to, so much. I tried so hard to be something that you would want. Some thing special, just...something. But you were only interesting in the flashy things, the super skinny girls with perfect hair and teeth. I'm not one of those so you didn't care.
I was always disgusted with you Ronald Weasley. Fascinated, but disgusted. Everyone said "He loves you Hermione! He really does!" and you know what? I believed them for a split second. You would go and hang out with girls, taunting me with the fact that i couldn't have you, that i wasn't enough. When people would say that we should have been together, that we were so predictable and that we would end up the first married out of the group of friends, We would both turn up our noses at the idea. I'd sneak a glance at you every time, to see if i could tell if you were just acting the part of a silly teenage boy. If you were, you did a good job.
Our lives are different now. We are both to busy, preparing for the worst, preparing for what we all know is coming. I care about Harry, more then he knows, but im not worried about him. He is bound to win, bound to kill him. And then what happens? We graduate, we all go and lead our separate lives. We will go back to the way we were before. Just friends for his sake right? And nothing will come out of this for you and me. We wont ever be anything more then friends no matter what i do.
Im just the silly bookworm, tied to my destiny of a teacher or librarian of some sort. and you will be a huge star, Quidditch i'd think. Girls will swoon for you, and you will fall for one of them, marry, have kids. I don't want to think about it.
I'm fighting an already lost battle. I feel that if you ever knew how i felt you would call me foolish, that it would ruin what little we have, and i wouldn't have you at all. Even if you aren't mine, knowing that i can talk to you and share things with it more then enough for me. Helping you out in times of need, teaching you things you don't understand, that's all im good for, so i'll take it.
Everyone knows that i love you. You are just so blind, so glad that you can bask in the glory of being adorable. So glad that people notice you, you are so self-conscious. The way your mother feeds you, you would think that food was going out of style. Though i will never see you as un perfect, you will always be what i want even if i cant have you, even if you don't want me.
I've tried to tell you, oh so many times. But you don't listen, you don't see the signs. There wont always be a neon sign pointing to your true love, and you don't realize it. You think that the girl of your dreams will come along one day, but you don't see that i could be her. I just think you don't want too.
I love you Ronald, with all my heart. But if you don't love me, what can i do? im just a silly little girl full of emotions that you cant comprehend.
OH blah i know, it isn't that great. It's late and i just had this burst of writing energy. So Love it? Loath it beyond all else? Lemme know! All comments, questions, concerns and critiques are welcome !
Kyleigh