Dear reader, this is my first fanfic - it's a bit random and I wrote this at night so please be kind. Please review:) Obviously I don't own silent witness-belongs to the BBC. …

Nikki screamed. She bolted upright. Beads of sweat rested on her forehead as she tried to calm herself down. Breathe. She told herself. Her heart was still beating fast.

It had happened again.

They had all been to see a therapist after what happened in Afghanistan, but it wouldn't leave her mind. Images of Leo still swirled in her mind as she twisted to look at the time on her clock on the bedside table. 3:26.

She thought she might as well get up and shower, as if she could wash away the pain that was still etched into her heart. She wasn't going to get any more sleep. As she wandered into the bathroom, she replayed the events in Afghanistan. How she had blamed Jack for Leo's death. Of course it wasn't his fault but she had lost so much. First Harry and now Leo. All the constants in her life had been taken away from her. She sat in the shower and cried until no tears would fall.

Nikki has it a lot worse than us, thought Jack.

She had lost so much compared to him and Clarissa. First Harry, and now Leo. The other staff had filled them in on how Harry had left them both. They were huge shoes to fill apparently, which just made it worse for Jack.

They could see how much it was affecting her and they tried to help her, but Nikki was one to work through the pain. Afterall, she was temporarily filling in Leo's post and looking after the Lyell centre so there was enough to keep her busy. But they still saw the pain in her eyes.

They both noticed the bags under her eyes were getting worse everyday. She had being coming into work between 3:00-5:00am according to the security.

It was 4:03 when she was ready for work. She'd just looked at her breakfast and put it straight in the bin. She didn't feel like eating again. She had had a slice of toast yesterday...she'd just stick to the coffee.

A quiet ten minute drive later, she wandered into the Lyell Centre and was shocked to find a bright-eyed Clarissa busy at her desk.

She looked up as soon as she heard her enter and when she saw Nikki's face gave her a sympathetic look.

"not a lot of sleep?" Clarissa asked. Nikki just shook her head.

This was exactly why she liked to work rather than share her feelings, because paperwork and dead people can't judge you. She hated that sympathetic look that everyone gives you when you lose someone.

Jack wandered in about an hour late. Nikki was so consumed in her thoughts, she didn't even reprimand him for being late. As soon as he walked-well staggered would have been a better description-into the office Clarissa looked him over. He'd clearly been fighting again last night.

"Don't" he said to Clarissa.

"I wasn't going to jack. But since you mentioned it. You need to control it Jack, you can't carry on like this. Can't you find another way to cope?"she cried incredulously. "What like work?"

"That would be a start... Have you seen her today?"

"No, she didn't even look up when I walked in... How's she doing?" he sighed.

"Worse. I think you should talk to her."

"I don't think that would be best." and he turned back to his work.

Clarissa sighed. She hated seeing her two colleagues like this. Even though she had lost a dear friend, Jack had lost his idol and mentor whereas Nikki had lost her father figure and confidant.

Unfortunately for her they coped with loss very differently. Nikki worked through her pain whereas Jack went cage fighting.

Neither had really spoken properly since Afghanistan. Jack had filled her in with what happened afterwards; Nikki blamed him for Leo's death and screamed at him until it was just tears. Jack had just given her comfort and pretended it hadn't affected him. Which was completely different to what he would have done a few years ago. She could really see the positive effect the move here was having on him. Jack didn't usually dwell on things like that but it was clearly bothering him as he tried to avoid Nikki at all costs to avoid emotional confrontation, probably.

Nikki was so tired today that she was nearly a zombie. She floated around doing post-mortem's and paper work and drank coffee.

It was around 2pm when she finished her current pm. She walked towards the office to find Clarissa only to find Jack alone.

"oh. I was looking for Clarissa." she stated absently. Jack looked at his colleague. She looked really thin and pale.

"are you ok?"

"yes I'm fine" she snapped and span to walk away but turned too quickly and she had to clutch the desk as she felt dizzy and faint.

"Nikki!" jack got up, unsure whether to go to her or not.

She suddenly felt everything go dark and felt herself slipping out of consciousness. Jack watched her carefully and seeing her sway he ran to catch her before she fell to the floor. He carried her to the sofa and laid her down carefully. He perched and watched her concerned.

Then her eyes began to open as she came round.

"what happened?" she blinked confused.

"you fainted. Do you hurt anywhere?"

"no. I'm fine. Thank you for.."she spoke softly and trailed off not wanting to admit that she needed help, especially from Jack as tensions were so high.

"don't mention it."

There was an awkward silence.

"how long have you not been eating or sleeping, Nikki?" Jack asked wearily.

"a while" she admitted.

"ok. We are going on a lunch break!" he walked off to tell Clarissa who was in the lab.

Nikki could tell that Jack was telling her about her fainting as she watched through the glass. Clarissa turned to look at her and smiled. Then she turned to Jack and nodded. Jack returned to see Nikki standing up.

"are you ok?" he asked.

"for the last time I'm fine!" she replied and tried to leave the office saying "I'm not hungry either!"

Jack moved to block the doorway.

"you are coming for lunch!" he demanded. " if you want to starve yourself to death then fine but I can't live with myself if I didn't try to help you!"

Nikki just sighed and let him steer he towards the car park.