This is a story requested by a guest review! I'm not sure if they wanted angsty or something else and it's 3:30 am AGAIN, so I'm just going to roll with it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
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Love of the Lost
Chapter 1: An Odd Choice
"Obito, Rin, I'm sorry. Once again, I couldn't protect my comrades. Naruto almost died along with all his teammates to save Sasuke and the mission still failed. If I had just been able to arrive sooner, he would still be here in the village instead of having his mind poisoned by that snake Orochimaru."
Kakashi stood in front of the stone memorial, spilling his most painful thoughts to his long-dead friends. He did this almost every day, but it never quite took away the hollow feeling in his heart. There were so many regrets from his past.
The special Jonin would smile and wave, act bored and read his books, but inside, he could still feel the sting of knowing how many people he had lost. Obito and Rin were just two of a long line of comrades that had fallen in the countless battles shinobi were forced into almost every day.
He knew why the Third had required him to leave Anbu and take on training Genin, and he would admit that leading Team 7 had temporarily given him hope for the future, but that was gone now. Sasuke had left, shaking his already hesitant faith in himself.
"I promised them on their first mission that I would never let anything happen to them, and here I am a hypocrite again" he continued, the heavy rain hiding his remorseful tears. "Naruto hasn't given up yet though, he's leaving with Jiraiya to train so that he can bring Sasuke back. Maybe if I had given the Fourths' son more attention, this wouldn't have happened; I was foolish."
Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at his reflection in the rock. He would forever wish that it had been his name written there instead of any of his friends.
"Come to pay your respects Kakashi-san?" came a soft voice from behind him.
The copy-ninja didn't flinch outwardly, but he had been so consumed by his thoughts he hadn't even noticed the familiar presence. "I didn't expect to see you here, Iruka-sensei" he replied, his one visible eye glancing back.
The younger man walked up beside him slowly, a sad smile on his face. "My parent's names are engraved on this stone, and please, call me Iruka. I'm only a sensei to pre-Genin" he answered.
The elder remembered how gentle Iruka had always been. He'd once been on Kakashi's team but quickly found that he was more suited to teaching than killing in battle. The Jonin had always admired him for that; it wasn't often you found someone as kind hearted as the brunette in their line of work. Although he was secretly unhappy the man had left his squad, he knew it was for the best.
"How is Naruto doing?" the Chunin asked, knowing it was a sensitive question.
"He was your pupil too Iruka, so you know how resilient he is; Naruto is already back to his old self" he drawled.
The shorter man smiled warmly, content with the knowledge that nothing would break his favorite student's determination. He laid a bouquet of flowers down at the foot of the memorial and whispered something. When he rose from his kneeling position he turned and put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder, giving him a knowing look.
The silver-haired man didn't meet his eyes. They were too soft, too sincere and too caring for the likes of him. He deserved to be stared down by hardened criminals and deal with the demons that lurked in the shadows, not the overly polite olive-skinned sensei.
"Kakashi-san…" Iruka started, coaxing the elder to look at him. Kakashi forced himself to not grit his teeth when he finally raised his dark orb to the mans scarred face.
"Thank you for bringing Naruto back to me. I know he can be reckless, and a major pain, but he's the only family I have left. I'm forever in your debt" the Chunin finished, giving the mans almost trembling shoulder a squeeze.
Kakashi tensed at his words for a fraction of a second, letting his eye drop back to the ground. He didn't feel like he of all people should be receiving such generous words of thanks. The warmth of the shorter man's hand seared through his vest, torturing him.
"I'll leave you be now, but know if you ever need to talk, my door is always open" Iruka offered, giving the damaged man a final sympathetic smile before walking past him.
As soon as the Chunin was out of sight, Kakashi let out a heavy breath he didn't know he had been holding. The sensei's words rolled around in his sorrow filled mind; there was absolutely no way he would ever actually go to see Iruka.
He came and spoke to the dead because they couldn't judge him, and even if they did from a life beyond, he would deserve it. The copy-ninja had failed them all once, and they had every right to tear him apart for it. But having to sit and let someone as gentle as Iruka hear about the dark, twisted parts of his mind made him feel vulnerable and weak, two things that an elite shinobi could never be.
***Time-Skip: 1 Month***
Naruto had left the village with the Sannin, and life was even more dismal than it had been before he had ever started training with the blonde. Sakura was his only student that was still around, and she was now Tsunade's pupil.
Kakashi was reminded every time he woke up that the only three students that had passed his teamwork bell test were all gone. "You weren't there to stop Sasuke. You couldn't protect Naruto from the Akatsuki. You didn't even give Sakura the time of day, so she found a sensei that would."
Bags had started to form until his visible eye from lack of sleep. He hated going to bed knowing what would be his first thoughts when he woke up, and his dreams were no better. The Jonin had busied himself with missions and training so that he could keep his mind off all the trauma that was buried inside him. Even now, he was off to the Hokage tower to turn in a mission report and request another assignment.
'Knock, knock'
"Come in!" the Hokage boomed from within her office.
"Report milady" he stated as he entered.
Tsunade watched him intently as he reviewed the mission, noticing how worn down he looked. When he asked for his next assignment, she fought to keep the concern off her face. "You've been on missions back to back for nearly a month now Kakashi. You need a break" she answered.
"I know how desperate the village is to keep up appearances right now, and I'm fine. I just need a good shower" he retorted, giving his best closed-eye smile.
It was true, every shinobi was on overtime from the number of requests that had been flowing in, and to show other nations that the Leaf was not falling behind, they had been accepting them. She narrowed her eyes, perceiving that there was more to his behavior than just duty.
Kakashi saw a small gleam cross her eyes but dismissed it when she seemed to give in. "Come back in the morning for your next mission. I have one in mind, but I need to finish getting the members of the squad sorted out. Go home and get some rest" she ordered.
The Jonin nodded and headed back to his apartment, intent on taking a shower and then going back out to train.
"Your assignment is a simple B rank protection detail. The client in a young Lord on his way to his controversial marriage so there is the possibility for multiple assassination attempts."
Kakashi eyed the three shinobi beside him, somewhat shocked to see Iruka among their group. "They must be in real need of shinobi to send the sensei out into potential combat," he thought smugly. Having worked with the brunette, he knew of the man's abilities, but he'd been an Academy professor for years now. Surely there was someone more suited for this mission.
The Jonin agreed to meet his squad at the gate in half an hour and waited around to speak with the Hokage. Before he could even open his mouth, she silenced him. "I'm aware that you think I've made a mistake with whom I chose to accompany you Kakashi, but it's done. Shikamaru is a talented Chunin now, and Neji is sure to be useful. As for Iruka, he has been part of your team before and is a Chunin himself. We are extremely short handed at the moment and I couldn't spare anyone else."
The silver-haired man gave a bored, deadpan look but didn't argue further. He left the office and decided to go and speak to the memorial stone again before departing on the mission. Kakashi knew he would need guidance and clarity.
The first night on the road was difficult; Neji was barely healed from his fight with the Sound ninja, Shikamaru was still in a rut from failing his first mission as a team leader, and Iruka was as usual, too cheerful.
Kakashi sighed as he took the first watch. They would reach their client the following morning and he hoped they could at least look like they had their shit together by then. He stared up at the stars, thinking about his students again. It was too quiet without their bickering.
"Mind if I sit with you?"
The Jonin cursed at himself silently. The friendly man always managed to sneak up on him somehow. He nodded, trying to be polite.
"I'm sorry I was put on your team again Kakashi-san; I know I'm not even on the list of people you would want but I will do my best to keep up" the scarred man spoke as he rested himself on the large rock.
Kakashi almost didn't hear what Iruka had said; he was too busy trying not to ogle the firm body beneath his tight black shirt. He shook his head slightly, regrouping. "It's not that I doubt your abilities Iruka. I just remember how much you detested combat."
The younger man leaned back on his hands, stretching his upper body slightly. "I guess his time in the academy didn't change his training regimen" Kakashi though to himself. Seeing Iruka like this, relaxed, smiling, and practically glowing in the moonlight reminded the Jonin why he had been somewhat disappointed that the man had left his group to be a teacher.
He returned his eye to the book he had started to read before getting lost in his thoughts. It was ironic that reading a perverted book was the best way for him to get his own fantasies to leave his mind, but for whatever reason, it worked. The elder hoped that the brunette would get his hint and leave, but the Chunin just rolled his eyes and looked out from their vantage point.
"You don't like these books Iruka?" Kakashi asked innocently, trying to get a rise out of the man be knew to be a prude. He immediately wished he hadn't though. The youngers face lit up with an adorable blush, and he rubbed his scar absentmindedly, making the elder man want him even more.
"I've never read them, but I don't think they would be appropriate for someone like me" he answered, nervously.
Despite knowing it was a bad idea, the Jonin couldn't help his curiosity. Besides, if he made the man uncomfortable enough, he was sure to leave. "Oh, and why is that?" he questioned, flipping the book around so that he could show the younger a particularly erotic scene.
The redness on Iruka's cheeks darkened and move down his neck. He avoided looking in the direction of the book altogether and instead began intently staring at a tree. Naruto had been the only other person bold enough to make him nervous in such a way, and that had been with his 'sexy-jutsu'.
Kakashi had a full-blown smirk under his mask, enjoying how anxious he was making the Chunin. "Ma, you might enjoy reading it sometime if you ever get over being such a prude" Kakashi teased, putting the book back in his pocket.
Iruka gave him an 'I'm too embarrassed to be annoyed' glare and stood up, stalking back to where his bed was set up.
The Jonin laughed a bit to himself, but then realized he missed the man's company, even if it had been short. He considered not purposely trying to get the younger to leave if he ever attempted to sit with him again but ultimately decided against it.
As much as he wanted to connect with someone, it was best that he didn't. Everyone he became close with ended up dying because he couldn't stop it from happening. He wouldn't let that happen to Iruka too.
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Okay! That was chapter 1... If the guest reviewer that requested this is reading… PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND!
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