Hearing the final bell ring for class I attempted to move my legs as fast as they could go, sadly due to my lack of exercise and habit of eating everything unhealthy I was extremely out of breath. I could hear myself panting which was kind of worrying to me, if I can hear it how bad must it sound to those around me? If people didn't know better they probably would have thought I was about to have a heart attack right here in the hallway.
Walking extremely fast and not really focusing on where you're going or on your surroundings is probably a sign something bad is going to happen, and well in my case, it did.
Turning the corner I collided with another oncoming body startling me completely.
"Oh my god" shaking my head in embarrassment I looked at the person I had just collided into their books now scattered across the floor "I'm so sorry"
Bending down I quickly picked up the books nearest to me while he collected the rest "its fine don't worry" he spoke his voice catching me off guard "But next time, maybe you should slow down just a little"
Turning around to face me I instantly looked at the ground in sheer embarrassment, what I'm embarrassed over I'm not really sure of because he hadn't even done anything to me, yet I found myself not being able to look at any part of him other than his feet.
"Uhm are you going to give me my books or do I have to fight you for them" his voice was tinged with humour and you didn't have to look at him to tell he already had a smirk on his face.
Passing the books over probably a little too forcefully I stepped back "sorry"
"You already said that" he laughed
Not knowing what exactly to say I said the only word that would actually come out of my mouth "Sorry"
Quickly stepping around him I made my way towards my locker starting to place my code in before I heard him say "It was nice to meet you too" and with that he walked off.
Looking up to make sure the hallway was empty, I let my head fall against the locker as it made a bang.
"Such an idiot" I muttered to myself "You are such an idiot"
Pulling my locker open I grabbed my maths book before slamming it shut again, making sure my breathing was steady and that my face wasn't flushed I started walking to class.
I should probably mention something, this is the start of a new school year after summer break, that would explain why I'm rushing, can't be late for the first day of school. However, due to my mom's extremely long extended speech this morning about how I'm going up in the world and how I actually need to start focusing on my grades instead of being the burden of her life, which is something she didn't actually say, but due to her choice of words is something I interpreted, yeah, I ended up being late.
Just like always my lessons were a blur, considering it was the new term there was no seating plan set out. There is never an 'official' seating plan anyway, people tend to just pick a seat and stay there for the whole year. Mine is always by the window, just so I can look at and focus my attention anywhere but on the work in front of me.
I didn't specifically hate learning or school for that matter. I just hated where it was leading too after, life is just so painfully simple. You're born and from that moment on you begin to die and in between those two moments you're expected to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids and have a nice happy life, but that's not what I want. I don't want to look back on my life just to realise it was so painfully ordinary, I want to do something different, crazy or adventurous. I want to do something that's actually worth living for, I want to feel something.
So here I am, another year, another day, another hour, another minute passing by each slower than the next. Right now, I'm sitting around a table with six other people who if asked I would say yes, I do consider these people my friends yet, that's not always the case. Every day I sit here and I question, how do these people actually manage to find something to talk about every day? I will never understand. But while they're all thriving off each other's stories I sit in silence and I just look around and I have come to realise, all these people who i classed as my closest friends at one point all have somebody better. Someone they go to first when they get great news, someone they can tell their darkest secrets too or someone they would trust with their life.
Me? I'm the person they come too when something bad happens with their first choice, like an argument or a disagreement over something and for that small moment I actually feel visible, like somebody has finally decided to put me first. But then that moment is over, and they make up and start talking again and I'm back to square one.
Yet, there finally came a moment where I actually felt first for once and special and wanted. That moment was with Carter, you know, the guy I bumped into in the hallway? Sitting around that table I never once thought I would get the chance to feel how those people felt. But I did, it didn't exactly go as smoothly and as good as I wished it would but it was still there. Even now.
If I ever had to choose carter, I know I would choose you every single goddamn time