A/N: Quick one-shot that came into my head after reading another fanfic that mentioned an event that occurs in almost every fanfic. My take on the truth behind the mystery, as well as my first attempt at humor.
As a heads up, this is slightly AU, in that Naruto in this is more perceptive and intelligent than in Cannon. This means that he will notice something and understand the implications, whereas Cannon Naruto would be blindly ignorant. Plus he has more knowledge overall.
I don't own Naruto.
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
"Demon/Large Summon Speech"
'Demon/Large Summon Thoughts'
Jutsu/Skills
-Chunin Exams, Forest of Death Tower, Third Exam Preliminaries-
Finally, after spending five days in the hellish forest, the second exam of the Chunin Exams was finished. All of Naruto's classmates had passed as well, and even that Bushy-Brows and his team had made it into the next exam. Things were looking up for the blonde haired Genin… well, at least until the Hokage had given his little speech and some Jonin that looked like he need a stay in the hospital announced a preliminary for the next exam that was going to happen JUST RIGHT NOW!
Damn it.
So here were all of the Genin and their sensei, waiting for the preliminaries to start, when they began overhearing a most interesting conversation between the adults.
"I'm telling you Kakashi, my kids are going to trounce your brats. Sasuke's probably the only one of them who can stand up to them." Said a perpetually smoking bearded Jonin by the name of Asuma Sarutobi.
"Don't count my team out yet Asuma. They've been working hard and they might just surprise even you." Responded Kakashi Hatake, a one eyed scarecrow of a Jonin.
A red-eyed beauty that was nearby let out a tired sigh. "I don't even know why we're talking about this. I'm sure that all of our students will do well."
"Oh? What's this? Not feeling to confident Kurenai? I suppose that's understandable…" the smoker said to her with a smirk.
Feeling irked at this jab at her abilities, the brunette turned to him with a sickly sweet smile and responded with, "Oh, not at all. I was just trying to not have you boys feel too bad when my students wipe the floor with yours." She finished in a demonic voice that caused the other two to shiver.
"How unyouthful! We should be cheering on all of our students and stoking their flames of youth to new heights! Not pitting them against one another!" shouted out the last of the Jonin sensei in their group. He was a tall, green spandex wearing man with a bowl shaped haircut and two extremely large and bushy eyebrows.
"Hmm? You say something Gai?" Kakashi let out in response.
"Gah! You and your cool, hip ways!" yelled the bowl-haired man.
"Anyways, you shouldn't really be talking. The only thing that you can really teach your students besides taijutsu is about the flames of youth, which no one wants. And even then you can only teach one of your students, as the other two are either learning only their clan's style or seems to specialize in other areas."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" screamed out a fairly tall Genin. He seemed to be an illegal experiment in cloning by the spandex-clad Jonin, as he was identical in almost every way, from his hair and eyebrows to his choice of attire. "Gai-sensei has lots to teach all of us, and is a wonderful teacher!"
"Sure kid, if you say so." The cigarette addicted Jonin laughed in response.
"GAI-SENSEI! I SWEAR THAT I WILL SHOW EVERYONE JUST HOW YOU ARE THE MOST EXCELLENT TEACHER! AND IF I FAIL TO DO THAT, THEN I WILL RUN 500 LAPS AROUND KONOHA ON MY HANDS! AND IF I FAIL TO DO THAT, THEN I WILL CARTWHEEL MY WAY TO SUNA AND BACK 10 TIMES!" screamed the mini-Guy clone while tears streamed down his face like waterfalls.
This invariably brought the typical reaction from the original.
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
And with that, the two spandex-clad individuals clasped each other in a manly hug, causing a sunset over a beach as waves lapped on the shore to appear behind them. This in turn brought about the inevitable reaction from all of the witnesses of screams of terror, disbelief, and nausea.
All except one, that is.
Naruto was about to turn away in horror, when he noticed something odd. Steeling himself (and his stomach), he approached the two and bent over, picking up a pebble from the beach. With awe, and a sense of disbelief, on his face, he tossed the pebble into the waves, causing it to skip slightly before dropping into the water.
Naruto blinked twice before realization came over him, causing him to exclaim loudly, "HOLY SHIT!"
Everyone snapped their eyes over to the Genin, including the two hugging individuals which snapped them out of their moment and ended the sunset. Stunning them all was the sight of Naruto kneeling prostrate before the two green taijutsu fighters. What they heard next made them question sanity, either their own or Naruto's.
"Master! I beg of you, please teach me your ways!" the orange shinobi pleaded Gai.
Everyone just looked at him like he was crazy.
"NARUTO-BAKA! What do you think you're doing?! Why the hell would you want him of all people to teach you anything? I mean, just take a look at him!" exclaimed a pink-haired banshee. "Stop embarrassing me and Sasuke-kun."
"No!" he responded, shocking everyone who knew him that he didn't immediately capitulate to the girl. "I've seen the truth about this jutsu, and that it can only mean that Gai is the one who can teach me the most!"
"W-What do y-you mean Naruto-kun." Asked the incredibly shy Hyuga princess. Just the fact that she was talking to her crush made her blush enough that everyone else in the room suddenly felt warm. She actually became so light headed that she almost missed his explanation.
"The jutsu only occurs when the two are hugging, which means that it's a combination jutsu. But with Lee's chakra problem, that should be impossible. I remember Lee from the Academy, although I didn't recognize him at first because of the different hairstyle. He has a medical problem that prevents him from ever being able to use ninjutsu or genjutsu. Yet here he is taking part in a combination jutsu!"
Naruto's words caused all of the shinobi in the room to consider the situation for a bit, before realizing that he was right. There was no way for Lee to use ninjutsu or genjutsu, so how was he doing the 'Sunrise of Youth' with Gai?
Naruto's explanation continued.
"Lee's condition is that his chakra coils automatically transform all of his chakra into pure Yang chakra, which is all substance without form. That means that while it's powerful, it also can't be manipulated or shaped, which in turn means that he can't direct it to be used outside of his body. While it's good for empowering himself, which is great for him being a taijutsu specialist, it's not good for much else as is."
"To be able to use it in a combination jutsu," Naruto continued, "requires its opposite, pure Yin chakra. Don't you see what that means?"
Understanding began to reveal itself on the faces of the adults in the room, while the Genin remained confused. Gai on the other hand, began sweating nervously and shifting his eyes back and forth trying to find a way out of the predicament that he was finding himself in. He never expected anyone to see through him!
"This means that Gai can use pure Yin chakra, which is all about form without substance. This is the best type of chakra to use for genjutsu, but it's unheard of since the Sage of the 6 Paths for anyone to be able to use it! Yet Gai can! In other words, he can make genjutsu that can take a crap on Kurenai's, and then piss all over them!"
Shock began to form on everyone's faces. Naruto wasn't quite done however.
"And there's more! I managed to pick up a stone and skip it across the waves, which means that their combination jutsu isn't a genjutsu! It's most likely a space/time ninjutsu that opens a portal to another dimension where the sun is always setting on that beach! Space/time ninjutsu is supposed to be the hardest type of ninjutsu in existence. Even the Yondaime needed seals to be able to use his most famous jutsu, yet here is Gai using one just to fuck with our minds! If he uses a space/time ninjutsu just for that, then what the hell kind of jutsu is he holding in reserve for battle? He must be even better than Kakashi with Ninjutsu!"
Hearing this, Gai slumped slightly, feeling put down that his secrets were being exposed all of a sudden like this.
"There's only one thing that I'm not sure of. This jutsu would be perfect for the T&I department. So why don't they use it?" he asked the downtrodden man.
Letting out a slight sigh, he answered in a defeated voice. "They did call me in at first, but then Ibiki said that even for him that was just too cruel and unusual. Now they only use if in case of emergencies and as a last resort. Why though? The flames of youth should be spread to all!" he cried out, showing that even if he was a genius, he was still highly eccentric.
Hearing all of this caused the other Genin to realize exactly why Naruto wanted tutelage under Gai. They had all already heard snippets of conversations that indicated that he was the best in the village in terms of taijutsu, but apparently he's also a secret genius and the best in genjutsu and ninjutsu as well. There was a moment of stunned silence before it was broken by one of the rookies.
"I demand that you teach me everything you know! As an Uchiha, I am the one most worthy here to be taught by you, and such techniques deserve someone who can make the best use of them, like myself." Stated an arrogant duck-haired Uchiha.
This opened the flood gates, as all of the other rookies started demanding training from the bowl-haired Jonin, and arguing with one another over who gets to learn from him. The other Jonin-sensei, and indeed the rest of the room as well, looked on dumbly, not quite believing what they were seeing.
In fact, Kakashi slowly raised one trembling hand and addressed the Genin. "… Um, I know over a thousand jutsu, and created an A class technique when I was 12." He began.
"Shut up you lazy pervert! No one asked you!" shouted his female student. "Sasuke-kun and I deserve the very best teacher, so get lost!"
Kakashi looked on in shock, but before he could say anything, another voice interjected.
"Well, at least he's multi-tasking by being a lazy pervert! Our sensei is just lazy! He just plays shogi all day with Shikamaru! We need Gai more than you do! Although Sasuke-kun is welcome to join us if he wants to…" a blonde harpy started screaming, but lowered her voice and glanced seductively at the Uchiha heir with the last sentence.
Asuma just gaped at his student. It became worse when his other student added his two cents.
"He isn't really all that good to be honest. Hmmm, I wonder if Gai knows how to play. It'd be too troublesome to teach him how." A half asleep Genin uttered lazily.
"Wait a second," the cigarette smoking man jumped in, trying to stop the rebellion before it got worse, "Naruto mentioned how Gai surpassed the others, but I'm still better than him in my specialty. I have plenty to teach."
"Doubtful. Why you ask? You do not seem to be as powerful as Gai. If you have something that you can teach, then what is your specialty?" queried a tall Genin who wore sunglasses. No one had seemed to notice his presence until he spoke, not even his teammates or any of the Jonin.
Seeing a chance to gain back some approval from his students, Asuma responded with, "Armed taijutsu."
"In other words, you were too indecisive in trying to choose between weapons or fists and decided to half-ass both of them. Back of the line looser!" screamed the harpy.
Kurenai, feeling slightly desperate and seeing where things were going and that reason wouldn't work, tried to emotionally blackmail her students.
"Surely you guys are happy with my teaching, right Hinata?" she asked.
Her shyest and most insecure student just looked away and started tapping her pointer fingers together. Her other student that smelled just like the pet puppy on his head, however, was not so reserved.
"You be quiet, you one trick pony!" he shouted at her while pointing in her direction, shocking the woman. "You can't teach us jack! Two of us are taijutsu specialists, and the other one relies on his clan jutsu. You're a genjutsu specialist! And even there, if we wanted to learn genjutsu, according to Naruto Gai's better than you! He has you beat in every way!"
And with that, all of the Genin started arguing with one another again over who exactly has the right to receive training from Gai. Off to the side, a long-haired emo and a bun-haired weapons freak looked on dumbly, before turning to each other. After a few moments of shocked silence, the bun-haired girl spoke.
"… Maybe we don't have it all that bad after all?"
"If Gai really is as powerful and knowledgeable as Naruto claims, then fate must truly be favoring us." Responded her teammate.
Their third teammate, the clone of their sensei, looked over the bickering rookies with tears streaming down his eyes. Turning to his dumfounded sensei, he exclaimed, "SENSEI! WE'VE ALREADY DONE IT! EVERYONE NOW KNOWS THAT YOU ARE THE MOST EXCELLENT TEACHER THERE IS! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH WILL NOW SPREAD TO THE WORLD!"
Seeing an opportunity to brownnose their prospective and now highly desirable sensei, the arguing rookies all turned and shouted in eerie synchronization at the top of their lungs.
"YOUTH!"
Much to everyone's horror, the Age of Gai had come.
A/N: So here is my first one-shot and attempt at general humor. So what do you guys think? (And please ignore the non-cannon compliant items, like how Gai doesn't really know super advanced jutsu or any OOCness)