Disclaimer: CSI New York and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS. No infringement is intended, just pure fun.
. . .
It was this time of year which she truly detested. Summer was almost over, the sun was hanging lower and lower in the sky with every single day. Soon every morning would start with an awful moist fog that would cause chills running down the spine and seem to be biting into the skin. All the trees would be stripped bare of leaves. And then winter would come, as always too quickly.
Jo Danville sighed deeply and turned away from the window. She mentally scolded herself for complaining about the weather like some old lady. But even more for trying to delude herself. It wasn't the weather that put her into this gloomy mood. It was this time of year.
Only yesterday was the one of those dates. It was simply impossible to miss it. It was just everywhere – on the news, on the radio, on the first pages of all newspapers. And it was in his eyes. It didn't really matter how many years had past – two, five or eleven. The same vivid sorrow was visible in his eyes every year. And she knew it would stay like this till the end of his days. Everybody knew it. Yet nobody had the courage to talk to him about it. She hadn't have it either. After all what she could tell him? That she felt bad for him that he had to go through it every single year, again and again? That she felt sorry for him that he was still mourning for her? That she thought it was a pity that he wasn't able to move on? Nothing, just nothing sounded right. So she hadn't said anything, only offered him a sad smile when he wasn't looking. And had reminded him that she was there for him if he needed someone to simply keep him from slipping into his misery until the date on the calendar wouldn't change.
So that was yesterday. Today was a day in between. Filled with the waiting for this overwhelming grief to strike just after midnight. For the fourth time now. She thought it would hurt the most the first time. After all mourning period was one year long for a reason. After a year she could think that she managed to survive all year without the one she was missing. Who hadn't been there last Christmas or last Eastern. Who hadn't called her last year on her birthday, being already gone. It was the common truth – the first year was always the worst. The second and every next one was supposed to be better. It wasn't the first Christmas without her anymore. It was just another Christmas without her. But truth be told, it hurt just the same. The present that was put every year under the Christmas tree, the only one that was left unpacked. Or the message left on Jo's voice-mail many years ago that she listened to on her birthday, just to hear this beloved cheerful voice again. Five years later the grief didn't seem to be any lighter.
Tomorrow would be just another sad anniversary. A silent one, not recognized by anyone else, as they wouldn't be talking about it on the news or writing in the newspapers. When only one life had been taken away it's not catchy enough. She couldn't quite decide if it was better or not. At least she didn't have to deal with all the pity. But on the other hand it would be probably easier to find someone to keep her company and save her from replaying this rainy night over and over again in her head. Like she for sure was going to do tonight.
Jo switched off the computer in her office, grabbed her jacked and headed out, making a mental list of all people she could spend this evening with. Ellie was out of the city because of the junior soccer championships and Tyler was, as always, busy with his studies. Lindsay had planned some nice evening with Danny as they finally managed to get a nanny for one night. Adam was meeting his girlfriend. Sid had some charity event to attend. Don was having a family reunion and Hawkes was sent home earlier as he got a terrible cold. The only person she hadn't asked yet was Mac.
On her way to the elevators Jo stopped in front of Mac's office. He was standing with his back to her, so she knocked quietly at the door and gently pushed it open. Only then she noticed he was on the phone. She caught Christine's name and she froze. She rolled her eyes and cursed her own naivety that it hadn't even crossed her mind that Mac couldn't be free this evening either. She quietly backed out and headed towards the elevators. She was silently debating between going back to the empty apartment or going out to some random bar and trying to soothe her sadness with a few gin & tonics. The second option at least meant she would be surrounded by people, even if it would be more like being next to them than with them. Finally making up her mind she got into the elevator.
. . .
A/N A little piece I had in my mind since watching 9x13 episode. It can be a first chapter of something longer, or just one-shot. I haven't decided yet. Oh, and sorry for any mistakes - it wasn't proofread, as I didn't want to bother my regular betas or anyone else with such a short thing.