Emma watches him curiously as he studies the wrinkled maps, recognizing such names as Pixie Hollow, Mermaid's Lagoon and Crocodile Creek. She knew this wasn't going to be an easy journey but it helps that he's there to offer his services. Emma can't imagine what Henry must be going through right now; she can't because if she does, she'll break down and she can't handle that.
Hook glances up at her, curiously raising an eyebrow and stands back. There's no obvious spot Greg and Tamara could have taken Henry but the best thing to do is look for information and Hook knows exactly where to ask.
"We should try the Mermaid's Lagoon first. The mermaids are very knowledgeable about the island; if they've seen Henry, Greg or Tamara, they'll be the ones to ask," he reasons.
"Why not go directly to Peter Pan's lair? Wouldn't he know?"
He shushes her and she looks at him oddly. "Don't ever mention his name love," he warns her, "Trust me, Peter Pan is not the same loveable boy you know from childhood stories. He's dangerous, ruthless and one not to be trifled with,"
"He still rips your shadow from your body?" she asks.
"Aye, that he still does," he confirms, "and it hurts, a lot, or so I've been told,"
Emma sighs, trying not to imagine how a magical boy can rip a shadow from your body and chills. "Hey," he
assures her, "that won't happen to Henry lass,"
"I wasn't thinking that," she says, "but I am now,"
"Sorry about that lass," he apologizes and opens a drawer, pulling out a bottle of rum.
Emma smiles sarcastically and rolls her eyes. "Rum now? Really?"
"Rum is good for any occasion love," he says, "and besides, it looks like you really need it. We're not going to do any serious searching until we reach land and I need to sail around the island before finding a safe port that can hide us. Rum will do you good,"
"You shouldn't drink and sail," Emma manages, "Don't want you accidentally sailing us into some large pointy rocks or worse,"
Hook grins. "I thought you trusted me Swan? I never sail while intoxicated; that would be very irresponsible of me," he teases, giving her a shot glass.
Emma reluctantly takes the glass and he reclines on his bed, patting the soft blanket beside him.
"I am not sitting next to you on your bed," she says flatly.
He raises an eyebrow. "What was that about trust Emma? I promise I'll keep my good hand to myself,"
She grabs the chair beside her instead, turns it around and sits down. "I like it here better," she says, taking a swig.
"If it makes you feel safe Swan, I won't push you," he says.
Emma smirks at him. "I do trust you Hook," she admits and he stares at her hopefully, "which is still new to me but I'm getting there, slowly,"
"The only way this will work is if you trust me Emma," he reasons, "but I'm glad that you're coming around, albeit slowly,"
Emma frowns and takes another swig of her rum, feeling the burn of the alcohol on her throat. "Take it easy there love," he cautions her, "that's pirate rum, the purest of rum; not water,"
She studies the glass, not really paying attention to him and considers her mood. It could be about finding Henry or something else, something deeper and long buried; he guesses it's probably the latter.
"Baelfire really hurt you, didn't he?" he asks her and that brings Emma out of her melancholy drunken thoughts, staring blankly at her.
"He wasn't – that's not what he called himself when I met him," she reminds him pointedly, "and I don't want to talk about it,"
Hook sits up, walks over to her and takes her shot glass, eliciting a glare. "You will get this back if you talk to me Emma. You knew and understood why I wanted my revenge against Rumpelstiltskin; you read me like an open book and I … is it really so hard for you to let me in?" he wonders, his blue eyes baring into her green.
She sighs, feeling dejected but also comforted that he cares. "I didn't understand why Neal left me the first time, why he let me take the fall for the stolen watches. I remember going through the motions, looking for signs that he wanted to leave me but there wasn't anything. Even after I found out I was pregnant with Henry, I was still in denial, hoping that maybe he was on the outside, waiting for me. I birthed Henry, signed away my parental rights and waited another two months for my release, then took the first flight to Tallahassee,"
"Tallahassee?"
"It's in Florida; it's where we pinned our home. It was our dream to start a life there, so I looked for two years and then one day, it hit me. He left me and most likely, did not want to be found. He knew I already had trust issues because of the orphan thing and he still left, forcing me to believe this lie for eleven years when in reality, Pinocchio told him to leave me so I could achieve my destiny and break the Evil Queen's curse. How twisted is that?"
She grabs the glass out of his hands and drinks what is leftover. "I loved him and I thought, if I told him that I loved him, he would stay again," she cries, "He would be here, helping us look for Henry but he's dead because his beloved fiancé was actually a psycho!"
"Tamara killed Baelfire?"
"My parents didn't fill you in on that one?" she counters angrily and he looks at her sympathetically. "Sorry,"
Hook shrugs. "He abandoned you Emma which seems to be a reoccurring trait in the Rumpelstiltskin clan," he says, "that and cowardice. The crocodile abandoned his duty on the battlefield, shamed his wife and then later abandoned his own son because he was too cowardly to let go of his dark powers,"
"I know it's not right to speak ill will of the dead, but it sounds like Milah abandoned Baelfire too," she says and he studies her curiously. She stares worriedly at his hook and wonders if she's about to be gutted for making that comment.
"She regretted leaving him every day but she never abandoned him," he defends.
"I'm sorry," she apologizes, "I didn't mean to open up old wounds,"
He smiles at her. "You're forgiven Swan," he says, fingering the rum bottle. "I understand why you have trust issues love. I'm sorry Emma. For love to be taken away from you at such a young age and then go through life believing a lie..."
"I keep replaying those last moments if there was something I could have done to save him. Maybe saying 'I love you wasn't enough, maybe I was never enough but I'll never know the answer to that now because Neal is dead. He fell through a big green scary portal and probably died while in transit,"
"I thought Tamara shot him?" he questions.
"She did and then threw a bean, opening a portal. It almost sucked me inside but Neal saved me but he couldn't save himself," she says, "It was the most heroic thing..."
"So he abandoned you twice now," he cuts her off. "That doesn't sound heroic love. He might have had noble intentions leaving you eleven years ago but when someone you love abandons you, it's still abandonment. And he did it again very recently in fact, letting the portal take him, knowing you probably could have saved him,"
Emma shakes her head. Yes, she remembers Neal let go of her hand first but he also saved her from the portal because Henry needed her more. He died saving her. "No, he didn't abandon me; he saved me," she defends.
"I'm familiar with these portals Swan. If you hold onto someone long enough, it'll close. Neal let go of your hand and fell through the portal," he says.
"You don't know that. You weren't there," she cries. "Neal...he...you're trying to rationalize a moment that you don't understand,"
He shrugs. "I don't think I have to be there to understand," Hook continues, "I can see it in your eyes. You're trying to protect yourself so you can't be angry with him. But the truth is, Neal did abandon you a second time,"
"He was dying..." she cries and she starts trembling, reliving that horrible moment. He could have held onto her, waited until the portal closed and despite crying that she loved him and he loved her too, he still let go of her hand and fell down through the green vortex.
He abandoned her again. Is it worse to think ill will of the dead?
"I'm sorry Emma," Hook whispers. "I didn't mean to be so blunt love,"
"That's who you are, you tell it like it is," she says blankly, "you've always been honest about your intentions Hook. I expect nothing less,"
He reaches for her with his good hand; she looks up at him tentatively, staring at him and then suddenly finds herself in his arms. He holds her tight and can feel his hand brush through her hair and Emma closes her eyes, trying not to cry.
Then it happens, she falls apart, sobbing uncontrollably. Emma never wanted to think of Neal letting go of her hand as him abandoning her again but the harsh truth is: he did.
"I was so angry when he left," she sobs, "like maybe my love wasn't enough to make him stay, I wasn't worth it,"
Hook soothingly rubs her back and remembers how Baelfire rejected him when he offered him a chance to be a family, and thought the same thing, maybe he wasn't worth it. He looks at Emma and hates the way she thinks her love isn't worth it. He understands why she thinks that given her history growing up alone but she didn't make Neal leave because there was something wrong with her. He chose to leave.
Like how he chose to let go because he didn't think she could save him.
"Emma," he starts and she looks at him. "You are worth everything and I'm not saying that simply to flatter you darling. I see the way you love, your devotion to your boy, the way you try and I would only hope one day, to feel love again and I hope you do too, because you deserve your happy ending Emma. Because you're bloody amazing and whoever that person is for you, I envy him,"
Emma smiles thoughtfully and hugs him again. Hook plays with her hair and kisses her forehead then she looks at him suddenly. He can't decipher what she's thinking but he notices how her eyes are drawn to his lips and he tentatively tilts his head, breaths away from kissing her. She closes her eyes and smiles a little, waiting for him and he kisses her.
It's a light brush of the lips and doesn't expect anything else to happen. Emma blushes in the middle of it, pressing her hands on his chest and knows whatever this is can turn into something more. Something full of hope and possibility, she reminds herself.
She could turn around, walk out of his cabin and forget this ever happened but she's tired of running. Emma
wants to be loved, to feel that intense, magical, true love of fairytales her parents' and everyone else have. It might not be Hook, it could be with someone else but no one else understands her the way he does and that's an important part of true love, right?
This may not last, it could end horribly but for the time being, Emma is willing to take that chance with him because she does trust him.
Emma pulls away and looks at him as he studies her curiously. "Never let me go," she cries.
"Never darling," he promises, stroking her hair and she falls into his embrace, feeling a calmness and belonging.
The End