Gravitation
Title: Stolen
Chapter 1: Rifle of Sorrow: Nature's Painting
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Gravitation but the great Maki Murakami-sama does. However, I do own this plot.
Summary: 'I knew he'd come back, he always does...' Or atleast I wanted to say that. Everything was taken from him, everything. All that he has left is his will to live on but will that be taken as well?
Note: Things written in this font means flashbacks, dreams, memories, stressed words/thoughts, etc. . .
Yuki's POV
It doesn't seem as if the rain is going to stop anytime soon. But then again, why should it? It's not like it's a special occassion for the sun to be out. No, it's the exact opposite.
Tragedy...
It rained so hard that the sidewalks and streets are slippery and the soil is turning to mud. It was a well-suited scenery for such an occasion, the scenery before me. Pitch black skies with heavy clouds casting darker shadows than the street lights couldn't penetrate, puddles covering the sidewalk and filling the roads, flowers wilting and hanging over, dead due to the lack of sunlight for the past seven days. It was sad that the flowers only starting to bud had died so soon and not blossom to its fullest. The worn out, leaveless trees let it's bare branches blow through the wind harshly and the sound of the fallen leaves crumpling and fluttering as they flew in the air was barely audible compared to the sound of the winds howl.
I wanted to smile, to laugh sarcastically at the thought of the 'perfect' whether for a 'perfect' occassion, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. For some reason, this scenery only seemed to make things worse then they were. For some reason, I haven't been myself lately. But of course I wouldn't be myself under such circumstances, no one would.
"That's right, I forgot you were a heartless bastard..."
I shivered as I remembered those words spew coldly from his mouth. Who would've thought Shuuichi of all people would be capable of such a tone of voice? But then again, he did live with me long enough to rub off of. But those words were as true as they were cold. I was always a heartless bastard to him and he didn't do anything to deserve it. In his own odd way, all he did was love and care for everyone around him but we treated him the opposite way. Even so, I never thought my reaction would be like this, that I would grow depressed and mope the way he did. I thought that no matter what happened, I'd have no reaction and act as my usual cold self. But instead, I've fallen apart and allowed my mask to crumble.
It's his fault...
Ever since I met him, I felt myself slipping. I've become a stranger to myself and I didn't know who I was. But somewhere along the way, I didn't mind anymore. As long as he was by my side, as long as he was happy with me this way, it didn't matter. I felt secure with him there. Then why did I insist on pushing him away? But I have successfully pushed him away, permanetly and now I regret it but, that is what I wanted, right?
No, it's what I thought I wanted...
As I let the bits and pieces of what happened flow through my mind, my body grew weak and the cold seeped through my heavy clothing and chilled me to the bone. I shivered harshly as the wind picked up and the rain poured down harder. My eyes started stinging as tears threatened to fall.
Other than what I've done to him, I don't know what else could've driven him this far. I know only bits and pieces from what his 'friends' told me what happened and what he had told me before it was too late to save him. Unfortunately, I don't know if it was the truth or just an excuse to run away from it all.
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Normal POV
"I really don't see how you were able to put up with him all these years. If I were you, I would've left the moment I met him."
"Is that so? Then why are you still here?"
"I've only stayed this long to be near you."
The sound of footsteps could be heard through the door as the pace quickened before fading out completely.
"How troublesome. He heard us."
"So? Atleast he knows the truth and we won't have to put up with him any more. It's a lot easier this way."
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Yuki's POV
His friends are always there for him when I push him away. However, they weren't there for him this time around as I later found out they were talkng about him behind his back. Some friends they turned out to be. They don't deserve the title. He should have told me, but it's not like I would have listened to him anyway. I never do and now it's too late to do so.
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Normal POV
"What's wrong?"
"It's not like you care."
"You're right, I don't."
"I knew it."
"Well then, if you know I could care less, why bring it up?"
"I didn't. You're the one who asked me."
"Then forget I asked. I'm sick and tired of always having to listen to you and that damn annoying mouth of yours. You're nothing but a nuisance. All you do is whine and complain. If you're not annoying me with your problems, you're probably bothering your freinds, and I don't know how or why they've put up with you this long. Hell, I don't even know why I did."
"If that's how you feel, you should've told me. But it's not like you wouldn't mope and fall into depression if you were in my shoes."
"No, I wouldn't."
"That's right, I forgot you were a cold heartless bastard."
"And you're a damn annoying brat. Maybe you would have more freinds or be able to keep the few you have if you weren't always so annoying."
"Well, people should like me for who I am and if I changed I wouldn't be me."
"And that's why everyone hates you."
"I'm leaving."
"Great. I thought I'd have to get you to leave by force."
"I'm not coming back this time, so don't count on it."
"Do you really think I want you back here?"
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Yuki's POV
That's right, if they don't deserve the title of 'friends' then I sure as hell don't deserve to be called his lover. What kind of lover pushes their loved ones away the way I did to him? No one was there for him and neither was I. I was supposed to be there for him. A lover is always supposed to be there no matter what the condition. I was supposed to drop everything and help him but I didn't. I regret not helping him and now I've lost the chance to help him ever again.
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Normal POV
"I've over stayed my welcome, haven't I?"
"Not at all."
"You know you don't have to lie to me. I Know how everyone else really feels about me, even though I found it out by accident. So, it's okay for you to tell me the truth of what you think of me too."
"Soemtimes, you're better off not knowing the truth."
"That may be so, but sometimes it hurts more to be kept in the dark. I know you don't like me, that you despise me. You've hated me from the beginning, just like everyone else. So just say it already."
"You're right. I have always hated you, but not for the reason you think."
"Then why did you allow me to work for you? Why did you take me in when you could've easily thrown me out? What's the point of keeping me around if you don't get anything out of it and always having to clean up after me and deal with me? Why did anyone keep me around for so long?"
"I don't know the reasons anyone else might've kept you around them, but I kept you around because I do have a reason. First of all, even if I wanted to, which I do, I couldn't fire you or Ryuuichi would never forgive me. Second, I kept you around for my own amusement. It was quite fun watching Eiri break you over and over again and quite funny how you kept falling into his traps. You're so naive. You believed he loved you, heh. Also, I did get something out of it besides entertainment. Despite your annoying personality, when you're up on stage, you're different and you've earned NG a good name and quite a bit of cash. The only reason I took you in during your time of need was to make sure Eiri has finally broke it off between you two. And maybe there's a part of me that wants to see you suffer some more, to tell you that since he's single, I have a chance at him now. Yes, I get a sick pleasure from seeing you suffer."
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Yuki's POV
Tohma was supposedly there for him in his time of need but I found out that he only pretended to only to make him suffer some more. Despite pretending to care for him, he did treat him kindly and helped him out with his problems even if it was momentarily. I could've atleast acted like I cared and humor him for once. But I did the exact opposite. I did care for him even if I never showed it and he knew it.
But because of my cold personality, he started to doubt me and I don't blame him. And now, as much as I want to, I could never prove how much I love him. I could never show him.
'I knew he'd come back, he always does...' Or atleast, I wanted to say that this time as well...
As I clench the liquid soil in my hands, I think to myself that it's only been a week since that day. But if that's so, why does it feel like an eternity? I always thought that if he left, he'd come back, not this time. I always thought that if he left, I'd be happy that he's gone and I won't have to put up with him anymore. He believed that too.
'...I forgot you were a heartless bastard...'
But it's the exact opposite. I feel like I can't go on without him by my side. I feel insecure. I feel lost and alone.
... Alone...
Yes, that's the word. Ever since he left, I've been so lonely. Back to the way I was before he came into my life. I never realized how lonely I was before I met him and that's why I was so cold. It's only until he left me behind that I realized how much I truly cared and needed, no, wanted him near me always. My heart wrenches each time I wake up and the bedside next to me is empty. I was unable to sleep the past few days because he wasn't there. The house has an eerie silence when I walk through that door and he's not there. I never thought I'd miss his voice as I walk in and he screams my name in excitement because he missed me while I was gone. Now, no ones there to miss me while I'm gone. No one's there to hug me when I return. I also miss the way he'd come home from work and nearly knock the door down as he entered and screamed, 'YUKI, TADAIMA!' Since he left, I didn't want to accept it and I waited until the time he usually got home, expecting him to walk through the door with a goofy grin on his face ready to tell me about his day. But it never happened and it never will again.
I've found myself drinking and smoking more than usual since he left. Cigarette butts all over, empty cartoons overflowing the garbage can, beer cans laying on the floor and occupying the table 'til there's barely any space visible.
... 'Why...?'
Why am I acting this way? Why am I hopeless and giving up on him so easily when he never gave up on me? Why am I so weak in this situation? Why can't I ever see him again? Sure, if he moved out I can find him since I have great connections, but that's not the case. I can't find him and tell him I'm sorry. I can't tell him how much I love him and prove it. I can't show him. Why? Because he left me behind...
... Permanently...
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Normal POV
"Oh, I thought you weren't coming back." Yuki stated quite matter-of-factly. "I'm only here to tell you the truth and to relieve my stress." Shuuichi said coldly. "But you know I don't care so you'll just waste your time. Get your stuff and leave." Yuki ordered. "I won't be needing my stuff. Not where I'm going." Shuuichi's voice had an eerie sound to it as he inched closer to the balcony door and withdrew a pocket knife from his orange hoodie pocket. Yuki's eyes gre wider as he had a pretty good idea what was going to happen next.
"Wh- what are you doing?" Yuki hesitated.
"What does it look like? You sound worried, but you just told me you could care less about me and whatever I do. So, what's with the expression?" Shuuichi said sarcastically.
"Why are you doing this?" Yuki asked, scared of what might happen if he didn't act fast but couldn't come up with an idea as Shuuichi might hut himself from the slightest movement.
"Oh, so now you want to know?" Shuuichi paused as he waited for Yuki's answer and continued when Yuki shook his head.
"You've taken everything from me, everything. Because of you, I suffer day after day and you don't care. You get pleasure from seeing me suffer, just like Tohma. I wouldn't careless if he becomes your lover because you two suit eachother quite well. All I ever did was try to help you and everyone else around me and this is the thanks I get? Being pushed away when I need help, being used by fake friends only for their entertainment? A lover who doesn't give a damn where I am or if I'm ever going to come back, who rather have me gone than with him? A lover who doesn't care the slightest about me but kept me around to yell at me and please himself when he coud've brokn it off form the beginning instead of watching me suffer? I'm not here for anyone's amusement, I'm not anyone's toy and I don't belong to anyone but myself. Everyone wants me to change, but I wouldn't be me if I weren't like this and I'm proud of who I am. If no one likes it, then don't befriend me for my sake, I can deal with it. But after being fooled and toyed with for so long, I can't take it anymore and I'm falling apart. So, why? Why did you do this to me? Why did anyone keep me around? Is it that fun seeing me suffer? If it is, you should've just said so..." Shuuichi trailed off.
"If you want to see me suffer, then watch carefully. This is the last time I'll suffer." He said as he pressed the cold, sharp, silver metal to his skin and drew blood. "Shuuichi, don't..." Yuki was cut off by Shuuichi. "Don't come near me. Don't touch me or I'll end it. It's your fault I've become this way, your fault. I could have. . . I could have lived a happy life as myself with people who cared for me. But I met you and you stole everything from me. You stole my first kiss, my virginity, my happiness. You broke me until my friends couldn't stand me anymore so they've been taken from me as well. You hurt me and made my ability to sing lower so my fans hate me and I've lost them as well. You stole my trust and love for you, making you untrustworthy and unloved by the only person who possibly gave a damn about someone like you. And now, you've stolen my last kiss as well as my first and with it, my will to live on." Shuuichi stopped to open the glass door to the balcony, tears flowing freely from his eyes now coming to a stop. "Seems as though you stolen all my tears as well." Shuuichi laughed as he jumped up to sit on the bar.
The noise just beneath the balcony was unbearable as construction was taking place for remodeling of the first floor. Shuuichi chuckled as the trickling blood tickled as it poured from his wounds but his expression was quickly replaced with a serious one and he looked like a broken doll covered in blood with a tear stained face and dull, emotionless eyes with an eerie yet cold tone of voice.
"And now, I'm going to steal your lover because the Shuuichi you once knew is gone. I'm going to take your happiness away. I'm going to take the pleasure you get from seeing me suffer. But more importantly, I'm going to take my life. It's always more fun when a loved one is watching so you can make sure the pain is worse, ne?" Shuuichi smiled creepily, almost as if he enjoyed himself. "Shuuichi don't do it!" Yuki finally moved from his frozen position and tried to grab Shuuichi before he fell into the darkness of the night. Yuki tried desparately to catch him but missed his arm and the last thing he heard Shuuichi say was a plea, a cry for help, as his old self had shined through, ". . . Save me. I knew you couldn't save me. You didn't then, you can't now, why didn't you help em when you had the chance?"
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Yuki's POV
I shivered harshly as his last words played through my mind, over and over again, haunting me. Making me feel the guilt. They were true, I was never capable of saving him. He successfully stole my happiness but also took my mental stability with him as that sight was unbearable. The sight of his limp, lifeless body laying there in a pool of blood, eyes half closed, skin pale, lips blue, he was still in one piece and even in death, he looked happy, he was always happy or so he pretended but now I knew for sure he'd never suffer again, that I'll never be the cause or source of his pain and suffering. I couldn't take the sight, I fell helplessly to the ground and cried as loud as I could. even now, I'm still depressed.
He once saved me from my depression of what happened when I was sixteen and nursed to back to a normal person. He saved me and I never once saved him, I lost all opportunities to help him, he stole my last chance of helping him. He stole my lover from me.
I couldn't return the favor, I was helpless.
Who will nurse me back to my old self this time?
I've pushed everyone around me away again. I don't want to see anyone but him even though I know I'll never see his smiling face before me again. I've lost all hope of recovery and I know I'll live the rest of my life in regret and guilt just like everyone else who made him suffer before his cruel death.
"Because they all regret what they've done to you and when I try to bring up the subject or even mention your name, they all fall silent as if your name doesn't ring a bell, as if they've forgotten you. ut I know that no matter what happens or however much time passes, I'll never forget you. Never. Maybe you can't hear me or you don't care anymore, but I want you to know that I've always loved you, that I always cared even if I didn't show it and I would give anything to bring you back. I really miss you and I know I deserve this so I accept the fate you gave me and hopefully, I'll be joining you soon."
I whispered as I let the tears flow freely and cry my heart out. I've been shot with the rifle of sorrow and my sad, broken form is an addition to the scenery before me, creating a masterpiece. Nature's painting. . .
"Shuuichi. . . Farewell. . ."
Owari
A/N: Kind of depressing I know. But I had this idea for awhile now and I wrote it down along with a few other ideas I had but I've been way to busy lately to post any of it so this fanfic will start the posting of more stories and chapters of uncompleted stories and I'll start updating again since I'm free. So please review and tell me what you think, and I pobably got rusty after not updating for so long sigh well, I hope you enjoyed it. I'll be posting a new one soon!