Second Best
By Sweet Delusion

It's just Fine

Writing was my soul and photography was my passion. With the ability to make inventions as easy as breathing and music as my sun, I always thought that it was all I needed to survive. Besides keeping up a cool front and stoic appearance, that is. That was the story of my life. The stoic inventing little bitch had a very boring life tale. Most people wouldn't want to read about the people like me, I'm not living one of those fairytale, cliché lives. I live in the cold blunt truth of an everyday normal life.

If you wanted to read one of those stories about cliché, go check out my best friend, Mikan Sakura. She's the perfect one; the one caressed by the sun's rays and the one with all of the lucky breaks. She expresses her childish emotions quite loudly. She's beautiful, kind of dense up there, but most people like stories about people like that - the stories about how happy-go-lucky girl meets pain in the ass and arrogant guy, and changes his live forever. And like every fairytale, it just had to end happily ever after and etc etc. It's something you don't think about, it just ends. Sometimes, I wished my life were written out just like that, but sadly, it isn't and never will be. I will never be the princess who gets swept off of her feet for Prince Charming, because I'm just not that kind of person.

It's a shame that Narumi was making us write a fairytale. What the hell was up with that?! First we were reading the Little Mermaid (I mean the original one, not that little kid version that Mikan couldn't wait to read) and now we have to write one up as a project. Thank God it's only due in a week or two. I'm blank. Even though I loved to write, I'm a dark realistic fiction writer. Mostly I write facts; notes really.

I raked my ebony hair absentmindedly as I gazed out of the window. Surprise, surprise, I had to get the room with the best view of the Sakura tree. Honestly, Natsume and Mikan flirting made me sick to the core. They should at least get a room.

Mikan was my best friend and I loved her to bits, but I kind of resented her right now. It wasn't her fault or anything, but I just hate her. Why was SHE always the girl who always gets the guy? Why was SHE the one who gets to live a fairytale life? Why was she the lucky one who didn't live through any pain or agony? I mean, not to be rude or anything, but all that has happened to her is that her parents died before she got to know them and she got sent to live with her caring grandpa. She doesn't have a clue about TRUE torture or TRUE pain. She cries whenever she doesn't have a fluff puff. How childish. It's wrong for me to resent her, but I just can't help it. I'm only human, right?

That last thought echoed through my mind as I smiled wryly. I was sick and tired of life. I honestly don't have a point of existing anymore. So why am I bothering? I have no idea. I crumpled up the piece of paper that I just begun the fairytale with into a ball and threw it into the trashcan. Score one for Imai. I tapped the pencil in rhythm as my mouth was in a firm line.

Once upon a time…

No, that was too… Princessy and cliché. It was stupid. This whole assignment was stupid! I let out a growl and stood up abruptly. If I couldn't think straight, I might as well give up for the day. I grabbed a light jacket and threw it on. It was time to take a walk and get some fresh air.

As soon as I left the building, I started to run - run like I never have before, run like someone was pursuing me. Run for my life. It made me feel a lot better when the sprint came to an end. The wind was brushing my cheeks and the feel of being able to escape for once and for all made it worthwhile. I got a high from running and I felt like a heroin addict locked in a closet full of heroin. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

All I wanted to be was to be free.

With that last thought, I snapped my eyes opened as I heard people approaching. Of course, I bitterly remarked to myself, it was Miss Mikan and her lover… Natsume Hyuuga. They were bickering, as usual. It wasn't something new, so there was no need to panic about our favorite fairytale couple. Once she saw me, her eyes brightened and her lips curved heavenwards.

She shouted, "Hey Hotaru!"

"Mikan." I looked at her and put on a real tiny smile for her to see and as soon as she saw it, it disappeared. I looked over at her lover. "Hyuuga."

"Imai," he addressed back coolly as he protectively wrapped an arm around Mikan's waist. Before when I was writing that fairytale about and when I said that I somewhat resented Mikan… It wasn't really resent, but more of an 'I wish I could be her and live her life, but I'd rather keep my own' kind of thing. Now that I think about it, she's just one of those people who you can't hate no matter what. Even Surmire had softened up to her and that's saying a lot.

As for Hyuuga, I glared at him, locking eyes with him. It stressed me looking at his arm and then back up at his face. He should REALLY back off of Mikan before I kill him. I was a conflicted person, between somewhat resenting her in that 'whole I wish I was her' notion and loving her like a sister that I never had. If that Hyuuga boy ever shatters her heart, he'll be dead in less than a millisecond. Wait, I snorted to myself, Mikan was like Cinderella and Natsume as Prince Charming. There was no way that they'll never break up. They were clearly just too perfect to do that.

He smirked at me glaring at him as his arm visibly tightened. I growled as Mikan looked to and fro at Natsume and me, quite puzzled. She spoke up innocently, the only way that she can, "Why are you guys staring at each other?"

"Because we're secret lovers," I spat out sarcastically, "What do you think?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Mikan shrugged.

Hyuuga and I continued to glare and glower at each other, as Mikan remained thinking. I wanted him to BACK off, but he didn't. Well, of course not, because he was a total retard who clearly didn't get my message. What a pain.

"So Hotaru, Natsume and I are going to Central Town to go someplace to eat, want to join us? We'll ask Ruka so you won't be lonely," Mikan questioned innocently in the only way that she could. It took all of my self-control to resist the urge to roll my eyes. Always Ruka. Natsume and Mikan always paired us up together like that and it pissed me off to be frank. It irritated me how they assumed that we'd get along without even asking for our opinion. I couldn't bring someone else; they always gave me no choice. It's like they already decided our futures. Maybe I wanted to go to Central Town with Anna or Nonoko. They didn't know. But always, ALWAYS! It was always Ruka.

"Why not? I could use the time to take pictures," I shrugged my shoulders as I pretended not to mind.

"Great! See you at the bus station at 5:30, okay?" Mikan asked off-handily as Natsume started to drag her away. And as soon as she thought that she was out of earshot, she started to giggle and tease the man. They acted as if they were already married, heaven forbid. I mean really, why didn't they just get it over with? I rolled my eyes as I turned to the nearest tree.

"You can come out, you know," I drawled in a monotone voice. Bunny Boy was spying on the couple, which most likely stayed oblivious to them, but was clear as day to me. He, in all honesty, should have left the spying to me. I tapped my foot and waited for him to pop his head out of the tree, which he did in a moment or two.

He jumped off of the branch and landed on ground, feet first. I looked unfazed by his actions, but the Black Cat wasn't the only talented one around Alice Academy, unless of course, he taught Ruka that. I raised a sardonic eyebrow and asked, "Trying to hide from me?"

"Hardly," he chuckled dryly, "Keeping an eye out for Mikan and Natsume both."

I couldn't contain it, and at last, I bit out, "But they are Cinderella and Prince Charming. They don't need to be watched- they are already perfect. A match made in heaven, basically."

"Jealous much, huh?" Ruka asked with another chuckle. I just rolled my eyes at his antics; Bunny Boy had no idea on what he was talking about.

"Tch."

He moved his right hand in a gesture that waved off the comments as he spoke up, "But, Imai. We're their best friends- the second best. We are supposed to watch them so that they don't get hurt and that's just what the way it is. Second best means watching the ones we care about from the shadows. It means guiding them and protecting them from danger."

I just stared at him, not with a glare or blank stare. I just stared as I took in his words for consideration. For once, he actually made sense on what he was saying. Well, there were a first for everything; I shrugged as I replied back, "So you're saying that we put them in front of our needs?"

"Exactly. I've seen you do it for Mikan and you've seen me do it for Natsume. There's no point in denying it."

"Doesn't it frustrate you? That you put your best friend in front of you, meanwhile you have enough problems on your hand?" I asked him.

"Sometimes," he admitted after a pause for thinking, "But still. I love to be second best."

"Of course you do, it's in your nature," I agreed in a monotone.

"Meaning what, Imai?" he looked at me seriously as he voiced his question. His eyes looked as though as he wanted to look through my soul and know me inside out. Tough luck, Bunny Boy, no one will know how I suffered and who caused my pain. No one will ever hear me tell the world how sick and tired I was of living. I'm at the beginning of my life, yet I been through a lot. Maybe that's why I was second best; it was because I had seen the world before I was supposed to. Mikan was first because she was still young and naive. She had a life to live and fulfill, unlike mine, which was already solidly placed.

"Meaning, you are content. You don't mind living in Hyuuga's shadow that you use for protection. You are so used to it that you don't expect much from yourself. You don't want to score the spot of first place because you wouldn't know what to do and that's why you love being second," I replied bitterly.

"Hardly, Imai," Ruka laughed bitterly, "Don't presume that you know me already, you might be smart, but you don't know me at all."

"Sure I do," I responded, "And what do you mean, that I don't know you? I think I know you perfectly well, Mr. Animal Lover."

"No," he bit out bitterly in a way that I never heard. It made me a bit startled, but like I would ever show it. He continued silkily, "You are wrong, Imai. Maybe it's your first time being wrong, and maybe it might not. I don't use Natsume's shadow as my protection; I use it to protect him if he ever falls. I'm not content with the way I live life, I just made peace with it. You of all people should know that there is a big difference between the two words."

"You just stop fighting your faith," I answered the rhetorical statement. When I looked up at his face, I saw his weariness. I saw through the windows of his soul that he was just as much as tired as I was.

"You should too. It's for the best," Ruka shrugged, wiping off his expression that showed his inner self.

I glanced at him coldly, "I'm not programmed like you. I don't give up easily, even if I'm going down an endless path. I'll make it through, somehow."

"And if you don't?"

"I die trying," I responded grimly. We weren't even talking about the same conversation of Mikan and Natsume by now. We drifted off of that conversation long ago and now we're on the one of life. I'll die trying to get out of the deep hole that I've fallen into. He looked at me and nodded.

"I wish I had a will like yours, Imai," he commented my response a moment later in a wistful tone as he turned his gaze upwards towards the heavens.

"No" I said, "Fighting until you die won't solve a thing, Nogi."

"If you say so," he started with a drawl, "Then why do you continue to struggle and battle? Even you are saying that it isn't a wise path to be taking."

"Because that's how I'm programmed and that's what I have been doing all of my life."

"Seems like YOU'RE the one who hides from changing, not me," he chuckled and silently…I had to agree with his words. I kept fighting and struggling because I didn't want to know what happens when I fall. Will life get better or worse? I was stuck in that reverie, thinking about the course of the life I was headed for. I kept my gaze upwards, towards Nogi and pretended to look like I was listening; but really, I was lost in my own little world.

"What about you? Do you like being second best?" Ruka asked, the only question that I heard from him and comprehended. His face told me that he was trying to get me back to the realms of Earth for longer than he had anticipated. Before I answered, I was thankful for the subject change from life to back to the situation about Mikan and Hyuuga.

I wanted to say no, but that would be a lie. I don't mind watching over Mikan and being her guardian angel, but I didn't exactly enjoy it like Ruka. I was indifferent; I'll do what I must. I thought for a little while longer, "It's fine."

"Just fine?"

"Must I have to keep repeating myself for you?" I asked sarcastically as I rolled my eyes. Talking to Bunny Boy maybe wasn't bad for me. Talking to him wasn't tiring or having to put up an act, like how I usually felt and did around Mikan. It just felt… Normal. And normal was a good thing, wasn't it?

"Maybe, but how is it just fine? I mean, you get to be like… A guardian angel when you're second best, one of its perks, right? You get to influence another person's life," he persisted to ask me. I thought that he had already agreed with me that being second best indeed in fact, sucked to put it lightly. Bipolar man.

"That's why it's just fine," I started, "Because I'm no angel. I'm not a saint, so why am I giving that task?"

He nodded, and his blue eyes looked distant for a minute. He was probably thinking and during the time. I just realized something, why was I talking to Ruka how I felt? I'm supposed to keep to myself, not talk to this child. I felt like we connected on this whole different level, like I could tell him how I felt and he would get it and understand it. I snorted inwardly, like I would tell him anything. He finally reached Earth again. He responded, "Maybe that's why you are perfect for the job then; to redeem yourself and if you weren't a saint, then why would you even bother?"

"You tell me," I sighed.

"So you would help someone without a motive that benefits you?" he rose an eyebrow in my direction, "How unlike you, Imai. How very unlike you."

I snorted at his comment, "Contradicting, aren't you? You told me not to presume about how I know you, yet you get to assume about me? Unfair, Nogi. Dreadfully unfair."

"Well, you got to say your opinion on me, so that gives me a right to get even. Besides, I never had said anything about not being contradicting, have I, Imai?" he replied back without a bat of the eye. He was good; I had to give him credit for that. There weren't' a lot of guys out there who could think of that.

"Touché," I grudgingly answered in approval. Never thought that I would get to a day where Ruka and I would be able to have an intellectual conversation and his level would match mine.

He was thinking along the same lines as I as he chuckled and countered, "Never thought that I would live up to the day where Imai Hotaru would give me acknowledge for a good line."

"…"

Ruka glanced at his watch and looked back up to me, "As much as I would like to stay and chat, I've got places to go and places to be. See you later, Imai."

"Nogi," I started out with a snort, "You don't need to be anywhere right now. I should know."

"What have we said about assuming, Imai?" he asked silkily with an arch of his blonde brow. Damn him. He's getting to smart for his own good.

"There is nothing on your agenda currently," I told him confidently.

"Going to get a head start on Narumi's assignment. I can't be like Natsume who magically gets it done at an insanely last minute time. Then I'm going to get out of the uniform and go down to bus station to accompany Mikan, Natsume, and my second best buddy. Happy now?"

"No."

"Hard person to please, Imai, but see you," he waved and walked off. And for once, I didn't mind being stuck with Ruka like how I used too. He was second best… Just like me. And that was just fine. With that thought, I smiled a tiny smile and walked back to my dorm to get ready.