Author: ksyd
Rated: M
Pairing: a little Cameron/House
Summary: Rubbing her right shoulder blade, feeling the scarring line that wetted her soft skin with the letter "J", she got up and packed her things, forgetting to take the invitation with her.
Author's Note: I do not own House, M.D or Hugh Laure or Jennifer Morrison or…or… This is my first House Fanfic, it´s my first Fic ever in fact, and English is not my mother language, I´m from Germany. Now, onto the Story.
I´ve posted this chapters already also on my LJ Site http://ksyd. so that´s why I uploading four chapters at one time. Well, more to read for you!
I would like to thank all the very nice and great comments that the people from the community http://community. has left on my site! Go and visit this community, it´s great!
And now here is:
Chapter One
Allison Cameron never believed in fate, and she never believed in God. With all the weights on her small shoulders and the burning burden inside her soul, she never had any reason to believe in such things.
Of course, there are things she believes in. Forgiveness. Sorrow. Hope. The ability to fix things. To fix broken people. To believe in the good side of people. She had to believe that every human being had at least one good Bone. She knows that her ideology is the point of many mocking words out of House´s mouth. That he thinks that she is a naive, way too optimistic person who couldn´t really love a man. That she just kept looking to heal another damaged person. It gives Foreman just another reason to roll his dark eyes at her, seeming slightly peeved. It gives Chase another chance to throw in his believing, speaking to her like she was a never learning child, trying to open her eyes to the real world. But Allison Cameron will never curse her view. Doing that would mean, that there was no longer any hope for herself.
There was still one thing she hadn´t figured out yet. Love. She didn´t know what to think of it. She once thought that love was the key to this world. To all of its problems. That love itself was made out of pure innocent. But since Jared Carter indicated his meanings of love to her, Cameron wasn´t sure of this. In fact, she was sure of nothing.
And thinking of her feelings for House, she could see the connections. To fall in Love with a seemingly cruel and cold guy. Rather knowing that her feelings where a death end for him and therewith for her. And that meant pure safety for Allison Cameron. Something she missed since these last dark days and nights back with Jared. She would rather choose the apparent danger, the obviously though side of love than stepping to another man and get trapped in the same cage again. Loving House was the safest way of love she was able to. A man who doesn´t love you can´t hurt you, right? At least not that way.
At some Point, there´s still a burning anger in Cameron. At herself. At Jared. At themselves. At everything. She even couldn´t look at her High School pictures any more. Every photo of her former class showed his face. His beautiful face next to hers. She burned them all, including her yearbook. But she still remembers the words he wrote under his picture. A promise. A sweet and yet powerful promise to her. Years later he turned his lovely words into the living hell. Still, Cameron can´t put out where to blame herself the most. For falling in love with him, back in these schooldays? Or for going back to the class reunion, shortly after her husband had died and the only thing she wanted was a little happiness?
Sometimes, clearly more often than sometimes she thinks at this point, the engraving pain of her memories would come out of their closet and hunt her down. They would make sure that Cameron could do nothing to ignore it. Her memory would once again beat her down, leaving her helpless, destroyed. Sometimes she wonders. Wonders that House, the Master of unsolved puzzles, never seemed to take attention of her mental health in those days. Her burning headache, the never ending pain in her chest, right where here broken heart lies. But after all, Cameron had learned how to delude the world around her. She had learned it from Jared and trough the pain he had caused her. Still caused her.
Till today Cameron never made out the small things that will bring back her memories, release them from the box she cached them long ago. Sometimes it was the smell of old lumbers. The sight of water. The unexpected touch of a colleague, a patient. A hand striking her arm, her hand, even her lab coat. Those more unintentional contacts with another skin would bring out the hidden demons in Allison Cameron. Wich is funny, she thinks. It never happened when she was the one that touched another human being. And she knows that this all is about one thing; about being the one in control. She always makes sure she is. Well, at least she is trying.
Thinking all this, while sitting in her office, darkness surrounding her, Cameron turns around; making sure that no one catches her when she makes a little dance with her thoughts. Looking at the now crushed piece of paper in her right hand she lets out a deep, painfully sigh. In her mind, she just added another trigger to her never ending list. Making a soft laughter she shakes her hurting head slightly. Of course. How could she await that another invitation would do nothing to her tortured soul? And while looking at the white note, reading the black letters, Allison Cameron wished with all her heart that's left, that she never got the class reunion invitation in the first place. It would have saved her life. And the life of Jared Carter. Rubbing her right shoulder blade, feeling the scarring line that wetted her soft skin with the letter "J", she got up and packed her things, forgetting to take the invitation with her.
He´s sure that Cameron didn´t see him when she left her office, far over midnight. Turning on the lights of Cameron´s table, House sits down in her chair, his finger playing with his cane. He´s imaging her, letting the memory of the past hours passing him by. Leaning back, his eyes found a piece of paper, lying rumpled down on her desk. He grabs it, reading its full text. Nothing rare, a simply class reunion. Slightly disappointed he tosses the letter away, thinking about the moment he came back to his office earlier. At first he didn´t saw her. Until a soft, hardly to recognizable moan filled his ears. Looking to the right, he saw Allison Cameron sitting there in the dark, completely drawn to a world only she knows.
The moment he saw the thin immunologist sitting there, alone and looking painfully fragile, he knew that it was happening again. Allison Cameron was once again fighting with unseeing demons and unhearing voices. He knew who would lose the battle. Sometimes he wonders. He wonders if Cameron was thinking, believing, that he wouldn´t become aware of the inner fights she was doing on some days. Days like these. He knew every sign of it. The dark shadows under her eyes. The lost of sleep and weight. Her stiffened Body. The lost of that sparking in her eyes, replaced by an almost unbearable hunted, frightened look.
He knew all the signs and he knew what it did to her. But he didn´t know what was doing it to her. Himself calling the master of puzzles and showing no mercy when it was time to put the cards out on the tables, House became fiercely about finding out her secret. But as time did go by, he wasn´t sure anymore that he would scream her little secret out to the world the minute he would discover it. Because in all that time, trying to figure out the demon that chased Cameron, he learned that this all wasn´t about a simply lie or a made mistake. In fact, the deeper he followed and watched her, the more he got frightened. And at this Point, when angst touched him, he knew that he was right from the beginning on. Allison Cameron is damaged. But not the way he thought. It was way over that. And this realization made House to clench his teethes. He wasn´t that sure anymore that he wanted to know what happened to the young doctor, causing her so much pain and leaving her damaged beyond repair.
End of chapter one, but not of the story. I just want to add that the whole story is completely made out in my mind and that Im going to finish this story. There´s nothing I hate more than a good story remaining unfinished. (Not that Im meaning my story is good…you know…I hope it is, but…uhh…) And then, of course: Please, review and keep in mind that I still need a Beta!