The Body-Snatchers
Chapter 1: I Am Hermione
Freaky Friday Parody: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy swap bodies. What could possibly go wrong?
Hermione always felt detached from the outside world when she was absorbed in a book. Even though she loved Harry and Ron, there was nothing quite like being wrapped in the comforting embrace of a good book. Here, she could escape, she could get lost, do things that she would never ordinarily do, be things that she would never allow herself to be. It didn't matter what kind of book, something about the small black print standing out dramatically on the pure white page stirred something deep within Hermione. No one else would truly understand how much comfort books brought her. In light of recent events to do with her summer at Grimmauld Place, lying awake every night, terrified for her friends and family, it was something of a privilege to vanish so completely. However, it was something of an inconvenience at times, especially when she became so blissfully detached that she didn't notice her least favourite platinum-haired ferret strolling arrogantly towards her, footsteps muffled in the deep, luxurious carpet of the library.
"Well, well, Granger, without Potter and Weasley for once, I'm surprised. No one to fight your battles here, is there?" Malfoy sneered, ironically flanked, as always, by his huge ogre bodyguards, Crabbe and Goyle.
"If you recall, Malfoy, I believe I punched you in the face in third year, and you never go anywhere without your two accessories, because if you didn't you would soon be turned into ferret stew by my two best friends, followed closely by some ginger twins in seventh year, whom I happen to know quite well also," Hermione said coolly, never lifting her eyes from her book.
Anger and humiliation flashed in Malfoy's eyes at her words, and he swatted the book viciously out of her hands.
"You'd better not speak to me like that again, filthy Mudblood," he hissed, so close to Hermione's face she could feel his warm breath.
Blind with fury, she lifted her hand and slapped him hard across his pale face, and with the other she grasped tightly onto her wand, concealed in her school robe. Draco leapt back, the red mark obvious and dramatic against his transparent skin. "You'll regret that, Granger!" he bellowed angrily, and in a flash his wand was inches from her nose. Hermione instantly rose to her feet, lifting her wand. But abruptly, her opponent was wrenched away from her with a strangled gasp, and holding his collar was the librarian, Madam Pince, livid.
"All of you," she fumed; face purple with rage, eyes bulging, "Out, get OUT!"
The Gryffindor and the Slytherins exchanged deathly glances and exited the library, Madam Pince's vicious glare boring into their backs.
Hermione stomped back to the Gryffindor common room seething. How dare he rip her so unceremoniously from her only refuge, that stupid, self-absorbed git! As she tried to pulverize the stone beneath her feet, some younger students stared curiously at her, wondering what had happened to make smoke come out of her ears. Older students knew better, and simply gave her sympathetic glances. At long last, she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and spat the password, "Flibbertigibbet!"
"Alright, alright, no need to be so rude," the Fat Lady said, clearly affronted, and swung forward to allow her entry.
Hermione kept stamping, and flopped into her favourite squishy chair with a huff. It was only then she realised that she was still clutching her wand tightly in her hand. She released her stiff hand slightly but did not let it go.
"I wonder what it would be like to be Ferret-Boy?" she wondered thoughtfully to herself. Then she scoffed aloud; a few Gryffindors turned to look at her strangely. She ignored them. "Bloody awful," she thought, still sniggering.