It's a f-ing miracle! My muse came back to me for just 2 hours and gave me one hell of an idea! Don't expect this to be a regular occurrence, though. A word of wraning, though: this one-shot is based on a Shane Dawson video. For those who are not familiar with this brilliant young man, his video's really push the envelope. They can be racist, sexist, and sexual orientation-ist. However, there's always a good moral at the end and he's ALL FOR equal rights and treatment, no matter what. You have been warned, though.
I do not own Harry Potter, or Shane Dawson.
The One That Turned You Gay
It was a warm summer day and Harry was sitting in the living room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Sitting with him were Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville, Fred, and George. They had started out just talking and joking and having fun, trying to forget that just over a month ago Voldemort had come back. Sirius had allowed them to help themselves to some rather old Firewhiskey which was no less powerful.
Everything was fine and kosher until they somehow managed to get into a 'dare-off': they each went around and dared each other to do increasingly embarassing stuff. It got so bad that Fred (or was it George) dared Hermione and Luna to kiss each other. Two girls inched closer and closer to each other as the boys cried out a chant of, "Do it, do it, do it!" Their lips met to a rachous chorus of laughter and wolf-whistles.
Harry was beside himself as he watched two of his best, female, friends kiss each other. Hermione was blushing madly and looked positively nervous while Luna wore her standard dreamy smile. He, quite possibly, laughed the hardest and loudest, and upon hearing this, Hermione turned to him with a dark smile and said, "I dare you two to kiss!" She was pointing at Harry and Neville. The two looked at each other and smiled sheepishly at each other before shaking their heads. Harry turned back to Hermione and Luna and said, "Why don't you two kiss again?"
"Okay," Luna said as she leaned forward once more, only to be stopped by Hermione's look of disapproval. Luna backed away with her dreamy smile intact.
"Come on mate, just kiss the dude," Ron said dazedly before starting up the chant of, "Do it, do it, do it!"
Harry was stuck between a rock and a hard place and so just rolled his eyes and said, "Fuck it," before grabbing Neville by the collar of his shirt and smashing their lips together. Of course, it was at that very moment that Sirius came in carrying a plate of pastries and calling out, "Who wants weed-flavored-bean brownies...MERLIN'S SAGGY BALLS!"
The plate of offered brownies went sailing through the air as Sirius looked at Harry and Neville with terror and dawning realization. Sirius quickly covered his eyes and backed out of the room mumbling, "I didn't see it. It didn't happen if I didn't see it."
"You think he saw that?" Harry asked, to which his friends all nodded their heads. "Well this is gonna be brilliant," he then mumbled.
Sirius had all but ran up the stairs to his room and locked himself in. He then moved over to a photo-album he had left on his bed. He opened it up and stared at a picture of baby Harry before turning the page and looking at a picture of a nine-year-old Harry and him hugging each other; a bracelet with the letters 'B' 'F' 'F' on it nestled just below...
It started in the summer of 93
You used to come to my house and visit me
I'd let you play with Barbies
And then we'd bake cookies
And then you came over on Halloween
I was Mary-Kate and you were Ashley
That ChristmasI got you
Posters of J.T.T.
I think I crossed the line
You got too close to me
You even helped me organize
My batchelorette party
You were my Best Friend
With me every day
And now they're gonna say
I was the one that turned you gay
The one that turned you gay
Sirius was pulled from his musings by the sound of his bedroom door opening. There, in the doorway, stood Harry, looking sheepish and uncomfortable. "Can we talk?" he asked.
Sirius motioned him over to the bed. Harry was just about to talk when Sirius interupted him. "Let me say something first; when I walked in on you...being super-gay...I started blaming myself. But then I realized, there's no reason to blame anyone, it's who you are. And, yeah, when I found out, I was a little shocked."
'Really?' a voice cried out in Sirius' head, have you seen the sexual-tension between Harry and Draco? Doesn't that remind you a little of yourself and a certain Dungeon-Bat that looks damn sexy in a mini-skirt?'
"But I love you," Sirius continued, ignoring the voice, "and I will always be by your side. I mean, you my BFF." Sirius' voice cracked a little into a chuckle and Harry's face broke out into a grin. "Give me a hug," Sirius cried before pulling Harry into his arms and squeezing him.
"I'm sorry I over-reacted," Sirius whispered.
"It's okay," Harry replied, "But, Sirius, I'm not gay!"
"Don't ruin this you lovable poof, I mean have you seen your self and Malfoy Jr.?
Harry rolled his eyes before getting back into hugging his BFF.
'Baby, One More Time'
Used to be our jam
How was I supposed to know
It'd make you love a man?
You always kicked my ass
When we would color eggs
We both cried when Rubin won
'Cause we were both Clay-mates
I'm the one that turned you gay
The one
The one
The one
The one that turned you gay
-THE END-