A/N: - This is something that I could continue if people want me to. Be kind to people, you never now what someone else is going through.
Show a little empathy.
For as long as Levi could remember he had felt other people's emotions. Like a sixth sense, it was ever present and it would often leave him feeling drained. He soon learned to shut down - to not show his emotions. It was difficult trying to manage the sensations of other people's feelings, let alone throw his into the mix.
He would feel such unbearable emotions radiating off of his mother growing up. She worried a lot, she was scared and frightened, repulsed and lonely. She was a prostitute and Levi would be left in a different room whilst she had a client, she thought she was shielding him from her profession. Yet, her anguish, suffering and sadness were so strong, he could feel every single one of her emotions through the walls.
The day he found his mother dead was forever burned into his mind, standing over her, and encountering a weird empty feeling. It took him awhile to realise that because she was dead, he no longer received her emotions, nothing but his own, and he was numb.
There were times when being able to detect other people's emotional state was a blessing, mostly, he saw it as a curse.
He had endured thirty-five years with this burden. To put it simply, he was what his friend Hanji called an empath. He took on someone else's emotional state, so he would feel a reflection of what they were feeling.
Over the years he had learned to deal with it, he still suffered occasionally from crippling side effects from someone's extreme emotions. Causing him headaches, vertigo and an odd feeling of being through an ordeal.
Of course, some emotions were happy ones, they would cause him to feel joy and a sense of security. He himself had his best friends, yet was a very lonely person. He was closed off and kept people at a distance for fear of having to take on another person's emotional state.
It was ironic that people would talk behind his back - he heard them he was not nieve - saying that he was cold. That he would die alone because he was unsympathetic towards others. Ironic because he had this damn curse.
He shut himself away, working from home, for the most part, visiting head office occasionally to see Erwin or Hanji.
He had a modest house, but thankfully was fortunate enough to have a small plot of land with it, therefore he had no immediate neighbours. He purposely looked for a house like this, the further people were away from him the better.
In the past, he had lived in flats, complexes with many people and the walls were thin, he would sometimes feel people's emotions - especially if they were strong overpowering ones.
That was how he discovered the bastard next door was beating his wife. The husband's anger and her suffering were toxic. Safe to say he got a taste of his own medicine. Levi also helped her to find safety in a women's refuge and later she pressed charges - the scumbag was now behind bars.
It took him some time, but eventually, he saved enough to put a deposit down on his own place. He was a single man, who did not waste his money, choosing to save - he knew he wanted to live away from people, therefore, he was determined to save all that he could.
Working from home and living off the beaten track with no neighbours was the only thing he could control. Anything that gave him a break from the constant torrent of emotions flowing through him whenever he was around people.
Unfortunately, he had to leave the house today, he needed to run some errands and pick up some groceries. He spent the morning mentally preparing himself. He could cope with the basic emotions, effectively ignoring them like he ignores the people they were coming from. Minor emotions were detectable but mild, he found he could tune them out. It was still unpleasant, but he could tolerate it, enduring the uncomfortable feeling he had around too many people.
The problem came when someone was experiencing extreme emotions, not basic emotions such as, 'I'm tired', 'I'm happy I passed my driving test' thing, more so, intense emotions such as grief, heartbreak, the joy of a baby being born and such like.
Standing in line at the bank, he felt the person's emotions before he heard them step behind him. He could feel a migraine coming on, this was not a good sign - whoever it was, was going through some profound emotions.
'Just run your errand and go' he chanted over and over, doing his best to block the other person's feelings out.
It was proving difficult, not only were they standing pretty close to him, they were suffering. The negative emotions always seemed to knock him for six compared to the positive ones, although he had not had much experience with powerful positive emotions.
A sudden suicidal feeling washed over him, and Levi felt sorry for whoever it was behind him. Whatever they were going through, was making them feel like they should end their life.
Levi clenched his jaw, and approached the cashier, he carried out his transaction. As he turned to leave he walked by the distressed stranger.
He was only a kid - well not really he was probably late teens, the poor boy looked just as he felt. His eyes brimming with unshed tears, biting his fingernails as he stared straight ahead willing himself not to cry.
Their eyes met and Levi dropped to his knees clutching his chest. Fuck! Why was this kid so emotional? More so than others.
The stranger squatted down in front of him, "Hey, mister you okay?"
This caused Levi to snort out a laugh. This kid was going through some fucked up shit, and he was showing concern for him.
"I'm fine," he reassured - although he was not, "chest pains," he explained. Which was true, this strangers emotions had hit him straight in the centre of his chest, right at the core.
"Shall I call an ambulance?" the worried voice asked.
Levi stared into his face, his gaze fixating on his beautiful eyes, eyes that reflected all of his emotions. Eyes that looked so hopeless and full of sorrow.
"No, thank you, I'll be okay." Levi confirmed, adding on the spur of the moment, "Will you?"
He heard the brunette suck in a breath, "I-I..." he paused and watched Levi for a moment, "I don't know," he honestly answered.
Levi stood and the boy copied his actions, "Look, go do what you came here to do. Then meet me outside, we'll go get a coffee or something."
"Eren..." he declared.
Levi nodded, "Levi."
Levi spent the time whilst waiting for Eren to try and regain some of his senses. His body taking on too much of what Eren had been feeling, he needed to soothe his restless emotions.
Eren reappeared looking at him nervously, "Hey," he greeted, casting his eyes to the floor.
"Ready to go?" Levi queried.
Eren nodded and followed in step with Levi as he strode down the street. Levi took them to a friends cafe. He knew it was normally quiet this time of day, and his friend would give him space without interrupting him.
He entered the cafe and noted that there were only two other customers - good. He could not handle another onslaught of emotions when he had Eren's to try and control.
He inclined his head to Petra in a silent greeting, who busied herself making Levi's usual fancy tea. Levi took them to a booth at the back of the cafe, sliding in as Eren sat opposite him.
They sat in silence until Petra brought over a tray, carrying a teapot filled with his favourite blend, sugar, cream, milk and two cups.
"I was not sure what your friend wanted, so I just brought an extra cup," she stated thoughtfully.
She was used to Levi reaching out and trying to help the poor souls he encountered through his ability to sense their emotions.
Eren offered her a sad smile, "Thank you, tea is fine," He politely returned.
Petra left and Levi poured them a cup each.
The lasting effects of Eren's initial emotional outburst were still lingering, but his current emotion was not as severe, or at least he was not thinking about killing himself.
"What's your story, kid?" Levi asked.
Eren glanced up at him then averted his eyes instantly to look out the window, "What?" he asked quietly - broken Levi thought.
"Back at the bank, you looked a state..."
"Coming from the man who suffered chest pains and carried on like he did not just have some mild heart attack!" Eren countered, raising his chin defiantly and meeting Levi's gaze head on. A hint of his everyday personality shining through his
This caused Levi to grunt, "It was not a heart attack, how old do you think I am..."
"I don't think you're old!" He objected, "Young people can have heart attacks too. My dad is a doctor and he..." Eren abruptly stopped talking at the mention of his dad, and Levi was struck with an overwhelming feeling of hurt, that had him almost clutching at his chest again. He refrained, he did not want Eren to think he was having a heart attack after all.
Clearly whatever it was Eren was going through involved his dad, and that it was obviously a recent thing, it was still so raw.
"Daddy issues?" Levi bluntly stated as he took a sip of his tea.
Eren whipped his head up so fast, Levi was sure he'd have a neck injury, "What?! No." He denied.
Levi could practically feel Eren's heart beating, no that was not true, but he sensed Eren's adrenaline and panic. His fear that someone knew, and the relief that someone knew. He was confused - an enigma of convoluted emotions.
"Your whole demeanour changed when you realised you were talking about him, and you abruptly stopped talking," Levi stated the facts. He had no time to spend all day coaxing answers out of him, he wanted to get to the point, find a way to help the poor kid, then get on with his day.
Eren glared at him, some of the sorrow in his eyes substituted with fire, this caused something else to stir inside of Levi. It was not because he was experiencing second-hand emotions from Eren, it was because of Eren, but his reaction was entirely his own. He cursed his brain for even thinking such a thing about a distressed vulnerable teen.
"Who are you to analyse every reaction I have? It is none of your damn business!" Eren heatedly announced, his hands balling into fists on the table.
Levi raised an eyebrow, "I know that it is none of my business, but I recognise someone crying out for help when I see one." He casually told Eren, as he tried to appear nonchalant.
The tension from Eren left him the moment Levi uttered the words, 'crying out for help' his eyes had filled with tears once more and he moved to rest his head in his hands, elbows on the table in front of him. Levi saw a tear fall and hit the counter.
Levi extracted a napkin from the dispenser conveniently placed at their table and shoved it under Eren's line of sight. Eren took it, not looking up. He wiped his face, the tears flowing freely now that he had let that one escape.
They sat in silence the only sound was the occasional sniff from, Eren, as he cried softly.
"Sorry," Eren whispered his head still in his hands.
"No need to apologise," Levi reassured, sipping his tea and allowing Eren the time to regain control of himself.
With one final sniff and wipe to clear his face from tears, Eren raised his head, his eyes red and face blotchy, "How's the tea?" He asked laughing humorlessly.
The kid was growing on him, something about him was endearing.
"Try it and you'll find out," Levi vaguely answered.
Eren reached out and added sugar and milk to his tea, taking a careful sip.
"Mmmm t'is good," Eren summarised, taking another sip.
Neither mentioned the fact that Eren had just been crying, both wordlessly thankful that the other did not bring it up.
They drank in silence, Petra came over to replace the tea tray, topping them up with more tea and milk. She had also made them toasted paninis and handed them to the men without comment.
Levi thanked her, she helped in the way she knew how. She was a good person, a caring girl. He was glad they were friends.
Eren seemed surprised by the act of kindness both were offering.
Eren had not realised how hungry he was until the food was in front of him. He thanked Petra and Levi, eating as slow as he could, although he was dying to scoff the whole thing in record speed.
It amused Eren to see Levi eat a panini with a knife and fork, he ate his own with his hands. Picking it up and biting into it, not caring if the cheese grease was over his fingers. When he finished he wiped his fingers on a napkin. Feeling less shaky, the shaking due to the lack of food and drink, he felt he could face this mysterious stranger who had appeared out of nowhere and showed him compassion.
"How much do I owe you for the tea and food?" He asked. He had money, that was what he went to the bank for. He had withdrawn all that was in his bank account before his dad could transfer it back to his account. The money was allowance from his parents after all.
"Nothing, it's on me." Levi shut down Eren's offer, he had a feeling he needed all of his money right now.
Eren ducked his head slightly, "I don't know what to say. T-thank you for being so kind."
"No act of kindness no matter how small is ever wasted. You seemed liked you needed someone to show you some kindness." Levi wisely said.
Eren gawked at him. Not only did this man stop and offer him his help when he needed it so badly, he showed compassion, sympathy with hardly any words and minimal movements. There was something about Levi that made Eren feel that he was in safe hands, that no harm would come of him whilst in his presence.
In the bank Eren had been too caught up in his own emotions, riding the downward spiral he was in, to even register how handsome Levi was. Now, sitting across from him, sneaking glances his way, Eren was drawn to him. Maybe it was the fact that Levi had saved him or some such heroic sentiment, he was lost and Levi reached out and anchored him momentarily. Who knows? What he did know was that he found him attractive, his features, his eyes that held experience beyond Eren's years. Eyes that said he had been broken and put back together before. Even Levi's severe buzzcut and hairstyle suited him, the way he dressed and how he held himself. His posture and demeanour - it was alluring, enchanting.
Then there was that strong, authoritative voice. That voice that said, 'Will you?' to him when Eren asked if he would be ok. Those two words, said with that firm voice, a voice laced with empathy. It was enough for Eren to know that he could trust Levi.
"Yeah, I definitely needed it." He strived for a light-hearted tone, but it came out despondent.
Levi leant back against the booth, stretching one arm out across the back of the seat, lifting his leg and resting his ankle on his other knee. After a heavy silence, Levi asked, "Want to talk about it?"
Levi could sense discomfort from Eren, whether he was embarrassed by Levi figuring out his distress, or about the situation that caused him to be here.
He knew his face was most likely flushed, now that he had acknowledged that he found Levi attractive, he was acutely aware of his movements. Then Levi re-positioned himself, his pose casual and his leg resting on the other - he looked relaxed, he looked hot.
Now was definitely not the time to get distracted by gorgeous looking men.
"Not really," Eren admitted, "You don't want to hear me ramble, you're just taking pity on me," Eren stated matter of factly, he believed in his words.
Eren shuddered internally as Levi made a point of making eye contact before he responded, "I'm here because I want to be here. I do not pity you. I saw someone who needed help. I've been there - rock bottom, I could have lost my way entirely if it was not for some kind people who became my closest friends." He confessed no idea why he was telling Eren all of this?
No, he knew why. He was hoping that Eren hearing a more personal side to him, would cause him to open up in return.
The way Eren looked at him, made him want to reach across the table and pull him close, just hold him tightly and protect him for evermore. This was a shock to Levi. He'd been in this situation before, talking to people who he had stumbled across due to his ability to pick up others emotions. He had heard many sob stories and truly devastating backstories to their lives, yet not once had he ever wanted to hug the person and never let them go.
Eren's eyes were full of such anguish, he looked hopeless, then when his voice cracked as he asked, "If you've been at rock bottom, when does it get better?" Levi had to preoccupy his hands with pouring another cup of tea to prevent him reaching out and caressing Eren's face.
"It may not feel like it now, or even weeks, months, or years from now, but one day you'll wake up and you'll realise you've found your peace with whatever it was that was bothering you." He spoke from experience, he had dealt with multiple traumatic and difficult things. Now he could look back on them and see that it made him stronger. His struggle and the path he took made him who he was today.
Eren held out his empty cup for Levi to top up, "I hope so, I really do."
Feeling like Eren would no run away, Levi bravely said, "You have to stay alive in order to reach that day." Referring to the sense that he picked up from Eren earlier, when he wanted to kill himself.
Wide eyes stared back at him, horrified that Levi had figured him out, "I-I..."
Levi held up a hand, "I was just making a point, you don't have to talk about it."
Eren glanced away, "I need to use the restroom, all this tea." He joked, he sounded empty.
Levi inclined his head choosing not to comment.
When Eren returned Levi was shocked, he had honestly thought that Eren would have used this opportunity to do a runner.
He sat back down, his shoulders squared and his chest out, "I have to talk about this, running away from it won't help, as it's inside my head - my own demon following me everywhere. Maybe...maybe if I talk about it with someone who is not close to me, it may help. I want to find my peace." Eren blurted quickly before he chickened out.
Levi watched him intently, remaining quiet, waiting for Eren to start.
When he began to speak, Levi noted that his posture, his gestures, facial expressions, and the emphasis he created through physical expression were all very powerful. He had a feeling, even when Eren was not worked up other something, he was a very open and passionate person. That was why he seemed to cause Levi physical pain when he was hurting, Eren was just intense.
"Where to start...fuck...okay, some family history I guess." He somberly announced, feeling awkward, "I'm an only child - well no I'm not I have an adoptive sister, but in terms of biologically I am the only child of my parents." He reached out and Levi for one wild moment thought he was reaching for his hand, but no, he grabbed the salt shaker and started fiddling with it as he spoke.
"My parents, they have- had, high hopes for me. My dad, he's a doctor. They knew from early on that they wanted me to follow in my father's footsteps, to continue his legacy - he is renowned for his skills." He sounded proud but also dejected.
"They also had other expectations for me, they wanted me to date someone from a well-known family, to marry young so it did not hinder my career, to marry for beneficial reasons and not love." He paused to let that sink in, "Worst of all they demanded I married a woman."
Wow, what?! Levi thought, displaying nothing of his internal monologue as Eren spoke.
Eren tipped some of the salt out and started making patterns in it, Levi refrained from scolding him.
"You see..." Eren looked up and met Levi's gaze, "I'm gay. I've known this for a long time, far too long. I kept this hidden from my family. I stupidly, mistakenly, presumed that if I told my parents, they would understand that they would be accepting."
He stopped speaking, the memory of his coming out still fresh, it was only this morning - the words still cut deep.
"I assume they were not accepting?" Levi prompted.
Eren laughed, a dry dark laugh, "No, no they were not."
He took a sip of his tea before he was able to continue, "My mother was not as bad as my father. She was mainly concerned for the bloodline, and how she was ever going to get grandchildren, and ignorantly worried I'd get aids or something. Although her reaction showed incredible stupidity, closed mindedness and ignorance to what it is really like as a gay man, in a messed up way she cared. She worried for my health." He knew he was crazy to try and justify her homophobia, but he loved his mum deeply, and what she said had not hurt as much as his father's reaction.
"My father was furious," Eren's eyes lowered, "he was disgusted."
Levi had the desire to find Eren's father and give him a piece of his mind.
"A lot of horrible things were said, culminating in me being thrown out of my family home, I was told that I was no longer welcomed," Eren admitted morosely.
"When did this take place?"
"This morning," Eren confessed.
"Fuck, no wonder you were such a mess," Levi affirmed.
Eren sighed, "Were? I'm still a mess. My heads all over the place. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. I feel completely lost and alone." He no longer cared about how embarrassing this was to confess all of this to a stranger, he had gotten the worst part over with and anything else from this point onwards was trivial. Besides, what was the likelihood of seeing Levi again after today?
"You mentioned an adoptive sister," Levi prompted.
"She lives at home, with our parents. She's caught in the middle. If she speaks up she may also be disowned and then she has lost everything too. They raised her, supported her, they're paying for her to get through university. I wouldn't want to put her in the position to give it all up, for me." He bit his lip, "She would if I asked. But, I told her to stay. No use ruining her future prospects because of my preferences." He joked.
"She'll support me, and probably sneak out to visit me, but for now, she has to try and keep the peace. Even if she wants to knock my- our fathers block off." He fondly declared, he smiled a little when he spoke of his sister, which relieved some of the negative emotions radiating off of Eren and subsequently into Levi.
"Friends?" Levi queried. He was not asking, so he could offload Eren onto someone else, he cared for his well-being and wanted to know if he had somewhere to go.
Eren shrugged, "My sister is one of my best friends. My father has controlled a lot of my life, I never really got to make many friends. I have one other close friend, Armin, but he's away at university and has a shoebox sized room. He'd offer for me to stay with him in an instant, but eventually, I'll be in the way. I have no idea how long I would need before I found a job, got a place of my own, I wouldn't want to be a burden."
Levi could see that Eren cared very much about his loved ones, thinking of their needs and how to make sure that they were okay first and foremost, even over his own needs.
After a short silence, Eren added, "I was thinking of maybe using the little money I have to stay in a hostel, something basic and cheap. Use my time to look for a job, then hopefully earn enough to rent a bedroom from someone." He knew it was a long shot but it was the only plan he had.
Levi was deep in thought, Eren interrupted him by saying, "I did think about ending my life, but it was just a fleeting passing thought. I would never have done it. But in that moment it was all I could think of." He wanted Levi to understand that he was not going to walk out that door and end his life.
Meeting Levi had helped him immensely. He felt that he could try to start again. That when you've hit rock bottom the only way was up. So what if his father disowned him? Refused to help him in his career, called him awful things he dared no repeat. Fuck him. He never wanted to be a bloody doctor anyway. He hated studying and would be relieved to quit university and get a job. He was gay, how could he sacrifice his own happiness and wants, to simply fulfil his father's dreams. What about his hopes and aspirations in life?
Levi met his gaze once more, "Good to know," and he meant that. He may have only known Eren for a short period of time, but from what he could see of his personality, and detect from his emotions, he was a sweet guy and it would be a sad day indeed if he committed suicide.
Eren swirled the dregs of his tea around in his cup, staring at it for something to do, he was not sure he could stand meeting Levi's gaze again. The man was intense.
"I'm just going to settle the bill with, Petra, I will not be long, please do not go anywhere." He asked, and Eren knew he would not leave, not when Levi had asked him.
When Eren glanced over at Levi, he took in the full sight of him, from head-to-toe - there was no denying that the man had style, an air about him that exuded sophistication and a confidence that was extremely sexy. Levi was talking to Petra, and Eren's stomach dropped, he hoped that Levi would no reveal anything that he had told Levi in confidence.
Levi looked towards him and Eren hastily averted his eyes. He dared not look again, for fear of being caught staring again. Not long after Levi returned, he gracefully slid into the booth, and Eren marvelled at his fluid movements.
"Here is the thing..." he begun and Eren tensed, "you need somewhere to stay, and I know it's not my place, but I cannot bare the thought of you staying at those filthy hostels.." he grimaced and Eren was shocked to see any form of an expression showing on Levi's features, he clearly thought highly of cleanliness, "...Petra, she has a spare room and is happy to rent it to you for as long as you need, she also said there are a few shifts going here. It's not much, but it's a start."
Eren momentarily forgotten that he barely knew Levi, that Levi seemed to keep people at arm's length, he was ecstatic, Levi had arranged all of that for him - it was astonishing. Eren lunged across the table and grabbed Levi in an awkward hug, his arms around his neck, "Thank you," Eren breathed relieved.
The emotions pouring out of Eren were that of elation and admiration, the force of them magnified because Eren was touching him.
Levi had to pull away the emotions were almost too much to bare.
"Sorry, I'm just overjoyed that...that I'm not on the streets." Eren apologised quickly, feeling bad for ambushing Levi without any warning.
Petra headed over and smiled warmly at Eren, "Levi mentioned you were in need of a room and I am in need of a lodger, and also a part-time member of staff, can you help me out?" she asked sweetly.
Eren suspected that Levi only told Petra the basics, that Eren needed a place to stay and a job. He was thankful for that.
"I sure can." He replied surprisingly happy for someone on the verge of a breakdown and entertaining suicidal thoughts not a few hours ago.