I toss and turn, remembering the day I left Christian Grey.
"If I told you, you'd never look at me the same way again." I gasp in response.
"So, there is a reason?", I ask but he avoids my gaze. "Tell me."
"Anastasia, I don't want to talk about this right now."
"You never want to talk, Christian. I have to keep pushing and pushing just to get one answer out of you and all you want is to have sex with me. Why is that more important than talking?"
"I'm not used to talking about these things with anyone and I've told you more than I've ever told anyone in my life, including Elena."
"Did she ever have to pressure you like this?"
"No, but she understood how I felt."
"Must be a real saint, then", I say dispassionately.
"Anastasia, that's enough."
"I'm just trying to understand you but you keep shutting me out. We should be talking."
"Like normal people?"
"Yeah. Is that so wrong?", I ask as I go to touch his cheek but he stops me before I can. He exasperatedly runs his hands through his hair and tries to control his temper.
"Is this because of the contract? Because I still haven't signed it?" He finally looks at me before answering.
"Fuck the contract", he responds and I can tell he's mad, really mad.
"Do you wanna punish me right now?"
"Yes."
"Why do you need to? Why do I always have to be punished by you?"
"Because it's the way I am!", he yells and I step a few feet back.
"Your fifty shades?", I ask timidly. He looks down but doesn't answer.
With that in mind, I run upstairs to the Red Room and Christian follows close behind. I swing open the door just as he catches up. I turn around to face him and take a deep breath.
"Show me then", I demand and for a moment he doesn't know what I mean.
"I want you to punish me. Show me how far it can go."
"Ana…"
"Just do it. It's the only way I can understand."
Christian stares at me as if he can't believe what I'm saying, but ultimately he walks behind me and pulls a belt from a hook on the wall.
"Are you sure about this?", he asks cautiously and I nod.
"Lift your arms", he orders and I slowly do as I'm told. He lifts my shirt above my head and tosses it on the floor.
"Bend over the table", he demands and points at it with his chin. I walk over and comply. "Hold the sides and spread your legs", he orders and I obey.
"I'm gonna hit you six times and you're going to count with me", he instructs and I'm panting heavily as I wait for the first blow. Soon, I feel the belt hit my backside and I cry out at the strike.
"Count, Anastasia."
"One", I respond shakily. He then hits me again, this time a little harder.
"Two."
He hits me again, slightly harder than before.
"Three."
He hits me as the belt bites at my skin.
"Four."
I cry out as the pain evolves across my skin.
"Five", Finally, he hits me one more time and I'm broken by his punishment.
"Six", I whisper as my tears burn across my cheeks. Christian drops the belt and starts to help me up.
"No, don't fucking touch me", I shout as I push him away.
"You like seeing me like this? This is what gives you pleasure?", I whimper as I wipe my nose with the back of my hand.
"Ana…", he says as he tries to walk towards me but I stop him by placing my hand on his chest. I cover my chest with my arms and step back.
"I should've known this wouldn't work. You need to get your shit together, Grey. I'm not the one you want." He stares at me as if he doesn't believe what I've said.
Before he can answer, I turn on my heel and walk out.
"Stop", I order but he doesn't listen.
"Red", I yell and he stops in his tracks. I grab my suitcase and head into the elevator. I press a button as I try to fight back my tears.
"Ana", Christian says and he looks too broken for me to bear. It reflects too well how I feel inside.
"Christian", I respond and the doors close, leaving our words hanging in the air. I ride down to the first floor and I feel my heart dropping as well.
What have I done?
"No!", I shout and wake suddenly, checking my surroundings. My room. I'm in my room. My heart is pounding and I sit up on my bed, breathing deep to steady my heart rate. The tears start to pool in my eyes and I cover my face as they slowly start to fall.
What have I done?