Disclaimer ~ Characters property of JK Rowling. Song property of Taylor Swift
A.N.~ This is my first try at a song fic so please let me know what you think good or bad. Let me know where I can do better. I love honest reviews. Also this is rated M because I may do a chapter 2 from Draco's perspective, and it could get lemony so let me know if you would like me to do that. Also you will see that I changed the lyrics tanned skin to pale skin because lets face it this is Draco we're talking about.
Song: Back to December
Artist: Taylor Swift
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die
It was a brisk, cold December day, and Hermione Granger found herself doing some last minute Christmas shopping in Diagon Alley. As she walked along the cobbled street towards Quality Quidditch Supplies to purchase new riding gloves for Ron and Harry she found herself thinking of the upcoming holiday and how she was going to spend it. She was so deep in thought that she didn't see the person coming out of the shop until she slammed into them, causing her to fall backwards. Hermione braced herself for the impact of her ass hitting the stone beneath her but was surprised when two very muscular arms caught her before it could happen. Hermione looked up ready to apologize and thank the person, but found herself speechless as she looked into the deep grey eyes of the man she hadn't spoken to in a year. There holding her up was none other then Draco Malfoy. Draco stared down at her, his eyes wide, the look in them, almost painful. He righted her quickly before turning to walk away. Hermione hadn't talked to Draco since that day last December when she had gone and ruined everything between them. In fact she had only caught distant glimpses of him here and there over the past year and now being so close to him brought back every memory, every feeling she had ever had for him.
"Draco, wait!" She said before she could stop herself. She watched as he stopped, his back stiffening slightly, before turning his head towards her.
"What do you want Granger?" He said, not coldly but not really friendly either. She took a small step towards him hoping that she was not about to make a fool of herself.
"I was wondering if you would care to join me for a drink at The Leaky Cauldron." She asked hopefully. He stared at her for a few minutes before nodding slightly and starting to walk towards the pub, with her following. They soon found themselves seated in a booth sipping warm butterbeers and looking at one another awkwardly.
"So. How have you been?" She asked. He looked around at her quickly before looking back down at his drink and shrugged.
"Alright, I guess. With our recent Anti-Imperio potion going on the market we have been extremely busy." Draco ran Malfoy Industries and a recent mishap in their potions lab led to the creation of a potion that when taking once made you immune to the Imperius curse, almost like a muggle vaccine. It was the greatest potion find in history and everyone had orders in for it.
"How is your mother? I haven't seen her in a while." She said softly, hoping not to upset him. She had gotten quite close to Narcissa Malfoy while they were together and she knew that she had been quite upset when they had broken up.
"Mother is fine. She needed a break from London, and decided to go to our home in Italy." He gave her another short answer, still not looking at her. Hermione continued with the small talk noticing that not once did he let his guard down. She knew why he was so guarded and she couldn't blame him, after all it was all her fault, she had made him like this. She quickly let her mind flash back to that night a year ago.
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right and
I go back to December all the time
She stepped out of the fireplace and into Draco's library. Her eyes were blurry with fresh tears, while her face was streaked and red from all the crying she had already done since she had seen him earlier. She had gotten his owl to floo to his home immediately and to meet him in the dining room. She knew what was about to happen. It was all made clear earlier that day, when she saw him outside the jewelry shop with Pansy, clutched in his arms. She should have known that this was all a joke. Some horrible trick to watch her fall once again at the hands of some man. Not this time though. She was done playing the fool. She was done being treated like nothing more then a warm body. After all that was the only time he ever said he loved her, when they were in bed in the throes of passion. No Draco Malfoy never loved her, just like Victor, Ron, and Seamus, he used her. Well no more. She must have stood there longer then she meant to because the next thing she knew Draco was standing in front of her. She had to admit he looked delicious in his black slacks, black shirt with white pin stripes, and white tie. His hair was messy looking just as she liked it.
"There you are. I've been waiting for you." He said holding out a beautiful bouquet of roses. Instead of reaching for them, Hermione just stood there and stared at them. It was then that he noticed the state she was in, her red, tear streaked face, disheveled hair. He took a step towards her and she took one back. "Hermione? Whats wrong?" She looked up at him furious, not only with him but with herself also.
"Whats wrong? I'll tell you whats wrong Malfoy! I thought you were different. For some reason I thought that this thing between us meant something, but I was wrong." She watched as his face fell in hurt and confusion. "What? Did you think that you could play with my emotions and I wouldn't care, or wouldn't find out. Well you were wrong. You are just like the others and I hate you. I will not be your play thing anymore. I will not be a part of what ever twisted game you have going. No I'm done. We are done!" She said before throwing the flowers across across the room and then turning to floo away. "Don't ever speak to me again Malfoy!" She said and then she was gone.
"I have to go." Hermione was pulled out of her thoughts in time to see Draco stand up.
"Oh!" She said also standing up. "Well thank you for talking with me." He nodded his head quickly before hurrying out of the pub leaving her there staring after him, and in her mind telling him how much she missed him and begging him for forgiveness.
These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
That night Hermione laid in bed once again, sleep eluding her as it had since that very night three months ago when she found out that everything she knew about that fateful December day had been nothing but her insecurities coming to light.
She had been heading to Flourish and Blotts when she saw him for the first time since she had left him. He was surrounded by Blaise, Theo, Daphne, Pansy, Astoria, and Goyle and she realized that it was his birthday that day and that they must all be celebrating. She watched as he walked down the street arm and arm with the very woman he had been cheating on her with. Pansy laughed at something he said and even from where she was standing she could see the very large engagement ring on her finger. Hermione had felt her chest constrict at the sight of it, the pain flowing through every inch of her body. She didn't notice Pansy look over and see her, or notice her tell the men she needed to grab something from Madam Primpernelle's shop. She watched as all but Pansy walked into the new dance club and watched as the beautiful, yet pissed off girl stormed over to her.
"Hello Pansy. What can I do for you?" She said looking at the angry girl. She watched as Pansy placed her hands firmly on her hips.
"Stay away from Draco, Granger! You have hurt him enough and if you think I'm going to allow you to ruin his birthday then you have another thing coming." Hermione shook her head.
"Hurt him? I hurt him!" Hermione laughed bitterly. "Don't worry Parkinson, I have nothing to say to your fiance." Hermione watched as the girl's face went from anger to confusion.
"Fiance? I am not Draco's fiance, I'm Blaise's fiance. I mean, yes I fancied Draco back in third year but hes more like a brother to me." Hermione scoffed at this.
"Right! The type of brother who you passionately embrace before going into a jewelry store." Now Pansy really looked confused. Hermione sighed in exasperation. "I saw you that day Parkinson. I saw you and Draco together outside Juniper's Jewelry store." Hermione watched smugly as realization crossed Pansy's face, however she lost that smugness when Pansy started laughing.
"Oh you stupid, stupid girl. Is that why you did what you did? Why you broke Draco's heart into a thousand pieces?"
"I broke his heart. Are you kidding? He destroyed me by cheating with you and if he thought that I was just going to stand around and allow it to happen then he deserved what he got." Hermione watched as Pansy's face turn bright red. She took one well manicured finger and poked Hermione hard in the chest.
"Now you listen to me you heartless bitch. What you saw that day was not Draco and I in a passionate embrace, but the aftermath of me slipping on a patch of ice and him catching me. He had been planning and working on a special surprise dinner for the two of you for over a week and he asked me to meet him at the jewelry store to help him pick out an engagement ring. An engagement ring for you." Hermione stared at the girl, as tears filled her eyes. "Draco was going to propose to you that night. He was so in love with you. Had been since you punched him in third year, even though he knew that any relationship between you too was impossible because of his father and because he thought that you could never feel for him that way. When you agreed to date him he was beyond thrilled, in fact I had never seen him so happy. Then you had to go and ruin it. You destroyed him to the point that we had to get the house elves to keep an eye on him to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself." By now Hermione was fully crying, what little pieces of her heart that were still whole, breaking as she realized the error of her ways.
"I have to apologize to him!" She said trying to walk around Pansy. Pansy grabbed her arm roughly.
"Oh no you don't. He only recently started to smile and laugh again and if you think that any of us are going to allow you to hurt him like that again, then you are sadly mistaken. You stay the hell away from him! I mean it Granger. Let him move on. He deserves better then you." Hermione just nodded her head and watched as the girl walked away.
Since then she found herself unable to sleep at night, her memories haunting her with different happy and sad memories. She smiled as she remembered the time he asked her to teach him to drive a muggle car. She remembered watching him from the passenger seat as they laughed at the fact that he had somehow set off the car alarm, windshield wipers, and directionals all at the same time. She remembered the fall day down by the lake when she realized that she had fallen in love with him and had told him so. Unfortunately though with those feelings of love came feelings of insecurity to. She had been stung so many times before and while Victor, Ron, and Seamus all had their own female attracting qualities, Draco had so much more. He was handsome, rich, and powerful. He could have anyone he wanted, and because of this she couldn't help but wonder why her. All of the women in Draco's life were elegant, poised, and beautiful, all the things that she wasn't, so it wasn't surprising that she had jumped to the conclusions that she did and said goodbye. It was then that she was hit with it all.
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time
He had told her he was going to the office because there was an important shipment that needed to be sent out and he needed to oversee it, so she didn't think anything odd about him going in on a day he normally took off. She had told him that she was going to stay in and have a lazy day since it had snowed heavily and was quite cold out, but by noon she was getting antsy and decided to go see if any new books had come into Flourish and Blotts. She had just apparated and turned to start towards the shop when she saw something that made her freeze. There in front of the jewelry store was her Draco holding Pansy Parkinson tightly to him. There faces were quite close and to her in was obvious that they were about to kiss or just had. She watched as Draco took Pansy's hand and he led her into the jewelry store before apparating back to her flat. She had spent the rest of the afternoon curled up in her bed crying wondering how she could be so stupid as to believe that he ever loved her. She didn't stop until she heard a pecking sound at her window and found Draco's eagle owl, Orion carrying a letter. She took the letter off him, handed him a treat and sent him on his way. She unrolled the parchment and read it. It asked her to come immediately and she had assumed that he was going to end it with her, so she decided to end it first and with that she grabbed a handful of floo power and was off.
I miss your pale skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
Looking back at it all, she should have known better. She should have let him explain, but she was stubborn and now she was regretting it more then anything. She missed him so much, his pale skin, his sweet smile, his beautiful eyes staring into hers as they made love. The way he held her when she cried that September night when she found out her parents passed away in a car accident. She would do anything to have him back and if she could have a second chance she would do everything in her power to treat him right. If she could go back in time and change it she would but even though it was possible going back in time was forbidden and punishable by time served in Azkaban. Meddling with the past was a big no no to the ministry so unfortunately that was not an option.
"Enough of this. I have to know if there is a chance." She said out loud to herself as she threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. It was still early so she grabbed a handful of floo powder and walked over to her fireplace. She took a deep breath, threw in the powder, yelled out Draco's address, and was happy to see the flame glow green allowing her access. She entered and soon found herself standing in Draco's library. What she didn't expect to see was the library doors open and a large group of people staring back at her. There in front of her was a very shocked Draco and his friends. It looked as if they were having a dinner party of some sort, as they were all dressed in their fanciest dress robes. Blaise and Pansy had their arms around one another and both were glaring over at her, Theo and Daphne were hand in hand and were looking back and forth between Hermione and Draco. Astoria was standing next to Draco, who had been in the process of taking her cloak from her, looking quite uncomfortable with the situation. No one was as mortified as Hermione as she looked down at herself and her pink and white bunny printed pajama pants and top.
"What are you doing here Granger!" Pansy screeched as she unwrapped herself from Blaise and rushed towards her. "I told you to stay the hell away!" Hermione looked down. Obviously she had interrupted an important dinner and from the looks of it a date for Draco. 'So much for second chances' She thought.
"I ... I ..."
"That is enough Pansy." Hermione looked up to see Draco take Pansy by the arm and lead her back over to Blaise. "Why don't you all head into the dining room and I'll be there momentarily." She watched as they all nodded and headed down the hall, Pansy and Blaise glaring at her before they disappeared. She watched Draco shut the library doors and turn to look at her, his face a mask of nothingness.
But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
"What do you want Granger?" He asked in a monotone voice that would have made Snape proud. Hermione looked down, not sure where to start, or what to say. How do you tell the person whose heart you destroyed that it was all a mistake, that you over reacted, that you were sorry. "Any time today please. I do have guests waiting."
"Right sorry. Don't want to keep you from your date." He gave her an odd look but remained silent. "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Draco looked at her and folded his arms in front of him.
"You're sorry. For what exactly?"
"For everything I did to you that night. I know now that what I saw wasn't real, or at least the implications of it weren't real."
"What you saw?" He asked. She nodded.
"I saw you that day with Pansy and I jumped to conclusions. She told me how she fell and you caught her. She told me how you went into the jewelry store to get me a ring, how you were going to propose." Hermione said the last word softly, knowing that she was going to cry if she said it any louder. He had wanted her as his wife and she ruined it all. "It was all a mistake and I'm so sorry." She kept her eyes focused on the floor in front of her, afraid to look up into his.
"A mistake!" Hermione's eyes flew up and she was faced with a very irate Draco. "You destroyed me all because of a mistake! All because you couldn't be bothered to find out the truth!" Draco started to pace around the room, running his hands roughly through his hair. "Do you have any idea what you did to me!" He yelled into her face. Hermione stood there silently, knowing that he needed this, that she deserved this. He stared angrily at her. "My entire life I have loved no one but my mother. She was the only person that I felt worthy of my love. Then you came along and at first I couldn't stand you, little miss goody goody, top of our class, Potter's best friend. Then in third year you punched me and it all changed. No one had ever stepped up to me that way, no girl had ever treated me like that. There was a fire in your eyes that I wanted to see everyday and I couldn't help but continuously watch you until I had fallen for you. I never thought I would ever have a chance and then the war happened, and I joined The Order as a spy, and we started to become friends. When I finally asked you out and you said yes I felt as if my whole world was finally complete. I finally had the girl that not I or anyone close to me ever thought I could have and we were happy. I fell so deeply in love with you, I was going to make you my wife, but no! You had to destroy me. Kill me inside and for what! A stupid misunderstanding! You never loved me, because if you did you never would have just turned your back on me. On us!" Tears poured down Hermione's face as she watched the man she loved break down in front of her. She did love him, with all her heart and that was what had scared her, that was what caused her to pull away like she did.
"How was I to know how you felt!" She cried. "The only time you ever said you loved be was while we were in bed! How was I to know that it was me you loved and not just shagging me!" Draco's eyes went wide.
"Are you kidding me! If I had just wanted to shag you I would not have wasted my time going to Sunday dinners at The Burrow with you, or going on double dates with Potter and his wife. I am not like those other idiots that you dated and I am sick of you acting as if I was!" By now Hermione was in full hysterics as his words crashed down around her. He was so right, with everything he said. She deserved his hate and just hoped that one day maybe he would be able to forgive her. She hoped that he would find his happiness since it was so obvious that she would never receive her second chance. She watched as he finally calmed down and shook his head. She took another step forward but he held his hand out to stop her. "Just go Hermione." He turned around and headed towards the door.
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't understand." She whispered softly to herself as she walked over to the floo. Apparently it wasn't soft enough because he turned back towards her.
"Couldn't understand what? That I was nothing like those prats. That I would have done anything for you. That I was madly in love with you." Hermione slowly turned her head and looked over her shoulder at him, tears rolling down her face.
"You are a handsome, successful, wonderful man who is surrounded by beautiful, elegant, and sophisticated women everyday. I just couldn't understand with women like Pansy, and Astoria around, what could you possibly see in a plain, simple, mudblood like me." She choked out in disgust before flooing back to her house.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
Hermione stumble into her living room and crumpled to the floor, her sobs finally over powering her. She ruined everything. She would never again feel his lips pressed softly against hers. She would never again feel his arms around her holding her in bed at night. Most of all she would never again hear him whisper that he loved her as the slowly made love.
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She chanted into the rug as her sobs shook her. She stayed there and cried herself to sleep, only to be woken a little while later by the sensation of being placed on her bed and a hand caressing her cheek. She opened her eyes and found an equally red eyed Draco staring back at her. She thought she was dreaming but then he did something unexpected, and leaned down and kissed her lips gently. He pulled back and smiled sadly at her.
"I forgive you."
I go back to December all the time
So what did you think?