It was a dark night.

A cool breeze granted the damp night with its presence as a beautiful girl stumbles into Camp Half-Blood, clearly exhausted. She was really beautiful – like, gold hair, and skinny but not anorexic skinny, and had on a Hipster brand really cute tee on with cute, uber expensive skinny jeans on. She makes her way to the closest building she can see – a big blue house.

Breathing heavy, she trips over the steps, and knocks on the door. After the sounds of muffled shuffling, an older man with a pot belly and leopard print shirt opens the door. He looks at the exhausted girl, and groans. "What do you want?" He said, sneering.

"WHERE IS MY BBY," The girl cries, actual tears made of – liquid rainbows? – sprang for her eyes.

This didn't faze Dionysus in the slightest. "Who are you, you disgustingly gorgeous girl?"

"My name is Mary Sue," She sniffles, falling to her knees. "And my bae has been off Instagram for the past hour and I'm scared that he's cheating on me."

The god stands there, somewhat taken aback by this display of… perfectness. "…what."

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After Chiron came to check on what was taking Dionysus so long, he brought the girl into the meeting room. He quickly made her a cup of cocoa, and wrapped a dusty old blanket around her shoulders. Somehow, the rainbow tears didn't wash away the perfectly applied mascara. It somehow made her look… almost perfect.

"Now, who are you again?" Chiron asked, standing next to the fire.

"I'm a minor god. I represent all that is perfect, and beautiful, but at the same time somehow a really well rounded character, and also a demigod," Mary Sue says, the back of her hand held daintily to her forehead. "But then Zeus kicked me off Olympus because he said all the reviewers thought I was rlly annoying and he thinks I stole his lightning bolt or something, but, like, really I just look rlly good and Aphrodite is jelly bc I'm better than her, ya kno? Even though she's my mom.

"So then he told me to come to this stupid camp. Which apparently doesn't even have Wi-Fi. I tried to update my hipster blog on Tumblr, but it said there wasn't any. Then I tried to text Uncle Hades even though he isn't my Uncle pictures earlier and there wasn't even any service," she said, hysterically.

"What form of monstrosity are you?" Dionysus asked, his face turned upwards as if she reeked of Tartarus. But she, like, didn't. It was just her perfect, Victoria's Secret perfume.

"If Zeus did send you here, I suppose we have to keep you… wait did you say steal the master bolt." Chiron said, looking at the girl with wide eyes.

"Yeah. But, like, only Zeus said I did. But, I, like, totally didn't. So will you like, please let me be here? Zeus wants me to stay here."

"Why would Zeus send you here if he thinks you have his Master Bolt?" Chiron asked, looking at the quizzically.

"Plot." Mary Sue replied.

"Are you serious? It's bad enough having to run a camp full of brats, much less this." Dionysus said, pointing at Mary Sue.

"Excuse me!" Mary Sue exclaimed, getting up, her whole body radiating "A Typical OC". "I am not a brat! It's just a condition! Just like everyone on Tumblr has anxiety issues! Besides, Grandpa Zeus said so." Mary said smugly, a flash of light and the banging of thunder confirming the statement.

Chiron banged his head against the wall, sighing deeply before replying, "Before we stick you in with the Aphrodite kids, do you have any powers we need to know of?"

"Well, sometimes I fart rainbows. But I guess boys and sometimes girls just bc I'm that cute fall in love with me, like, all of the time," She said, chewing obnoxiously on a piece of Cupcake flavored gum that appeared out of nowhere.

"For the love of-"

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"Wht's up, Bishezszsz!1!1!" Mary Sue squealed as she barged into the Aphrodite cabin, with Chiron lugging her luggage (geddit) behind her. "I'm your new sister, Mary Sue!" She said, taking a selfie with each and every one of the groggily awakening Aphrodite Children.

"get thE FU-" A boy cursed, shoving his face into a pillow.

Mary hopped onto his bed, patting his head delicately. "Don't worry," She whispered, "you'll always be my bby."

"GET OFF ME," he said, shoving her off his bed.

"Where did you even get this luggage?" Chiron asked, throwing it onto a vacant bed, not receiving an answer.

Sighing, Chiron said "This is Mary Sue. She's your new cabin mate. Try not to kill her." Chiron quickly scampered out the door, wanting to get back to his Netflix and Chill session.

"Kawaii!" Mary squeaked, holding up her anime senpai peace sign.

At that point half the cabin was yelling at Mary. "It's two in the morning!" "I'm watching Glee! GET AWAY FROM ME." "I'm trying to get some beauty sleep here!" The teenagers cried, until they where shushed by a beautiful girl with an unconfirmed hair color.

"Why don't we try to be nice for once, huh guys?" Selena said, a hint of annoyment in her tone. When all she was answered with was annoyed grunts, she yelled "Just go back to bed!" and flicked off the lights.

Selena turned to Mary. "So, it's Mary Sue, huh? That's an unfortunate name."

"What do you mean?" Mary said, jumping onto her bed. "I love the name Mary Sue. It, like, totally fits my personality, you kno?"

Oh. She's just another one of those idiots. "I'll get someone to show you around tomorrow, Mary. It's pretty late." Selena said, making her way to her own bunk.

"Hey, I have a question," Mary said, head cocked to the side. "Are these cabins co-ed? Because all these guys are trying to get into bed with me. Which, like, is awesome, and if I snapchat my bae a picture of me in bed with shirtless guys he'll get super jelly."

Selena looked over, seeing almost all the boys trying to crawl into the bed. "Oh my gods! Guys! Go to your side of the room!"

The boys abided her council, walking off sadly with slumped backs. "Does that happen a lot?" Selena whispered after the boys went over to their side of the cabin.

"Like, all the time! How did you know?!" Mary Sue yelled, just a little too loudly.

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND KEEP ON INTERRUPTING GLEE I SWEAR I WILL HUNT DOWN YOUR FAMILY AND KILL THEM." A girl yelled.

Silence. And then after a moment –

"Kawaii!"

They spent the next hour trying to get the gleek off the new girl.

AN: There you go guys. A Mary Sue crack!fic. Have fun reading it. I sure know I had fun writing it. As always - I obviously don't PJO and any affiliating franchises that may appear later in this fic. Have yourselves a good day, I'm gonna head out of here.

/FondueIsDaBest13 2k15