Life Unexpected

It was there, that connection that he felt. It felt right as he leaned in to kiss her at the billboard that featured the ocean that she so fervently wanted to see. He hadn't planned to kiss her; it just sort of happened because it felt right. Instinctively, he was not impulsive and yet, he had wanted that kiss to go on forever. It was cut short by her sweet voice, "Eric," as she gently pulled away from him, staying him with her hand on his chest, "we shouldn't be doing this," she said breathlessly.

There was just something about the petite blonde that drew him in, that made him offer to drive her to the ocean so that she can get perspective on this "almost engagement" of hers.

Maybe it was the way she smiled and said, "Let me see some ID; Minnesota, clearly fake. Okay, just one Sheep Dog ale and you've got to get out of here, Eric Allister Daniels."

Somehow, he managed to draw out that one drink into a dart game, which in turn transformed into a deep, prolonged conversation about her dilemma. How she hasn't even seen the ocean, so maybe she should not be contemplating marriage, especially when she admitted, "I know; I'm young."

"As long as you finish college first," he recalled saying to her, noting the University of Oregon tee shirt that she was wearing.

"Listen, I just got out of a relationship that I should never have been in, in the first place.

That is not a good place to be. Don't put yourself into that situation," he admonished.

"I can't advise you on marriage, but I can tell you this, before you commit, make sure you want to be there," he cautioned.

"You can go to the ocean, if you want. Tonight, if you want. I mean, we can go tonight if you want," he suggested, looking askance at her.

She hesitated and remarked, "Like getting into a car with a complete stranger to drive to the ocean is not the dumbest idea ever."

He shook his head at her, "Not as dumb as being engaged to someone whom you have doubts about marrying."

People always leave; that is the reality. If you want stability, you've got to make that happen for yourself. I always knew this and this was the truth that Cate Cassidy, local Portland morning radio celebrity always touted on her radio show. More recently she also wears the title of "My Mom."

"My Mom," such a foreign phrase to me until a year ago when in my quest for emancipation from foster care, I stumbled straight into the arms of "My mom, Cate and My dad, Nathaniel Basile aka Baze." Cate, Mom once a 16-year-old teenager who thought she was doing me a favor by giving me up for adoption. Only fate was cruel to me; born with a genetic heart defect that took numerous surgeries to repair left me to the custody of the state and foster care. No one wanted a baby with defects and by the time I was fixed at 3, most people really only wanted babies.

They are the craziest most dysfunctional people I know and yet, I love them madly. That didn't happen overnight, but somehow as Cate had said, everything turned out all right. Sometimes, the only grown ups I know are Ryan, my step dad who loves me like a daughter and myself.

My jaw literally dropped when Bug, my boyfriend from my foster kid days went down on one knee, proffering a diamond ring, asking me to marry him. He said that it didn't have to be right now, not until I finished high school. He told me that some things may change, referring to my parents regaining parental rights over me, Cate and Ryan's recent marriage, but he will always be there for me, that we were forever.

Forever…he told me that before too, before he bailed out on me and went out to California without so much as a goodbye. Two weeks ago, he sauntered back into my life telling me that he has changed, that he has changed for me. What could I have done without hurting his feelings? So I said, "Of course," and let him slipped the ring on me.

When he left that time, Cate told me that I deserved better than that, that I was worthy of being loved, of being treated with respect. I know that he is trying to leave the past behind, to make himself better so that he could fit better into my new world.

Just the same, maybe the neurotic gene runs rampant in me too from my mom's gene pool. I just have this nagging feeling that Bug and I are not meant to be forever. Sure, as a foster kid, I've experienced a lot of things that normal teenagers are not exposed to, forcing me to become an adult almost overnight.

There was so much of this world hidden from my view when it was dismal and dark. Yet, a whole new world is opening up to me…heck I have not even seen the ocean. I don't think that I am ready for any kind of forever; kids like me don't think that far into the future. All I know is the present and all I want to grab on to is now.

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