Un-dialuted

Authors notes

A little one shot the plagued me though lectures so had to be written.

Talks about suicide, so if you're sensitive to the subject please don't read :)

DracoxHarry pairing because that's how it came to me in lectures :)

Thanks again to my beta 'Nyxthewolf' :)

Disclaimer

I don't own any of the Harry Potter series, all the glory belongs to and I am making no profit from this fan fiction, it's for entertainment purposes only.

I twisted restlessly beneath my sheets, waking in a sweat despite the window being wide open. Breathless, I shakily grabbed my wand and lit the lamps and turned to look to the empty side of my bed. I closed my eyes against the white hot tears I could feel forming.

I rested my hand on his empty pillow. He was gone. My stomach twisted and lurched as my dream flashed before me.

Harry resting peacefully next to me, his usually furrowed brow relaxed. He had a small smile on his lips, his breathing was deep and calm and his mind was free of the nightmares that pained him for so long. I was just watching him breathe, safe in the knowledge he was there.

Then I'd wake up to this.

A lump gathered in my throat. I swallowed it back, along with the tears I could feel beginning to overflow. I leaned against the headboard with one hand entangled in the fabric of the pillow case and the other brushing through my thin and wet hair.

I hate feeling like this; feeling like my chest was being ripped open - like someone was ripping me apart. Every night was the same. I dreamt of waking to him, and every night when I believed it to be true, it wasn't. It never would be.

I would never wake up next to Harry again. The pain of this frequent revelation made me recoil in pain.

I hate living without him, if you could even call this living. I wandered hopelessly around the house, while avoiding rooms that reminded me of him, avoiding those people who tried in vain to help me. I couldn't be helped.

I opened my eyes, not bothering to hold back the tears. They'd always fall eventually anyway. I looked to the window, to the spot where I'd sometimes wake in the night and find Harry sitting, lit by the moonlight, staring out of the window.

I was wrong to ever doubt him. To doubt that he was struggling to cope, that he couldn't handle it or that he needed help. He was always the strong one, the one who coped, handled it and fought through. I was stupid to think he was trying to be modest when he'd say he didn't like the fame, that it made him uncomfortable. Idiotic to not see the un-diluted pain in his eyes, the pain of loss, sorrow and regret, that he above everyone else had.

I didn't see and I didn't notice, because he had always kept going. Harry had lost the war. The side of the light had won, but the war inside to keep himself whole had been lost years before he himself realised it.

Now he was gone, he took himself from me. Everything was gone, over now. Slow or fast, nothing mattered or even existed to me, none of it mattered.

Everything was so much effort that I didn't possess. I didn't fully realise Harry was my reason to keep breathing, to keep fighting.

I needed him. I needed him to be here. I needed to be with him.

I needed to follow him. My wand twitched in my hand, and I looked down at it.

I shakily lifted my wand and pointed it at my heart, closed my eyes and licked my lips.

My shaky voice that was raspy from being used so little whispered the two words that would take me to Harry. A green light flashed and I felt myself relax, falling into a dark embrace.

I opened my eyes and there, in the light of an open door stood Harry. His eyes were sad but sparkling. He looked tall, relaxed and calm as he offered his hand to me. I took it, and every ache and pain left me as I did. I sighed in relief and he gave me a small smile before we stepped through the door.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Please review, good or bad, it makes my day :)

Read long and prosper,

RandomReggie

:)