Series: Idioms - A series of stand-alone stories based off random idioms.
A/N: All definitions can be found in From the Horse's Mouth by John Ayto
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it.
Spoiler Warnings: A few through seasons 9 & 10.
Timeline: Takes place just after S10 E11 The Quest, Part 2.
Idiom: exeunt omnes: everyone leaves or goes away.
Exeunt Omnes
Everyone leaves eventually, that's just a fact of life I've learnt to accept. Some die, some walk away on their own, some are forced to go. But one fact still remains; they do all leave.
My father left before I was even born. For the first three years of my life he was running scams in various corners of the universe. When he finally did decide to return to my mother and I, he never stopped for long. At first I awaited these visits with great anticipation, wondering what fantastical stories and trinkets he'd bring with him. But eventually I realised that he was always going to leave so I closed myself off to his overtures. It was easier to deal with the abandonment if I simply ignored his presence.
When I was ten, I had a best friend named Veron Karn. His father was a merchant of dubious character so he wasn't ashamed to be seen with me like many of the other children. We played together all the time, relied on each other, stood up for one another. Then one day he moved away and I ever saw him again.
My mother passed away when I was twelve and I was devastated. Her death felt like a betrayal to me even thought I knew her illness hadn't been her fault. I blamed her for leaving me alone. I was angry and bitter with no one to turn to. I went to live with my mother's cousin Adria after her death. She was very kind to me, always willing to listen to anything I had to say. I'd thought she was my friend until she married my father and the abuse started. She made sure I was aware that she'd only taken me in to get closer to Jacek. It hurt to know I'd been used and her betrayal cut nearly as deeply as my mother's death.
When I was sixteen, I became engaged to a boy from our village. His name was Herot and I thought he loved me. But when Qetesh came to choose her new host, he did nothing to stop her from taking me. In fact, he practically handed me over to her. I didn't cry, didn't yell. If he was able to give me up so easily, he obviously didn't love me and there was nothing left for me in this village. I went without a fight and never looked back.
A kind Tok'ra took pity on me after my extraction and cared for me. He nursed me back to health, taught me how to block out Qetesh's memories, and how to piece my life back together. But when I refused to take a Tok'ra symbiote, he abandoned me to the ugliness of the universe. So I took his lessons and got on with my life just as I'd always done.
When I came to Earth the first time, I knew I wasn't going to be staying for very long. I knew that eventually the Tau'ri would tire of my presence or I theirs so I chose to keep myself closed off. I admit to slipping a few times, wishing I could be part of this world, but I knew it wasn't likely to happen. When I flew into the Ori beachhead, I instinctively knew I wasn't going to be seeing them again and forced myself to be okay with it. I would be leaving on my own terms and that is all that mattered.
From the moment I met Tomin, I knew it wasn't going to last. I knew he would leave me the minute he discovered who I was and where I was from. And I was right.
When I was pregnant with Adria, I thought maybe I'd finally have someone who wouldn't leave me. Someone who could love me. But that hadn't worked out either. I've never in my life felt such a loss as when the Prior took my baby away. It still fills me with sorrow to think about it. Even though I'd known almost from the beginning that she wasn't really mine, I still felt like I should have fought harder to keep her, to protect her.
I came back to Earth thinking of it as merely a resting place. Somewhere I could recover before having to pick up my life again. I'd tried to keep everyone at arm's length but somehow they've been able to push through my defences. And for once, I didn't really care. I'd allowed myself to get close to them, I'd thought I'd found someone I could depend on, people who wouldn't leave me. Then Daniel decided to give himself over to Adria in order to save the rest of us. He left me, just like everyone else. But this time I refuse to let go of the hope that he will someday return. I know I shouldn't, given my past experiences, but I can't seem to help myself. I need to believe he'll come back.
Yes, everyone leaves, but perhaps some of them will eventually come back.
The End