Author's Notes:This was written for the October 2007 "Beyond the Grave" challenge at Colourfulbat on Live Journal, for the prompt "divide." This is both Snape/Tonks and Kingsley/Tonks. Enjoy!
An Ocean Between Them: Chapter 1
Kingsley poured two cups of tea, adding only lemon to his own, but heavily doctoring the other with milk and sugar. He carefully placed the extra cup on the far side of his large walnut desk in front of the cozy leather visitor's chair, and then walked back around to his own chair and took a seat, waiting.
His four years as Minister for Magic hadn't been easy ones. The stresses of rebuilding after the chaos of the war had forced him to stand strong in the face of any and all opposition. Unfortunately, his tough stance had often forced him to withdraw from his old friends, isolating him from the people he used to lean on.
Things had finally started to ease up over the past six months, but he still felt more isolated than he liked.
Frankly, he was lonely.
But things were starting look up.
"Good morning, Kingsley," said Dora brightly, striding into his office and making herself comfortable in the visitor's chair. She picked up her tea and took a long sip. "Mmm. I think you make my perfect cup of tea better than I do." She smiled brightly.
"It's all part of what makes me such a damned good Minister," he replied, grinning.
He'd considered Dora to be a friend from the time she was still an Auror trainee working to impress Moody. He'd stood by her during her painful separation from Remus, watched over her and her family during those final terrible months of the war, and supported her during her long recovery from the injuries she sustained during the battle of Hogwarts. More recently, he'd been thrilled to see her take to her new job as Assistant Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with gusto. All the while he'd convinced himself that she was nothing more than a friend. But in the past few months he'd been forced to look inside himself and admit that his feelings for the lovely young widow ran much deeper than that: he was falling in love with her.
A fact which made today's meeting all the harder.
"So, how's Teddy doing?" Kingsley asked, hoping to ease slowly into the more difficult topics.
She grinned. "He's well. Still driving Mum batty with his mischief. Yesterday she caught him running through the yard in nothing but his pants, and he'd somehow managed to morph himself into red and white stripes."
Kingsley chuckled, and shook his head. "Were you that bad when you were his age?"
"I was worse."
"I should have guessed."
"Yes, you should have. You know, Teddy still talks about that Hippogriff game you played with him last time you were over for dinner. We'd love to have you again if you could make some room in that busy schedule of yours."
Kingsley tented his fingers in front of him. This was exactly the invitation he'd been hoping for—if only it had come at a more opportune time. But he was never one to pass up an opportunity. "I'd love to come over again."
"We're free on Saturday, or next week on Saturday or Sunday."
"I'm afraid I'm already committed to a dinner meeting this Saturday…"
She smiled and shook her head. "I should've known."
"But," he continued, "I will be free next Sunday."
"Wonderful," she said. "Write us down right away, because you, my friend, have a date."
Kingsley felt a sensation of warmth spreading through him at the word "date." He knew that seeing a widowed single mother like Dora would be a tricky undertaking, but he was a patient man. And she was worth the wait.
"Excellent," she said. "Now that we've got that settled, what was it that you needed me for today?"
Kingsley took a deep breath. He hated to break the mood, but it was now or never. And never wasn't an option.
"There's an investigation that Arthur's been quietly working on for some time now, and we've decided that it's time to tell you about it," he said.
Her smile faded. Arthur was the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and her immediate superior. Normally she was a part of each and every investigation that passed through their offices. "Why was Arthur investigating something without telling me about it?"
"Because," Kingsley paused, "we had strong reason to suspect that you were involved in the matter under investigation."
Her eyes widened, and her mouth pursed. "I…assume you're going to enlighten me about all this?"
He nodded. "Don't worry. You're not under any kind of suspicion."
"That's good, I suppose. But I'm still rather confused."
"I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "I know you hate talking about the war—that you'd rather leave that all behind you. But we need your help to fill in the blanks that we've encountered during this little investigation of ours. You see, we're still trying to piece together Severus Snape's role in the war. He and Dumbledore were so damn secretive that trying to figure out exactly what they were up to is causing us all sorts of headaches."
She nodded warily.
"We've…come to an impasse. We can't proceed any further in our investigation unless we find someone who had first-hand knowledge of his actions and motivations during the war. That's what brings us to you."
She began to nibble on her bottom lip, as she always did when she felt stressed or uneasy. He hated doing this to her.
"You see," he said, "there were rumors, for quite a while, that you and Snape were…involved. I was hoping that you might be able to shed some light on things for us. What, exactly, was your relationship with Severus Snape?"
Her jaw and neck looked tense, and her eyes were hard. "I've often wondered if anyone would ever ask me that question." She looked down at her hands, and then back up into his eyes. "We were lovers. That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it?"
"Only if it's the truth."
"It is," she said with a blank, unreadable face.
Despite the persistent rumors, Kingsley had never brought himself to believe it, and it shook him deeply to hear it confirmed. Lovers—with Snape? The whole idea seemed ludicrous.
He coughed uneasily. "When…when did this involvement with him begin?"
She looked away, staring out the large artificial window that graced the wall of his office. Today the view was of an idyllic pastoral scene—a meadow with a pond, a few small groves of trees, abundant wild flowers, fluttering butterflies. Kingsley wished he could take her away to a place of such peace and beauty right now, instead of forcing her to relive a painful past.
"It was during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. The Auror Department considered it a low-risk event, so they sent their most junior Auror to supervise the security."
She seemed to be lost in her thoughts. Kingsley sat back, and quietly waited to hear what she had to say.
"I was worried about Alastor. He hadn't seemed himself since taking the post at Hogwarts. He was supposed to meet me at the Three Broomsticks my first night in Hogsmeade, that October. But he stood me up. We were so close during training…I was very upset. And I saw Severus there. I approached to ask him what he thought of Alastor's state of mind, and if he could help me get through to him. It was nice to talk to him as one adult speaking to another. I'd had a crush on him for years while he was my teacher. My friends all thought I was nutty, but I couldn't help myself. When I left him my address and asked him to get in touch with me if he noticed anything amiss with Alastor, I was more than halfway hoping that he would get in touch just because he wanted to."
A strange half-smile danced on her lips as she continued to share her memories. "And he did. We started writing each other four or five times a week. And just before New Years, we started seeing each other.
"At first I convinced myself that it was all just for fun. I was only twenty-one, and I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. So I told myself that it was just a casual adventure. I was sleeping with this fascinating, mysterious older man. And the ex-Death Eater thing added a tantalizing feeling of it being forbidden."
She paused, and finally glanced back at Kingsley. "I'm sorry. I've never told anyone about this before—not even my mum. Not even Remus. But you probably don't need to know all this, do you?"
Kingsley shook his head. "I certainly don't need all the details. If you'll just answer a few simple questions, it will be enough."
She nodded. "All right. I'm ready."
He was beginning to feel distinct discomfort in his belly. He took another sip of his tea, and tried to force himself to stop thinking like a potential suitor talking to his object of affection about her ex, and to start thinking like an Auror conducting an investigation.
"Were you still involved with him at any time after he resumed his work as a spy?"
"Yes."
He blinked in surprise. "But…I thought that you and Remus became involved not long after you joined the Order?"
"Yes to that, too," she said, looking out the window again. "Right after the Tournament ended—right after Severus had to go back to being a spy again—he broke things off with me. I didn't find out until much later that he did it to try to protect me. He didn't want to place me in harms way. He didn't even want me to join the Order." She looked back at Kingsley with a sad smile on her face. "I don't think he ever forgave Alastor for recruiting me into the Order. It made him furious."
"So he broke up with you right before you joined the Order?"
She nodded. "Yes. That's actually why I started spending so much time with Remus and Sirius. I wanted to get back at him for chucking me so viciously. He was rather nasty about it. And it came right when I was starting to think of our relationship as something that might go long term—I was ready to get serious." She sighed. "In retrospect I'm not really sure whether it was really Severus I was ready to get serious with, or if my biological clock suddenly lurched and my instinct to mate for life kicked in. I certainly didn't plan on falling in love with someone else so quickly—but I was well on my way to being completely in love with Remus by Christmas time."
"When did you and Severus get back together? Was it…while Remus was away on his mission?"
"Right again," she said softly. She nodded. "Before he left Remus chucked me for the exact same reason Severus had: to protect me. Those two might have seemed vastly different on the surface—but if you dug a little deeper they were amazingly similar." She let out a quiet, empty laugh. "But I suppose I was the only one who was in a position to know that, wasn't I?"
"Do you… need a break? I know this must be difficult for you."
She shook her head. "No. I'm all right. It's actually something of a relief to finally be able to talk about it. It's hard, having to keep something like this a secret for so many years."
Kingsley leaned forward, looking at her intently. "You didn't have to."
"Yes. I did. Harry…I love the boy, but he's so single-minded sometimes. He has this vision of Severus in his head—that he was some sort of misunderstood martyr that lived his life in tribute to Lily Potter." She shook her head again. "Harry's done so much for me, and for Teddy. I didn't want to be the one to burst his bubble. I didn't want to be the one to tell him that Severus was much more complicated and much more human than the image of him that Harry's built up in his mind. And I knew if I told my mum or Molly it would eventually make it back to Harry. There was no one else I could talk to—so I just didn't talk."
Kingsley frowned at the melancholy, faraway look on her face. He wanted to tell her that she could have come to him, but he knew it would be a lie. Until this year they hadn't been close enough for her to trust him with this sort of confidence.
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I'm glad that talking about it now helps."
She smiled up at him. "It does. Thank you."
He smiled back, and then looked down, and toyed with his teaspoon. "There're just a few more questions."
"Okay."
"When did you and Snape resume your relationship?"
"Well… we kept avoiding each other for the whole summer. Then, the first day of the fall term at Hogwarts he saw my new Patronus and insulted it to my face. I was furious. I managed to corner him at the Three Broomsticks less than two weeks later to give him a piece of my mind. I was shocked when he apologized for hurting me. He confessed to me that the same thing had happened to him and his Patronus. He didn't tell me who, but he said he loved someone who was killed at the end of the first war, and that after she died his Patronus changed, and that was why he knew just what mine meant. He told me that he hated that Remus meant as much to me as that woman had to him.
"It amazed me that after all that time he still cared enough about me to be so bitterly jealous like that. But what happened next amazed me even more. He told me that he hated seeing me like that, and that he wanted to help. He promised that he wasn't making a play to get me back in bed with him—he just cared about me and didn't like seeing me so unhappy. It was so unlike him to open up like that. It caught me completely by surprise. But I really needed a friend right then, so I agreed to let him help me."
Kingsley raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean by help?"
"Oh…potions to help me sleep, and to energize me during long shifts. And he taught me some mental exercises and meditation techniques. But the biggest help was just having someone to talk to again. Someone who I didn't have to lie to. And he felt the same way."
Now they were getting somewhere. "Did he confide any of his plans or secrets in you?"
She shook her head. "No, not then. He just started opening up more about his past, and about his feelings. It wasn't until we started…well… you know…sleeping together again…that he started opening up about his work as a spy."
"When was this?"
"January was when we got together again. But he didn't tell me anything until February. He started opening up about Draco and his assignment. I wanted to solve the problem by having Draco expelled, but Severus had been forced into an Unbreakable Vow. He couldn't back out of helping Draco. I only wish that he'd told me the full extent of that Vow. He never confided in me that Dumbledore expected him to kill him."
"And he didn't tell you more about the Death Eater's plans?"
She shook her head. "Just the same bits and pieces that he passed on to the rest of the Order." She laughed to herself. "It seems funny in retrospect, but most of what he did share was just silly gossip about the Death Eater's personal lives and personality quirks. I think he used me to vent his frustration with them all."
"So you don't know anything that could help us track down the final fugitive Death Eaters?"
She frowned at him. "Kingsley! You should know perfectly well that I would never hold back information that could bring them to justice. If I knew anything at all that would help, I would share it. But I don't."
Kingsley shook his head, embarrassed to have asked such a thing. "I'm sorry. I should have known better. I trust you, Dora. But the whole thought of you with Snape has me a little unsettled."
"I don't see why it should."
That was the problem. Would she ever see how his feelings for her had changed? And would it matter to her if she did?
"It shouldn't. But it's hard to let go of old prejudices."
She rolled her eyes. "You and your damn Gryffindors. You're all so stubborn."
He smiled, and shrugged. "I thought it was part of our charm?"
She laughed, and shook her head. "Keep dreaming."
He was glad that the mood had lightened. There were still some very serious matters to address, and he didn't want her going into them already upset.
"Okay, Dora. Time to get back to business. Were you still involved with him when he killed Dumbledore?"
"No." She looked distant and melancholy again—such a sharp contrast from her smile mere moments before. "He broke up with me three weeks earlier."
Kingsley pursed his lips. "Was he…trying to protect you again?"
She shook her head. "I wish. No. This time he chucked me because he found out that I was exchanging letters with Remus behind his back. He felt betrayed, and I don't blame him."
"Were you still hoping to get back together with Remus?"
She sighed. "I don't know." She shook her head and stared back out the window. "In his own way, Severus had been more faithful to me than Remus had been. But at the same time I could never bring myself to fully trust him. There were plenty of times when I could tell he was lying to me. On the other hand, Remus was always completely honest with me—even when it hurt. And it was easier to picture a long future with a man who was honest with me than with one who wasn't. But I just couldn't knock any sense into him." She looked back at Kingsley. "I'm rambling again, aren't I?" she said with a small smile.
"I don't mind." Kingsley was actually finding himself fascinated by her tale. From what he remembered of her during that time period, he never would have suspected that she was caught up in such a complicated romantic triangle. Clearly, she was a better actress than he ever would have guessed.
She rolled her eyes. "Thanks. But for all the drama, it really just boiled down to a stupid cliché. I was in love with two men, and I didn't want to have to choose between them. So Severus made the choice for me."
"That must have been hard for you."
She nodded. "It was. But, like the immature fool I was, I tried to sooth my broken heart by trying even harder to win Remus over. For some reason I convinced myself that if I could just have him, it would somehow make losing Severus worth it. I was so naïve."
Kingsley leaned forward, and reached across the table. "You were young. You did what most young people in your position would have done."
A thrill surged through him when she reached out to put her hand in his. "You're probably right," she said with a quaver in her voice. She looked down at her lap. "And I try to tell myself the same thing. But it's hard to believe sometimes. I can't help but think that if I'd tried to make amends with Severus instead of throwing myself at Remus…that the war might have gone differently. That it might have ended sooner."
Kingsley's eyes narrowed, and he squeezed her hand. "Dora?"
A small sob escaped her lips. "If I'd stayed with Severus instead of Remus, maybe he would have confided everything in me. Maybe we could have worked together to help Harry. Maybe all those deaths could have been avoided…"
"No," he said firmly. "Look at me, Dora."
She raised her dark eyes to meet his, and a few tears ran down her pale cheeks.
"None of what happened was your fault. You can't know that Snape would have confided in you—and if he had there would have been a higher chance of both you being exposed. No one can blame themselves for what happened—least of all you."
She gripped his hand convulsively, and looked away, shaking her head. "But I could have changed things. I had the chance. I just let my anger get in the way." She paused, taking several deep breaths to control her emotions. "I was so angry and confused by what he'd done to Dumbledore. And half the time I was angry at myself for ever trusting him and loving him, and the other half of the time I was angry at myself for not trusting him enough for him to confide in me."
She slowly pulled her hand away from Kingsley. "I never would have rushed into marriage so quickly if it hadn't been for that anger. I thought that marrying Remus would somehow heal that horrible aching hurt inside of me." She emitted a low, bitter laugh. "Like I said before—I was so naïve.
"Then, when Remus left after Bill's wedding…I was angry at him too. And angry at myself for being careless enough to get pregnant at the worst possible time. Remus had been gone for nearly two weeks when I got a letter from Severus."
Kingsley sat up straighter, and raised his eyebrows. Before today he'd believed that Snape never tried to contact anyone in the Order. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about all of Dora's revelations today. He certainly understood why she'd kept so much to herself. Public feelings about Snape were so violently mixed in the year following the war that she surely would have faced harsh persecution if the details of her past had been known—and things had been hard enough being the widow of a werewolf.
"What did the letter say?" he asked.
She took another deep, steadying breath. "He confessed everything. About Lily. About his plan with Dumbledore. About the orders he'd been left with." Tears once more streamed down her face. "He begged me to forgive him…and to trust him. But I wouldn't. I was so confused and angry and lonely that what I really wanted was someone to believe in. So when Remus came back begging for forgiveness the day after I got the letter, I forgave him. I needed someone to hold onto, and Remus became that someone. I wrote Severus that I could never trust him, and asked him to never contact me again."
She fell silent, and stared down at her folded hands resting in her lap.
She'd barely touched her tea.
Kingsley nodded. "Thank you for sharing this, Dora. I know it's been hard for you. I need you to understand that even if you had believed Snape after his letter, none of the rest of us would have. And none of us knew where to find Harry, so your information would have been of no use even if we had believed him. You can't blame yourself."
She finally looked back up at him, with the corners of her mouth slightly turned up. "Thank you. I wish I could feel the same way."
"Maybe someday you will. I certainly hope so."
"Me too."
Kingsley finished the last of his tea. "So, was that the last time he contacted you?"
"Not quite. Just before Teddy was born he sent a short note saying that he was doing his best to protect me from Bellatrix, but that he couldn't hide me forever. He advised me to flee England before it was too late. I didn't reply. I just threw it in the fire. And then, the night of the Battle of Hogwarts he sent me a Patronus message with the same warning: that I should take my baby and get out of England."
She sighed again. "I wish I'd taken his advice."
Kingsley rested his elbows on the desk and tented his fingers together. "So he still cared about you to the very end."
She looked down again and nodded in assent.
Kingsley nodded back. It was time to tell her the real reason of this interview. "I didn't ask you these questions just to make you uncomfortable," he said, smiling. "Like I said, we've been conducting an investigation."
She looked back up at him. "I was wondering if you'd ever get to this," she said.
"It's part of our review of war-era records from Gringotts."
She nodded. She had been at the fore-front of a multi-departmental team that spent more than two years negotiating with the goblins for access to the war-era records. The hard won privilege had only been granted two months earlier, and already the information gleaned had helped them to capture two fugitive Death Eaters.
"And," said Kingsley, "I know you remember the large sum that was anonymously transferred to your son shortly after the Batlle of Hogwarts?"
She nodded again. "How could I forget? I'll always be grateful to whoever cared so much about my family as to give us that gift. Did you find out who did it?"
Kingsley nodded. "Yes and no. The goblins refused to reveal the name of the donor—they take anonymity very seriously. However, after analyzing the records of the day of the battle and the day following the battle, we were able to find a correlation."
Dora's eyes widened. "What did you find?"
"The same hour that the money was transferred to your son, all of the money from Severus Snape's vault was withdrawn. His vault contained only two hundred Galleons more than the amount of the donation to Teddy."
Dora looked pale. She nibbled on her bottom lip. "You're not really suggesting what I think you're suggesting—are you?"
Kingsley smiled. "That Snape mysteriously survived his injuries and left the bulk of his savings to your son before fleeing the country with the rest? Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."
She looked frozen in time—a pale, wide-eyed statue.
"No," she whispered. "It's not possible."
"It's completely possible," said Kingsley. "We always wondered how the Shrieking Shack came to burn down at the same time the battle was raging inside the castle. And the body found in the ashes was never positively identified as Snape—we all just assumed that it was him.
"After looking at those bank records, Arthur and I began to suspect what had happened. The one missing piece of the puzzle was why. Why would Snape choose to leave most of his money behind to your child? That's why I brought you here today. And you've given me the answer I needed.
"Snape left the money to Teddy because he was still in love with Teddy's mother. With you."
She shook her head. "It can't be…it's not possible…"
"It's very possible," replied Kingsley. "None of the other transactions at Gringotts that day could account for the donation to Teddy. This is the best explanation that we've found. And there's more."
"More?" Her eyes bored into him with a strange fiery light, and her fingers gripped the edge of his desk.
Kingsley nodded. "You know we get ridiculous reports of Snape sightings nearly every month. Well, two weeks ago a report of just such a sighting came to us from America. From a worker at a Potions Research company that claims one of his co-workers is Severus Snape. We've done some follow-up, and this man is the most credible witness we've yet found in a Snape sighting. There's a very good chance that he's telling the truth."
He placed his palms flat on the table, and looked Dora right in the eyes. "After what you've told me today, I am virtually convinced that Snape is alive and well, and living in Boulder, Colorado."
Kingsley stood beside Dora in the waiting room of the International Portkey Travel Authority. Her Portkey to New York City would be leaving in five minutes. From there, she would travel on to Colorado.
"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" he asked for what felt like the hundredth time.
"For the last time, yes!" she insisted. "Teddy will be perfectly fine with my mum for a week or two." She looked him hard in the eyes. "You know I have to be the one to see him—if it really is him. It has to be me. Anyone else would just set him running, and he'd be damn sure that we'd never find him again."
"Besides," she added, "I have a lot of things that I need to say to him. We both have a lot of things to say."
That was exactly why Kingsley wasn't sure he wanted her to go. Would seeing her old lover again rekindle her feelings for him? And how would he feel about her in return? Kingsley could already feel her slipping through his fingers.
He was losing her.
He'd seen it in her eyes the instant he told her Severus was probably still alive—the burning hope and excitement. She would never feel that much passion for him. It was futile.
But maybe—just maybe—she'd find no one waiting in Colorado. Maybe it was all just a hoax.
He forced a smile onto his face, and hugged her tightly in farewell. "Take care of yourself, Dora. And good luck."
His heart sank in his chest as he watched her and three other passengers vanish with the International Portkey.
Would he ever see her again?
His mind was troubled for the rest of the day. He received a report from her a few hours later that she had successfully arrived in Denver, and would be moving on to Boulder the next day. She said that she would report back as soon as she had news.
Two days passed without word.
He was anxious and agitated. He tried to drown his worries with work, and hid away in his office.
Finally, at the end of Dora's second day of non-communication, he heard a knock on his office door. Most of the other Ministry officials would have already left for the day. Kingsley sighed. It was probably some young ambitious new employee looking to gain favor by staying late.
He might as well see them. "Come in."
The door opened, and a stranger entered. "Can I help you?" Kingsley asked.
"I certainly hope so," said an eerily familiar voice.
Kingsley started to his feet as the stranger's disguising glamours fell away. He was staring into the face of Severus Snape.