Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Neither do I own his brother, Sesshoumaru. ;.;
Warnings: Severe cheesiness at some portions, AU...I'm so sorry.
A/N: This story is supposed to be my final goodbye to my beloved fanfic arc, Satsukibare. Would things have been different for Sesshoumaru if he was not so cold to a certain person fifty years ago?
The OCs mentioned here (specifically, Kikumo and Lady Suien) are major characters in my stories In Memory of the Chrysanthemum and its sequel, the Unseen Side of the Moon. I suggest that you read them first, or you will be confused and/or spoiled as to certain details. Anyway, this fanfic is also a little bit SessKik implied, so if you find anything wrong with this, hit the back button now. Constructive criticisms are appreciated, but flames should go straight down the drain.
...o0o...
You Will Find Him
By Nefertili
The garden stood in its unmatchable beauty; the symmetry of its trees was unbroken, and the song of the wind whispering among the grasses was pleasant to the ears. But all of these were no match for the timeless face of the Princess of the Shikayoukai, or to the music she played on her koto, for that matter.
Kikumo closed her deep green eyes to feel the breeze caress her face and light fawn tresses gently. She wove their hidden melodies into the music of her koto. The tone was gentle and light, reminiscent of the hard-won victory the day before.
Victory of the inuyoukai and its allies against the hyounekozoku...
His victory...
Sesshoumaru.
The Demon Princess' lips curved up slightly at the thought of him. It seemed so long...so long, since they last saw each other as the children of the most renowned Demon Clans in the West. Of course, at present, Sesshoumaru was miles from what one would call a child; she, Kikumo, was no longer the clumsy girl who once played hide and seek with him. The change was eminent and undeniable just yesterday, when they first gazed upon each other as allies in the eve of war.
To Kikumo, it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. He was a different person, presumably hardened by the difficulties plaguing his family inside out. But instead of being turned off by his aloof nature, she found herself gradually becoming drawn to those characteristics of his. Sesshoumaru's coldness had a kind of appeal to her, but as the Princess of the Deer Demons on the verge of ascending the throne, she did not show her feelings.
And what a successful disguise it was! The Shikayoukai no Hime, paying obeisance to the Prince of the West... No one could have thought that something far deeper than that customary respect had already blossomed in her heart. That gave her all the inspiration she needed to fight that battle. Knowing that he was close by, fighting the same war as she...she knew she had to win.
For him.
Kikumo's sharp sense of hearing noticed his presence before his scent reached her nose. After all, the shikayoukai's sense of hearing was the most acute of their senses; but nothing of that mattered for the moment. Kikumo's slender hands jumped off the koto strings and she stood up from her place at the center of the gardens.
Pulling her ochre shawl closer to her, the demoness walked with the smoothness of a floating bubble to meet him. It did not take long. Soon, her emerald eyes caught sight of his imperious figure, his back facing her as he eyed the nearby trees with a look of indifference.
"You have come...Sesshoumaru," Kikumo said. Her tone was soft, but she knew he could hear her clearly.
His pointed ears gave a visible twitch the moment her voice reached them. Very slowly, he turned and met Kikumo's eyes with his own golden ones. His expression was unfathomable, just like his thoughts.
"You called me here," Sesshoumaru replied, not breaking their eye contact.
"Yes," she answered, "I did." But for some reason, her voice died in her throat, and she was unable to say what she had rehearsed over and over again for this meeting.
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at Kikumo's silence, but he would not break the awkward silence that had risen between them. He noticed that one of her hands was twisting the cloth of her earth-colored sleeves, distorting the shapes of the scarlet flowers painted on the silk. It was as though she can twist her nervousness away by doing so.
"I would like to say my congratulations to you for winning yesterday's war," Kikumo said finally, all the while mentally cursing herself for beating around the bush...for her cowardice.
Being the great master of words that he was, and an even more proficient one when it comes to uncovering hidden messages, Sesshoumaru can tell that there was something else.
She's definitely hiding something, he thought to himself.
"Is that all?" Sesshoumaru asked, using the least number of words as possible. He diverted his attention to a grove of trees nearby, although he did find anything particularly interesting in them. It was for the sake of Kikumo; it was as though she was uncomfortable if he looked at her in the eye. Their first encounter the past day was more than enough to teach him that.
Kikumo berated herself once again. Of course, who was she to think Sesshoumaru would not notice? Why would she request him to meet her at this time? Only to tell him congratulations? Utterly preposterous! She could have simply dispatched a messenger to tell him that, if that's the case.
"What are you going to do now, with your father's realm secure once more?" she asked, choosing her words carefully.
"And you expect me to share my plans to you?"
There he goes again, Kikumo thought. She was running out of options. Might as well get real.
"You used to tell me a great deal more than that, Sesshoumaru."
Sesshoumaru blinked and a slightly confused expression passed briefly over his eyes. He moved his gaze from the trees and gave Kikumo his undivided attention.
"You may not remember," she said. A thoughtful look descended upon her face as she recounted her memories of their childhood. "Your mother and mine were best of friends, and you used to visit us often."
The Demon Prince found himself studying the features of his fellow youkai aristocracy, trying to recall a familiar face from his memories. But the only image that he managed to remember was that of a tiny girl with expressive deep green eyes, quick to cry whenever he teased her. Is she really this young Demon Lady in the crown of her youth...destined to be the Shikayoukai no Hana, the Flower of the Deer Clan?
"You used to take my hair stick and make me find where you hid it, to my chagrin," she continued, chuckling to herself as she fingered the said ornament on her hair, with a jade blue handle and a tiny glass flower of her namesake on top. Then, her hands left her tresses and her expression resumed its thoughtful glaze as she went on. "But then, your mother died...and we no longer saw each other."
Sesshoumaru's thoughts cleared. He stared numbly at the other youkai, who was unable to meet his eye and kept her head down. Reminiscing about the past was not his forte, most especially about the death of his mother, the Lady Suien (1). And considering what most youkai viewed as her 'fall from grace' when the Inu no Taishou mated with a human lady, Sesshoumaru both loved and hated his mother's memory. Likewise, he disliked anyone who reminded him of her, but Kikumo was an exception. Seeing the sorrowful look in her eyes, Sesshoumaru held back his temper.
"Why do you look so upset about that?" he asked quietly.
"Because..." Kikumo whispered, raising her head slightly but still not meeting his eye, "I did not want you to leave."
He continued to regard her coolly, obviously expecting a more detailed explanation. She sighed, but she continued, "It goes the same for now... now that we have met again. I do not want you to leave again, now that I have found you."
"You...have found me?" Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. He did not understand. What is this all about?
"I have called you here to tell you..." Kikumo's voice trailed off to a mere whisper. But he heard it clearly. Her words rang in his ears as though she had shouted them out loud, and like a freezing spell, it rendered him speechless.
"...that I love you."
I love you.
He must have heard her wrong, but no! Never had his ears deceived him before. Kikumo...the beautiful, gentle Kikumo...she loved him. She loved Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands.
"Don't...say that," Sesshoumaru said slowly, so as to let his words sink in. She looked at him with a mixture of surprise and consternation.
"But...Sesshoumaru..."
"You asked what my plans are now that the war is over," he said, cutting her before she could even finish. "I will give you my answer. I will go from the West and find the Fang my father has left behind. Only with it can I transform my power into something greater."
Kikumo glanced with confusion at Tenseiga, which hung quietly from his sash beside him. Sesshoumaru must be talking about another sword. Why else would he continue searching for something he already has? But Kikumo did not want an answer to that. She wanted another answer from him, the words that would assure her that all her years of waiting had not been in vain.
"Why leave this place, where you are respected and your power, acknowledged? Stay with me, Sesshoumaru. I am about to be crowned Queen of the Deer Clan. My power, I will give to you if you ask it of me. My people shall serve you well. Forget that Fang, Sesshoumaru; you don't need more power. You have left my life once before, and I don't want that to happen again!"
"Kikumo," Sesshoumaru said in an unusually docile tone, "I have my reasons for doing so."
She barely noticed that he had called her by her name for the first time that day.
"So you are saying all those times we spent together were nothing?" she said, implored even. Kikumo stepped closer to him and raised her eyes to meet his. There were tears glistening on her eyelashes.
"You speak as though we are still those two carefree children from long ago," he answered, but though he looked at her with a rather stoic expression, there was no unkindness in his amber eyes. "But even then, there was nothing between us. I don't see why that would stop me from going."
"But..."
"Don't claim you know me, Kikumo. Neither do you understand what you are saying. You are the Princess of the Shikayoukai. I am the Prince of the Western Lands. We can be allies, but I don't think we can ever go beyond that."
"We are friends!"
"Were," he corrected her. "But that doesn't mean our bond - if there ever was one - runs any deeper than what you call friendship."
Kikumo can hardly believe she was hearing this. I can't understand what I am saying? Can't you see, Sesshoumaru? All those times I raised my blade above my head during the last battle, I was thinking of you. As I played the koto earlier, I was thinking of you. And you still doubt me?
"Despair, heartache, tears... of course, why would I be surprised?" Kikumo said sadly, but she did not shed her tears; not yet. "You are the Lord of the West; you are immune to such things. If only I was the same, but unfortunately, I am not. Who am I to hope that you can return these feelings? I should never have succumbed to this!" She bowed her head once more, hiding her face in the shadows of her hair.
Sesshoumaru observed her for a moment before he spoke once more.
"Look at me."
It sounded like an order; she had not the strength to disobey it. Kikumo raised her head, but she could hardly motivate her eyes to look at him beyond his lips. His words were not exactly harsh; his voice was not exactly domineering, but they struck her like stones just the same.
"We used to be companions when we were young, I know. But I cannot pretend that I feel anything for you beyond that."
"Can't you even try?" Kikumo said, and with that, a single tear out of a thousand suppressed others escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. "I know this is quite a favor to ask, but... I just can't let you go. Sesshoumaru, are we to simply discard all of this as nothing?"
At this, Sesshoumaru smiled. It was a complicated kind of smile, a mixture of knowing, sadness, irritation, amusement... such a variety of expressions, and it was rare for him to do that.
"I am not saying this is all nothing. But of this, I am certain: I am not the one for you."
This time, Kikumo didn't answer. A tiny shard of anger was beginning to mingle with that of her love. Who does he think he is, a controller of fate? An all-seeing god? How could he say that? Then, it dawned into her that she herself was unsure if he was indeed the one. She knew her feelings are true, but is he really the one she is destined to be with...if he's causing her this infinite pain?
Confident that he had somehow stirred a sliver of sense in her, Sesshoumaru turned and said, "I am going."
To his surprise, he heard her whisper so softly it was almost indiscernible even to his youkai hearing, "I will wait for you then."
Sighing inwardly, Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder and back at her. Tears were now flowing freely from her eyes, and he could not help but think that she was still the same. The same little girl whose eyes betrayed everything she tried to hide within. His friend. But no, not his lover.
"Don't linger in this world of despair. You will find him one day, but I am not that man." With that, he left her.
Just that.
Kikumo bit her lip. You will find him. Him. If he is not Sesshoumaru, then who is he? Where is he? Where is her happiness? He left her. Just that.
Wiping her tears determinedly with the back of her hand, Kikumo went back to her koto, lying like an exquisite jewel in the sun. She touched it, and at once it assumed its form as a weapon, a naginata whose blade shone with a deadly grace. She took nothing. Only that. She walked out of the garden, and afterwards, out of the land she knew. She continued to walk even if all the places she knew had been left behind her. She would walk, probably for an eternity.
Until she finds him.
...o0o...
More than fifty years later, a young woman stood quietly in the woods, looking up at the sunlight peeking through the canopy of darkness. She was reflecting, as she often had, about a certain Princess of the Deer Clan like her, who was even more a legend after her death. It has been said that she was the image of that Princess, but she could feel that she shared something beyond those physical looks with her. After all, Kikumo-hime was her aunt, but even if she had never met that dead relative of hers, it was as though she knew every pain she underwent, every trial she fought and conquered, from the very beginning.
Suddenly, she turned and struck out. A blur followed, then the figure of a young man lying on the ground. He had silver hair tied back in a loose ponytail, with a blue crescent on his forehead and a single jagged magenta line on each of his cheeks. Seeing him, the girl gasped and helped her friend up. She had black arcs over her eyebrows, markings exclusive to the Deer Demons.
"Hoshikane!" (2) she exclaimed, "I should have known you were trying to sneak up on me again!"
"I am not sneaking up on you, Yanagi!" Hoshikane countered. "I was merely going to tell you that I have just settled something with my mother and father, and with your parents as well."
Yanagi crossed her arms over her chest and made a mock scowl on her face. "And pray tell, with what matter are you bothering Lady Kikyou and Lord Sesshoumaru now? And with my parents too! Is it really that important?"
Hoshikane pretended to sound offended, but he could not hide the look of triumph on his face.
"Oh, it's just a small matter, really. I just asked them if it would be all right for me to be your mate, and they all said yes. Now, all I need is your answer."
She looked at him with her mouth open, too shocked for words. Then, when they least expected it, she threw herself at Hoshikane and buried her face against his neck, crying. Hoshikane found himself worrying. Had he said something wrong?
"Yanagi, are you all right?"
When she still didn't answer, he said after a big sigh, "I know, you think I am a bastard. You don't want to be my mate, and I am not forcing you to say yes. It is your choice, and it's fine with me."
At this, Yanagi looked up with a smile.
"Oh, you really are a bastard, a romantic bastard! What makes you think I will give you up?" Stroking his cheek, she looked deeply into his amber eyes and said in the same voice that once resounded in the same forest more than fifty years before, "I have been waiting for you all this time, and I am overjoyed to see that all my waiting had come to an end."
..:Owari:..
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(1) Lady Suien - aka Lady Hanazuki in my stories, she's my personal rendition of Sesshoumaru's mother. The Satsukibare arc was written long before the manga issues concerning Sesshoumaru's canon mother came out, so I decided to retain Suien's identity as his mother for one last time.
(2) Hoshikane and Yanagi - finally, I got to write about these two! Hoshikane is Sesshoumaru and Kikyou's son in my story TUSotM, and Yanagi...well, just in case you don't know, she's Kikumo's reincarnation.
...o0o...
See, I didn't leave Kikumo alone forever! ;) But sad to say, now I am 'officially' ending the Satsukibare arc (and I really mean it this time!). I have kept my word, folks, that I will write this one-shot, so please do me a favor and click that little review button down there and leave a few words for me. Thanks, until next time!