Romance, Emus, and Cereal Spoons
A LOTR FanFiction by:
LegalanGreenleaf a.k.a Laura
And
The Great Molly of Ozz a.k.a Molly
Chapter One
'Twas quite a typical day in the life of Branwyn O'Roarak. Well, as typical as days can
be for Branwyn O'Roarak. Her best friend, Lily Anderson, was over for a sleepover/Lord of the Rings-athon.
It was thundering and lightning outside, and the sky was a disturbing shade of dark black. But
neither girl noticed, for currently, they were counting the number of times Frodo blinked. Which
was not a lot.
"Oh! Five! Five!" Lily yelled triumphantly. "That wasn't five!" Branwyn said grumpily. "He
just lowered his lids. Dosen't count." She crossed her plump arms over her chest. "Fine then." Lily said,
pouting slightly, but knowing not to argue, because Bran could be quite... forceful.... when
debating.
"That was five." Bran said, pointing up on the screen, where Frodo had clearly not blinked.
"Whatever." Lily said, smirking at Bran's childish display.
Lily and Bran had been friends since....forever. Since before they both could remember.
And they were different as night and day. Lily was short and thin (no curves at all), with straight
medium length blond hair and bright, light blue eyes. Bran was tall and fat, with waist-length
wildly curly dark brown hair and reddish-brown eyes.
"Hey? What's that?" Bran asked, quickly getting up and approaching the television. Despite
her weight, she was actually quite light on her feet. "What?" Lily asked, getting up more slowly.
"That." Bran pointed to the screen. A small warp was beginning to form on the screen. There was a
particularly loud clap of thunder, and then the lights went out.
"Well, this is good." Bran's voice came out of the darkness. "Hey, look at the screen!" Lily
exclaimed. The warp was now taking up the entire screen, and was a twisted lime green and neon
purple, with a small black dot in the middle. The colors swirled 'round and 'round, and both girls
eye's were drawn inexplicably towards them.
"Wow...." Lily whispered, her small, thin hand reaching up towards the screen. "Lily, NO!"
Bran yelled.
And at that moment, time stood still. Bran's outstreched hands reached towards Lily, whose
hand was now not even a fraction of an inch away from touching the screen. Bran's eyes were opened
wide with fear for her friend.
All too soon, time resumed. Bran's hands reached Lily just in time to send them both
tumbling into the green and purple warp.
***********
Both girls were frozen in midair. Below them, a dense forest lay, and before them was an
amazing castle, punctured by waterfalls.
Guess which direction they fell?
"I think I broke my arse."
"It's a good thing these spiney pine trees were here to break our fall."
"Good thing? I'll be picking barbs out of my hair for weeks!"
"That's your problem."
"LILY!"
"Do you maidens need some help up there?"
Lily and Branwyn looked down at exactly the same time.
"LEGOLAS!"
"Uhm, yea. That is my name. May I be so bold as to inquire yours? And why you are up in that particularly spiney tree?"
"No." Bran said tersely.
"We fell." Lily said, giving Bran a sharp look.
"From where?" Legolas asked, by now quite confused.
Lily pointed upwards, as Bran quickly calculated the angle and velosity of which she would fall if she were to throw herself out of the tree.
"Up there?" Legolas asked, as Bran settled for rolling out of the tree.
"Ooph! Damn." Bran muttered. Legolas looked scandalized. "A fair maiden such as yourself should not use such foul language!"
"Oh really?" Bran said, cocking an eyebrow while Legolas nodded emphatically. "Well, bullshit."
Legolas' eyes nearly bulged out of his head, and his hand came over her mouth. Lily's eyes almost bulged out of her head for different reasons. "Uhm, I still need help."
"Wait your turn!" Bran shouted up. "I shall help you, fair maiden." Legolas volunteered chivalrously.
This earned another eyebrow cock from Bran. Lily nearly fainted.
Bran shrugged. "Suit yourself."
TEN MINUTES AND ONE VERY SPINEY LEGOLAS LATER:
"I told you we should have left her there."
"Oh, do shut up, Bran."
Legolas looked back at both of them. "Is that your name, Bran?"
"Branwyn." She answered back. "Branwyn O'Roarak. And this is my friend, Lily Anderson."
Legolas smiled. "Lily. A beautiful name." When this earned a glare from Bran, he added
hastily, "Branwyn, too, is a name of beauty."
Branwyn seemed satisfied with this answer, and began to placidly observe the scenery. "She
does that often?" Legolas inquired of Lily. "You get used to it." Lily remarked casually. Legolas
cast an amused look towards Lily, who was now quietly making conversation with her friend.
"How did we get here?" Lily asked, softly but urgently. "I suppose a wormhole." Bran replied,
her mind not wholly fixed on the conversation, but on the back of Legolas's golden head. "Where'd
you hear that?" Lily demanded. "Some TV show on the Discovery Channel." Bran replied. Lily,
following Bran's gaze, then smirked.
"You like him." It was a statement, not a question, and for that, Bran was thankful. She
gave a crisp nod. "I don't know why you're so mean to him."
To this, Bran shrugged. "I suppose it's a natural defense to shield my heart from being
broken." To this, Lily snorted. "Where'd you hear that one?" "Ricki Lake."
Legolas's sweet voice inturuppted their flow of speech. "Ladies, I would like to welcome
you to Rivendell."
"Rivendell..." Both girls whispered in awe. "Beautiful..." Bran said, uncharacteristically.
Legolas smiled at her. Bran quickly snapped out of it and glared at him. Legolas just chuckled
and rode the two girls into the amazing palace grounds.
"Legolas!" A warm and friendly voice called out. Legolas jumped lightly off his horse,
followed gracefully by Lily, and not so gracefully by Bran. Lily winced at the hard thud.
"Aragorn! My dear friend!" Legolas cried. "And who are these beautiful maidens?" The dark
haired man inquired, looking at Lily, who blushed. Bran snorted. "Branwyn O'Roarak and Lily Anderson."
Legolas said.
"Lily. A beautiful name." Aragorn said, his lips lightly brushing against Lily's hand. Bran
glared at him, and he added hastily, "Branwyn, too, is a name of beauty." Bran snorted loudly and
shoved both hands in her pockets.
"Interesting attire you wear, fair maidens." Aragorn noted, his eyes moving quickly over
Lily's outfit, consisting of a pair of black jeans with flames on the bottom, a black flamed bandana
top, and black trenchcoat, and Bran's outfit of black and yellow striped athletic pants and a yellow
shirt covered by a lowcut black one (a/n: Overly descriptive run ons RULE!).
"Yep." Bran said, and turned to study an interesting looking tree.
"Problem?" Lily asked. Aragorn shook his head, frankly enjoying the way the pants clung
in all the right places.
It was at that time that two sandy headed young elves ran up and took the reins to Legolas'
horse. "We'll take him to the stable, Master Legolas." They said in unison.
"Thank you, Coranar, Adan." Legolas nodded at the two elves, who smiled and took off with
the horse. "Oh! I would like to speak with your brother soon!" He called after them. The boys
nodded and hurried off to the grand and royal stables.
"Who were they?" Lily asked.
"The younger brothers of a very old friend of mine." Legolas responded. Then turned towards
Aragorn. "I should want to take these ladies to meet with Elrond. They claim they fell out of the
sky."
"Why else would we be up in a tree?" Bran called out, apparently having heard Legolas'
comment even from the tree at the far end of the courtyard. She slowly began meandering over to where
the two men and her best friend stood. "I'll be in the stables." She said lightly, and walked off.
"Odd one, isn't she?" Aragorn asked, watching her walk off, taking time to stop and look
at all the pretty flowers.
"Yep." Lily said.
*********
"Hey, HEY!" Bran called after the two young elves, the very same ones who had taken Legolas'
horse. "He-ey!"
The two finally turned around. "Jeez-us." Bran muttered. "What?" The two said, again in
unison. Bran rolled her eyes and began, "These are very nice horses..."
"Would you like to buy one?"
"No!" Bran exclaimed. "I can't even ride a horse. Jeez."
The two boys looked at each other. "Huh?"
Bran sighed and shook her head. "Do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"That!"
"What?"
"Talk in unison! It's annoying!"
"Oh."
Bran sighed heavily. "No cooperation."
"Do you-"
"-need something-"
"-my lady?"
"Okay, go back to the unison thing. That's REALLY annoying."
"Okay."
"What are your names?"
"Coranar and Adan, at your service, milady."
"What's with this 'milady' crap?"
Both elves looked offended.
"What?"
**********
LATER ON, IN ELROND'S LIBRARY THINGY:
"So, you say you both... Fell from the sky?" Elrond asked, disbelievingly.
"That's about the size of things." Bran said, beginning to pour herself a fourth glass of
wine.
"Yep." Lily said, nursing her second and putting her hand on top of Bran's goblet with a
stern glare. Bran stuck out her tounge and crossed her eyes at her, but did not pour the glass,
choosing instead to steal Lily's.
Lily calmly jabbed her in the ribs, stealing back her glass and chugging the entire thing
down.
"Uhm, yes." Elrond said, staring oddly at both girls.
"I got something on my face?" Bran asked, trying to locate a mirror.
"Moving on..." Elrond turned to Legolas, "The second council of Elrond takes place in three
days. What do you plan to do with..." He jerked his head back towards the bickering Lily and Bran.
"That's mean." Lily said, Bran's neck trapped in her left hand and her right poised in a
slapping position. Elrond nodded slightly, backing away as if she were something vile.
"And, you plan to do...?" Elrond dropped off, guesturing for Legolas to continue.
"Take them with me."
"To the Council?" Elrond exclaimed.
"They're no worse than dwarves."
"Point taken, duly noted."
Legolas nodded. "Milord, I ask to take leave to get these two... Freshened up."
Elrond quickly moved his eyes up and down the girls. Bran (straddling Lily's abdomen and
closed fist raised) still had pine barbs stuck in her hair.
"Go ahead."
A LOTR FanFiction by:
LegalanGreenleaf a.k.a Laura
And
The Great Molly of Ozz a.k.a Molly
Chapter One
'Twas quite a typical day in the life of Branwyn O'Roarak. Well, as typical as days can
be for Branwyn O'Roarak. Her best friend, Lily Anderson, was over for a sleepover/Lord of the Rings-athon.
It was thundering and lightning outside, and the sky was a disturbing shade of dark black. But
neither girl noticed, for currently, they were counting the number of times Frodo blinked. Which
was not a lot.
"Oh! Five! Five!" Lily yelled triumphantly. "That wasn't five!" Branwyn said grumpily. "He
just lowered his lids. Dosen't count." She crossed her plump arms over her chest. "Fine then." Lily said,
pouting slightly, but knowing not to argue, because Bran could be quite... forceful.... when
debating.
"That was five." Bran said, pointing up on the screen, where Frodo had clearly not blinked.
"Whatever." Lily said, smirking at Bran's childish display.
Lily and Bran had been friends since....forever. Since before they both could remember.
And they were different as night and day. Lily was short and thin (no curves at all), with straight
medium length blond hair and bright, light blue eyes. Bran was tall and fat, with waist-length
wildly curly dark brown hair and reddish-brown eyes.
"Hey? What's that?" Bran asked, quickly getting up and approaching the television. Despite
her weight, she was actually quite light on her feet. "What?" Lily asked, getting up more slowly.
"That." Bran pointed to the screen. A small warp was beginning to form on the screen. There was a
particularly loud clap of thunder, and then the lights went out.
"Well, this is good." Bran's voice came out of the darkness. "Hey, look at the screen!" Lily
exclaimed. The warp was now taking up the entire screen, and was a twisted lime green and neon
purple, with a small black dot in the middle. The colors swirled 'round and 'round, and both girls
eye's were drawn inexplicably towards them.
"Wow...." Lily whispered, her small, thin hand reaching up towards the screen. "Lily, NO!"
Bran yelled.
And at that moment, time stood still. Bran's outstreched hands reached towards Lily, whose
hand was now not even a fraction of an inch away from touching the screen. Bran's eyes were opened
wide with fear for her friend.
All too soon, time resumed. Bran's hands reached Lily just in time to send them both
tumbling into the green and purple warp.
***********
Both girls were frozen in midair. Below them, a dense forest lay, and before them was an
amazing castle, punctured by waterfalls.
Guess which direction they fell?
"I think I broke my arse."
"It's a good thing these spiney pine trees were here to break our fall."
"Good thing? I'll be picking barbs out of my hair for weeks!"
"That's your problem."
"LILY!"
"Do you maidens need some help up there?"
Lily and Branwyn looked down at exactly the same time.
"LEGOLAS!"
"Uhm, yea. That is my name. May I be so bold as to inquire yours? And why you are up in that particularly spiney tree?"
"No." Bran said tersely.
"We fell." Lily said, giving Bran a sharp look.
"From where?" Legolas asked, by now quite confused.
Lily pointed upwards, as Bran quickly calculated the angle and velosity of which she would fall if she were to throw herself out of the tree.
"Up there?" Legolas asked, as Bran settled for rolling out of the tree.
"Ooph! Damn." Bran muttered. Legolas looked scandalized. "A fair maiden such as yourself should not use such foul language!"
"Oh really?" Bran said, cocking an eyebrow while Legolas nodded emphatically. "Well, bullshit."
Legolas' eyes nearly bulged out of his head, and his hand came over her mouth. Lily's eyes almost bulged out of her head for different reasons. "Uhm, I still need help."
"Wait your turn!" Bran shouted up. "I shall help you, fair maiden." Legolas volunteered chivalrously.
This earned another eyebrow cock from Bran. Lily nearly fainted.
Bran shrugged. "Suit yourself."
TEN MINUTES AND ONE VERY SPINEY LEGOLAS LATER:
"I told you we should have left her there."
"Oh, do shut up, Bran."
Legolas looked back at both of them. "Is that your name, Bran?"
"Branwyn." She answered back. "Branwyn O'Roarak. And this is my friend, Lily Anderson."
Legolas smiled. "Lily. A beautiful name." When this earned a glare from Bran, he added
hastily, "Branwyn, too, is a name of beauty."
Branwyn seemed satisfied with this answer, and began to placidly observe the scenery. "She
does that often?" Legolas inquired of Lily. "You get used to it." Lily remarked casually. Legolas
cast an amused look towards Lily, who was now quietly making conversation with her friend.
"How did we get here?" Lily asked, softly but urgently. "I suppose a wormhole." Bran replied,
her mind not wholly fixed on the conversation, but on the back of Legolas's golden head. "Where'd
you hear that?" Lily demanded. "Some TV show on the Discovery Channel." Bran replied. Lily,
following Bran's gaze, then smirked.
"You like him." It was a statement, not a question, and for that, Bran was thankful. She
gave a crisp nod. "I don't know why you're so mean to him."
To this, Bran shrugged. "I suppose it's a natural defense to shield my heart from being
broken." To this, Lily snorted. "Where'd you hear that one?" "Ricki Lake."
Legolas's sweet voice inturuppted their flow of speech. "Ladies, I would like to welcome
you to Rivendell."
"Rivendell..." Both girls whispered in awe. "Beautiful..." Bran said, uncharacteristically.
Legolas smiled at her. Bran quickly snapped out of it and glared at him. Legolas just chuckled
and rode the two girls into the amazing palace grounds.
"Legolas!" A warm and friendly voice called out. Legolas jumped lightly off his horse,
followed gracefully by Lily, and not so gracefully by Bran. Lily winced at the hard thud.
"Aragorn! My dear friend!" Legolas cried. "And who are these beautiful maidens?" The dark
haired man inquired, looking at Lily, who blushed. Bran snorted. "Branwyn O'Roarak and Lily Anderson."
Legolas said.
"Lily. A beautiful name." Aragorn said, his lips lightly brushing against Lily's hand. Bran
glared at him, and he added hastily, "Branwyn, too, is a name of beauty." Bran snorted loudly and
shoved both hands in her pockets.
"Interesting attire you wear, fair maidens." Aragorn noted, his eyes moving quickly over
Lily's outfit, consisting of a pair of black jeans with flames on the bottom, a black flamed bandana
top, and black trenchcoat, and Bran's outfit of black and yellow striped athletic pants and a yellow
shirt covered by a lowcut black one (a/n: Overly descriptive run ons RULE!).
"Yep." Bran said, and turned to study an interesting looking tree.
"Problem?" Lily asked. Aragorn shook his head, frankly enjoying the way the pants clung
in all the right places.
It was at that time that two sandy headed young elves ran up and took the reins to Legolas'
horse. "We'll take him to the stable, Master Legolas." They said in unison.
"Thank you, Coranar, Adan." Legolas nodded at the two elves, who smiled and took off with
the horse. "Oh! I would like to speak with your brother soon!" He called after them. The boys
nodded and hurried off to the grand and royal stables.
"Who were they?" Lily asked.
"The younger brothers of a very old friend of mine." Legolas responded. Then turned towards
Aragorn. "I should want to take these ladies to meet with Elrond. They claim they fell out of the
sky."
"Why else would we be up in a tree?" Bran called out, apparently having heard Legolas'
comment even from the tree at the far end of the courtyard. She slowly began meandering over to where
the two men and her best friend stood. "I'll be in the stables." She said lightly, and walked off.
"Odd one, isn't she?" Aragorn asked, watching her walk off, taking time to stop and look
at all the pretty flowers.
"Yep." Lily said.
*********
"Hey, HEY!" Bran called after the two young elves, the very same ones who had taken Legolas'
horse. "He-ey!"
The two finally turned around. "Jeez-us." Bran muttered. "What?" The two said, again in
unison. Bran rolled her eyes and began, "These are very nice horses..."
"Would you like to buy one?"
"No!" Bran exclaimed. "I can't even ride a horse. Jeez."
The two boys looked at each other. "Huh?"
Bran sighed and shook her head. "Do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"That!"
"What?"
"Talk in unison! It's annoying!"
"Oh."
Bran sighed heavily. "No cooperation."
"Do you-"
"-need something-"
"-my lady?"
"Okay, go back to the unison thing. That's REALLY annoying."
"Okay."
"What are your names?"
"Coranar and Adan, at your service, milady."
"What's with this 'milady' crap?"
Both elves looked offended.
"What?"
**********
LATER ON, IN ELROND'S LIBRARY THINGY:
"So, you say you both... Fell from the sky?" Elrond asked, disbelievingly.
"That's about the size of things." Bran said, beginning to pour herself a fourth glass of
wine.
"Yep." Lily said, nursing her second and putting her hand on top of Bran's goblet with a
stern glare. Bran stuck out her tounge and crossed her eyes at her, but did not pour the glass,
choosing instead to steal Lily's.
Lily calmly jabbed her in the ribs, stealing back her glass and chugging the entire thing
down.
"Uhm, yes." Elrond said, staring oddly at both girls.
"I got something on my face?" Bran asked, trying to locate a mirror.
"Moving on..." Elrond turned to Legolas, "The second council of Elrond takes place in three
days. What do you plan to do with..." He jerked his head back towards the bickering Lily and Bran.
"That's mean." Lily said, Bran's neck trapped in her left hand and her right poised in a
slapping position. Elrond nodded slightly, backing away as if she were something vile.
"And, you plan to do...?" Elrond dropped off, guesturing for Legolas to continue.
"Take them with me."
"To the Council?" Elrond exclaimed.
"They're no worse than dwarves."
"Point taken, duly noted."
Legolas nodded. "Milord, I ask to take leave to get these two... Freshened up."
Elrond quickly moved his eyes up and down the girls. Bran (straddling Lily's abdomen and
closed fist raised) still had pine barbs stuck in her hair.
"Go ahead."