Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and intend no insult or misuse. This story contains material of a sexual nature, which, while not overly graphic, may be disturbing to some audiences. I would also like to mention that I realize that I have pushed the boundries of taking liberties with a certain character's personality and I do not feel that is at all the way the character is portrayed on the show. Lastly, this story does contain FF slash.

Sara POV

Wednesday

She's finally back. I've waited all night for her to come back to the lab so we could talk. I've planned exactly what I want, no, need, to say to her, but now that I have the opportunity, I can't. I don't know how to say it. These past few months have been amazing. We both knew that this day would come soon, but I never thought that I would feel this way when it did. But here I am.

I discarded the case file that I'd been working on because I'm obviously not paying any attention to it and headed over to the coffee. I'm so engrossed with my thoughts and my coffee that I don't hear another person enter the break room.

"Hey there" The speaker startles me with her rather suggestive tone and I jump, spilling my fresh mug of coffee all over myself in the process.

"Damn it!" I shout, part jokingly, part embarrassed, while turning to face her. She begins to laugh in that way she does that I find so irresistible. I look down at myself and begin to laugh as well. "Sneaking up on me again Sofia?" I ask. I look back at her and see the amazing smile I fell in love with. I didn't mean for it to happen. When Grissom left to go on sabbatical, I found myself more lost than I had been for quite a long time. I always thought that was content to be solitary, but once I had felt what it was like to have someone in my life, living without him seemed impossible. That's when the most unlikely thing happened. We'd had so many fights over the years. We hated each other. But that day, as I sat alone at the table in this very room, she walked in. I was a mess. Sofia was there to support me that day, and we began to talk. As the night wore on, we became more relaxed and I began to share things about myself that I had never shared with anyone else. I began to cry. That's when it happened. She put her arm around my shoulders and I felt something that can only be described as an electric shock. I had never felt that with anyone before. I was scared, but also intrigued. In the following weeks we became more than just colleagues, more than friends, we became close lovers. But that was all about to change… Grissom is coming home.

The wet sensation of the coffee saturating my t-shirt brought me back to the moment. I brought my eyes back to Sofia's face and her bright smile was now mixed with a look of mischief. She quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. "I have a spare shirt in my locker that you could use. It's only fair seeing as you would never have spilled the coffee if I hadn't walked in".

"Never apologize for walking in on me" was all I could get out before we were in the hallway and well within earshot of the rest of the staff.

The instant the locker room door closes she pulls off my soaked shirt without bothering to check to see if we were alone. At this point, I don't think either of us cares. As I stand half naked in the middle of the room, our lips meet as we embrace and just as with every time before this, I am swept away. Nobody has ever made me feel this way, not even Grissom. She has the ability to create the perfect balance between being gentle and aggressive in everything she does. I want to be with her forever. I want to stand here with her and love her and be in her company for the rest of my life.

Suddenly I panic and pull back. "What's wrong sweetie?" There was no accusation in her tone, only concern.

"Sofia, I need to talk to you". On the way to the bench to sit down she pulls a light blue button down shirt out of her locker and hands it to me. "I got an e-mail from Grissom yesterday saying he'd be back tomorrow. We can't do this. I love you more than anyone I have ever loved in my life, but I can't do this. I know it is probably impossible after having what we have and what I'm doing to you right now, but I truly want to keep our friendship. Despite what I portray on the outside, I need a friend like you in my life that I can talk to and spend time with. I wish we could do more, but I can't. I'm sorry". I turn away from her and quickly put on the clean shirt as I walk out of the room without looking back. I don't want her to see the pain in my eyes. I know without even seeing her that that same pain would be written across her features as well.

Thursday

Right now I'm filled with dread. Shouldn't I be excited and happy? Hell, my boyfriend is coming home after being away for three months! What is wrong with me? Must be nerves. I AM excited to see him. Good Sara, just keep telling yourself that. Good. Open the door. Walk down the corridor. You can do it. Maybe I should have gone in the back door, that way I wouldn't have to pass his office on my way through. Too late for that now though. What's that they say? Hindsight is always 20/20? Maybe I should have changed before coming back in. I'd just been at a garbage dump, after all. What a way to greet your boyfriend you haven't seen in months. Very presentable. Very me.

"Sara!" I turn when I hear Grissom's voice and can't help but wear one of those huge silly grins. Now I KNOW I'm happy truly to see him. He approaches me also smiling. He starts to talk about the cocoon he sent me. I can't wait to see what comes out of it. It feels awkward to greet him in the corridor like this. All either of us want to do is embrace each other and make up for the months of separation, but we can't right now. Sofia is the only person in the lab who knows about our relationship, and I haven't even told Gil that she knows. As we talk I slowly back away down the corridor. I'm sure he notices. "I'll see you tonight?" he asks me.

I can feel my silly smile again plastered onto my face. "Yeah, see you then" was all I could muster as a reply before I quickly walked away to clean up.

At the end of shift I stop in at his office. The three foot high pile of paperwork and mail has decreased significantly although I know he's been trying to avoid it all day. "Hey, ah, ya wanna go out for breakfast or something?" I ask.

"I'd love to. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes". We head out separately to try to keep our secret a secret. Waiting here is making time feel like it is passing much too slowly. Precisely ten minutes later I see the doors open and I again begin to feel that silly smile creep onto my face. Quickly I do my best to turn it into one slightly less embarrassing, but I'm sure he sees through it. Wow. His eyes really do sparkle.

We both drive our own cars over to the diner. After we've ordered, we finally begin to talk. I fill him in on all of the lab gossip from the past months and he tells me all about the class he taught. I can barely focus on what he is saying or my creamy bowl of macaroni and cheese though as most of my brain is focused on thinking how wonderful it is to have him home again.

Before I know it, we've finished eating. I'm not ready to say goodbye for the day just yet though, and I know he feels the same. "Sara, would you like to come back to my apartment and spend some time relaxing alone?"

"I'd love that". Why can't I come up with something intelligent to say around him today? Why does it have to be monosyllabic words? I feel like such an idiot right now. He holds my hand as we walk back out the doors of the diner to our cars and head back to his house.

The short drive seemed to stretch for an eternity. After being away from him for so long I would think that I could handle a simple drive but knowing he is just ahead of me gets me excited.

When we get there, we head straight in and without saying a word we both know that neither of us has any intention of simply relaxing. As soon as the door closes he pulls me near to him and lowers his lips to mine. How I've missed him. The kiss feels so good, but for some reason I feel like there is something wrong. I quickly dismiss my unease by rationalizing that it's simply due to excitement. As we go further, the unease continues to grow and I'm not sure what to do with it. We move to the bedroom but now my mind and my whole body are screaming that I can't do this right now. Why? I have no answer for that.

"Gil, stop. I'm sorry. I'm not ready for this right now. It's been too long. I'm not comfortable". I wonder if I said those words aloud or not. Maybe he didn't hear me. He keeps advancing.

"But I've missed you and your touch so much Sara". I know he heard me.

What is he doing? He's never done this to me before. I can feel the panic level inside me rise. "Stop. Stop! You're hurting me!" I can't think clearly anymore. All I know is that I have to get out of here. I can't get out from under his strong arms. I'm trapped. I close my eyes and try to switch my focus. This is not happening right now. He would never do this. My thoughts are getting more tangled by the second. My mind begins to dissociate. All I can hear is a song that I can never remember the name of. I sing it over and over inside. I can vaguely feel the sexual acts the is performing. I can feel his breath on my neck and his hands on my body. I can feel him entering me despite my objections. I can feel all of these things but they are not happening to me, they are happening to someone else. I barely notice that he is finished. "I love you so much Sara. I want you forever". I hear the words, but I don't' comprehend their meaning. Every cell in my body is screaming to get out but I can't move. Finally he releases his lips from my body and moves a few inches away. Suddenly the reality of the situation hits me like a wall.

I grab my clothes and get dressed as quickly as possible. I try to put together a coherent excuse as to why I need to leave so quickly. I mumble something about having to finish a report before I come in tonight. I just know that I have to get out now. Within two minutes I'm dressed enough to go outside to my car. Whatever fate had decided that we would drive separately needed much thanks, but I don't have energy for that now.

I sit alone in my car crying. This man that I have trusted for years and loved has violated me in the worst possible way. I'm still not thinking clearly. With my body on auto pilot, I begin to drive. I don't care about my direction, as long as it is away from here and away from the prying eyes of the lab.

To be continued...