Ezra's POV
Aria's been gone for nearly three months, yet it's still strange to speak with Spencer over the phone. Before the accident, the only time Spencer ever called me was when she needed to get ahold of my wife. Now, she calls me frequently. Usually it's to check up on my six year old daughter, Emma, but today it's to plan for the Thanksgiving dinner I'm hosting tonight.
"Are you sure you don't need me to bring anything? I don't mind tossing a salad or purchasing an extra bottle of champagne," I hear Spencer's raspy voice say on the other end of the line.
"No, it's fine. I've got the turkey covered, and Hanna already offered to bring salad and champagne."
"What about mashed potatoes? I know those are Emma's favorite."
"Alison and Emily already offered to make them. I said I could do it myself, but they figured it'd be too painful. Mashed potatoes were Aria's favorite too."
Spencer doesn't respond right away, and I don't blame her. Ever since Aria died, our conversations have been beyond awkward. I figure it's because neither one of us knows what to say to the other person. What is there to say, other than that we lost a beautiful soul?
"How's Emma?" Spencer asks, finally breaking the prolonged silence.
"I wouldn't know. Ella insists upon spending time with her granddaughter before she leaves to visit Mike in California. I let Emma spend the night at her place, and Ella hasn't given her back yet," I say with a chuckle.
"Yeah, I get it. Emma is Ella's only grandchild, and now that Aria is gone..." Spencer says before she abruptly stops speaking.
"She's trying to hold onto her, just like the rest of us are," I murmur as I nervously fidget on my couch.
"Are you and Emma going to be okay? I can come by a few hours before the party if you need help with her," Spencer offers.
"No-No, that's okay. I can manage Emma alone. I have a feeling she's going to need my undivided attention today."
Before Spencer can respond, the doorbell to my house begins to chime. That must be Ella and Emma. Thank goodness! I was starting to get worried.
"I've got to go, Spence. Ella and Emma are here, and I don't want to make them wait in the cold," I say before hanging up the cell phone and springing to my feet. As soon as I'm off the couch, I answer the front door to my daughter and mother-in-law. Without saying a word, I scoop Emma into my arms and begin to kiss her forehead repeatedly. I feel absolutely sick every time the six year old is alway from me, and I'm so glad she's finally in the safety of our home.
"I missed you," I tell my daughter truthfully.
"Can I go upstairs and play with my dolls?" Emma asks as she stares at me blankly, just as she's been doing for the past three months.
"Of course you can," I say before putting the child down and watching her hurry up our staircase. Now it's just me, Ella, and a million thoughts that are better left unspoken.
"I'm worried, Ezra. She hasn't smiled once today," Ella says with a breathy sigh.
Emma doesn't ever smile anymore. She used to be the most cheerful person I'd ever known, but now she just seems broken. I suppose it's because she misses Aria just as much as I do, if not more. My daughter was a Mommy's girl, and she was always attached to Aria's hip. Now that my wife is gone, Emma seems misplaced and depressed.
"Yeah, well she misses her mother. It's our first Thanksgiving without Aria."
"Do you remember the way Aria used to shut everyone out whenever she felt lost or confused?" Ella asks me suddenly.
"How could I forget? Every time Aria was lost or confused, I almost died of frostbite," I say with a sad smile.
"Well, Emma is the exact same way. She thinks she doesn't need anyone, but she does. Even though Emma doesn't realize it, she needs you today, Ezra. Make sure you take care of our precious little girl," Ella says as tears begin to spill out of her hazel eyes.
"Ella, of course I'll take care of her!" I exclaim as I pull the older woman in for a hug.
"I-I just miss her. I miss my baby."
"I miss her too," I say as I do my best to hold back tears.
We don't exchange anymore words after that. There isn't really anything else to say. Instead of filling the silence with meaningless words, Ella breaks the hug and hurries down the driveway. The woman sobs as she climbs into her car, but I don't make any attempt to comfort her. What can I do, other than tell her how sorry I am? I've been doing that for the past three months, and it hasn't made a difference yet.
As soon as my mother-in-law drives away, I shut the front door behind me. I suppose I should check on Emma. She seemed upset earlier, and I don't want the six year old to drown in her sorrows alone. Eventually, I build up the courage to walk upstairs and enter Emma's pink bedroom. Aria painted the walls while she was pregnant with our daughter, and we never got around to redoing the bedroom. After what happened to Aria, I doubt I'll ever have the heart to change Emma's room.
"Hey there, Princess," I say as I make my way over to Emma who is playing with her American Girl Dolls on the bedroom floor.
"Hi, Daddy," Emma murmurs without looking up at me.
"I see you're playing with your dolls. Would you mind if I joined you?"
"You're a boy," Emma says as she crinkles her nose in disgust.
"What's wrong with being a boy?" I ask as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Boys don't play with dolls, Daddy. They play with trucks and footballs," Emma tells me matter-of-factly.
"That's incredibly sexist of you, Emma. It just so happens that I love playing with dolls."
"What's sexist?" Emma asks as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"Well, being sexist is when you make broad assumptions about a person based on his or her gender. For example, you assumed that just because I'm a boy, I don't like playing with dolls. It would also be sexist if you assumed that all girls liked playing with dolls. Does that make any sense?"
"No," Emma says as she begins to shake her head vigorously.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. If you don't want to play dolls with me, can we at least talk? Grandma said that you're feeling a bit down today," I say before taking a seat next to Emma and placing her on my lap.
"I'm not sad," Emma says as tears begin to form in the hazel eyes that she inherited from her mother.
"Really? Those tears would suggest otherwise."
"It's just-it's just..." Emma rambles before she bursts into tears.
"Oh, baby!" I exclaim as tears form in my own eyes. I begin to stroke Emma's long brunette hair, but my actions don't soothe the child in the slightest. If anything, they make Emma even more upset. If only Aria were here. She always knew how to calm Emma down during difficult situations. Then again, if Aria were here there wouldn't be a difficult situation.
"No one knows how to make the pumpkin pie!" Emma cries, as though the pie is the only thing in the world that's bothering her. Every Thanksgiving, Aria made a delicious homemade pumpkin pie, but now she's obviously not here to make it.
"Honey, I can try making the pie. I might not be as good of a baker as Mommy was, but I watched her make the dessert almost every year. I'm sure if I tried, I could replicate the pie."
"Y-you would do that, Daddy?" Emma asks with a sniffle.
"Of course I would. I'll do anything you ask of me today, Emma. J-Just let me know what you need me to do. If you want to talk about anything other than the pie, I'm right here," I say before kissing my daughter's forehead.
"That's okay, Daddy. I don't feel sad anymore," Emma says before jumping out of my lap and lifting up one of her dolls.
"Y-You don't?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Nope."
"Emma..." I start to ramble.
"You should go, Daddy. That pumpkin pie isn't going to bake itself," Emma says as her tone turns serious.
"No, I guess it's not. I'll be downstairs if you need anything, kiddo."
Emma doesn't even look up at me. Instead, she begins to hum and undress her favorite doll. My daughter really is a master at shutting people out. Maybe I'll die of frostbite, and fly up to heaven with Aria much sooner than I thought I would.
Line Break
The moments are few and far between, but there are times when I forget that Aria is gone. Strangely enough, my first Thanksgiving dinner without Aria is one of those moments. I'm currently sitting at my dinning room table with Spencer, Toby, Hanna, Caleb, Alison, Emily, and Emma, and having the time of my life. I find myself laughing and chatting with the boys as though I don't have a care in the world.
Surprisingly, even Emma seems to be doing okay this evening as well. She's sitting in Spencer's lap, and telling her auntie all about the Thanksgiving history she learned in school. This is the happiest I've seen her since Aria's death. Maybe we should celebrate Thanksgiving every night.
"Jesus Christ, Ezra. I'll never forget our trip to Vegas. You were literally so wasted..." Caleb starts to ramble.
"Daughter in the room," I hiss as I gesture towards Emma, who perks up ever so slightly.
"What does wasted mean, Uncle Caleb?" Emma asks the older man innocently.
"Way to go, Caleb!" Hanna growls as she glares at her husband furiously.
"Wasted is a grown up word, sweetheart. You won't have to worry about getting wasted until you're at least sixty-five," I say as I turn to face my daughter.
Everyone chuckles, but Emma just stares at me with a confused expression on her face. Sometimes she's far too curious for my liking. I suppose she gets that from her mother, who couldn't even read a mystery book without skimming through the last chapter first.
"Daddy, Auntie Spencer teaches me grown-up words all the time," Emma says with a pout.
Before I can respond, the fire alarm goes off. Everyone at the table bursts into laughter, while I spring to my feet and sprint into the kitchen. Every time I cook, I always end up burning something and this year I've taken it to the extreme. Honestly, I just hope it wasn't the turkey. If I burnt the turkey, we won't have much of anything to feast on. I open up the oven and sigh in relief when I realize that it was my pumpkin pie. That's definitely a disappointment, but it could be worse.
"Did you burn the turkey again this year, Ezra?" Emily asks as soon as I reenter the dinning room.
"No, fortunately the turkey is fine. The pumpkin pie got completely destroyed, but we still have ice cream in the freezer," I inform my closest friends.
"Wow! I knew we shouldn't have trusted that idiot!" Alison says, eliciting laughter from the entire group. My cheeks turn bright pink, but I join in the laughter. Even I have to admit that trusting me to cook was a terrible idea.
"We shouldn't have trusted him!" Emma shouts as she springs to her feet.
I assume that my daughter is joking, but my assumption is shot down when I realize that tears are pouring out of her hazel eyes. Oh my goodness... Poor Emma really is upset. I shouldn't have been so careless about a pie that meant so much to her. Her tears are entirely my fault.
"Darling, I'm so sorry. I can run down to the store and buy a new one," I offer.
"You promised that you'd make a pie just like Mommy's, but you didn't! You also told me that you'd always keep Mommy safe, but you let the mean man get her! You're a liar, Daddy! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Emma screams before chucking her glass plate to the floor and sprinting out of the dinning room.
Every bone in my body aches for me to chase after Emma and hold her close to me, but I can't move. I'm literally paralyzed, and it feels as though my feet are glued to the ground. Emma hates me. The only person in the world who matters hates me. She hates me, and there isn't anything I can do about it.
"Ezra, she didn't mean it!" Spencer exclaims as she hurries over to me.
I finally regain the movement in my body. Instead of running upstairs to the little girl I brought into this world, I run out of the house. Without thinking about it, I hop into my car to see the one person who always knows how to make me feel better.
Line Break
Aria never wanted to be buried. One night last spring we were cuddling in bed, when she told me that she absolutely hated cemeteries. According to Aria, cemeteries are creepy and depressing. Maybe that's why she wanted to be cremated, and thrown into the bottom of the ocean after she died. As I kneel down in front of my wife's tombstone, I can't help but feel guilty for not fulfilling her wishes. I thought about cremating Aria when I heard the tragic news, but I couldn't do it. The thought of burning Aria's beautiful body was just too much for me to handle. Besides, I couldn't bear to part with Aria's remains. If I threw them into the ocean, I would never get to visit her. Since her body is in the Rosewood Cemetery, I can visit her whenever I'm feeling far from her. I absolutely hate feeling far from Aria.
"I miss you, baby girl," I say as I begin to choke on my own tears. And I do miss her. I miss Aria every second of everyday. I always thought we'd grow old together, and I'd be the one to die first. Obviously neither one of those things happened.
"Ezra!" I hear a familiar voice cry out.
I turn around and gasp when I see Ella sprinting towards me. What in the world is she doing here? I thought she was going to California to visit Mike! Her plane was supposed to leave half an hour ago.
"Ella! What are you doing here?" I ask as my mother-in-law takes a seat next to me.
"I was about to board my plane when I got a call from Hanna. She told me that something happened at dinner, and that you and Emma were both upset. Is everything okay, Ezra?" Ella asks as she rests a hand on my shoulder.
I wish I could man up and assure Ella that everything is fine, but I can't. Instead, I shake my head slowly and close my tear filled eyes. The love of my life is gone, and my little girl hates me. How could things be any worse?
"What happened?" Ella asks me gently.
"D-Do you remember that pie Aria used to make every Thanksgiving?" I question.
"The pumpkin? Yes, of course. It was her grandmother's recipe. I taught her how to make it when she was ten years old," Ella says with a sad smile.
"Well, Emma was really upset that Aria wasn't here to make the pie this year. I offered to make the pie, and I burnt it. When Emma found out, she went ballistic on me. Apparently I'm a liar," I say with a breathy sigh.
"Why does Emma think you're a liar?" Ella asks as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"Because I promised that I'd make a perfect pie, and I didn't. I also promised that I'd always keep Aria safe, but I couldn't do that either. No wonder Emma hates me. You must hate me too."
"Hate you? How could I possibly hate you, Ezra? You gave me a beautiful granddaughter, and you made Aria feel like the happiest girl in the world. She loved you, Ezra," Ella says as she grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
"But I didn't do my job. I didn't keep Aria safe."
"Ezra, what happened wasn't your fault. You know that."
"You're wrong. Aria was so freaking happy that night, Ella. I came home from work and she was literally glowing. When I asked her why she seemed so happy, Aria told me it was a surprise. Now I know she was talking about the baby," I say as I shake my head slowly.
"Don't talk about the baby, Ezra. He or she is in heaven now," Ella says as tears begin to form in her eyes.
"Did you know that Aria wanted me to go to that movie with her and Emma? She practically begged me to accompany them, but I said no. I had a million papers to grade, and I didn't feel like marking them later," I say with absolute shame in my voice.
"Ezra..."
"I hate myself for not going to that movie. I would have jumped on top of Aria, just like she did for Emma. Both of my girls would have been safe."
"You can't think that way, Ezra. I know that you would have done everything in your power to protect Aria, and she knew that too. Unfortunately, neither of you knew that a wacko was going to shoot up the movie theatre that night. Besides, you might not have been able to save Aria even if you had been there," Ella says as she begins to rub my back.
"S-So you don't blame me?"
"Of course I don't blame you. Emma doesn't blame you either, Ezra. She's just a little girl who has been through a lot in the past three months. She was hurting today, so she lashed out on you," Ella says with a sigh.
"I don't blame her. Poor Emma lost her mother and had to sit through that terrible shooting. She still has nightmares, Ella. Sometimes she can't fall asleep, and I have to drive her around the neighborhood for hours. I wish I could help her, but I just don't know how I can make things right."
"Ezra, do you know why I'm sitting here with you instead of on that plane to California?"
"Why?"
"Because I love my daughter. Aria was a beautiful person, and she loved you and Emma more than anything in the entire world. There isn't anything we can do to bring her back, but I know first hand that she wouldn't want either of you to be hurting this badly. It's my job to take care of the people Aria loved, and it's your job too. I don't know what you should say to Emma, or how you can make her feel better, but I know you have to try. Aria would want you to make her little girl smile again," Ella says through her tears.
"You're so right, Ella. Aria was the most selfless person I'd ever known, and I'm sure she feels worse about leaving Emma behind than she does dying so young. I'll never be able to replace Aria, but I can make sure Emma knows how much both of her parents love her," I say with a sniffle.
"Exactly," Ella murmurs before pulling me in for a long hug.
"Aria loved you too, Ella. I'm sure she wouldn't want you too be this upset either. If there's ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know," I say as my tone turns serious.
"Thank you, Ezra. That means a lot. Is there anyway I could spend Thanksgiving at your house? I don't want to be alone, and I can make Emma that pumpkin pie," Ella offers.
"We would be delighted to have you," I say, smiling for the first time in hours.
Line break
Walking upstairs to Emma's room was much harder than I thought it would be. What if she's still angry with me? I don't want to disappoint my daughter more than I already have. After much deliberation, I finally build up the courage to enter Emma's room. To my surprise, Emma isn't crying anymore. Instead, she's sitting on Spencer's lap and giggling like a maniac. I've always been jealous of Spencer's ability to communicate with Emma better than I can at times, but I'm glad my daughter doesn't seem so sad anymore. Scratch that. As soon as my daughter's hazel eyes meet my blue ones, tears begin to spill out of them. Maybe I should have stayed downstairs after all.
"I'll leave you two alone," Spencer murmurs before hoping off Emma's bed and strolling out of the room.
As soon as Spencer is gone, I make my way over to the six year-old girl. Without thinking about it, I lay down next to Emma and wrap my arms around her. She begins to cry ever harder, but she doesn't push me away this time.
"I'm sorry, Daddy," Emma says through her tears.
"You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry about, kiddo?"
"I'm sorry I said it was your fault. You didn't mean to burn the pie, and you didn't mean for Mommy to get hurt. You're the best Daddy in the whole wide world!"
My daughter's words cause tears to form in my eyes. All this time I thought I wasn't good enough for Emma, but she thinks I'm the best Daddy in the world. Just like Aria, Emma always tries to see the good in people.
"Emma, I know how hard today has been for you. It's your first Thanksgiving without Mommy, and you miss her as much as I do."
"It doesn't even feel like Thanksgiving, Daddy."
"Because I burnt the pie?" I ask with shame in my voice.
"No, because I don't feel very thankful. All the girls at my school still have their mommies, but mine had to fly up to heaven. It's not fair, Daddy. Why did Mommy have to go? I-I'm s-so sad, and I miss her!" Emma exclaims as she begins to cry even harder.
"Oh, sweetheart. I know exactly how you feel. Whenever I see my friends with their wives, I can't help but feel jealous. I lost the love of my life, but they still have theirs. Do you know what I tell myself every time I feel that way?" I ask as I stare into my daughter's tear filled hazel eyes.
"W-What?" Emma asks with a sniffle.
"I tell myself that I'm the luckiest man in the entire world. Even though most of my friends have wives, none of them ever had Aria. I am so thankful that I got to spend nearly fifteen years with the most incredible woman on the planet. She was so perfect, Emma, and so are you."
"I-I am?" Emma asks as her eyes grow wide with shock.
"Yes, you are. You're so much like Mommy, Emma. Every time I look at you, I see her. You're both so beautiful inside and out, and I don't deserve either one of you."
"Don't say that!"
"It's true though. I could walk around this earth a billion times, and I'd never be able to find anyone quite as good as my girls. I might be the best Daddy in the whole wide world, but your mommy was the best mommy in the whole entire universe. She loved you, Emma, and I hope you know that."
"I know that, Daddy. When the scary noises started she jumped on top of me and kept telling me that she loved me so much. Then the noises got closer and Mommy's body felt super heavy... Do you think she hurt when she died?" Emma asks with a whimper.
"Oh sweetheart... It all happened so fast that I doubt she had time to hurt. Besides, Mommy was the strongest person I'd ever known. She would have endured all the pain in the world if it meant keeping you safe."
"I just wish she hadn't died," My daughter says as she stares into my blue eyes.
"I know, baby. Believe me, I know. Don't worry about Mommy though. I'm sure God has a special place for her in heaven. She's probably singing with the angels as we speak," I say with a slight smile.
"Really, Daddy?" Emma asks as her eyes grow wide with shock.
"Uh-huh. She's safe, and no one can hurt her anymore. We're the ones who have to deal with this tragedy," I say with a sigh.
"How can we do that, Daddy?" Emma asks me softly.
"I don't know, sweet girl. I wish I had all of the answers, but I don't. We're going to have to find a way to get past this though. I want you to know that I'll be with you every step of the way, and Mommy will be there too. We both love you more than anything in the entire world, and Mommy will always have a special place in your heart. If you ever miss her, all you have to do is listen. She'll find a way to get through to you," I say as I pull Emma even closer to me.
"I-I can hear Mommy now," Emma whispers as she clothes her eyes super tight.
"Really? What is she saying?"
"She's saying that I'm her little princess and that she loves me a lot. Mommy also wants you to give me lots of ice cream and cookies," Emma says with a mischievous smile.
"Is that so, Missy?" I ask before grabbing Emma and tickling her playfully.
"Daddy stop!" Emma screams through her laughter.
After a few minutes of sheer torture, I finally decide to stop tickling poor Emma. The little girl cuddles close to me as she struggles to catch her breath. I've missed the sound of her laughter. In my mind, it's the most beautiful sound that the world has to offer.
"You're in luck, Emma. It just so happens that Grandma Ella is downstairs. She's making Mommy's famous pumpkin pie."
"Yay!" Emma shouts as she begins to jump up and down on her bed.
"Hey, clam down kiddo. You know you're not allowed to jump on the bed," I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Sorry," Emma murmurs as she abruptly stops jumping and takes a seat next to me.
"That's my girl. Now, before we have Mommy's pie I want you to tell me all of the things you're thankful for this year."
"Let's see... I'm thankful for my aunties, I'm thankful for Grandma Ella, I'm thankful for pumpkin pie, I'm thankful for Mommy, and I'm thankful for you!" Emma exclaims as she wraps her little arms around my shoulders.
"I'm thankful for those things too, baby girl," I say before kissing her forehead and carrying her downstairs so we can enjoy Aria's pie once again.
AN: So this idea popped into my head, and I had to write it. I know it's late, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. I also hope you all had fantastic Thanksgivings, and that you're feeling thankful this year. Please review and tell me what you thought. I'll be updating all of my stories on Thursday. God bless!