This is what happens when you're cleaning your room. No seriously I was going trough some old video tapes, and I found I had once taped an episode of Dawson's creek. Somewhere in season 4. The idea for this story is born there. Hope you like it, this is set somewhere in Eclipse.
Don't own anything.
Chapter 1
She's never been good at making choices, never liked making choices either, she absolutely hates it. The agony of trying to figure out what the right choice is, the fear of making the wrong one, it's infuriating. This might be the reason (actually she's sure it is) why she always sticks with a choice once she's made it. She never wants to go trough it again, never wants to have to think about her choices again ( so far her first choice has always been the right one, or at least the right one for her), someday she'll make the wrong choice.
This is what she hates most about college applications.
Having to choose between different schools, trying to figure out what she wants to be, which place she will love the most. It's making her crazy. It's why she finds it easy to stick to Alaska (she doesn't want to think of any other schools) she hates making choices, hates everything about it. She still goes trough the entire process, she does it for her parents, so that she'll seem normal. She's not doing it for herself, or maybe in some way she is.
Once she makes a choice she wants to stick with it, wants to have no doubts at all.
If only life was that easy.
She keeps staring at the words on the paper, she's been staring at it for hours (or at least that's what it feels like). She knows it's useless, it won't change a thing, the sentence stays the same. It doesn't matter how long she stares at it, the letters won't suddenly, magically rearrange themselves; they won't suddenly change the sentence in something else. It stays the same always, never changing (what she'll someday be). It won't change itself into something she can deal with, something she can handle, something that won't break her apart. And she knows that logical, of course it doesn't, the letters stay in the same place, the words don't change, the meaning stays the same.
She keeps staring at it hoping for a change.
A part of her knows she doesn't need to do it at all, after all she's not going to this college, she can just forget about it. But for some reason she can't, it doesn't matter anyway, the words are in her head; the doubts are as well, and now she must choose again (in some way). And then there is the fact that this particular school was a dream once, this is the one she wanted to go to. Edward doesn't know this, he never asked about it.
She stares at the page until the letters become a blur.
The College advisor at her school (who even knew Forks high even had such a person) told her that this was the easiest essay of them all. She didn't have to think about it, didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what to write down, she had to easy part: just answer the question. But of course life is never that easy, it's making her think, her mind is going around in circles. She wanted to stay far away from answering any questions that might have hard answers, live changing questions. This is the easiest essay of them all she said, maybe for other people.
She wishes for other essay's, the one's she has to think about it. The ones she herself has to write, she even wishes for algebra equations, anything but this. Those ones were hard and yet easy in the same breath. Because this one is giving her more headaches than all the other ones combined. She's tempted to forget about it, to throw the paper away and tell the College advisor she wasn't applying to the school after all, and just forget about it.
The answering of this questions might have consequences or none at all.
It all depends on whether she tells the truth or she lies.
It's a peer recommendation from the 'Person who knows you best.'
She had the easy part all she had to do was pick somebody. For a second (while she sat in front of the College advisor) she though about asking her mom. After all Renee had known her for years, she knew things about her that nobody else knew, and she loved her she would make her out to be the best person ever. She dismissed the thought rather fast, because really who wants their mom to write this? Add to that the fact she hadn't lived with her in over a year and well, Bella guessed she had to face the fact her mom didn't know her anymore. Charlie would be of no great help either, while she was sure he would love writing it for her, he wasn't exactly a wizard with words (on paper and off) and she had only been living with him for a year.
Who would have thought it would be so hard to find a person who knew her?
It should be Edward.
The person who knows her best, should be Edward. She knows this, he's the person who loves her. He's the one who wants to give her forever, it should be him. And yet the thought of asking him never crossed her mind, because in reality he doesn't really know her. He thinks he does, but he's never actually tried to, he's never asked much questions. He has no image of little girls, or teenage girls who never had much friends. He doesn't know her, not really. And the realization of that (invoked by that damn question) hits her hard.
She thinks Alice would be the logical choice.
After all Alice is her best friend, she was last year, and she is now again. And at the same time Bella wonders if Alice is really her best friend. A person that can just leave you because her brother tells her to, and never even say goodbye, is that a real friend? Bella realizes it's sometimes rather hard to have conversations with her, especially if she already knows what you are going to say. Alice should be the logical choice, but in the end she isn't the right choice either. The rest of the Cullen's don't really come up, they don't really know her.
The one who comes the closest to knowing her is Emmett, but something tells her that asking Emmett to write an essay for her is just asking for trouble.
She knows the answer to the question.
She can spend hours staring at the page, she can go over everyone she knows, in the end she knows who it is. The person who knows her best is Jake. He is the only person in the world who knows things about her without being told. Like the fact that she didn't like music. He's the only one who knows what to do or say, who knows what she's feeling simply by looking at her.
He came back to her, he was there when she needed him. He's the one who knows her best. He knows what things to say, and which not. He knows when to hug her and when to leave her alone. He knows her and sometimes she almost feels guilty because she's sure she doesn't know him that well. ( She's wrong in this sense, she knows him as well, she's just never paid much attention to it, it comes naturally. It comes naturally for him as well, he doesn't think about it either. She knows just by looking at him when he's upset and needs her to be happy. She knows when he's thinking about his mom and needs to be distracted, she knows when he's happy or upset, she simply reacts just like he does with her).
They know each other inside and out, it comes with the territory of being best friends.
A peer recommendation from 'The Person Who Knows You best'.
That person is Jake, it has always been Jake. She just doesn't know what to do about it.