Disclaimer: All respective characters belong to J.K Rowling. We're just messing with them. Really messing with them.

Harry Potter crab-walked all the way to his hood (the Gryffindor common room), the journey taking him at least 10 minutes longer than it used to. Walking like that was the only way he could get around in his rad multi-coloured MC Hammer pants, but with his DC cap on backwards he knew he was the picture of coolness and it was all worth it.

Finding his hood empty, Harry crab-walked back out of his Gryffindor pad and down the stairs; hoping he could go and find someone to stand in front of so they could bask in just how very cool he was.

Wandering the corridors, he was really hoping he'd run into his homeboy Ronnie or his ho Hermione, but unfortunately the unpleasant sight of Professor Snape greeted him instead.

"What up Snape-dawg?"

"Shoizzle me some respectizzle yo, you ain't my homebizzle" Snape drawled, flapping his long cloak and sending a slight breeze down the corridor as he stalked off.

Harry flipped Snape the bird and mouthed a 'whatever man' at his back. He then turned around and crab-walked his way to the library.

He was met there as usual by Hermione the ho, who just happened to be wearing platform heels, fishnet stockings and nothing else.

"What up, ho?" Harry greeted her. "Where's my bruvver Ronnie?"

"Hanging out with D to the M in the Slytherin opium den" Hermione replied sweetly, licking her lips and inadvertently smearing red lipstick all over her chin.

Despairing at the fact that Hermione would never be as cool as he was, Harry left his ho and crab-walked down the corridors once again, this time towards the dungeons, intent on finding Ronnie and D to the M.

Ronnie and D to the M were sitting comfortably in the Slytherin opium den, wearing Hugh Hefner-style dressing gowns and breathing in the soothing aroma that floated in a cloud around them when Harry crab-walked in.

"I'm Harry Potter!" he declared, giving his best gangsta face right in front of them.

Unfortunately for him, Ronnie and D to the M paid him no attention, as they had actually passed out on the floor mere seconds before.

Someone who was paying him attention however, was Pansy Parkinson. She'd just had her new grille fitted and was hiding in the den because she kept accidentally blinding anyone who made the mistake of looking at her open mouth.

"Yo' lookin' fine there HP," she informed him.

Fluttering her 6inch eyelashes and grinning in what she mistakenly thought was an alluring way, Pansy waited whilst Harry pulled out his slick shades, putting them on in order to shield himself from her mouth glare.

"'Sup Parkinson?" Harry tilted his head upwards once as he acknowledged her presence, because you know, he was cool.

Crawling across the floor on her hands and knees (she couldn't actually stand in her shoes) Pansy stopped at Harry's feet, running a seductive hand up his leg.

Harry immediately jumped back in horror. "No! Not my MC Hammer pants. You can't touch those!"

… TBC