Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Homestuck.

I hope you enjoy reading!

Once upon a time in a faraway land, no one really cared. It was glorious. There was also this teacher named Autumn Rose Rainbowlight III who was like super beautiful and stuff. It was her first day teaching, and her class was a day long session with a bunch of 10th graders who were too lazy to handle block schedules.

"Hello, dipshits," Autumn said, flipping her whimsical brunette hair.

No one said anything. They didn't have to. Autumn scanned every last one of them with her amber eyes.

There was like this one dude with mega purple eyes. They were so purple that he was probably not a normal human. There were also like these neon green flecks lining the side of his left iris which were rocking cool.

Autumn shot him, so he is no longer relevant.

Other students included Vriska Serket the Spider8itch, Roxy Lalonde, and some other peeps I'll get back to when I actually care.

"We're going to watch a movie," Autumn said.

Nobody really gave a shit.

"Most people would be happy!" Autumn shouted.

"I'm happy," Roxy replied.

"Thank you, Foxy Lalonde."

Autumn beckoned Roxy to the front of the classroom. They made out on Autumn's desk.

"I'm gonna get fired fo dis," Autumn said.

"Shh, it's okay," Roxy replied. "No one haz to know."

Everyone in the class raised their hands to object.

"You morons better not tell anyone," Autumn said.

She gave Roxy a gold star because she's so awesome and sent her back to her desk.

"Okayz," Autumn said. "Movie time."

She turned on Space Jam. That was the shit back in her day and she needed these homies to experience the magic. The opening song came on and Autumn sang along at the top of her lungs. Thankfully, the walls were soundproof.

"COME ON AND SLAM

AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

COME ON AND SLAM

IF YOU WANNA JAM!"

She grabbed a basketball off her desk and slammed it on the floor. It bounced and hit Vriska in the face.

"That's for breaking up Meenvris in the Homestuck update!" Autumn shouted. "WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM!"

She busted some sick moves in front of the class. Half of the students cheered and earned cookies.

Anyway, in the movie, some alien dudes tried to kidnap the Looney Tunes to use for their theme park, only for Six Flags to do the same thing later on. There was also Michael Jordan. Autumn wished she could get ahold of the drugs it took to make this movie.

"You have just witnessed the greatest masterpiece of all time," Autumn said. "This is commercialism at its finest."

She wiped a tear from her eyes.

Vriska was glaring at Autumn with such hatred. The kismesis was totes there between those two. Autumn was punching her with her eyes.

"Hey, teach," said a kid. This kid was now relevant since his mouth flaps have uttered words. He had russet hair and he was holding a chicken.

"What?" Autumn asked. "I can't concentrate. That chicken looks delicious."

"His name is Prince Caspian," the boy replied. "And my name is Nerdboy."

"Okay, but did you need me for?"

"Gotta crap."

"Get out of here."

Nerdboy left with Prince Caspian. Autumn hoped he would come back. Chances were that he would either snitch on her or get killed by hallway aircraft. School was a dangerous freaking place. Still, Earth's population was too big.

While Nerdboy was gone, Autumn juggled ninja stars. One got stuck on the ceiling, but that was okay. She put the others away.

"Vriska," she said. "We mustn't delay the obvious kismesistry between us."

"I h8 you," Vriska said.

Autumn held out her arms. Vriska joined her in a warm embrace. They made out passionately against the desk. Once that ordeal was over, they were covered in scratches, because they still hated each other.

Vriska returned to her desk with a blue star. She kept her golden eyes on Autumn.

Then Nerdboy entered the room. He was holding a chicken wing he got out of the vending machine.

"I thought you didn't eat chicken," Autumn said.

"Prince Caspian isn't a rule, he's an exception," Nerdboy replied.

Nerdboy took a seat with his two chickens, one dead and one alive. Both were equally edible in Autumn's opinion, but that was because she was a freakin sociopath.

Autumn looked at the clock. It was 10:31 in the morning. This was going to be a long day. She opened a bottle of Mountain Dew and guzzled it down.

She was so bored. 151 minutes had gone by and she'd already done all of the fun stuff she had planned. Make out with people? Check. Watch Space Jam? Check. Drink Mountain Dew? If there wasn't a check here, she'd need to question her sanity.

A thought occurred to her that making out wasn't the first thing she'd get fired for. It was actually the kid she'd shot and killed earlier. Well, then. This was a prison sentence waiting to happen.

Autumn finally realized that she would need to get out now and start a new life. She jumped out the window and got into her pink limo. She drove all the way to Alskettistan, the 54th state of the USA which was located northwest of California. She burnt the limo and bought a silver 2015 Honda Accord. It only costed her 24,000 Goober Dollars.

She got a fake ID under the name Autumn Rose Rainbowlight IV and signed up to attend Alkela High School as a 10th grader. Now that the tables had turned, she was less likely to get in trouble with law enforcement. That was a close call.

None of the houses in the area were to her liking, so she had one built for the cheap price of 1,000,000 Goober Dollars. It greatly resembled Chuck E Cheeses, but it had two floors. The floors were separated by a large, colorful network of plastic tunnels.

Autumn climbed the multicolored stairs to the upstairs hallway. She went to her room, which had a hot tub and a rainbow zebra bed. Every corner had a large collection of stuffed animals.

She decided not to question how this house got built in three days.

Feeling sleepy, she crawled into her bed. She watched episodes of My Little Pony until she fell asleep.

The next day, she got on the bus to go to school. She layed in a hammock in the very back, going unnoticed by most teens. When the bus arrived, she got off with everyone else, blending poorly with the crowd due to her pink bunny suit. Nonetheless, no one really cared, so it wasn't an issue.

She received her block schedule from a teacher at the door.

Art- 10:00am-12:30pm

Lunch- 12:30pm-1:00pm

Science- 1:00pm-2:30pm

Math- 2:30pm-4:00pm

Gym- 4:00pm-5:50pm

It just now occurred to her how late in the day school begins here. Also, this schedule sucked a lot of ass. Where was Pokémon class? She specifically signed up for this. There was also a severe lack of classes that had to do with slacking off.

This was not the way of the lazy samurai. She knew she should have marked herself down as special needs. Maybe it was time to start a new life again.

No, no, no. She was going to tough this out for a day at least. Hours remained before she could cry herself to sleep, so she may as well carry on like a stone warrior.

First up, art class. The teacher in here was a hippie lady who was clearly drunk. She turned on a giant TV at the front of the room and played a spiral of flashing color the whole time. Her strategy seemed to work well, as many students, including Autumn, began to sketch in their notebooks without being asked to. Everyone in the room got a 100 for participation and those who sketched got extra credit and a bag of weed. Autumn stashed the weed in her magic purse.

The magic purse was an item Autumn carried at all times. It was fuchsia with purple and aquamarine waves. The inside was infinite, so it could hold whatever she could fit through the top.

Feeling very pleased with this class, she went to lunch. Today, they were serving Craft Mac and Cheese. She got a big bowl of it (The bowl was Hello Kitty themed) and wolfed it down.

Then, it was onward to science class. The teacher of this class was a real mad scientist. His hair was white and stuck up at all ends. He wore goggles with a glare that obscured his eyes and spoke with a wacko voice that was difficult to decipher.

"Alright, ya kidzies," he said. "We no want to blow shit up so youz needz to watch this video, kay? Dis some important info on not dying, kay?"

It was a one second video of a kid's head exploding.

"Dere, ya see?" the teacher asked. "Danger-usss."

The students exchanged confused looks. Autumn felt lucky to escape this class with her life.

Now it was on to math class. She took a seat at the back of the class cause she was a total bad girl. Plus she was afraid of who the next teacher would be.

Then Kodee walked in. No joke. This guy was the teacher. He was looking rather hot in his black tux. His brown hair flowed down to his shoulders and stuck out in certain places. He had sapphire blue eyes.

"You," he said, pointing to Autumn. "Front of the class, now."

"Yes, senpai," Autumn replied.

She took a seat at the center front seat. He placed his hand on her desk.

"Well, well, Ms. Rose," he said. "Looks like I'll be teaching you for the next 176 days. That is, if you can last that long."

"I may melt, senpai."

"That is likely. Or I may melt."

"Do me."

Kodee picked her up and brought her to his desk. They made out there for the next ten minutes while the other students watched. Something about desks made them perfect for this.

Kodee finished with her and brought her back to her desk. Ha, now she was the student with the teacher. The tables have turned once more.

He went on to teaching. Autumn already missed his lips. The sadness was clear in her expression.

Kodee was afraid Autumn would melt. He decided not to touch her for the time being.

Instead, he wrote a problem on the board.

"2x+8=y"

Autumn freaking hated these. How was she supposed to know what x was when the equation didn't even have a real answer? When and how would she even be faced with such an obscure looking thing in real life?

"You, Autumn," Kodee said.

"Don't make me answer this shit," Autumn replied.

"You have to."

"Sex is the answer."

"That's the answer to everything, just not in this scenario."

He had to be joking. There was no way he expected her to solve this.

But he did.

"Any time now, Ms. Rose," he said.

"Umm."

She thought for a while. A long while. He stood over her staring at her the whole time waiting for the answer.

"X is for and y is 16," Autumn said.

"See?" Kodee asked. "It wasn't that difficult."

"Yes it was," Autumn sobbed.

"There there," Kodee replied, patting her shoulder.

Then he removed his hand, worrying she would melt.

Autumn wondered why the melting thing was suddenly an issue.

Because it was.

Kodee walked back to the front of the room to give a lecture.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears," he said. "I'm going to kidnap Autumn and do unspeakable things to her."

"No, I was going to do that to you," Autumn argued.

"Too bad," Kodee replied. "You should've said so sooner. Now I've called dibs on being the kidnapper."

"My house is so awesome, though."

"Mine's super soft."

Autumn agreed to go with him because of her softness fetish. Kodee carried on teaching.

Once class was over, Kodee took Autumn to his helicopter like in 50 shades. He brought her to his mansion, which was indeed soft. The walls, floor, and furniture were all very gentle to the touch.

They went to one of the large rooms and layed in bed together. They sniffed a soft, white and pink blanket that Kodee had on hand. Its aroma was divine.

"Are we going to make love?" Autumn asked.

"Not yet," Kodee replied.

He turned on Barney: Imagination Island. The song "Just imagine" started playing. Autumn didn't know how to react to this. His courting methods were eccentric, yes, but awkwardly effective.

After the movie was over, they finally did the thing. You know, the "thing." *Wink wink*

"Wow," Autumn said. "You must be magic."

"I am," Kodee replied.

They repeated the cycle, this time using the movie Elmo in Grouchland. Autumn's childhood was going to be ruined. They went through a third movie: The Tigger Movie, while they ate a dinner consisting of curly fries and popcorn chicken. Kodee was a vegan, so the chicken was vegan chicken. Autumn wasn't quite sure how this worked, but she decided to go along with it.

After the third round of kinky magic, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

They woke up the next morning to birds chirping and went outside to Kodee's backyard. There was a soft, multilevel trampoline there. They filled it with stuffed animals and got to bouncing. Every time they hit the surface, the plushies went flying into the air. Wheee!

Kodee landed on top of Autumn and gave her a kiss.

"Are you ready for what's next?" Kodee asked.

"I don't know," Autumn replied. "Am I?"

"That depends on if you can handle the Rainbow Room of Fun."

Kodee blew his magical breath into Autumn's face and she passed out. The last thing she could smell was minty freshness.

Autumn was dragged through the soft abyss into Kodee's Rainbow Room. He used his mint breath once more to wake her up. The room was huge. The pink walls were lit by multicolored lights and colorful stuffed animals lined the walls. The bed was double king sized and topped off with pillows and blankets to form a fort. Autumn was inside of the fort.

"What is this?" she asked.

"The Rainbow Room," Kodee replied.

"Cool." Autumn said this because she couldn't think of anything better.

Kodee fed her a strawberry Laffy Taffy.

Then, they picked up pillows and had a pillow fight. They also did the sexx.

A thought occurred to her afterwards.

"Don't we have school today?" she asked.

"No, it's Saturday," Kodee replied.

Autumn cheered. No boring lectures.

They used this day to do more important things in life, like car surfing. Kodee got on a tall building and jumped off of it, landing on a sports car. Autumn got on top of an SUV. They leapt from car to car, racing each other to the end of the interstate. Then, they raced back, snagging lunch out of peoples' cars to eat along the way.

By the time they got back to Kodee's house, they were exhausted. A day well spent.

They were awoken at 2:00 in the morning to the sound of Kodee's alarm clock. It was playing the Six Flags theme song.

"What the H?" Autumn asked.

"That's our signal to rise and shine," Kodee replied.

"It's way to early. Are we going astral projecting?"

"No. Our spiritual awakening shall come from our lord and savior, Joshua. It's time to get ready for church."

"How could I be so stupid?"

Autumn smacked her head. Josh was like super important. She would have to worship extra hard this morning.

They got dressed in matching bunny outfits and flew to church on a magic carpet. When they arrived, people were rocking out to Joshuan songs. Autumn and Kodee sang along too.

Once the musical part of the ceremony was over, the pastor appeared on a giant TV screen. He was an anthromorphic fox with white fur and black patterns.

"Greetings, children of the universe," he said. "Josh smiles brightly onto you."

The pastor began to talk about how Josh was the creator of waffles and how he slayed the evil Lucifus Rex, driving all of the dinosaurs into extinction.

"Remember," the pastor said. "Dinosaurs are evil. I mean, have you seen Jurassic World? That poor lady got double Ko'd by two of those assholes. Peace out."

The church of Joshua was dismissed. It was a touching ceremony, but Autumn still thought dinosaurs were awesome. In fact, she wished they would come and eat her enemies.

Kodee took her on a date to Steak and Shake were they ate chicken, fries, and banana milkshakes. They went back to his room and watched Lady and the Tramp. Then, they slept into the next day.

It was Monday, which meant school. Kodee drove her there and parked in the spot marked with his name. They got out.

"I'll see you in math class," he said.

"I don't want to leave you," Autumn replied.

"We will meet again soon."

She started to cry. She didn't want her senpai to leave her. Kodee kissed her on the lips.

"Soon," he whispered.

He licked her cheek. She giggled.

The two departed. Autumn went to Art class and Kodee went to math to teach. Art went just as planned- the teacher put the flashing color spiral on the TV that bored people into sketching. Autumn drew a detailed picture of Kodee. She wrote beside it, "My senpai. My true love. Every moment apart is a moment wasted. Until we meet again."

She gave the picture to him in math class. He gave her macaroni art that he had made while his students were filling out worksheets.

Hen, the intercom came on.

"Please send Autumn Rose Rainbowlight III to the office," it said.

The intercom shut off.

"The III?" Kodee asked. "You told me you were Autumn Rose Rainbowlight IV."

Tears formed in Autumn's eyes. "That was my fake identity. They must know who I really am. You can't let me go up there alone."

"I'll come with you."

He kissed her. They walked to the office. A group of agents in black suits were standing around a buff man. All of them were members of Hydra.

"Autumn," the buff man said. "You're under arrest for being too damn sexy."

The agents grabbed Autumn's arms. Kodee jump kicked them in the face, grabbed a rifle, and whacked the suited man over the head with it.

He picked Autumn up and dashed outside into the teacher parking lot. Hundreds of agents stood in a line, blocking their way. A huge bazooka fired at a distance and blew all of the agents away at once, leaving a trail of fire.

A helicopter hovered over the two lovers. A ladder dropped down in front of them and someone told them to climb.

"Should we trust them?" Autumn asked.

"I can take them on if they decide to fight us," Kodee assured.

They climbed the ladder into the helicopter and close the door. The helicopter rose high into the sky and left the school behind.

Sitting in the passenger seats beside the windows were…Roxy Lalonde and Nepeta Lejion!

Author's Note: This is only the beginning. I already have over 50,000 words of this pretyped and ready to go. Brace yourself.