DISCLAIMER:
Okay here goes...I don't own any of the characters used in this story, Square
Soft does. So if you are from Square Soft and you just so happen to read this,
please don't sue me! Oh, and I don't own Elmer Fudd
or his voice either!
Author's Notes: Well, this is kind of different from what I usually write so
bear with me! I don't have the best sense of humor in the world! The chapters
are gonna be short and each chapter will be for a
separate character. I NEED REVIEWS!!! SO REVIEW!!! (Please?)
It has been two years since Meteor and Sephiroth were
destroyed, and Cloud Strife has settled back into his home at Nibelheim with his Gold Chocobo, Choco.
Cloud: (walks into the bathroom and looks in the mirror) "AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! What the frickin' hell?! My hair!!!"
Cloud's hair is way more spiky than usual...not one strand is stuck flat against his head, instead they are all sticking up as if he got attacked by a hair dryer. Suddenly, Tifa sees the door open to Cloud's house and runs inside fearing for the worst.
Tifa: "Cloud!? Cloud, are you here? Are you okay? I saw the door open and-"
Cloud: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Tifa's eyes widen and she runs toward the sound of Cloud's scream. She finds him standing in the middle of the bathroom, still clad in his pajamas, shaking and staring at his comb.
Tifa: "Cloud? Cloud what is it?! Why did you scream?! And why are you shaking?!"
Cloud points to his hair and starts to whimper. Within moments, he breaks fully into tears.
Cloud: "My h-hair!!! When I w-woke up it was like this! A-a-and the comb doesn't help! It keeps p-popping right back up!!!"
Tifa stares at him in amazement for a few moments, and then frowns. She looks him in the eyes and then shakes her fist at him.
Tifa: "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU SCREAMED BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID HAIR?!?!?!?! I SAW THE DOOR OPEN AND I WAS WORRIED YOU GOT ROBBED OR KIDNAPPED OR SOMETHING, AND I FIND YOU HERE CRYING OVER YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?!?!"
She continues to look at Cloud in disbelief until he finally breaks the silence, now he is mad as well.
Cloud: "Stupid?! STUPID?! I'll tell you one thing Tifa, if anything my hair is spiky and a bit different but it is not stupid! Normally, it is cute!"
Tifa: "So what happened then?"
Cloud: "Well, err...maybe...maybe I had a nightmare or something and I tried to get away from whatever it was, and I just don't remember it...yeah."
Tifa rolls her eyes and puts her hands on her hips. She stares at him for a few minutes more and then smirks.
Tifa: "Then why don't you fix it with your gel?"
Cloud: (brightens) "Oh! Good idea!"
Cloud opens the cabinet above the sink and looks for his bottle of gel but finds it gone. Then he realizes he is stepping in something wet and slimy. It is a small drop of his hair gel.
Cloud: "My hair gel!!!!! What is it doing on the floor!?!?!?! And why the hell is it not in my cabinet?!"
Tifa: (laughs) "Maybe it doesn't like you anymore! Or it got so scared from looking at your hair everyday!"
Cloud: "Oh shut up, Tifa! I liked Aeris better than you anyway!"
Tifa stops laughing and gasps. The same look of disbelief she had on her face before reappears.
Tifa: "Well, I never!"
Cloud sticks his tongue out at her and looks back at the floor. He sees a trail of the hair gel drops and starts to follow it. Once he reaches the living room, he notices that the drops have turned into the shape of a large bird's foot. He realizes right away who they belong too...
Cloud: (in a low, menacing voice) Oh hell no! That bird is so dead...!"
He dashes over to the pegs on the wall that holds his Buster Sword. He grabs it and runs out of the house with Tifa following close behind.
Tifa: "Now where are you going?!"
Cloud: "To kill the most evil creature on the planet!"
Tifa: "But we did that two years ago!"
Cloud: "Well, there's a new one now!"
Cloud runs to the small chocobo stable that he and Cid had built behind his house. He kicks open the small picket fence's gate and runs to the stable's door.
Cloud: "Alright you fiendish fowl! Where in Jenova are you?!"
Tifa: "Cloud! Duh it's here in the stable!"
Cloud: (in Elmer Fudd's voice) "Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting for chocobos!"
Tifa gives him a 'what the hell?!' look but then follows his instruction. Cloud creeps deeper into the stable toward Choco's stall. Tifa follows slowly, scared that it might jump out at any second.
Tifa: (whispers) "Cloud? Are you sure this is the right thing to do? This seems a bit drastic!"
Cloud: (whispers) "Of course!"
They creep up to Choco's stall and Choco is standing outside. The tracks of gel end at its feet, and an empty gel bottle lies on the ground beside them. Cloud prepares to attack, raising his sword above his head and running toward Choco. Tifa stands back to watch when Cid pops out from behind Choco, holding a styling comb in his hand.
Cid: "Oh hi Tifa, hi Cloud, how are you guys to-CLOUD!!! What the $%#& hell do you think you're about to $%#& do?!?!?!?!?!?!"
Cloud rushes toward Choco, ignoring Cid's outburst and getting ready to cleave the giant bird in two.
Cloud: "You will pay for your unspeakable crime against humanity, you hideous, demonic, incarnation of thievery!!!!!!"
Cid: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Cid leaps to push the bird out of the way but it is too late, Cloud is already close enough to destroy it just as he wishes.
Cloud: "OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Cloud runs around doing his best limit break and soon Choco is nothing more but choco-chops. (Kinda like pork chops, but the chocobo kind.)
Cid: "Choco!!! Nooo!!!!! Cloud! Why did you do that?!"
Cloud: "Because it stole my gel!!!! That's why!!!"
Cid: "Choco didn't steal your gel, I did!!!!"
Cloud: "Oh well!"
Cid: "But I was gonna enter Choco into a beauty contest and-"
Cid stops mid sentence, finding that Cloud is staring at him with a murderous gleam in his eye.
Cloud: "Wait a minute, YOU stole my gel?"
Cloud moves toward Cid, raising his sword once more. Cid starts to back up and trembles.
Cid: "Now Cloud, let's be reasonable..."
Tifa: "Cloud! Choco was one thing but not Cid!"
Cloud: (pouts) "Fine! But he's gotta buy me gel for the rest of the year!"
Cid: "Okay! Anything!"
Cloud lowers his sword and then backs off. Cid sighs heavily and then smiles at Tifa.
Cloud: (looking at the pieces of Choco lying all around) "Well, even if I don't have my gel, I can at least have a good dinner!"
The End!
Author's Notes: Okay, this is more violent than I intended it to be but the next chapters won't be as bad. If you liked this or have a request then please review! I need some ideas for the next chapters! I am thinking of doing Rufus and Reno but I'm undecided. So if there is a FF7 boy YOU want in this, then just put it in your review...okay I'm gonna go before I get too repetitious! Ciao! :)