C.J. woke up inside the bedroom she had been sleeping in while staying at Julia's house. She had flown in from Boston to spend her spring break in Houston, and had rented a car so that she could drive outside city limits to the sprawling estate that Julia's parents had built when they had decided to start their family back in the Lone Star State where they had first struck oil.
Julia had been feeling pretty good when C.J. had arrived, having finished her final round of chemo six months earlier, when her cancer had entered remission. She had been diagnosed last summer and had dropped out of law school, closing a door on her dream of opening a law firm to help women who needed attorneys with C.J. Hopefully not forever, but the course of Julia's illness had been complicated, the treatment arduous. She had moved back to Houston to stay with her family while she underwent treatment, a decision C.J. knew hadn't come easily to her friend, who had clashed with her parents' wishes for her since childhood.
C.J. had no idea what it must be like to have parents who tried to mold you into their likeness, who tried to make decisions for you. Her own parents had died when she'd been younger and the uncle who had raised her albeit reluctantly hadn't really cared what she did with her life as long as she worked hard on the ranch including when he ran short on hands.
Adjusting to life in this corner of Texas hadn't been easy especially when she had been suspended a week for fighting her first day of attending a new school. A bully had teased her and she had just pasted him when his harassment turned physical…it hadn't been all bad, during her suspension was when she got to know her other best friend, Matt.
He would be flying in for a brief leave and likely she would be seeing him at Easter brunch…in say a couple of hours with his father. Beyond today, she kept her plans open because she had just felt so exhausted from the latest round of exams, her crazy work schedule at Regency's and her fledgling relationship with Jonathan who tended bar there while trying to find his own path.
Their relationship had grown serious in the past month and he had wanted to make it sexual but she had begged off…she wasn't the type to lead a guy on but didn't fancy jumping into bed quickly with one either. He hadn't pushed the issue but after the latest round of making out on his couch, he had been frustrated when she had pulled away from him to straighten out her askew dress and what she had been thinking just then inside her head.
She liked him a lot, really that wasn't the problem at all…he was handsome, nice and very funny. She enjoyed spending the few hours that she had free here and there with him.
But she just couldn't take that extra step.
Julia had teased her about it right away as soon as they had closed the door to her bedroom and she had joined her friend on the four poster bed as they had done going back to childhood. Her friend's face had grown paler and gaunter with the weight she had lost but her smile had proven to be just as infectious as usual.
"Oh come on…why not just do it…Jonathan's great and men like him usually are great in the sack."
C.J. had heard Julia say that a lot.
"I mean he's not like some guy I'd pick up."
The tone of regret in her friend's voice made C.J. feel even more irked at Julia's last boyfriend than she already harbored towards him. Scott Prescow might have been one of the highest ranked students in their first year at Harvard School of Law but he had proven to be more than just a jerk. She sighed, as she usually did when she thought about one of Matt's closest buddies. But after what happened last Spring…nearly a year ago.
"Julia…I like him a lot but I just…I don't know…I've never been the type to jump into bed with someone I barely knew."
"You mean someone like me," Julia finished, "I admit it, I would have gone to bed with Jonathan by the second date."
C.J. had to smile because she knew her friend pretty well but they just weren't alike that way.
"Life doesn't always go like you hope," Julia added, "You never know what tomorrow will bring."
Yeah, Julia definitely had learned that lesson, C.J. thought. There had been weeks and months when she didn't know if she'd survive out the year but she had made it to the other side.
They had stayed up late that night, snacking on chocolate eggs and tortilla chips dipped in guacamole that C.J. had tossed together while Julia regaled her with stories about what had been going on in Houston.
Now, she had to get out of bed and shower before getting ready to meet Matt and his uncle for brunch. Matt's father had been called away the previous day on a business trip to Tokyo and thus would miss his son's arrival on leave. The father and son hadn't seen each other in six months but they were apart in other ways much longer than that…they hadn't been that close in quite a while mostly due to their time spent apart.
Matt's father, Bill had also been at odds of late with his uncle Roy because of what had happened to Will, Matt's cousin. He had disappeared on a mission in the Middle East somewhere and hadn't been found, dead or alive. Roy had used his covert intelligence connections to try to locate his son, while his wife, Flo had gone into a depression. She had taken off to visit her sister in Kentucky, leaving Roy alone.
C.J. had always been close to Matt's family including Roy who she had spent hours with listening to his tales of a life spent in between the lines. He had almost served as a surrogate for her when her uncle couldn't be there in that role. C.J. had never been under the illusion that her uncle had ever really wanted a child inside his household but she had hoped through the years right up to the time of his death that he would soften that stance. He had steadfastly refused perhaps because by that time he felt hemmed in that role. If it hadn't been for Matt and his family…it would have been much tougher to face. But she knew that she had people who had cared about her, who had shown her the love her uncle didn't have to give.
But Matt carried his own guilt about Will's loss. He had hidden the pain that lived inside him as well as he could but she had known him too damn well. She told them that he didn't have to face it alone and then left it at that, not pressing him.
She had her own secrets after all.
Inside the shower, she had closed her eyes as the warm water streamed over her, cleaning the soap lathered on her body. She gripped her chest in an embrace, as she reveled in its soothing effects. She had woken up that morning unsettled because of a dream she only half remembered of the man who lived in the shadows and had only come out at night when her guard came down.
His kisses felt menacing, his caressing of her body an invasion. The words he whispered made her want to recoil but she couldn't…she had promised him. All she could do was listen voicelessly as he told her how she would enjoy what he had to give her, to not be afraid, that fear wouldn't help her friends.
She woke up then, looking around the room and seeing just the furniture, the same wallpapered walls she had seen as she closed her eyes the night before. She sighed as she looked up at the ceiling, her chest still heaving. The dreams had haunted her for nearly a year and they had become a wedge between her and Jonathan.
When she kissed him, she had felt special. She knew he cared deeply for her and she had strong feelings for him as well. But the night they had first met…had been the night she had crossed paths with the man who lived in her dreams.
She finished her shower and grabbed a towel, thinking she really had to hurry it up to make it to the restaurant in time.
Matt sighed as his father turned around to look at him. Bill looked about 10 years older than the last time he had laid eyes on his father. He knew that Bill hadn't supported his decision to enlist with Will, because he had his own plans for his only child, which involved bringing him into the company, teaching him the ropes so he could run it himself some day.
But Matt and Will had gone to serve in defense of their country, only while two men had gone, only one had returned.
The nightmares had followed Matt from Iraq to Germany and home to Texas. He knew when his leave was done; they would be there when he returned to his post there in the Green Zone in Bagdad. Nightmares of his cousin and him walking across the sparse desert together only to be separated by a whirling tornado shaped by the sand…sometimes there were memories of them growing up together closer than brothers that would be there to taunt him.
Matt watched as his father paced nearby in the spacious living room of the mansion, just one room away from the spiral staircase up to the top floor bedrooms. They had argued all the way down that staircase not long ago and were trying to broker a peace
"Uncle Roy said…"
His father spun around, anger still fresh on his face.
"He's wrong…Will's gone and there's nothing that will bring him back."
Matt had held out hope along with Roy that Will had been captured instead of killed and that he might be held prisoner somewhere by one of many different factions of clans that had popped up but there had been no word from anywhere. There hadn't been any body discovered either, it's as if his cousin were sucked through some portal in the sand and just vanished.
"Some of his sources say that someone might be holding him…"
Bill sighed.
"Not likely…they'd call him up demanding a ransom once they researched his last name…or they'd call me at my office."
"We haven't exhausted every avenue…"
Bill looked at his son, and Matt knew he was about to close the subject. What happened to Will had become too painful to discuss, and they had talked around it for so long. He's argue that his father had given up on Will too soon while Bill would counter that it was time to put him to rest even if there was no body to bury at the national cemetery.
"Come on son…we've got to head to the restaurant," Bill said, "C.J. will be waiting and it's been a while since we've seen her."
Matt sighed, thinking it had been way too long since he'd last seen his best friend. She'd been in the middle of the exhaustive task of earning her law degree from the top school in the country and he's been on the other side of the world working a variety of military intelligence assignments.
He kept his photo of them together on a fishing boat together with him always, even as its edges had grown worn. There had been women in and out of his life including his bed but none like her.
Never one like her…he thought as he went to grab his jacket to join his father in his car.
C.J. met up with Roy in the lobby of the restaurant inside a famed hotel as they waited for the other. She hugged him as he kissed her on the cheek. He looked distinguished in his church suit wearing the familiar carnation in his lapel.
She had always been close with the man but she grew concerned at the lines which had become more deeply etched around his eyes…likely from the grief and tension at the loss of his only child.
"You look lovely."
She smiled up at him.
"You look…good."
They went to sit on the bench to wait for Matt and his father, while families dressed up in their best clothes sat there waiting to be seated, while restless children milled around the lobby.
"How's school?"
"Busy and tougher but I enjoy it. How are you doing?"
He looked at her.
"Keeping busy…I guess Matt might have told you that I'm working with some contacts to search for Will."
She didn't respond, just digested his news. Matt had mentioned something about it when she had asked how he was doing in the face of his great loss.
"Have you heard anything?"
Roy sighed.
"Not much but covert intelligence comes in layers…each one has its own set of rules so it's still early."
She nodded at that, she missed Will terribly; the news of his apparent death had shocked her. But she knew that it had hit Matt much harder.
They looked up then and saw Matt and his father enter the restaurant and she sensed the tension immediately between the two brothers who made halting small talk. But she walked up to Matt and embraced him tightly.
"Missed you…"
She smiled at his simple words, because that went double for her. But for a while at least, they were together and she reveled in the feel of his arms around her, her favorite cologne he often wore wafting towards her.
Then he pulled away and holding onto her arms, he looked at her closely.
"You look beautiful."
She smiled at him, warmth reaching her face.
"You look great," she said, "It's so good to see you again."
The four of them waited a few minutes before being led to a table for brunch. Bill and Roy doing their best not to get into it at least not before a couple trips to the omelet bar.
C.J. and Matt walked around the impressive garden surrounding the hotel while holding hands.
"It could have been worse Houston…"
Maybe not so much but the two men hadn't come to blows. They had just left separately. Roy first much more quietly than Bill who had sat there fuming for a few moments and when Matt had just looked at him, had tried to start an argument with his son before leaving.
Matt and C.J. had finished their brunch together talking about other things but then had gone for a walk.
She knew Matt's silence meant he was thinking or more accurately reliving what had happened in the restaurant.
"I wish they'd both stop being so damn stubborn and just agree to disagree."
She paused, picking up that desire in his voice but she knew it'd take more than wishing.
"I'm sure that they'll be able to do that…just not right now," she said, "The wound's still too raw Houston…for all of you."
She had added that point deliberately and he knew it.
"C.J…I'm fine really stop worrying about me."
She stopped and looked at him.
"You feel guilty, why don't you just admit it?"
He held his ground, another stubborn Houston in the mix.
"There's nothing to admit C.J. I'm not like either one of them."
Her voice softened.
"No…because you were the closest to him when it happened."
He grew silent and looked away; she knew he did it so she wouldn't see his face just then.
"I'm not pressing this but I'm just telling you it's okay if you feel that way."
He just sighed again, not wanting to talk about it further as they neared the huge fountain surrounded by the rose bushes, casting off blossoms in a cacophony of color. He looked at her, in front of him at how her dark wavy hair clung to her face, brushing her shoulders and her hazel eyes, the sparkle of green in them matched her dress. He knew she spoke sincerely but really, he was just fine.
"Thanks but really I'm fine…how are things really with you?"
That question caught her off guard.
"What…?"
"Oh come on C.J. it's been a long time since you've been yourself."
She didn't know what to say to him because she had thought for a long time about telling him but the words never came, not the way she wanted them to, in the right order.
"Like you, I'm just fine Houston…"
Oh the steely tone in her voice definitely caught his attention.
"Yeah right…I remember what you were like last spring…so jumpy when we were at that party. We were supposed to be celebrating the end of your first year but you and Julia…you just seemed so far away."
She remembered those days after the night she had encountered the first man who truly scared her. An image of him looking at her with those dark penetrating eyes as his hands reached behind her to unzip her dress, so he could slip his hands inside to caress her skin…she closed her eyes now and took a deep breath.
"C.J…"
She flashed them open again at the tone of his voice.
"What Houston…?"
He looked at her closely.
"Where were you just now?"
She snorted putting her hands on her hips.
"Right here with you, where else could I be?"
He took in her defensive posture, the tone of her response to him.
"I don't know…you tell me."
"There's nothing to say," she said, "You have your closed doors, I have mine."
He watched as she walked away from him.
The man with the jet black hair wearing the Armani suit sat at a table in the corner of a courtyard sipping his Scotch. Across from him, sat another man dressed similarly. They had spent the past hour dining on the finest steak and lobster platter in Seattle.
The other diners sat eating and drinking around them, busy in their own chatter to notice the two men.
"Andre…I'll pay double for her you know that, why don't you agree to my terms?"
The younger man looked over at the man who if he played his cards right would be his business partner and not his rival.
"I gave you my final answer Stefan…she's not for sale…I sent you a couple of my best whores to compensate you."
Stefan sighed leaning back in his chair.
"Yes…and they'll be sent to brothels in Belgrade and Frankfort."
Andre nodded, thinking to himself not for the first time, that he much more enjoyed his new venture into dealing in humans and not drugs. Sell a drug once and you were done making money off of it, but sell a human over and over…you could never stop seeing the cash flow in your coffers. He had signed the papers on the two whores, both teenagers from Russia and Minsk, who had signed up for a modeling course not knowing they were giving away their freedom. After they had reached their connection in other cities, they had handed over their passports, their visa and all their cash before being driven off in separate cars with the windows tinted. '
Their first nights in their new lives were spent being raped by the handlers who used that as a tool to remold them into the whores they would be. He had done it himself to women…the ones he didn't want to leave to the middlemen. He knew that the man sitting across from him had done it as well.
The only difference was that when Andre did it, he didn't see the women's faces that he raped, he saw someone else instead.
"You send me a half dozen more like them and I'll forgive you buying out that girl from under me."
"She's too young to be under you…she'll make a better domestic…"
Stefan raised his glass and chuckled.
"I never knew you to be soft...she's just property like the rest."
Andre didn't feel like explaining why he had gone to the underground auction and bought the scared young girl with the long dark hair in the first place. He definitely didn't want rumors abounding that he indeed had gone soft.
Certainly not while he was building his global operation with his father advising him from behind prison wells…including on how to build a legitimate front, a legal enterprise to help him launder the money. Stefan had done far better than him but then, he'd had a head start.
Then there was the matter of that woman, the one who had given herself to him to save her friends back in Boston. Beautiful and strong, her curves sheathed by her dress. He'd been unprepared for what she had asked him and he had agreed, after caressing her soft skin. If it hadn't been for men sent by his father, he would have taken what she had offered him. As he had stroked her body beneath her dress as she shivered, between him and the bedroom wall, he had grown hard in anticipation of moving her to the bed behind them. The fear within her had served as a drug intoxicating him…but he'd never had the chance to have her.
And that fact haunted him still.
"Did you find her?"
Andre looked up and saw Stefan's inquisitive look as he sipped his own liquor.
"She's still in Boston studying law."
Stefan had seen photos of her and had liked what he saw.
"You could make a ton of money off of her," he said, "but she wouldn't go willingly."
"She's not a whore."
"She will be by the time you get done with her…and if you decide you don't want her, you can always sell her to me. I've got special houses for high class tail."
Andre didn't doubt that, Stefan's operation had become huge, with tendrils all over the globe. He definitely wanted a piece of that hence wanting them to be partners.
So far Stefan hadn't bit but Andre knew he would eventually.
"Look C.J. I'm sorry," Matt said, as he sat behind her on the bench, "If I said something…"
She shook her head at him then.
"No Houston…it's nothing you said, I think it's me."
He looked at her and she smiled back at him, her hands clasped in her lap.
"You still seeing that fellow?"
She nodded.
"Oh yeah and his name's Jonathan."
Matt digested that and she just reached out to take one of his hands in hers, warm and strong.
"He treating you well?"
She nodded again.
"You getting serious about him," he continued.
She sighed, shrugging her shoulders slightly.
"Depends what you mean by serious."
He just gave her that look and her face flushed, the warmth filling her cheeks.
"Houston, I'm not talking about my sex life."
He suppressed a smile.
"Who asked, I just asked if you were serious."
She settled down.
"Oh…"
His brows arched.
"Now if you want to talk about…sex…or ask any questions, you've come to the right place."
The lightness in his voice hinted that he was joking but you could never be sure with Matt.
"Do you want me to sit him down and give him some tips?"
She almost pushed him off the bench but just threw him an indignant look.
"What could you tell him…it's not like we ever did anything."
He waggled those brows at him and she had to stop herself from pushing him off the damn bench.
"Houston tell me you're joking."
He just remained silent with that smile of his growing larger.
"I just want you to be happy," he said simply.
The truth wasn't nearly as simple, he thought because pangs had hit inside of him when she brought up Jonathan. Matt assumed he had to be a good guy for his best friend but something about it rankled at him.
"I am…and Jonathan's a great guy. We met under some trying circumstances."
"Like what…"
Uh oh she had said too much. She just planted a smile on her face.
"Oh nothing…just a hard day at work…"
She had just came out and said that quickly and as far as lies went, she could do worse. She hadn't ever really lied to him but this…no what had happened that night he couldn't ever know. If those men hadn't arrived, then she would have slept with a man who terrified her…just to save her friends. But how would he react if he knew…would he be angry that she didn't tell him, that this man still ran around free or would he think her easy…that she had done something shameful?
No she couldn't tell him so she just sat there with him instead as he did, just keeping their secrets from one another, as they loomed larger.
Even as their time together grew shorter before they again went their separate ways without bridging the gap between them.
.