I just finished writing this about five minutes ago. About two hours ago I found out that my (Now ex) girlfriend was cheating on me. So this is the raw emotion that came out of that.

Disclaimer: I only own the words of pain.

It happened again. You put bait on the hook and casted it in the water, and I bit. I saw all the signs, Everything that usually means that this is happening, But I chose to ignore them. I wanted to believe that just one time it wasn't true. That I meant something, That I was special and that you loved me. But that stuff is just for movies, isn't it? The perfect girl, Perfect relationship. The kind where the effort in it is equal, and it's not one person fighting to keep it alive. I defended you. Used every excuse I could think of to explain why you were pulling away. To explain why I hadn't heard from you in two weeks, Why you blocked me on facebook, and why in the hell I was always the first one to text, No matter what. Why I was always the one fighting to keep us alive. To fix us.

I don't think there ever really was an us. You were fresh out of a breakup and took interest in me immediately. I don't know if I was a rebound, or just a tool to make him jealous. It was probably the second option. I was probably just a tool all along. I bit the hook. It hurts, you know. To know that I wasn't good enough for you. Was it because I wasn't in to the same things you were? I didn't drink or do drugs? I didn't go to wild parties? Because I've got too much on my plate as is, too many addictions. Was it my body? I know I don't have the best body in the world. Maybe my face? You pulled away more after the first time that you saw me without make-up. Maybe it was both. Maybe I was so ugly that you had to find someone better looking.

Did you know that everyone I have ever been with has done the same thing? Do you know how that feels? I'm never good enough for anyone. And you, Your too much of a coward to actually tell me what is going on. Instead you completely ignore me and I have to find out from seeing a picture of you and him. And it's embarrassing. To have still said that I was in a relationship when you, you were with him.

I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong here. What drew away from me and into his arms, And I still can't seem to figure it out. I treated you perfectly. I called you beautiful every day and made sure that you knew just how gorgeous you are. And what kills me is that one day you want to show me off to your friends, You say your proud of having me on your arm. Then the next, You wont even talk to me. You even are as immature as to block me on a social media site. What are we in the 5th grade? I told you about my past relationships. About how everyone of them ended the same way, and how I was so afraid of it happening again. And you, With that knowledge did the same thing that they did.

What I want to know is how you can live with yourself. How can you be happy knowing that you destroyed all the self-esteem that a girl had worked so hard to build up? How can you live, knowing that you broke a promise, You said you wouldn't be like those other girls. Maybe your the problem. Maybe you just have a sick and twisted mind that takes joy in hurting others.

Well, Congratulations Alex. You hurt me. You hurt me bad. All I wanted was to feel special and be loved. I wanted to feel like, I wasn't so bad. What maybe I'm not impossible to love? I mean, What else can I really think when everybody I had ever been with had cheated on me, And you did the same. I hope your happy with him. Well, actually that's a lie. I hope your miserable and that the guilt of what you've done is eating you alive. I hope that you think about it every day and night and feel so horrible about yourself that you cant even stand it. I hope your self-esteem becomes so broken and destroyed as mine. Because you deserve it. You deserve all the awful things that come your way. And you know why?

Because you cheated.

You cheated on someone who was fully capable of loving you and all of your flaws. You cheated on someone who would have treated you like a queen. You cheated on someone who would have made sure that you were happy. You cheated on what could have been the best thing in your life.

But now it's gone. You threw it away for some jerk guy who didn't even attempt to comfort you when your worst fear had come true. You threw it away for someone who will never treat you right. You left me, for a boy who will never satisfy your needs. I gained him and lost me.

And, when he breaks your heart, don't come running back to me. You lost your chance with me the moment you kissed him again. I deserve better than you. I deserve someone who will love me until the end. I deserve someone who will put equal effort into a relationship. But that's kind of a tall order right? For someone to love me? You know how I know this? Because everyone has cheated on me.

And your just another one on the list.

I know it was sort of depressing but I needed to get this out. I hope you liked it anyway.