It had been a quiet morning for everyone. Dawn was quite thankful for that. Most mornings she had awoken to girls fighting over the shower or mirror or, goodness, breakfast cereal. But on this slightly chilly day, Dawn had been up long before the sun. Her body was wracked in nervous bundles and short, shaky breaths. She had taken her time showering, carefully shaving her legs and under arms. She found it a little silly later when she thought about how she had rubbed lotion into her skin and unhurriedly combed her hair and dried it with the round brush. Lip gloss was splayed across her pink lips. The shine had lit up her eyes. Dawn dressed in a light pink long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. She glanced underneath her bed and saw her baby pink Chuck Taylors that she loved so much. Spike had commented on them on more than few occasions. Maybe that had been the reason she had held onto them for so long. After she had stopped fussing with her outfit and her skin, she took a deep breath and began to tie her newly warm hair back into a ponytail. After one sad glance in the mirror, Dawn moved to the floor to lace up her shoes. She could feel it trying to force itself out. The tears, the pain, the sobs. But she wouldn't. She would breathe and pray. Dawn sat thoughtfully for a few moments before getting up and making her way through the obstacle course of girls sleeping on the floor of her room.
Dawn looked down the hall to the left. Buffy's room. She could see her sister still sleeping in her bed. Dawn was grateful that she had been able to sleep tonight of all nights. Buffy had about ten years worth of rest with her name written all over it. To the right was her mom's room. She could see her mother's tasteful comforter and down pillows made up to perfection. That had been one thing Dawn was clear about. No one would be sleeping in Joyce's room. Not again. After she had looked at her sleeping sister and where her mother should have been, she made her way to the stairs. Xander and Willow were sharing a couch as they slept. A ghost of a smile traced her lips. They had been with Buffy from the beginning; never left her side for anything. Dawn was grateful for that. Grateful that Buffy had never been truly alone. Anya slept with her head against Xander's knee. And then there was Giles. Sweet, dear Giles sleeping on an uncomfortable chair, his head fallen back and snoring. So bittersweet.
But then there were the girls. The girls who slept around on the floor where ever there was space. These girls did not make Dawn smile. Dawn was terrified for these girls. Maybe not all, maybe not many, but some would die. Today. The Hellmouth. One of them might be her. Dawn could be a proud individual at times, and there had been many moments where being dead seemed easier than her own life. But that wasn't today. Dawn looked away from the girls painfully and continued on her path down into the basement.
By the time she had gotten to the cellar, light commotion had stirred upstairs. Dawn approached Spike very carefully. He was awake, but didn't move. She heard him heave his chest and let out an unnecessary sigh.
"Bit," he calmly stated.
Dawn didn't answer. Just moved closer to his cot where he lay. She had offered to switch him for the night, but he refused. She had argued a great deal with him about his cot and the springs that had busted through the thin mattress. She deserved a good night's sleep as much as anyone, he said. He'd slept on a sarcophagus for three years. He'd manage.
Spike gently sat up off his cot and turned so he could see Dawn. He didn't really look her in the eyes, only used his peripheral vision. Dawn stared at his already laced boots. Looked as if he didn't get much sleep the night before either. They sat in a comfortable silence for quite sometime, neither making complete eye contact or conversation of any kind. It wasn't bad. It was just was just Dawn and Spike. They had had many times of just sitting together like this, not saying much. Just being. They were always content in the silence they shared. But after a few more moments, the silence had to end.
"Buffy's taking the girls on the bus in about half an hour," Spike said uninterested. Dawn nodded.
"I don't fancy riding out there with them. Want to take my Desoto…just in case we make it out of here."
Dawn closed her eyes at the thought. There was always that possibility that they wouldn't…that whatever was waiting down there for them in the Hellmouth would ultimately annihilate Buffy, the Scoobies, the Potentials, Spike, and Dawn. Devour them.
"Want you to ride with me pet," Spike spoke quietly. Dawn eyed him, but said nothing. After a brief moment, Dawn looked at the floor and simply nodded her head. She stayed with Spike until Buffy came calling for them.
Spike and Dawn drove behind the school bus with all the others. The two still remained quiet, only glancing occasionally over at one another. Dawn was scared, her stomach all tied up in knots. But what surprised her, is that Spike was scared too. His hands clenched his fists into the leather of the steering wheel, and when he would let go for a moment, Dawn could see how shaky his fingers were. They had trained, they had researched, they had done everything they could do to fight this battle. But they were not prepared, never prepared for what waited below them.
Spike slowly parked the car behind the bus and shielded himself from the sunlight with his black leather duster as he stepped out. The aroma blew into Dawn's face and she slightly smiled. Walking into the school was a blur, as well as Buffy's orders to each unit in the fight. A sword was handed Dawn and she was instructed to go with Willow to help with the enchanting. Willow lightly grabbed Dawn's arm to lead her back into one of the classrooms to perform the ritual. That's when everything stopped and stilted into slow motion. Dawn turned her head around, hair flying, to look for the eyes of Spike. She found them almost immediately. He held her stare briefly before giving her the most genuine smile he could muster. It was enough. It had to be enough. She could not say goodbye to Spike. If she did, he would die, and possibly Dawn as well.
Buffy, Giles, Xander, and Anya all tried their best to lock their arms around her and hug her and tell her there was nothing to worry about, nothing to be scared of. Dawn didn't let them. She wasn't going to be lied to. This was definitely something to be worried about and definitely something to be scared of. She couldn't say goodbye. She wasn't strong enough for that yet. So instead of goodbyes, they all stared at each other until they finally parted ways to begin the fight on the Hellmouth.
The spell Willow had performed over the scythe had frightened Dawn. She saw old Willow, bad Willow there for a few moments. But then, Pure Willow emerged and Dawn knew that they had a chance. The white witch hadn't been strong enough to take the weapon to Buffy, so Dawn grabbed it and ran as fast as she possibly could. Dawn looked down into the earth and shook. She was losing her nerve. But after one shallow breath, Dawn crossed herself and began to descend into the mouth of hell. The sights in front of her were horrifying. Many girls lay dead and wounded. She spotted a girl lying on her stomach, back bleeding. It was as if someone had stabbed a knife straight through her middle. Dawn came closer and was paralyzed. Buffy. It was Buffy. Buffy couldn't be dead. Not now. Not again. It didn't take Dawn too long to snap out of her reverie as there were about five mega-vampires heading her way. In a scourge of anger, Dawn let out a wild, inhuman scream as she swung and diced and chopped her way through the demons. When she was spent, Buffy quietly came from behind her to recoil the scythe from Dawn's tottering hands.
"Thank you," Buffy whispered sincerely. A lone tear dripped down Dawn's cheek. Buffy was alive. They were going to make it.
As soon as hope came, hope was lost. The land under the mouth began to shake and quake. Buffy shouted for all the girls to get the hell out of there and get to the bus. All the girls who were still alive came hobbling and crawling as fast as they could. It wasn't until she began to make her way up that she noticed. Spike. Glowy, frozen in place Spike. She ran over to him and frantically tried to get him away from the post he had backed up against. She hissed back from the fire hot heat that had attacked her hands.
"Spike! How do I get you out of here?" she cried.
"You don't, Nibblet." he said calmly.
His calmness made her angry. She begin to grasp at him and pull him doing nothing but searing the flesh right off her fingers. Dawn began to cry.
"Please Spike," she begged. "I can't lose you too."
They both heard Buffy scream over her shoulder "DAWN WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
"Pet, I have to finish this." "No you don't! There's plenty of time! Just…"
"Platelet, I have to do this. This is for my destiny."
"Screw destiny Spike! Since when did you ever care about it?"
"My soul," he answered quietly.
New red hot tears splashed down Dawn's pink cheeks.
Dawn looked slowly up into Spike's eyes and softly said, "I don't want you to die."
More tears.
This confession nearly broke Spike's unbeating heart. After how many people hating him in his day, he had this little girl standing in front of him who cared for him, who wanted him to live. A tear or two of his own trailed down his face.
"Spike, I…" Dawn started.
Spike didn't want to hear the words. Not this way. Not because he was going to die. He wanted to hear them because she really did love him. So instead of allowing her to finish, he very carefully leaned down and softly kissed her lips. Dawn grabbed his hand as he began to pull away to stop him. She had forgotten of the heat radiating from his body. She didn't care. She took his hand in hers and squeezed tight. Mere seconds went by before their hands went up in flames. Dawn screamed as Buffy came from behind her, grabbing her nearly paralyzed body by the waste. Spike and Dawn's eyes remained locked until Buffy had pulled her completely away, tears raining the entire time.
When Buffy and Dawn had safely made their way out of the school, the bus was gone. Buffy had ordered it away after the earthquake started. The Desoto sat in the parking space where Spike had left it. Dawn motioned at the car, but Buffy shook her head. She still had some bit of unfinished business. Dawn nervously turned away from her sister to get to safety. She opened the car door and grasped the keys that sat on the driver seat. Dawn cursed in pain over her burnt hand, but jumped in and started the car as fast as possible. Once she took off, she could have possibly mistaken her for a street racer. She was all over the place flooring the pedal the whole way. She caught up to the bus fairly fast just as she saw Buffy fly onto the top of it. Dramatic, much, Buffy? Really?
Once the van was stopped, Dawn uneasily stepped out of the car to be confronted by her sister.
"What the hell was that? You trying to get yourself killed?"
Dawn merely stared at her sister. There was no trying to talk that one down. Despite of her anger, Buffy hugged Dawn tightly and told her was all right.
"Where'd you even learn to drive like that?" Buffy asked with a light laugh.
"Spike," she spoke softly.
"Where is the old boy Spike?" Xander slightly teasing asked.
Buffy looked at Dawn and the Dawn looked back at Buffy.
"Spike won't be coming back," Dawn said nonchalantly.
Everyone grew very quiet staring at Dawn. She kept her blue eyes glued to the crusty, desert ground. She didn't want to see their worried eyes. There was only one pair of eyes that she wanted to see. Her stomach hit the floor when she realized she would never see…
The moans of the injured slayers sounded in the background. They needed to get to a hospital. Buffy had begged that Dawn leave the old car behind and stay with them.
"I just need to be alone right now, Buffy."
This startled Buffy. And then a bolt of lightening hit her.
"You loved him," she said slightly accusingly. Dawn couldn't think of anything to say, so she just nodded.
Buffy sighed and hugged her sister again. It was a real hug. One that they had needed life times ago.
"We're going to LA first, Dawnie. To see if Angel can help us with anything. After that, it's pretty much up to you."
Dawn nodded again.
"So you're going on your own?"
Another nod.
Buffy signed. "Do you want me to ride with you?"
"I really need some space." To some people that would have come across rude, but not to Buffy. Buffy understood. Buffy didn't want to have anything to do with friends after mom died. And let's not forget when Buffy ran away after she had killed Angel.
Buffy nodded and walked back to the bus.
Dawn felt the pain she had just caused her sister. And was sorry for it. But what else could she do? She needed to be alone. To think.. She sat back down into Spike's Desoto and lay down over the leather seats. As she brought her arm over her head, she banged her elbow against the dashboard causing it to open. She peered into the cabinet to find a single sheet of paper. A note from Spike.
"Dear Bit,
Please forgive me for my coldness today. I'm not very good at goodbyes. But I wanted you to know even if I couldn't say the words. You kept me strong. Kept me fightin. You loved me. That's why it was so easy to let go. I knew that I had a place in your heart.
William
Spike
PS. I hope you'll take care of the car for me."
Dawn began to cry.