The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has won the gold for the Downhill Crazy. Just something that ran through my tiny insane mind.
The Office Olympics
"What's all this?" Lana walked into the bullpen. She saw Pam, Cyril and Cheryl working on some papers. A pile of plastic medals was on the table. And a chart that had little flags with pictures of the members of the agency on it.
"Remember the office Olympics we used to hold?" Cyril asked.
"I do," Lana said. "Particularly the ones where people were sent to the hospital."
"I've decided to hold one today as a morale booster," Cyril said.
"Especially since Ms. Archer won't be here today," Pam added.
"I thought we stopped those," Lana asked.
"Only because Archer kept winning almost everything and was so obnoxious about it," Cyril said. "But now that he's in a coma…Some of us actually have a shot."
"Oh, what the hell," Lana sighed. "I'm in."
"Great!" Cheryl said. "We can start with the opening ceremony!"
"We have an opening ceremony?" Lana blinked.
"Apparently," Cyril shrugged.
THE OPENING CEREMONY
Pam and Cheryl played some weird medley on kazoos as everyone stood at attention in the bullpen. Krieger walked around waving a flag with a picture of Furlock Bones on it.
"Yeah this is a morale booster all right," Lana rolled her eyes.
"And now to light the torch!" Cheryl took out a lighter.
"NO FIRES!" Everyone shouted.
"OUTLAW OLYMPICS!" Cheryl lit her lighter.
"STOP HER!" Ray screamed in a high-pitched voice.
Pam, Lana and Ray tackled Cheryl and fought her for the lighter. "BUT I GOTTA SET SOMETHING ON FIRE LIKE LAST TIME!" Cheryl protested.
"THE LAST TIME YOU SET BRETT ON FIRE!" Ray shouted.
"Wow it has been a long time since we did one of these," Krieger realized.
"Now I just remembered the other reason we stopped doing the Office Olympics," Cyril groaned.
"You never let me have any fun!" Cheryl pouted as her lighter was taken away.
"When your idea of fun involves people not being burned or going to the hospital we will gladly indulge you!" Lana snapped as she held the lighter.
"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" Pam shouted cheerfully. "First up…"
THE THREE POINT WASTEBASKET SHOT
"Oh, come on!" Cyril moaned as he missed the wastebasket.
"Seriously Cyril," Pam laughed as she stood next to a whiteboard used as a score board. "Your aim is like worse than…Well…A blind one armed guy with no sense of direction."
"Even Cheryl got a few in," Ray told him.
"I just pretended the wastebasket was my brother's stupid face," Cheryl took her turn. It went in. "YES!"
"Unbelievable," Cyril groaned.
"Cheryl you are now tied with Lana," Pam said. "If Lana makes this wastebasket she wins."
"If?" Lana raised an eyebrow. She made her shot and it went in.
"WHOOO!" Pam, Krieger and Ray cheered.
"YES!" Lana shouted. "I WIN BITCHES!"
"Aw come on!" Cyril groaned.
"It's just one event Cyril," Ray patted him on the back.
"One event out of a dozen which he always loses," Pam snickered. "Like every freaking time. Cyril's like one of those countries that only sends one athlete to one event. Which they end up coming in last in."
"You know?" Cyril glared at her.
"And the first medal of the Olympic Games goes to Lana!" Ray took one of the fake gold medals and put it around Lana's neck.
"Ffft," Cheryl waved. "Big shock Lana won a basketball type game."
"What does that supposed to mean?" Lana glared at her.
"Uh it means you used to play basketball as an elective in high school!?" Cheryl gave her a look. "Where your women's team won the state championship! As you like to bitch about it every now and then!"
"You remember me saying that?" Lana asked.
"Hard not to forget," Cheryl grumbled. "You used to say that all the time during that weird sports phase Ms. Archer went through when we were a spy agency. You know? The time she insisted we form a basketball league so we could play against stupid ODIN."
"Oh yeah," Pam realized. "I remember that. There was some weird inter agency spy basketball league that was set up for spy agencies and Ms. Archer wanted to win some trophy."
"And it was her bright idea to have Archer as team captain and play against ODIN," Lana realized.
"First time a team was banned from a league during the first half of a game," Cyril groaned.
"Half?" Pam snickered. "We didn't even make it twenty minutes into the game."
"Well maybe we would have if you didn't insist on pulling down the shorts of all the guys?" Cyril snapped. "On both teams!"
"That's not what started the riot and you know it!" Pam snapped.
"It was bad enough Archer punched out the referee," Ray remembered. "But did he have to try and force feed the basketball into his mouth?"
"And then he shot some the ODIN players in the leg," Cyril added. "Albeit accidentally but still…"
"Why did he insist on wearing his gun in the first place?" Lana asked.
"Who knows?" Cyril shrugged. "The man was plastered out of his mind."
"So was Ms. Archer," Cheryl giggled. "When she bit Len Trexler. The scary part is I think he was turned on by that."
"Sorry Cheryl," Lana said. "I thought you were making a comment about me being black."
"Oh my God," Cheryl rolled her eyes. "Like even I know that not all black people can play basketball. Ray Charles. Stevie Wonder. That Navy guy who lost his legs…"
"Let's just move on to the next event," Cyril suggested.
"Please…" Lana groaned.
THE CHAIR RACE
"Why do I have to be the referee?" Ray pouted. "It's not fair!"
"It's totally fair Ray," Pam snapped. "You have bionic legs!"
"Okay fine," Ray sighed. "You know the drill. Two laps around the bullpen. The first one to finish wins."
Lana, Cheryl, Pam, Cyril and Krieger were waiting on wheeled chairs. Cheryl was twirling around in her chair happily. "We know already!" Pam said. "Let's go! I feel the need for speed!"
"On your marks! Get set…" Ray said. "GO!"
"And they're off!" Ray called out as they went around. "It's Lana and Pam in the lead with Cyril and Krieger following behind. Cheryl is still at the starting gate. CHERYL GO ALREADY!"
"Oh right!" Cheryl stopped twirling around and went.
"And Cheryl is finally out of the gate," Ray commented. "It's still Lana and Pam neck and neck with Cyril behind them. Phrasing. And Krieger behind him. Phrasing. Cheryl is dead last. Wait. Hang on…Cheryl is going off course!"
"Story of her life!" Pam shouted.
"WHEEE!" Cheryl went down another hallway.
"Cheryl is both out of the race and out of her mind!" Ray groaned. "It's still Pam and Lana neck and neck. With Cyril close behind on their asses. As usual. Krieger following in the rear."
"PHRASING!" Krieger called out.
"And they're in the second lap coming into the turn," Ray went on. "It's still anybody's race here. Except for Cheryl obviously."
SLAM!
"And Cyril who has been just slammed into a wall by Pam," Ray remarked.
"Ow…" Cyril lay on the floor
"Pam this isn't a demolition derby!" Lana snapped.
"Says you!" Pam shoved Lana aside and pulled away.
"And they're coming down to the wire…" Ray said. "It's Pam by a nose! Followed by Lana and Krieger coming in dead last!"
"YAYYY!" Pam whooped. "I CAME! I SAW! I KICKED ASS!"
"We'll start the next game as soon as Cyril regains consciousness," Ray quipped.
"Just five more minutes Dad…" Cyril warbled.
CHAIR LACROSSE
"Ha ha ha!" Cheryl crowed as she easily threw a small ball using a lacrosse stick into a net guarded by Cyril. She was zooming around on a chair in the cleared-out bullpen. Everyone was on chairs and wearing helmets.
"Seriously?" Ray shouted. "Come on team let's hustle! Go Herd!"
"Come on Cyril!" Krieger snapped. "You've been letting them score all day!"
"It's only been thirty minutes! I'm trying here!" Cyril snapped as he weakly tossed the ball. It sailed over them and crashed into something that broke. "Ooops. Well I never did like that picture anyway."
"You are sucking here," Krieger remarked.
"You only have one-minute left," Lana gloated. "And since we're ahead twenty-one to three…"
"We can still score!" Ray snapped. "You haven't won yet!"
"Let's go defense!" Pam whooped. She was the other team's goalie.
"Man, without Archer these guys suck!" Lana snickered.
"I know right?" Cheryl laughed.
"Just shut up!" Ray snapped. He got the ball and threw it with his stick to Krieger.
"Thank you!" Lana intercepted it.
"Oh, come on!" Ray shouted.
"AAAAHH!" Cyril dodged the ball as Lana easily scored.
"Cyril you're supposed to stop the ball!" Krieger shouted. "Not move out of the way!"
DING! DING! DING!
A timer went off. "Aw man!" Krieger groaned.
"AND THE WOMEN'S TEAM WINS!" Pam whooped. "YAYYY!"
"Now they won," Krieger took off his helmet. "Damn it!"
"Archer is gonna be so pissed when he hears about this!" Cheryl laughed.
"He will never let us hear the end of this when he does will he?" Cyril groaned.
"No, he will not," Ray sighed.
"So far, the women are kicking ass in these games," Pam grinned.
"In case you were confused," Cheryl smirked. "The asses are yours."
"WE'RE AWARE OF THAT!" Ray shouted.
"Hey! The next tournament is a chance for us guys to get a medal too!" Cyril snapped. "And let me tell you, it's a pretty tough event!"
ORIGAMI MEN'S/WOMEN'S
"Okay time's up," Cyril put down his paper creation. "You all know the drill. The men judge the women's origami and the women judge the men's."
"I think it's safe to say Ray wins this one," Pam pointed to a very graceful delicate swan figure. "Again."
"I thought it was the paper airplane competition!" Krieger protested. He had some paper airplanes in front of him.
"That's coming up later, Dr. Fraud!" Pam snapped. "What about us?"
"Well there are some very excellent entries here," Cyril looked over the women's entries. "But I think this one speaks to us."
"What the hell is that?" Lana looked at the design. "Is that a naked woman…And a glue pot?"
"It was supposed to be box of drugged up candy," Cheryl shrugged.
"Well it beats the duck and whatever that's supposed to be," Krieger pointed to the other entries.
"It was supposed to be a sailboat!" Lana protested.
"Guess your big sausage fingers can't do origami, can't they?" Cheryl laughed.
"They can hit pretty hard!" Lana glared at her and made a fist.
"Lana!" Cyril groaned. "Ray and Cheryl won the event fair and square."
"Fine," Lana grumbled. She glared at Cheryl. "I am so going to kick your ass in the next event!"
"Bring it on Johnny Bench!" Cheryl cheered.
"I'll show you who has skilled hands!" Lana fumed. "Next event!"
THE MARSHMALLOW CHOPSTICK EVENT
"Stupid chopsticks…" Lana struggled to put the marshmallows from a bowl into a paper cup using chopsticks.
"Ha! Ha!" Cheryl giggled as she deftly used a chopstick to pick up a marshmallow. Then she ate it. "These actually taste better this way."
"Don't eat the marshmallows," Lana told her as she used chopsticks to pick up another marshmallow. "And…HEY! NO FAIR!"
"What?" Ray said as he deftly used his bionic hand with chopsticks to pick up a few marshmallows at a time very quickly.
"You're using your bionic hand!" Lana snapped. "Wait are you left handed or right handed?"
"Uhhh…Yes?" Ray said innocently.
"Lana what do you care?" Cyril looked over. "You barely have any in your cup!"
"These chopsticks are defective!" Lana protested.
"It's not the chopsticks honey," Ray snickered. "Even Cyril has more than you."
"Ha ha!" Cheryl laughed she downed another marshmallow. "You're worse than Cyril!"
"That is kind of funny," Cyril snickered.
"You know?" Lana glared at him.
DING!
"Time's up!" Pam said. "Let's count!"
"Ray should be disqualified!" Lana protested.
"You shouldn't be a sore loser," Ray told her.
"Yeah Lana!" Cheryl stuck out her tongue. "I ate like a ton of marshmallows more than Ray anyway!"
"You're not supposed to eat the damn marshmallows!" Lana snapped.
"Oh," Pam realized as she looked at her near empty cup. "I forgot."
"Oops," Krieger said as he realized his cup was empty. "We really have to stop doing that."
"HA! I WIN!" Ray cheered. "TWO IN A ROW BITCHES!"
"But…" Lana protested.
"Lana, we didn't specify no using bionic hands," Cyril said. "We forgot okay! Ray wins!"
"Big deal," Pam waved. "Now it's time for a real sport!"
PAPER AIRPLANE DISTANCE TOSS
"All right," Cyril said. "Are we going to jump into this or…?"
They were all in Cyril's office. Everyone had made paper airplanes and were standing on the far side of the office. There was a long measuring tape running along the side of the room.
"It's pretty simple," Krieger said. "We all throw our paper airplanes at the same time. Whoever gets the furthest wins."
"This time Ray you are not allowed to use your bionic hand," Lana glared at him.
"Fine! You big baby," Ray rolled his eyes. He held his paper airplane in his non-bionic hand. "Happy?"
"Oh God don't get me started," Cheryl rolled her eyes. "She is never happy."
"You know?" Lana gave her a look.
"Let's just do this," Cyril sighed. "One, two…"
"Why are you counting?" Lana asked.
"BECAUSE IT'S MY OFFICE AND MY AGENCY!" Cyril shouted. "IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU MARQUIS OF COMPLAINING?"
"Yeah Lana!" Ray snapped.
"Seriously," Cheryl snorted.
"One," Cyril gained control over himself. "Two. Three…THROW!"
Everyone did. All the paper airplanes flew out an open window.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
CRASH!
"Who opened that window?" Pam blinked.
"I did!" Cheryl said. "What? I thought we could use the wind currents?"
CRASH! SCRREECCH! HONK! HONK! HONK!
The gang cautiously looked outside the window. "Huh…" Krieger blinked. "All our paper airplanes somehow caused a minor three car fender bender and a traffic jam. What are the odds?"
"With this group?" Ray groaned. "One to one."
"How about we all just call that event a draw?" Pam suggested.
"Good plan," Cyril quickly closed the window. "Let's back away…Fast!" Everyone left the room. "Anybody asks nobody threw any paper airplanes!"
"Well that event was a bust," Ray groaned.
"It's not like anybody died," Cheryl groaned. "Unfortunately."
"Really?" Cyril snapped. "That's the bar we set around here?"
"Pretty much yes," Krieger admitted.
"Besides," Pam said. "The next event shows real skill with hand-eye coordination!"
THE ONE MINUTE PAPER CLIP CHAIN LINK
"Okay Numb Nuts," Pam was officiating the event. Ray, Cyril, Lana and Cheryl were at a table filled with paper clips. "You all know the rules. You have one minute to make the longest paper clip chain possible. Person with the longest chain wins! On your marks…Get set! BEGIN!"
The four went at it. "You're not competing?" Krieger asked Pam.
"Not one of my strong events anyway," Pam waved. "I'm saving myself for the other events."
"This must be tough for you Lana," Cheryl snickered as she casually made a paper clip chain. "With those big ol' uncoordinated sausages!"
"Shut up you before I shove these paper clips down your throat and through your ass!" Lana snapped.
"TEASE!" Cheryl shouted.
"Maybe we can make that another event?" Ray quipped.
"If only," Lana groaned.
"TIME!" Krieger called it. "Okay paper clips down."
"Boy a minute goes by really fast when you don't want it to doesn't it?" Cheryl remarked.
"Final tally," Krieger counted. "Lana sixteen. Cheryl five…"
"Who has big fat uncoordinated sausages for fingers now?" Lana taunted.
"Still you by a mile," Cheryl snorted.
"Ray twenty," Krieger went on. "Cyril…Twenty-one! We have a winner!"
"I won!" Cyril whooped. "I ACTUALLY WON AN EVENT! WHOO HOO!"
"You threw it didn't you?" Lana whispered to Ray as Cyril danced around.
"He's had a rough life," Ray shrugged. "I figured I'd throw him a bone."
"Hoping he'd throw you a boner?" Pam quipped.
"No Ms. Sassafras," Ray looked at her. "There is another reason besides that."
"Since Archer usually wins this event…" Lana pieced it together. "He'll be pissed when he finds out Cyril won it."
"Bingo," Ray nodded.
"Good point," Pam nodded. "Besides it's still a minor event. Now it's time to get to the good stuff!"
THE SHOT GLASS COMPETITION
"Ahhh!" Pam downed a shot glass and grinned. "This is the good stuff!"
Krieger downed a shot. "I don't know why this isn't an Olympic event."
"I don't either," Ray agreed as he took another shot.
"The Greeks were known for their drinking," Krieger added.
"Exactly," Cheryl nodded as she took a shot.
"How do we score this again?" Ray asked as he downed a shot glass. "Whoever drinks the most?"
"Honestly there's no scoring in this event," Cyril explained as he downed a glass. "Everybody wins!"
"Hooray," Lana sighed before she took a shot. "Damn it. I'm going to have to call a cab when I pick up AJ."
"You only took two shots," Cheryl grumbled as she took another drink.
"I'm not showing up at County Day plastered out of my mind!" Lana snapped. "I already have a reputation there! I don't want to make it worse."
"It doesn't matter," Ray waved. "The point is to loosen us up before the next event."
RUBBER BAND ARCHERY
"It's been a long time since we've done this one," Ray pulled a rubber band back and forth. There was a target across the room on a stand.
"I know," Pam nodded. "I wonder why we stopped…?"
BOING!
"HEY!" Cyril shouted as the rubber band got away from Pam and hit him in the face. Fortunately, it only hit his glasses. "Damn it Pam! You could have put my eye out with that thing!"
"Oh yeah," Ray blinked. "That's why we stopped this event."
"Especially after Archer did blind Agent Drake in one eye," Lana winced. "We need some kind of safety precautions here."
"Got it," Krieger passed out goggles.
"Good call," Lana remarked as she put her goggles on. "Okay whoever gets closest to the target wins. One round. Pam you go first."
"Thanks Lana Tell," Pam mock saluted. She then fired her rubber band.
"MEOW!"
"Sorry Schnuckiputzi!" Pam called out.
"That thing is still here?" Lana blinked.
"How could you hit my cat?" Krieger snapped.
"My aim was off," Pam shrugged. She then chugged a beer.
"Gee I wonder how that happened?" Cyril said sarcastically. "My turn."
BOING!
"MEOOWWWW!"
"Oops! Sorry!" Cyril winced as the cat yelled in pain.
"I wonder how that happened?" Pam mocked.
"You know?" Cyril looked at her.
"My turn," Lana shot her rubber band.
"MEOWWW!"
"LANA!" Krieger shouted.
"Boy that thing just runs all over the place doesn't it?" Lana blinked.
"My turn!" Cheryl cheered. She made her shot.
"MROWWWW!"
"I GOT IT!" Cheryl cheered.
"CHERYL!" Krieger snapped. "You're not supposed to hit the cat!"
"Why not?" Cheryl asked. "Everyone else is!"
"My turn," Ray sighed.
"Noooooope!" Krieger said. "No! Ray you are disqualified from this event! Especially with that bionic hand of yours!"
"Why?" Ray protested.
"Because I don't want my cat to die!" Krieger snapped.
"Yeah it already used up half of it's lives," Pam remarked.
"Krieger I'm an accomplished marksman," Ray said as he aimed. "I'm not going to aim anywhere near the cat! See?"
BOING!
SMACK! CRASH!
"MEOOWWWWWW!"
"You're right Ray," Cyril remarked. "You didn't hit the cat. You hit the target with enough force to knock it over and the target hit the cat!"
"Dukes," Ray winced. "Sorry kitty!"
"MEOWWWWW!"
"Boy that thing shot out of here like a bat out of Hell," Pam remarked. "Considering it has robot legs…"
"Probably going out the back of the lab through the cat door I put in," Krieger groaned.
"Say what now?" Lana asked.
HONK! HONK!
SCREEEEECHHHH!
CRASH!
Krieger ran to the window. "Good news! Schnuckiputzi is okay! She ran safely into that alley! I don't know about that guy who drove his car into the bank though…"
"I just thought of another reason why we stopped these games," Lana groaned. "All the damage we used to do!"
"Uh is that cat coming back?" Ray blinked.
"Would you come back if you were that cat?" Cyril asked. "Who am I kidding? I don't know why I come back here day after day!"
"Wow Ray you really put a dent in this thing," Krieger put the target back up on the stand.
"Sorry," Ray apologized.
"It's okay," Krieger said. He then hit the target with the rubber band while standing next to it. "YES!
"WHAT?" Lana shouted.
"I WON A GAME! WHOO HOO!" Krieger cheered. "YES!"
"But he…" Lana paused.
"Well he was the only one who didn't hit the damn cat," Pam admitted. "What's next?"
"It was supposed to be darts," Cyril remarked. "But considering the circumstances…Something else maybe?"
"Like what?" Ray asked.
BEER PONG
"I am so glad we replaced the dart competition with this," Cheryl hiccupped as she took a drink.
"Are we keeping score?" Pam asked as she prepared to throw a ping pong ball into a cup.
"Honestly I would have but I was…" Lana was reading a magazine. "I honestly didn't care."
"Then…Everybody wins!" Cyril hiccupped as he raised his cup.
"On to the next event!" Ray cheered.
SPEED FINGER SKATING
"It's basically just a typing test!" Pam shouted at Cheryl. "You're a secretary! How the hell did you come in last on this event?"
"I don't type that much," Cheryl protested. She was sitting in front of a computer. Along with Ray, Krieger and Cyril at computers of their own.
"We really need to get somebody here that knows what they're doing," Lana groaned.
"That will be a first," Krieger remarked.
"I win again!" Cyril cheered. "I am just killing it at these games!"
"If only someone would kill you," Cheryl looked at Cyril. Cyril glared at her. "Oh, like I'm the only one who thought that!"
"Eeh…" Pam, Lana, Ray and Krieger admitted it.
"You know…?" Cyril snapped. "You're just jealous because I won!"
"I'll bet Ray threw it," Pam remarked.
"I didn't throw this race," Ray groaned. "I'm still a little buzzed. It's the accuracy that got me."
"I got another medal!" Cyril put the medal around his neck. "Next game!"
THE ROCK EM SOCK EM ROBOT COMPETITION
"This one is just an excuse for us to play with toys isn't it?" Lana groaned as she watched Ray and Cyril face off using the popular game.
"Pretty much," Pam shrugged. "Again, this one was Archer's idea too."
"How did those two get into the finals?" Krieger asked.
"Don't ask me," Cheryl giggled. "I'm drunk and high."
"When are you not?" Lana sighed.
BOP!
"I WIN!" Cyril cheered.
"Aww man!" Ray groaned.
"Wow, you are so bad at fighting…" Pam laughed. "Even a toy version of a cyborg can beat your ass!"
"I was holding back!" Ray snapped.
"Yeah right!" Pam laughed.
"You wanna see what I can really do when I put my mind to it?" Ray shouted.
"Yeah I could use a laugh!" Pam snapped.
"Bring it on!" Ray snapped.
"Guys! I won again!" Cyril said. "I never win and now I'm cleaning up!"
"You're going to end up cleaning this mess if we don't get these two calmed down," Lana groaned as Pam and Ray snapped at each other.
"I think I have an idea that might help," Krieger said.
COMPUTER SHOT PUT
"Okay it's really simple," Krieger pointed to an old heavy computer the size of a medium television set. "Whoever throws this old outdated computer the furthest wins."
"Why an old computer?" Lana asked. They were all outside behind the Figgis Agency in an adjacent parking lot.
"Because A, it's heavy," Krieger said. "And B…I just had this useless hunk of junk lying around so…"
"So…" Pam rolled up her sleeves. "Why don't you just sit back and watch how far I throw this baby?"
She lifted it up. "Son of a bitch this is heavy!" Pam grunted. She then threw it six feet.
CRUNCH!
"Yeah that'll dent the pavement," Pam laughed. "Beat that Princess!"
"I'll Princess you!" Ray growled as he stormed over to the computer and picked it up with his bionic hand. "Funny. This feels light as a feather to me."
"Uh oh…" Pam blinked.
"Oh yeah!" Ray grinned as he brought the computer back. Readied his stance and then…
"GO HERD!" Ray cheered as he threw it.
"That's going all right!" Lana gasped. "Right over the fence!"
"Pam, I think it's safe to say Ray wins this one," Krieger's jaw dropped as he saw the computer sail out over the horizon.
"Whoa! I didn't know computers could fly!" Cheryl whistled.
CRASH!
"They can't," Cyril groaned when the sound of a car alarm was heard in the distance.
"Oops," Ray gulped.
"We should go inside now," Cyril said in a worried tone. "Very quickly."
"Good idea," Krieger said as they ran inside. "So who's ahead?"
"By my calculations," Cyril took out a small pad of paper. "Me and Ray are tied."
"Then one more event to win the whole Olympics!" Krieger said. "Just as soon as I set up the cardboard and mattress."
"Say what?" Ray blinked.
"Come again?" Cyril blinked.
THE STAIR LUGE
"What is this again?" Cyril asked nervously. He was sitting on top of a mattress wrapped in bubble tape with a helmet on his head on top of a flight of stairs. The stairs were covered in cardboard.
"The Stair Luge!" Krieger said happily. "Whoever slides the furthest wins!"
"Uh hang on," Cyril gulped.
"We'll give you a real good push," Pam said. "That's allowed isn't it?"
"Oh yeah," Krieger nodded.
"Hang on," Cyril said nervously.
"Okay Ray you and I will push him," Pam said.
"HANG ON!" Cyril shouted.
"GO!" Pam said as she and Ray pushed Cyril down the stairs.
"NO!" Cyril shouted as he slid down the stairs.
CRASH!
"Oww…" Cyril's feet stuck out of a large hole in the wall.
"Ooh…" Pam winced. "Either we pushed too hard or those walls are too thin."
"Either way it's disturbing," Lana admitted. "Uh Ray do you want to go next?"
Ray looked down the stairs. "Nope! I forfeit."
"Congratulations Cyril!" Pam called out. "You won the Olympics!"
"Hooray…" Cyril said in a warbled voice.
"Should we do something?" Krieger asked.
"I'm going to pick up my daughter and go home," Lana went to leave.
"You're not going to stay for the closing ceremonies?" Pam asked.
"Cyril crashing into a wall was more than enough for me," Lana admitted as she left.
"How about we play another game of beer pong instead?" Cheryl suggested.
"Fine…" Cyril moaned. "I'm gonna take a nap now…"
"Okay how about this?" Pam asked. "To celebrate after the beer pong game, we go to Pita Margarita's!"
"Sounds good to me," Krieger said as the others left Cyril in the wall.
"This was one of our better Olympic games," Ray remarked.