After Okubo-kyo and the police chief left the dojo, its occupants were filled with the sounds of silence. Nobody bothered to speak for all of them were mentally gauging the situation with different perspectives and insights. Yahiko played with his fingers, Sano leaned against the wall and Megumi stared at the lantern in front of them.
Meanwhile, Kaoru eyed Kenshin worriedly as he continued to run his fingers on the hilt of his sakabattou. She hesitantly raised her hand to stroke his back to show him comfort, to remind him that she was there for him, just to simply show that she cared but… she decided against it because she did not want to disturb Kenshin's musings.
Just then, Kenshin stood up, causing all of his companions to stare at him.
"Kenshin?" Kaoru asked.
"I'm alright, Kaoru-dono," he gave her a weak smile as he headed towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't worry. I am just going out for some fresh air," he replied before sliding the door close behind him.
Kaoru sighed audibly, He's shutting us out once again. Why won't he share his burden with us. We are him for him can't he see?
Kaoru clenched her fists in her kimono in desperation. At that time, she wanted to be there for Kenshin… to tell him that he didn't need to be a Hitokiri anymore but she just didn't know what to do. She couldn't find the strength inside her to approach him
One by one, she looked up at the people she had considered as her family, silently seeking advice.
Almost as if Sano knew what she was thinking, he walked towards her, placing a hand on her shoulders and said, "Go to him, Jou-chan. He needs you right now."
Need? Did he really need her right now? Did he really need her at all?
Kaoru met Sano's eyes in inquiry, raising her eyebrows.
"Come on, Jou-chan."
Kaoru nodded, smiling in appreciation. "Thank you, Sano," she whispered. At that she stood up and went outside to search for Kenshin.
~~~~~
Kenshin went outside the dojo to think. He needed some space and he needed to be alone. Being there with him gives him a sense of cruel comfort. Cruel because it gave him a feeling he knew he shouldn't have. Something he didn't deserve. Something that he will terribly miss when he returned to his wandering.
Is that it? Would I really return to being a rurouni? Would I follow Okubo-kyo's request for me to return to Kyoto? Was the service I rendered and life I sacrificed more than ten years ago not enough? Is killing really my destiny?
How about her?
Kaoru.
The woman who gave me another chance in life. Would all her efforts be wasted?
But if I don't go… would I sacrifice her future for my ephemeral happiness? How deep does this matter run anyway? I have to find out soon because the stakes are to high…
Kenshin's silent deliberation was cut off when he felt Kaoru hold him from behind. Autumn breeze gusted their way causing pieces of sakura leaves to dance in their direction. Kenshin glanced over his shoulder, only to see Kaoru's sad face. "Kaoru," he breathed out.
Kaoru didn't say anything, closing her eyes, savoring their nearness. She sighed deeply as a lone tear escaped from her eye.
When Kenshin saw this, he turned to face her, wiping her tear with his gentle fingers.
Kaoru titled her head, wanting to prolong his touch.
"I'm sorry for making you worry, Kaoru-dono."
Kaoru opened her eyes, revealing glassy blue pools. "Kenshin, what are you planning to do?"
"I honestly don't know yet."
"Kenshin?"
"Hmmm?"
"You know that I am always here for you, right?"
"Yes."
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course!" Kenshin smiled to lighten up the mood and pretended that nothing really happened.
He should have known better.
Kaoru cast down her head, biting her lower lip to prevent herself from whimpering as she asked, "Then why do you always shut yourself from me?"
"Oro?"
"Come on, Kenshin. Please. Just talk to me," she pleaded.
"What do you want to know?"
"Are you going to leave me?"
Kenshin looked down and turned around. Am I going to leave her? Can I leave her? But I have to, not only for the sake of Meiji but hers as well. I can't bare the thought that one day I might revert back to being a Hitokiri and hurt her myself. Will I leave her? "I don't know," came his reply to them both.
Just then, Kaoru hugged him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulders, silently telling him that she'll never let him go. Her whole being knew that she wanted to tell that to him but she couldn't. She would not allow herself to be selfish.
Kenshin's heart pounded. He didn't how to react. For all the times that Kaoru had hugged him, he knew he couldn't ruin the moment because for all those times, he knew that Kaoru really meant it this time and she needed it.
Both of them did so he indulged himself in that moment of comfort. He had never felt if for a long time and it felt so good, almost natural with Kaoru. It baffled him how Kaoru's presence had washed away all his worries that moment.
For that brief period, he broke the barrier he so carefully put up and rested his cheek on her head. He wanted to hug her as well but he couldn't allow himself to become nearer.
It was already hard as it was.
Kaoru pulled back after a few moments, smiling though her heart ached.
Kenshin faced her once again as another cool air drafted causing their hair to fly with the wind.
Taking a deep breath, Kaoru cupped his cheek, looking deep in his eyes, "You are Himura Kenshin, a rurouni who doesn't kill."
Kenshin nodded in agreement, tearing his eyes from her penetrating gaze. He whispered inaudibly, "But what if I have to continue my journey?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing!" Kenshin grinned, waving his hands in front of him. "I said time for dinner. I have to cook for our family."
"What did you just say?"
Kenshin cocked his eyebrows, looking at her quizzically, "I said I have to cook. Why?"
"Oh, nothing. Must be my imagination." At that time, a genuine smile formed on Kaoru's pretty features. He unconsciously referred to us as his family…
Author's Notes:
As you may have figured out, this fic takes place after their talk with Okubo-kyo and Kawaji. I got the inspiration for this fic from one of my favorite pictures of Kenshin and Kaoru under the sakura tree while the autumn leaves where falling. I know that the "family" and "home" thing only became official after Kaoru said "Okaeri nasai." But I figured that at some level, Kenshin had already considered them as his family. Maybe he hasn't fully accepted that because of his self-worth issues but with everything that had happened, I think that Kenshin already considers them as that.
Leave me a review! ^__^ Tell me what you think!