I was positive I was going to die today. I could feel it, an ache in my bones, like how my grandmother says she feels when it's going to rain. The alarm next to me wasn't doing anything to brighten my mood as I stretched, my joints popping in the process. Pressing the snooze button, I curled back under the blankets, not really seeing the point to getting up early when I was just going to die anyway.
I was just about back to sleep when my mom's yelling startled me out of my warm cocoon. "Get your lazy ass out of bed McKenzie!" I glared at the alarm clock, noting that I still had twenty minutes before I had to leave the house. With a groan I swing myself out of bed; not bothering to turn off the alarm because I knew the noise would piss her off later. Figures she'd pick today to give a rat's ass whether I go to school or not.
I yawned as I trudged to my closet, still half asleep and more than a little pissed. It took a few minutes of staring blankly at the clothes before I found the energy to grab the first shirt I saw. I was already wearing the only semi clean pair of jeans I owned, and laundry wouldn't be done for another couple of days.. I pulled of my sleeping tank, stretching languidly as I did so. I always tried to enjoy the simple things on the days I died, anything to keep from feeling scared or sad.
It took a few moments of fumbling through the dirty clothes on the floor, but eventually I found a bra that didn't smell like cigarettes and sweat. As I secured it I made a mental note to tell my mother I would need a new one soon, my breast already out growing this one. I hoped they were done now, as bra shopping was more expensive than any of us cared to think about and I had long outgrown my mom's hand-me-downs.
I slid on my shirt and headed out, knowing if I didn't hurry my mother would come looking for me, and neither of us wanted that. She didn't normally give a shit about my attendance, but when she did she went full force. The house was relatively quiet, both dad and Kevin at work and Karen still sleeping. As I padded down the hall I peeked in her room, just checking that she was fine. After assuring myself she was I finally made my way to the kitchen.
It was one of those rare days where mom made breakfast, and the smell was intoxicating. My stomach growled, not surprising since dinner had been nonexistent last night. "Go on, dig in." I didn't need any more invitation than that to grab a plate and start piling the food on. It was only buttermilk biscuits and gravy, but it was delicious and I was more than hungry.
I had been out late last night, hanging out with the girls and by the time I got home any leftovers that had been there had already devoured. Stacey had offered to buy me something at the theater, but I already owed her from last time and didn't want to add anything else to my dept before I made it up to her. I inhaled the food in three seconds flat, almost going back for seconds, but I knew Karen would need it more than I did. I was going to die today anyway.
I dropped my dishes in the sink, knowing I'd end up washing them when I got home and snagged my hoodie, not bothering with my backpack when I knew it was pointless. "Thanks mom." I shouted as I dashed out the door, barely remembering to slide on my boots before I made the trek to the bus stop.
Stacey and Kayla were already there, but then I was sure they synchronized their watches to make it there at the same time, thus maximizing their how long they had together. "Hey Kenzie." Stacey smiled at me, waving. I waved back, shivering slightly in the Colorado air. Kayla didn't look up from her book, her gaze intent as the devoured the words.
As I neared them I could make out the title, though the fact that she was reading a math text book so avidly left me dumbstruck. "I didn't know AP Calc was so fascinating." Stacey chuckled as Kayla glanced up at me, seemingly surprised by my approach.
"Oh, hey McKenzie, didn't notice you there. Sorry, got to study a bit more, we have a quiz today in first period." I shrugged, standing next to Stacey and waiting for the bus. Far be it from me to keep her from studying.
"She was up all night studying, kept me awake." I patted Stacey on her shoulder, feeling bad for her.
"I told you guys last night this quiz was important. It's not my fault if you decide you want to drag me to a movie on a school night forcing me to study into the morning." I snickered at her outburst as Stacey dropped the subject, knowing she had lost before it started. Kayla wasn't on the debate team for nothing.
"It's too early for all of your squawking you bitch." I didn't need to turn to see the face Kayla was giving Erica.
"Shut up fat-ass". I quit listening after that, already knowing what they would say. It was the same every morning, and the monotony was starting to wear on me. I looked up to the sky wondering how it would happen this time. The squealing of the bus drug me out of my thoughts before they could start to affect me.
I was the first on the bus, not wanting to wait as they continued arguing. Not that it mattered, as their insults filled the bus all the way to school. I could already feel the makings of a migraine and it wasn't even first period. I hated being squished between the wall and Erica's thighs, but I suppose the closeness was comforting. I knew I was one of the few people who tolerated her this way, and because of that she needed me in a way that was addicting. Even if I thought she wore to much expensive perfume. Not that the stench of cigarettes wafting off of me was pleasant…
As soon as the bus stopped I climbed over the seat in front of me, too impatient to wait for Erica, and dashed out of the bus, heading straight to where I knew Crystal would be smoking before class. It was our morning ritual, I would bum a cigarette off of her, she would complain about me never having any, and we would smoke in peace before class. I knew she didn't mind, since she always waited for me to start.
Sometimes I thought she might even be closer to me that my other friends, but Crystal doesn't actually give a shit about anyone. Except maybe Tweek. But that was something I did not want to think about. Crystal was there, waiting as usual, a cigarette already held out to me as I turned down the alley. It wasn't an alley per se, just a small space between two buildings that only went back a couple feet, but it was secluded and no one came back here. "You're late McCormick." I shrugged, accepting her offer and lit it, inhaling deeply.
"Erica was bitchier than usual." Crystal snorted, but said nothing else as she lit her own and started smoking. We didn't feel the need for idle chat, we had friends for that. But somehow smoking was very sad when done alone, and neither of us were fond of it. I felt a buzzing in my pants, disturbing the moment. I pulled out my cell, a shitty flip phone that didn't even have demo Tetris, and glanced at the message.
Did you remember your English paper? – Stacey
I blinked then swore. I had actually finished the paper, but it was currently in my backpack, which was at home. Suddenly it didn't seem so pointless after all. Crystal's gaze was questioning, but she didn't pry, something I appreciated about her. My shoulders slumped as I realized I was about to lose my only passing grade. What even was the point?
Why didn't you remind me at the bus stop? – McKenzie
I knew my anger was pointless, it wasn't her fault I was so stupid. I took another long drag, wishing I had something stronger. Anything to fight back the tears. I wasn't sure why I was crying, I should be used to failing, I was tanking all of my other classes. But Mrs. Lewis had been so nice to let me do this make-up work, when no one else had bothered to care, and now I was going to lose my one decent grade.
Sorry, I forgot about it. - Stacey
I instantly felt worse, knowing she would take it to heart. I shoved the phone back into my pocket and finished the cigarette, stomping it out on the ground. There was no way I was facing Mrs. Lewis today. Fuck school and fuck life. I would go wait at Stark's pond for death to finally claim me, and get a fresh start tomorrow.
Crystal didn't try to stop me as I stormed off of school property, not that she could have. Everything was a blur as I marched, and I idly wondered if my period would be coming soon. I wasn't usually this emotional over things I already knew I couldn't control. A giggle brought me out of my reverie. It was Marjorine, laughing at some stupid book as she crossed the street. Where the crossing guard was I had no idea, but the truck speeding toward here clearly didn't intend to stop.
Without a second though I ran to her, shoving her out of the way of the collision just in time to be hit myself.
Special Chocolate Chip Cookie to anyone who can guess Clyde's, Bebe's and Wendy's names.