Author's Note: This story was up before, but I took it down and edited it and made some improvements. I hope you like it the second time around.
Unknown Beginnings
Introduction
The room was dark. It had been dark for days now. My mind constantly slipped back to a week ago when I was in Voltera. I had watched the Volturi grab Edward and drag him back into the shadows. Of course, this was not before I saw his beautiful skin sparkle one last time. I was so stuck in my mind at that moment that I barely understood Alice's shouts at me to take the phone and run. I am not sure why I did it even. I had wanted to die from that moment on. Somehow, though, I had been able to make it outside the huge gates and pressed the one to speed dial Carlisle. They bought me a plane ticket and I caught a cab to the airport. When I had called Carlisle I told him not to tell anyone else. I had to be the one to tell them I had failed. All of this had been done on autopilot. It wasn't until I stepped off the plane and came face to face with Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper that emotion took over. I simply crumbled to the ground in tears. Nobody knew what to do except for Carlisle. He had scooped me up and made our way to the car. I didn't speak until we were back at the house. I had to look into the eyes of all of them and tell them that because of me their son and daughter, brother and sister, where dead. I watched as Jasper's face caved. I watched as Esme broke into sobs. I watched as everyone seemed to cave around me. From that moment on I had stayed in my room. Every once in a while Esme or Carlisle would come in and sit with me. They would bring me food. I would nibble, but never really eat. I had exactly one conversation the entire week. It was with Carlisle. I had told him to fake my death. I didn't plan on showing my face anywhere anytime soon. I was waiting for death. That was my goal now. After much argument, he finally agreed. Since then, I had been silent.
So here I lay. Curled up under the comforter in, what use to be, Edward's room. I could still smell him on the sheets. Whenever I emerged to go to the restroom I would see all the reminders of him around me. His books, magazines, CD's, and most importantly, his pictures. All these reminders ripped the hole in my chest wide open.
I heard the bedroom door open and waited for the soothing hand on my shoulder from Esme. It was silent for a few minutes and I felt nothing. A second later the bed sunk down, but still no touch. I slowly pushed the blanket back to see who had joined me. Rosalie sat on the bed next to me with her long legs stretched out in front of her. I looked up at her silently waiting for her to speak. After a few minutes she glanced down at me and I knew that if she could, she would be crying.
"Bella, I'm sorry." Her voiced cracked.
I didn't speak. I just looked at her in confusion. What was she apologizing for? This was my entire fault.
"I'm sorry that you blame yourself. I'm sorry that I have stayed silent this long. I'm sorry that I made that call to Edward telling him that you had killed yourself. None of this would have happened if I had just kept my mouth shut."
"Rosalie, it is not your fault. If I was faster or stronger I would have made it to him in time. If I had not been so weak and wanting to hear his voice I wouldn't have jumped off the cliff. Sooner or later this would have happened."
"The family is so torn. We are trying to work on it. Jasper is even working through it. It is hard, though, without you. You have never been more a part of this family than right now. We need you." Her words were sincere and they reached into my body and seemed to put the first stitch in my heart.
"I will try," I said attempting a smile.
We sat there for a long time just getting use to this new found closeness. Finally, I slid the blanket down and sat up. I was instantly hit with all of Edward's reminders. All of his things seemed to jump out at me. I flinched at it and Rosalie was instantly by my side.
"I know it is hard. I think we need to consider packing up a lot of this stuff. We will keep it of course, but maybe make some room for your things. You are, after all, staying."
I nodded at her. She excused herself and told me she would see me when I was ready. I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time simply staring out the window. It was dark out. I had my days and nights totally confused. Luckily it didn't matter because there would always be someone around. I finally got the courage to stand up and walked into the bathroom. There were dark circles under my eyes and my hair was sticking up in every direction. I decided to take a shower. Hopefully that would help.
I let the water run over me for a long time. It seemed that I was trying to wash away more than just grime. I was trying to wash away a little of this barrier that was built up around me. This was going to take a while. After an hour in the shower I finally stepped out and dried off. I slipped into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top before making my way down the hall.
I paused at the stairs afraid of actually making an appearance. I slowly took each step until I was able to see the living room. It was empty except for Jasper who was standing by the fireplace. He had his back to me and I am not sure even with his extra hearing if he knew I was there. I stood there for a moment trying to figure out what he was doing. I finally noticed as he stepped to the side that he was staring at a picture of him and Alice. The hole in my chest ripped wide open again and I gasped as I gripped the hand rail with all my strength. Jasper's head flipped around and he saw me standing there. Tears spilled out of my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said before turning and bolting back up the stairs.
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