Disclaimer:
I do not own in any way, shape, or form Squaresoft or any of its affliates, nor do I own Final Fantasy VII for that matter. I do however own this fic and would really appreciate it if people asked before using it on their site.Author's Note: Yeah, it's a long one. First off, I want to say that while this does have some of the events that take place in FF VII this is in no way an word-for-word script of what they say. I kinda changed some things here and there but it was all for the sake of the fic. Thankfully the real FF VII did not turn out this bad.
Chapter I
Director: Sitting down on his make-shift, fold-out Director's chair hand on his forehead in deep consternation. "Why me?"
"Um..."
Director: Looks up annoyed. A young girl is standing right there in front of him holding a hot steaming pot of coffee in one hand and a mug in the other.
Girl: "Excuse me. Tell me exactly why do I have to be coffee girl."
Director: Glares. "Move it. Okay, let's get back to work, everybody!" The girl still hasn't moved, standing directly in front of him. "I said move."
Girl: "Fine." She says turning, dumping the entire pot on his lap. "Here's your coffee, sir." Hands him the mug.
Director: "Yeeeeoooooooowww!" Quickly heads to bathroom. The scene starts.
The camera pans slowly across a starfield for several seconds before we see a beautiful young woman looking directly at us. Green embers waft upwards around her face. The camera moves to show that the embers are generated by a Mako furnace in a dark alley as the woman stares into it. After a few moments, she turns and leaves the alley, a basket of flowers on one arm, and stops to stand at a street corner. Our view of her is momentarily obstructed by a massive train as it speeds past through the town square. The camera swings outward through the dark, dingy square, under a stone arch, and then begins to swing upwards. The view moves higher and higher until the entire circular city of Midgar comes into view. The Final Fantasy VII logo appears for a few moments before the camera begins to swing back down into a different part of the city. A train is pulling into a station in another dark alley. Two guards attack the intruder only to be knocked out by her skillful hands and feet. Barret hops out of the train, turns, and motions for another to follow.
Barret: "C'mon newcomer. Follow me." He runs upstairs. Cloud flips out of the train and follows him.
A guard comes down the stairs down to the train platform, blocking his path.
Guard: "Very brave." Pulling the trigger he looks Cloud in the eye, the other's expression tense.
BANG!
With a quick sidestep to the left Cloud barely misses getting hit. As several blond strands float, spiralling down to the ground Cloud drops face, his left brow twitching, eyes widened with the realization with what happened.
Cloud: "YEEK!"
Guard: "Damn." And takes aim again.
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Guard: "What, is he predicting my shots through gun movements and timing?"
Cloud: Sticking his face nose-to-nose with the guard. "No, you're just a bad shot." And then flicks his finger, taking down the guard.
Guard: "W-Who the hell are you?"
Cloud: Taking the classic stance. "Sore wa himitsu desu."
After the battle, Cloud runs up the stairs and meets the group.
Biggs: "Wow! You used to be in SOLDIER all right! Not everyday ya find one in a group like AVALANCHE."
Jessie: "SOLDIER? Aren't they the enemy? What's he doing with us in Shinra?"
Barret: From off-stage. "WTF? We're in AVALANCHE, got it? AVALANCHE!"
Biggs: "...um... uh... guys, can we please continue? I hafta pee!"
Cloud: Ignoring the others, continuing on with his lines. "I don't care what your names are. Once this job's over... I'm outta here."
Barret comes running up from offscreen.
Barret: "The hell you all doin'!? I thought I told you never to move in a group! Our main target's the North Mako Reactor. We'll meet on the bridge in front of it."
They start to head forward with Biggs falling behind.
Biggs: "Um, boss." He says stoppping.
Barret and the others stop as well. Jessie impatiently tapping one foot on the ground.
Biggs: "Can we just skip the Mako Reactor scene and go to the next one? I have to pee!"
Jessie chuckles.
Barret: "Shut up!" His fist is raised menacingly above her head, calms down and puts a hand thoughtfully under his chin. "......hmm. I suppose we could. An' it's not like Mr. Director over there's gonna know."
They take five and move on to the next scene.
Cloud, Barret, and Tifa land in an underground subway.
Barret: "Good, so far everything's going as planned." He walks down a bit. "Better not let your guard down till we get to the Sector 5 reactor. Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie got everything ready for us. So MOVE it."
They walk down the tunnel, until they reach a grid of laser beams crossing the tunnel.
Cloud: "Those lights beams are the Shinra's security sensors. We can't go any further."
They see a ventilation duct in the wall.
Barret: "That's one damn tiny hole. You tellin' me to squeeze into that to get under the Plate? No way!"
They climb into the duct. Cloud, Barret, and Tifa enter the ventilation ducts and work their way into the reactor. The three work their way deeper until they reach the core. The screen goes red and Cloud clutches his head and falls to his knees. The scene shifts as Cloud hallucinates. He sees the inside of a Mako Reactor. Gears are spinning. On the floor lies a long, thin sword. Tifa, as a young girl kneels on the floor. A man lies before her, dead.
Tifa: "Director, is that you?"
Tifa's Father: Under his breath. "Coffee girl?"
His pants are still soaked with coffee.
Tifa: "Sephiroth!?"
She sits up.
Tifa: "Sephiroth did this to you, didn't he!?"
Tifa's Dad: "No, you did. You little..."
She shakes her fists and looks skyward.
Tifa: "Sephiroth.... SOLDIER... Mako Reactors... Shinra... Everything!"
She rises; then, vehemently.
Tifa: "I hate them all!"
She struggles trying to pick up the sword, accidentally drops it, picks it up again and runs into the reactor core. Cloud comes out of his hallucination. The scene changes back to Reactor No. 5. Cloud plants a bomb in the reactor. They hurry out. They reach a mechanism with three buttons.
Tifa: "Just push 'em."
The three furiously mash the buttons, overloading the circuits. The door opens and they hurry through onto a walkway.
Barret: "This way!"
His way is blocked.
Barret: "Shinra soldier!? SHIT! What the hell's goin' out?"
Cloud: "...a trap..."
We hear footsteps, then, the Shinra music theme.
Barret: "President Shinra?"
Tifa: "Why is the President here?"
The Shinra President walks onto the walkway, his expensive shoes echoing.
President Shinra: "Hmm... So you all must be that... ...what was it?"
Barret: "AVALANCHE! And don't ya forget it! And you're President Shinra, huh?"
Cloud steps forward.
Cloud: "Long time no see, President."
President Shinra: "...Long time no see? Oh... you. You're the one who quit SOLDIER and joined AVALANCHE. I knew you were exposed to Mako, from the glow in your eyes... Tell me, traitor... what was your name?"
Cloud: "I'm Nabeshin. The afro suits me. Maintenance is easy. Just wash it once. It's fluffy on my head. Women fall like flies and all the men turn around to take a second look. Shaggy and curly and frizzy and messy. The afro is the best. Shaggy and curly and frizzy and messy." Goes on singing.
President Shinra: "Forgive me for asking. You are beginning to bore me. I'm a very busy man, so if you'll excuse me... I have a dinner I must attend."
Barret runs right up to him.
Barret: "Dinner!? Don't give me that! I ain't even started wit' you yet!"
President Shinra: "But, I've made arrangements for a playmate for you all." Snaps his fingers.
Tifa: "!? What's that noise?"
Barret runs back.
A blond boy wearing goggles barges in.
Boy: "What the hell is that?" Looks around. "What's going on? You're not Masafumi." Slinks back off screen.
A huge robot buzzes in and looks menacing.
President Shinra: "Play nice."
A helicopter hovers up to the walkway.
President Shinra: "Now then, if you'll excuse me."
Cloud runs forward, too late to intercept him. President Shinra boards the helicopter and flies away... leaving Cloud and the others alone with the robot.
Cloud: "Wait, President!"
Barret turns toward the robot.
Barret: "Yo, Cloud! We've gotta do somethin' about him!"
The robot buzzes toward Barret and Tifa.
Tifa: "Claude!"
They fight the robot. It explodes, taking half the walkway with it. Cloud is left hanging from a piece of broken metal. It's a long way down.
Barret: "It's gonna blow! Let's go, Tifa!"
Tifa: "Barret! Can't you do something?"
Barret: "Not a damn thing."
Tifa: "Claude! Cheer up. Cheer up, Claude!"
Cloud: "Will you stop shouting?"
Barret: "Hey, you gonna be awright?"
Cloud: "Don't worry about me. I'm just gonna fall anyways."
Barret: "Uh. Okay, since you put it so bluntly."
Tifa: "I wish you luck!"
Barret and Tifa skip merrily skip off screen hand in hand.
Cloud: As he falls. "Bitch!"
The bomb explodes, knocking Cloud from the walkway. Tifa and Barret stop in their tracks and watch as he plummets from the upper plate down to the slums below.
Aerith: "...You all right? Can you hear me?" She shakes him and after a prolonged silence gets up. "Someone call an ambulance!"
Cloud and Aerith are in an old church. They turn to see a mysterious figure in the doorway...
Aerith: "Say, Cloud. Have you ever been a bodyguard? You DO do everything, right?"
Cloud: "What do you want?"
Aerith leans forward, whispering something in his ear.
Cloud: "OK, I'll do it... but it'll cost you."
Someone enters.
Cloud: "I don't know who you are, but...."
Three Shinra guards run in.
Guard: ".....Hey, sis, this one's a little weird."
Cloud: "Shut up!" Then mutters deeply under his breath. "I can't help it if I like other guys."
Guard: "Reno! Want him taken out?"
Cloud: "What am I, namagomi?"
Reno: "I haven't decided yet.
Aerith: "Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers!"
Cloud and Aerith run to the back of the church.
Aerith: "The exit is back there."
They exit. Reno walks forward, stepping on the flowers.
Reno: "They were..... Mako eyes. Yeah, all right. Back to work, back to work."
He exits.
Reno: "Oh!"
He re-enters.
Reno: "And don't step on the flowers......"
After escaping Cloud and Aerith hop down from the rooftops across pieces of debris. They land on a dirt road.
Aerith: "I thought I was going to die."
Cloud: "I think it's this way." He says drawing his sword, pointing it to the left.
Aerith: "No! We simply must take the path to the right!" She raises her hand to the path on the right.
Cloud: "Oh, really? I think we should take the one to the left."
Aerith: "Oh, no!"
Cloud: "'Oh, no'...?"
She places her hands on her hips.
Aerith: "No Monster is going to trick me THAT easily!"
Cloud: "Oh...?! You're just going to dismiss me out of hand?"
Aerith: Turning, arms crossed sternly. "Yes. Besides, I should know where I live."
Cloud and Aerith travel through the Sector 5 Slums to Aerith's small cottage. Before entering Cloud leers back at Aerith.
Cloud: "So, you know where you live."
Aerith: "Shut up."
Cloud stays the night.
Aerith: Intercepting him before he goes in his bedroom. "Cloud.... Good night."
She goes downstairs.
Cloud: "Weird girl."
He goes into his bedroom, turning off the lights, laying on his bed.
Cloud: "I haven't slept in a bed like this ....in a long time." He pauses and after a long prolonged silence. "Ever since that time."
He falls asleep. The scene fades in. Cloud is lying on a bed in a one-room house. A woman is in the room, working in the kitchen area. She stops and walks toward him.
Cloud's Mother: "My, how you've grown. I'll bet the girls never leave you alone."
Cloud: "...Not really."
She paces around a bit.
Cloud's Mother: "...I'm worried about you. There are a lot of temptations in the city... I'd feel a lot better if you just settled down and had a nice girlfriend."
Cloud: Closing his eyes. "...I'm all right."
Cloud's Mother: "You should have... an older girlfriend, one that'll take care of you. I think that would be the perfect type for you."
Cloud: Closing his eyes, picturing someone. "I'm not interested."
The scene fades back in. Cloud is lying on a bed on the second floor of Aerith's house. Aerith is in the next room. He get's up.
Cloud: "Hate when that happens. Let's see." He says taking out and unfolding a map, holding it upside down. "I know where I'm going so I should be all right by myself."
He sneaks past Aerith's room and goes downstairs. He exits the house, leaving Aerith behind. On the way out of the city, Cloud runs into Aerith. He looks startled.
Aerith: "I'm not leaving."
Cloud drops his head, gently closing his eyes smiling.
Cloud: "Come along if you want. Just don't get in my way."
Aerith: "Are you done?"
Cloud smooths his hair.
Aerith: "You don't know where you're going, do you? You have to go through the slum in Sector 6 to get to Tifa's 7th Heaven." She grabs his arm. "I'll take you there."
Aerith runs out. Cloud follows. They cross a highway that has been more or less demolished until they reach an old playground.
Aerith: "The gate to Sector 7's in there."
Cloud: "Thanks. I guess this is goodbye."
She walks to a large, moogle-shaped children's slide.
Aerith: "I can't believe it's still here."
She climbs to the top and calls for him to join her. He climbs up and sits beside her.
Aerith: "Cloud, can I ask you something?"
He nods. She begins but is cut off by the sound of a scream.
"Takatori!"
Aerith: "It's really a shame."
Cloud turns towards Aerith.
Cloud: "What's wrong?"
Aerith: Shakes her head. "Nothing." Averting her eyes. "It doesn't really matter."
The huge gate opens. A large carriage drawn by a chocobo comes out. A woman is riding in the back.
Cloud: "Back there. Wasn't that..."
He stands up.
Cloud: "Tifa!?"
The carriage drives out and the gate closes.
Aerith: "That girl in the cart was Tifa? Where was she going? She looks kind of odd..."
They hop down and chase the cart, following it into Wall Market. The streets are busy with the hustle and bustle of people. Aerith runs around, checking things out. They arrive at a large mansion.
Aerith: "Hey, this looks like the Don's mansion. I'll go take a look. I'll tell Tifa about you."
Cloud: "No!"
Aerith: "Why?"
Cloud: "I'll go alone."
Aerith stomps her foot.
Cloud: "You DO know... what kind of... place this is, don't you? We'll go together. However, if we go in as we are now it'll cause too much commotion."
Aerith is giggling.
Cloud: "What's so funny?"
Aerith: Waving her hand. "It's nothing. I think I know JUST the thing."
She pulls him away, heading to the Dress Shop.
Clerk: Handing Cloud a dress. "Go try it on."
He tries it on.
Aerith: "Cloud?"
Cloud: "I'm NOT coming out!"
Aerith: "Don't be ridiculous."
Cloud: "I'm NOT coming out!"
Aerith: "Hai, hai. Fine, suit yourself."
Hours pass and he eventually has to go to the bathroom. He comes out.
Aerith: Running out from nowhere. "Aw! You're so cute, Miss Cloud!"
Aerith is already dressed in a red dress, her hair tied back with a yellow ribbon. They go to the Don's mansion.
Aerith: "Walk more nicely, Miss Cloud."
Cloud: Growling in a low, gutteral voice. "I'm going to kill you."
Doorman: "Come in, come in! Two ladies coming through!"
Entering the mansion they eventually find Tifa down below in a torture chamber. Their reunion is cut short however as one of the Don's henchmen hollars for them to join them. They all go upstairs. Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa enter the Don's room. He is seated at a desk, with a flunky on either side.
Kotch: "All right, ladies! Line up in front of the Don!"
They line up in a row.
Don Corneo: "Hmmm! Good, splendid!"
And after picking a rather startled Cloud, heads into the bedroom.
Don Corneo: "Ahh, we're finally alone... All right, pussycat... Come to daddy!"
Cloud reluctantly goes to the bed.
Don Corneo: "You're so cute, I never get tired of looking at you. Do you like me, too?"
Cloud: "......"
Don Corneo: "There isn't someone else, is there?"
Cloud: Dropping his disguise. "Yeah, and his name's Sephiroth."
Tifa and Aerith barge in.
Don Corneo: "What the hell's going on?"
Aerith: "Cloud!"
Tifa: "Did I hear what I think I just heard?"
Don Corneo: "What's going on?"
Cloud: "It's over."
Don Corneo: "Hold on. Can you just take a step to the left?"
Cloud obliges, taking a step to the left. The boards bend beneath their weight, giving way.
Director: "Cut!"
Everyone grumbles. Cloud makes his way past the Dirctor and towards the bathroom.
Cloud: Pushing through the people. "Move! Get out of my way! I have to PEEEEEEE!"
Cloud and Biggs finally return to the set. The Director as well as the rest of the cast are waiting.
Tifa: Furious. "Why do I have to be coffee girl?"
Director: "Because we are short of staff and because we're on a budget!"
Tifa: "Why can't Aerith get coffee?"
Director: "Because Aerith is the flower girl."
Barret, Wedge, and Sephiroth are sitting at a table. Biggs comes running to the table.
Biggs: "San-"
Barret reaches forward and touches his head. And then rather violently...
THWACK!
Barret: "You... DUMBASS APE!"
Biggs: "Owww!"
Barret: "How long're you gonna keep that stupid expression on your face?!?"
THWACK!
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
Barret: While beating Biggs with fan. "I always tell you not to run off without thinking about where you're going."
Biggs: "Man, I'm hungry!"
Wedge: Goes ahead and takes a piece, not waiting for the others to continue. "Nobody's ever honest around here. Sanzou-sama, you bashful thing, you."
BANG!
Tifa: "Hey guys, I brought some fresh coffee."
Wedge: Mumble, mumble. "... Bastard! He was aiming for me! I know it!"
Barret: "If your daily deeds are good, you won't get hit."
Wedge: "I don't wanna hear that from you!"
Sephiroth: Singing, picking up a tile. "Nani wo mitsukete yukou... Jikan wo kirisaite."
Barret: Glaring at Sephiroth, anger mark on forehead. "Hey."
Wedge: Nudging Sephiroth. "Psst! I think he's talking to you."
Sephiroth: "Kimi no soba ni iru yo sore ga yasashisa nar..."
THWACK!
Wedge: "Last piece call."
Barret: "Call. Tan-pin-san-sho."
Director: Barging in. "All right, everyone! Back to work! You!" He says addressing the four. "What do you think you're doing?!"
All: "Mah-jongg!"
Director: "I don't care what it's called! I said back to work!"
Tifa: "Coffee?"
Sephiroth: Who is still sitting at the table. "Just leave it."
Tifa: "Here you go." Places hot cup in front of him. "What about your date's?"
Sephiroth: "Doesn't matter, my date's not coming..." He trails off looking a bit distant. "...ever..."
The scene starts. Cloud and Tifa climb the flights of stairs up the side of the tower. Along the way, they meet Biggs, who is leaning over the railing, wounded.
Biggs: "Cloud... so you don't care... what happens... to the.... Planet?"
Cloud: "I have no interest whatsoever in the future of the Earth."
Biggs: "Hmph.... you haven't changed. Oh, forget it."
Continuing up the tower, they meet Jessie, who is lying on the stairs, also hurt.
Jessie: "....Cloud... I'm glad.... I could talk with you one last time."
Cloud: "Don't say 'last'...... What the hell am I gonna do if you die?"
Jessie: "That's... for you to decide. Because of our actions..." Her tears begin to flow. "Cloud... many people died..."
Cloud: Laying her down. "Don't worry. The show's almost over."
Jessie: "...Is.. that so......?"
Reaching the top of the tower, they meet Barret, who is fighting the numerous Shinra enemies.
Barret: "Tifa! Cloud! What took you so long? Watch out! They're attacking from the helicopter."
Tifa: "Here they come!"
A helicopter flies past, and Reno drops it. He runs over to a mechanism on the side of the pillar and presses a few buttons on it. Cloud, Barret, and Tifa run over.
Reno: "You're too late. Once I push this button..."
Beep.
Reno: "T-T-That's all for now, folks! Today's mission completed, with love."
Tifa: "We have to disarm it!"
Reno: "I'm sorry, but I can't have you do that right now."
They fight and defeat Reno.
Reno: "It's time."
He jumps off the edge of the tower. Tifa runs over to the mechanism and tries to disarm the bomb.
Tifa: "Cloud! I don't know what to do!"
Cloud examines it.
Cloud: "It's not a normal time bomb."
Barret: "Say what?"
The helicopter hovers up to the side of the tower. A Turk, Tseng, pops his head out the side window.
Tseng: "That's right. Just look at the camera. Hi, honey! Daddy loves you."
Tifa: "Is this guy off his rocker, or what?"
Tseng: "I just wanted to say thanks to my wife for supporting me, my agent who landed me this fine hell of a job..."
Barret: "Shut yer hole!"
Tseng: "... And my little cat Fluffy..."
A woman in a pink dress raises her head up in the window.
Tifa: "Aerith! What are you doing way up there?"
Aerith: "I was going to sell this guy flowers but before I knew it..."
Cloud: "Kids, never get into the copper with a strange looking man."
Aerith: "Cloud!"
Tseng slaps her back into the helicopter.
Tifa: "Julia!"
Aerith leans out.
Aerith: "Don't worry! She's safe! I promise you. She's safe."
Tseng: "Sayonara."
The helicopter flies away, and the pillar begins to explode, sending chunks of flaming steel and concrete falling to the ground.
Tifa: "Now that's just great! How're we gonna get out of here?"
Barret hops up on the railing of the tower and grabs a hanging wire.
Barret: "Yo, we can use this wire to get out!"
Tifa climbs in Barret's lap. Cloud climbs up on his shoulders. The pillar explodes. The people in the slums panic as the upper plate comes crashing their homes. Cloud, Tifa, and Barret swing on the wire and barely escape the falling plate as President Shinra watches it all from his office window in Shinra HQ, opera music blaring from the stereo.
Director: "Cut! That was great! You can all go home now! Even though we didn't quiet get everything we needed, we'll just voice-over your lines and call it a day!"
Aerith: "We didn't even finish the first disc."
Director: "Don't worry. It's amazing with what you can do with computers these days."
Jessie: "The script sucked."
Director: "Listen to me! I know the script sucked! I know the script has changed from the translation but it was being viewed for television. We had to change things! There's no lesbian sub-text for Sailor Moon anymore. No blood or booze in Outlaw Star. Just give me a second. I can make it up for you. From now on the fics will be shorter! And they'll stick closer to the original script!" Lowers his voice, almost talking to himself. "Thankfully we won't be writing any more scripts. Rarrggh!"
Author's Note: Wow! This has got to be the longest fic I ever wrote. I'll let you in on a little secret: that's not all. Now that you've read it if you're into anime you're in for a real treat. Now you can go back and re-read the entire thing, picking out the various pieces of different anime references!
Conscience: "You know, that was evil."
Me: Smiles. "Yeah."
A red-haired guy sneaks up behind author, somehow wielding Sephiroth's sword.
"Hiten Mitsurugi Style."
Me: "Shimatta."
Kling!
Red-haired guy lobs off author's head.
Sephiroth: "That's... my sword."
Conscience: "You know, that was evil."
Red-haired guy: "Oro?"
Sephiroth picks up the sword, watching as the blood drips on the floor.
Sephiroth: "BAKA! WTF?! You just killed the author!"
The scene fades to black. In the background we hear someone yelling and the swish of a sword.
THE END.