A/N: This has been tickling my brain for a few days. It was only going to be about 700 words, just an intro and then 6 ficlet/drabbles and yeah...it kinda grew waaaaaay out of control but I really like it. So, it's absolutely unbetaed and I've only read through it once but I am way late in getting ready for work so I wanted to post it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or any of the 7 songs. They are awesome and all available on YouTube and are 'Push It', 'I Wanna Sex You Up', Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me', 'I Touch Myself', 'Fantasy', 'Dirty Little Secret' or 'The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny' in order of usage.
A/N 2: The parts in parenthesis are Puck's commentary on the situation, his thoughts and what not.
Puck has a problem. Like a big (huge) problem. And the only person who would possibly understand is Finn. But, hello, can't talk to him about it or it would mean getting sucker punched. Again.
He doesn't know how or even when the hell this happened. One day his life was normal. Perfectly, blissfully, wonderfully normal. He was a jock, had the cheerleaders (and half of their moms) wrapped around his skillful finger. But, somehow, here he is.
If he's honest, it's all Finn's fault. If Finn hadn't joined Homo Explosion (no, he doesn't actually call it that anymore. Even if, half the time, he still thinks it's true) then he never would have gone to that stupid assembly and seen that stupid (totally fucking hot) Glee performance. And then he wouldn't have been in this situation at all.
He would not be sitting here recounting the six (six!) times that Rachel Berry made him want to bend her over and take her, right there in front of everyone. This is not going to end well...
The first time Rachel turned Puck on was definitely intentional.
He may not have been the intended audience, but the reaction was exactly what she was going for. From the moment she stormed out of the Celibacy Club meeting, she knew she was going to show them all that repression was not the answer.
And she did.
"Get up on this!"
She walked out there on that stage with that skirt and those pigtails and those fucking knee pads and Puck was a goner.
"Want you to push it, babe."
As was other male in the room.
"Coolin' by day then at night working up a sweat."
If asked, Puck would swear on his mama that Rachel was staring directly at him.
"C'mon girls, let's show the guys that we know"
She was up there, hips moving, that skirt barely covering anything and Puck was having a hard time remembering how to breathe at the moment, let alone remember that this was "Homo Explosion."
"How to become number one in a hot party show."
It was only slightly ruined by the fact that she was grinding on his best friend and not him.
"Now push it."
Puck wasn't really seeing the show anymore. He was watching his own Puck and Rachel show while he listened to her and shifted to make his jeans more comfortable.
"Ooh baby, baby. Baby, baby. Ooh baby, baby. Baby, baby."
He was vaguely aware that the entire room was shifting the same way he had.
"Ah, push it!"
And then it was totally ruined when that damn Jacob kid stood up in front of him screaming and shouting her name and completely blocking Puck's view of Rachel's heaving chest and rocking hips.
Puck won't admit it but he knows he wasn't the only guy, or even football player, to go home and think of Berry while taking matters into his own hands.
The second time Rachel turned Puck on may not have been intentional, but he knows that knew what she was doing to him.
It was the morning after the PTA meeting where the Acafellas performed. He was minding his own business, standing at his locker shooting the shit with Mike and Matt when she walked by humming. Not a surprise since Rachel had been humming or singing since, well, birth. But the humming wasn't what caught his attention anyway.
It was the damn tune. And the wicked gleam in her eye when she looked at him from her own locker a few feet away. And the fact that she started singing that line in that low almost husky voice.
"Let me take off all your clothes."
Rachel slowly pulled her coat off, hanging it in her locker
"Disconnect the phone so nobody knows"
Turning away for a moment, Rachel swiped her favorite lip gloss across her pouty lips.
"Let me light a candle so we can make it better."
She looked away then, pulling her math book from the shelf in front of her.
"Making love until we drown."
Puck audibly gulped as Rachel turned abruptly and walked back past the boys, an extra twitch in her hips causing that barely there skirt to bounce just a bit higher on her thighs.
"Girl you know it feels real good."
Fuck this, he was going to math today. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he sat next to her. Nothing at all.
"Can do it till we both-"
Matt's fingers were snapping in the Noah's face before he realized Rachel had left the hall.
"Hey, earth to Puck! Dude, wake up!"
The third time Rachel turned Puck on it was definitely an accident.
But, looking back on it, she knew she was doing it, and she really liked having that effect on him.
It was a few weeks after Puck joined the Glee Club. And Rachel had quit.
(Quit? Wasn't she the fucking reason he joined in the first place?)
She had left to be in the stupid play with Mr. Ryerson.
(And wasn't she the one that got him fired?)
And Finn had messed with her head to get her to come back. He had taken her out and kissed her or let her kiss him or something. Puck hadn't really gotten the details out of Finn before there was a knock on the door and a crying Rachel on his doorstep. He hung up on the quarterback then.
"The hell are you doing here, Berry?" He was able to hold back the smirk that he usually had in place when talking to the tiny girl, since he was a) actually confused as to why she was there and b) almost worried about the girl since everyone knew how in love with Finn she was and it sounds like her really screwed with her this time.
"I...I don't know. I just needed t-to get out and I ended up here." Rachel was shifting nervously from foot to foot. "But I know that you don't want me here or even like me so..I'm sorry. I'll just get out of-"
Puck had ahold of her arm and was dragging her inside before she knew what was happening.
"You want a soda or something?" He pointed her in the direction of the couch as he headed to the kitchen.
Looking up curiously, the sad girl nodded and put down her bag and sank into the cushions as she looked around the room. It was...homey. Living with two gay dads left the Berry house looking like something out of a Pottery Barn catalog, and just as staged. It was beautiful and even comfortable, but it looked too...done up to really be homey. She had just noticed the framed photos of Puck and a tiny girl, his sister she assumed, when he came back in the room with two glasses and a can each of Coke and Sprite, not knowing which she'd want.
Putting them on the table, he also set down a box of tissues and a Hershey bar. (Don't look so shocked, Puck had been a rebound once or twice so, yeah, he knew what kind of things a recently dumped girl usually wanted around. Not that Berry had been dumped, but you know.)
"So, uhh, what's up?" Puck couldn't help the way he stuffed his hands in his pockets. It's what he did when he was uncomfortable, but he wasn't a complete dick. He wasn't gonna send the crying girl away, she just looked so...broken.
"I guess you've talked to Finn?" She said it like a question and he nodded, watching her head fall before scrambling for a distraction.
"D'you wanna watch a movie? Or practice a song or lines or something for that play-thing you're doing now?" The two walked over to the DVD rack and he knew she had found something from the way her eyes lit up. Puck ejected the DVD what was in the player and chuckled as she hid the movie she wanted to watch from his view. He settled in on one side of the couch, remote in hand while she loaded the disc and sat down on the end. The movie started and he actually laughed out loud.
"I fucking love 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'! This movie is genius." When she smiled at him, Rachel realized she hadn't shed a tear since he had opened the door to her. They cracked open the sodas and Puck made popcorn and the two just hung out (not something he ever thought he'd be doing) and enjoyed their movie, singing to the songs (complete with several hip thrusts on his part) and rewinding to watch (and dance to) 'Time Warp' at least three times (it's just a jump to the left!)
They were just...having fun. And it was cool. Until a little over halfway through the movie. Then it was simultaneously amazing awesome, and excrutiating if you asked Puck. See, just passed the mid point of the movie is, in Puck's opinion, one of the hottest songs ever. And this girl, who was already on a sexual loop in his head, was singing it.
"I was feeling done in. Couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before."
And she was looking at him through her eyelashes and he was shifting in his seat before her voice joined Susan Sarandon's again.
"I thought there's no use getting, into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and seat wetting."
Before he could stop it, his hand was on her knee, slowly moving up her thigh. And she just side and moved closer to him on the couch. How was he supposed to stop now? And so his lips her on hers, and his hands were pulling her to straddle his lap and she was making the hottest sounds as his lips moved down her jaw, settling on her throat so he could suck gently on her pulse point.
And the rest is history (and none of your damn business!)
The fourth time Rachel turned Puck on, you bet your ass it was intentional. But only they knew that she was singing for him.
It was 90's week in Glee. All of them were picking a song that came out between 1990 and 1999 and were performing them on Friday. Well, here they were on Friday afternoon and Puck didn't know how many more songs he could sit through when Rachel's turn came up. He sighed heavily, trying to imagine what horribly overplayed song she would choose when the music started.
"I love myself, I want you to love me." Twelve jaws dropped when Rachel started singing and more than half the room was shifting in their seats as they realized that she had some sex appeal.
Puck held her eye while she writhed and crooned the chorus, "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you," he most definitely noticed the way she leaned over, one hand on her right hip and the other on the inside of her left thigh, "I touch myself. I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no."
Surprising everyone, except maybe Puck, it was Finn who jumped up and cut the music and not Mr. Schue who seemed to be shocked into inaction.
Puck didn't hesitate to rush Rachel out of the room and into a supply closet. He only pulled away from her lips once to growl,"You are so singing the rest of that fucking song to me tonight."
It was the week of sectionals when Rachel turned Puck on for the fifth time. The news about Puck and Quinn and by extension Finn had just come out and everyone knew that Finn was more or less making a play for Rachel any second now (which he was absolutely not jealous of. Seriously.)
So it honestly shocked the hell out of the mohawked Gleek when she showed up on his doorstep on Thursday. She didn't understand why, since Thursdays had been their nights for weeks now, but Rachel had fun trying to make him stop sulking. And it was fun, even if it was too easy.
She slipped the mix CD into his stereo like any other night and Puck should have known something was up since this was so not a Rachel song.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." He could hardly stay mad or pouty when her hips were rolling against his that way, "Give it to me now, give it to me now, give it to me now."
And her lips and tongue were dragging down his neck and when did his shirt come off? And then the lyrics were sinking in...
"I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toes."
As much as Puck was loving the song, he had Rachel flipped over before the chorus finished. Her moans were music enough to his ears anyway...
The sixth time Rachel turned Puck on was probably the least intentional so far, but was definitely the most inconvenient.
It was the afternoon of Sectionals and the group was in the green room panicking as the second club performed 'Don't Stop Believing' in the auditorium and Rachel was trying to calm everyone down, get them to focus. It wasn't working so she hooked her iPod up to the speakers and hit shuffle. The Cheerios were the first to 'boo' the show tune that came on and demand another song.
Hitting skip a couple times, Rachel began to sing a song everyone could stand, starting to dance as her endorphins started flowing.
"Let me know that I've done wrong, when I've known this all along. I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you."
Matt and Mike grabbed San and Britt and they were all dancing and singing along with Rachel while the tension slowly flowed out of the room. The tiny brunette was pulling everyone to their feet as the group jumped around smiling and laughing together.
Puck's was last hand she grabbed and he rose before she put any effort into it. Their eyes locked as the chorus began again and they were both singing while rocking their hips simultaneously, even if they weren't touching.
"I'll keep you my dirty little secret."
(Dirty little secret.)
"Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it.)
"My dirty little secret."
Who has to know?
(The way she feels inside. Inside.)
"Those thoughts I can't deny."
(Deny.)
They were out of everyone's eye line when Puck pressed his lips to Rachel's. And the music covered the moans they let out.
So here he was, hanging out with the rest of the Glee club. They were at Matt's house, jamming and watching lame ass YouTube videos and the girls were seriously bored so Mercedes busted out this huge bag of make up and they were taking turns getting each other all dolled up, just to wash it all off and do it again.
And Puck was distracted. By Rachel (as usual). But this time it wasn't because she was laying on the floor next to him and her skirt was covering, basically nothing. And it wasn't because her head was on Finn's thigh. It was because he was completely hung up on her. And he didn't know when the hell that had happened.
Confused as all hell, Puck hadn't really been paying attention to the computer in front of him until he heard the distinct opening music to one of his personal favorite videos. He was about to start singing along when he was cut off.
"Old Godzilla was hopping around, Tokyo City like a big playground." To say the guys were shocked speechless to hear Rachel singing was probably the biggest understatement ever.
"That's fucking sexy," Matt near moaned only to be socked by Puck. Not that he was jealous. He just didn't want him interrupting. (Yeah. So not jealous. At all.)
The girls were looking incredulously at Rachel as she continued, eyes closed. They were all amused by the near cartoon looks on the guys faces. Santana would swear for weeks to come that Mike's eyes had actually popped out of his head and the Finn was panting as he watched Rachel in her obliviousness.
"Angels sang out in immaculate chorus, down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris. Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones, into the crotch of Indiana Jones. Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain, as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne. but Chuck saw through his clever disguise, and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs."
Rachel sat up for the faster (way more impressive) part. Even Puck hadn't mastered the fast paced list. It was way too cute (it's the only word that fit, shut up) how her arms moved to the beat, her fingers counting the characters out so she wouldn't miss any.
"Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight. And Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie,
and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator,
Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman,
every single Power Ranger. Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan-"
How did she not need to take a breath after that?
"All came out of no where lightning fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass. It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw, with civilians looking on total awe."
Rachel continued after she opened her eyes to all of their shocked looks and finished the final verses with a smile on her face.
The guys were still in their stupor as the music ended and Puck was hung up on how that was probably the most turned on he had ever been and then he was on top of Rachel.
Right there, in front of everyone.
He had her pinned to the floor, hips writhing against his and Mike and Matt were the first to snap out of it. They were whooping and shouting at the pair to "get a room!"
Finn was about to excuse himself from the room when the twosome broke apart.
Rachel's cheeks were red and Puck was smirking and neither knew what to say even though everyone was staring and obviously expecting something from them, But it was Quinn who broke the silence.
"Finally! You two have been grossing out my baby for months with this 'dirty little not-so-secret' crap!"
Mercedes and Kurt laughed the loudest and only Finn was uncomfortable after that but Santana led him out of the room after a while and nobody really cared.