Caleb Prior made a choice.
For once, the Abnegation boy thought only of himself, deciding that all the facts led up to only one conclusion: Erudite was where he truly fit in.
Caleb did not regret the betrayal — though he wished it didn't have to be regarded in such a negative light — nor did he feel selfish for going through with it. It was for the best that he lived and worked where he would be of greatest use. The way his mind worked and saw the world, it never pertained to Abnegation philosophies. What he did was what he had to do.
However, he could not deny that he missed his family. That he felt terrible whenever he thought about his parents, all alone. There was only one thing that eased his guilt some, and it was the note he had written the night prior to the Choosing Ceremony, addressed to 'Mom and Dad'. When they cleaned out his room, they would find it, then they would read it, and Caleb could only hope that they — his father especially — would be willing to understand and accept him for who he is, afterward.
OoOoOoO
Dear Mother and Father,
By the time you find this letter I will no longer belong to Abnegation; but to Erudite. I can only imagine how you must feel about that. Please believe me when I say I am sorry. But, you see, Erudite is the only logical place for me to be.
Although I am far from Candor, I feel I must tell you the truth. I want you to understand, as I understand.
All my life I have acted toward being as selfless as I could be—sharing my toys to those kids who had nothing to play with, giving up my seats on the bus for passengers who found no place to sit themselves, volunteering my time to good causes. I did these things, not because I selflessly wanted to, but because I knew that I must.
Do not misinterpret my words as ones of regret, though; I understand and respect the effort put into serving others, to helping the less fortunate, and most of the time I was pleased I did it.
But I could see the downsides to it, also. Do you realize the number of times I had to agree to let someone copy my school work simply because doing so would help them? I had to lower myself to cheating, to doing something that was considered wrong, for the sake of selflessness, and sometimes, I realized, kids asked me for 'favors' because I was Abnegation and knew I could not turn them down. They were aware of how to manipulate me; I wanted to be aware of how to spot it before it was too late. So, perhaps I shouldn't have cared what I had to do to help them, or what they did to me, good or bad, as long I was thinking of somebody other than myself...but I did care. I have always cared. I still care, and probably will care for the rest of my life. It is for this reason I have always felt disconnected from you and the community of the Abnegation faction, though I pretended otherwise. That, and the fact I could not suppress my curiosity about the world and the people in it.
There were things I wanted to know growing up. Why was the sky blue? What made the clouds form? How did the train run and who built its tracks? What did I look like and why do we humans end up looking the way we do? Yet, I was barred from indulging myself with unnecessary information. I was forbidden to wonder, to invent, to be curious, to be myself.
Father, Mother, there are still things I want to learn. Still subjects I want to have a better understanding of, to have any insight at all about. So I can't live the life that the two of you chose to live. I am not good enough to be so selfless. I hope, someday, you can forgive me for my choice to leave, to join another faction — one that Abnegation is not on good terms with, no less. However, Erudite is my faction now, and I believe in its policies. Just know that I will wield the knowledge I gain for the betterment of society, just as you wield your gifts of kindness for the same purpose. I promise you I will do my best, I promise you I will do good.
I love you. I will miss you both, and Beatrice, very much.
But I know where I belong.
And now you do, too.
Love,
Your son(?),
Caleb
OoOoOoO
Mr. and Mrs. Prior never found the letter.
They never cleaned out their son's room. They never got any explanation. They never read their son's reasons for betraying them. They never knew of his remorse, or of his determination. They never saw his pleas for forgiveness, his requests for understanding. They never knew what their son wanted and needed them to know. They selflessly sacrificed their lives before they ever had the chance to understand.
But then, they never had to.
All they had to know was Caleb Prior was their son.
And they did know that.
So they forgave him, and they loved him, until the very end.