Title: Bittersweet
Author: Hitachiin Hikaru
Fandom:Ouran High School Host Club
Rating: "T" for twincest
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own part of Ouran High School Host Club, including characters, cities, towns, scenarios, titles, or anything else about it you can think of. I just want to express my creative intent with this fic.
Summary: Hikaru examines his feelings for Kaoru and decides that his twin would be much happier not knowing the truth. Kaoru keeps an eye on Hikaru and wonders why the hell he's dumping out all of the syrup. [Twincest [One Shot [R&R Please
A/N: Well, yes. This is an angsty little piece I decided to write, because I'm not in the mood for something chipper, full of butterflies, rainbows, and the twins being overtly cheerful. Somehow, though, the ending does not seem to fit that description well, and it ends up being somewhat humorous anyway. I would pay to see the brothers wrestle in syrup, trust me.
It was the 'Commoner's Coffee.' It had to be. What else would cause Hikaru to appraise his brother in such a way, as if he was thinking about how to best come onto him? Sure, they acted each other's lovers on a daily basis for the lovely ladies of Ouran High School, but wasn't that just it: An act, a little game of pretend they created for reactions and the joy if doing it together, like everything else they did? Somewhere along the lines, Hikaru felt the game slowly turn into his own little reality, the moments spent with Kaoru feeling more and more intimate than they were originally intended to be.
Kaoru, of course, knew nothing about his brother's plight. He was content with the Club and flirting shamelessly with Haruhi in front of Tamaki and hanging around with his twin brother. Hikaru felt dirty; he examined his brother from across the room as he sat on the comfortable couch next to Hunny, talking to him about something he couldn't quite hear. His skin was pale and creamy, a perfect complexion exactly like his own, his ginger hair was soft, parted opposite his and he knew for a fact smelled exactly like the vanilla shampoo they both shared, and his almond shaped eyes, the precise shade of ocher as Hikaru, were sparkling in the sunlight. He was quite the sight.
Hikaru felt really dirty. And he refused from that moment on to drink anymore of that blasted coffee. It was obviously addling with his brain. He would have to order Haruhi not to bring it anymore.
His bag was packed and his back was to his brother, trying to seem very interested in the polished grain of the music room door; the whorls and lines allowing him to momentarily forget all about his trouble.
But the blissful emptiness of his mind didn't last long; Kaoru had finished talking to Hunny and had walked over to his older brother, a smile on his face and ready to depart for home. "Hikaru, ready to go?" he asked of his twin. Hikaru turned to him and nodded, his own grin not leaving his face. The smile felt strained as they left the Host Club, joking with each other along the way. Kaoru was watching Hikaru out of the corner of his eye for an unknown reason, and Hikaru kept his eyes straight ahead, though curious about his brother's intentions.
When they finally reached home, they headed up the Hikaru's room, one that they shared. Kaoru had a room that was designated for him, but it didn't feel like home, and he rarely ever entered there. Most of his things were in Hikaru's room, so that was where he did his homework, took his showers, and slept at night and, like with everything else, they shared the same bed.
It was even harder at night. The moonlight seemed to twist his mind even more than the coffee did as he watched the way the silver beams carefully caressed Kaoru's cheek, neck, and bare chest. They looked soft and probably were, if his own skin was anything to base his judgment off of. The skin of a person who had lived a very easy life, unblemished and smooth. Kaoru's chest rose and fell rhythmically, and Hikaru kept his gaze on him. It was difficult to resist the urge to touch him, to see if his skin felt anything like his own. But Hikaru wondered why he had to stop and think about touching his twin, his other half?
With a set mind he reached his hand out and let his fingers slide from Kaoru's neck down to his should and pulled away quickly, as if burned; yes, his skin felt the same as Hikaru's. With a sigh and a slightly depraved thought in his mind, Hikaru pressed his lips to Kaoru's neck and settled back down beside him, closing his eyes for some much needed sleep.
…oOo:…
Kaoru felt confused. Hikaru looked terrible; purple bags under his eyes from little sleep and he had a slightly hunched way of walking, every time even the smallest noise sounded he would jump and flinch away from it. But as concerning as this was, Kaoru did not question Hikaru. He knew that if his brother wanted help or someone to talk to, he would come his way in a heartbeat. That is how it had always been if either of them had a problem. They were brothers, twins, and only went to each other for help and guidance: No one else.
Weeks passed and his situation did not seem to get any better, the shadows under his eyes looked permanent, and Hikaru needed a belt to hold the pants up that had previously fit his already slim body perfectly. Kaoru knew why he did not ask for new ones: It would raise suspicions about his health. Even though he tried to be sneaky, Hikaru pretended to eat his food and when he thought no one was paying attention, excused himself and tossed it all away in the trash, Kaoru knew he must be starving. The only question was: Why?
It became the most obvious during Host Club hours. His energy, usually so high and mischievous in finding new ways to torment the hearts of their clients, was low and lethargic, almost as if he'd like nothing more than a good, long nap right in the middle of the floor. Even Tamaki, their dense king, noticed that Hikaru was most definitely not himself, but when he tried to ask either of them what was going on, he received a short glance and no reply at all. Haruhi, who was so adored by the Hitachiins, could not get an answer out of Hikaru, thought knowing her, Kaoru determined that she had probably already figured out what it was.
Desperate, and leaning on this theory, Kaoru followed her around the music room while Hikaru was in the bathroom, trying to talk to her. "I don't know what's wrong," he told her in a resigned, quiet voice. "He's not eating or sleeping well, and when he does sleep it's restless. I don't know what he's thinking!" His voice was frustrated.
Haruhi replied, straightening a few of the chairs in the corner where Hunny was devouring sweets next to Mori, "It sounds to me as if he's lovesick, Kaoru." There was a pause of silence and Haruhi glanced to the boy to see if he had heard, but all that remained was an afterimage of Kaoru where he had once been standing. He had taken off so fast that she did not even know that he had gone, the door still open where he had burst through and knocked it into Tamaki, flinging him into the far wall behind.
Hikaru was kneeling next to the toilet, his cheeks pressed against the cool metal of the stall and a light sheen of sweat shining on his face. He did not know how much more of this he could take. He could not sleep and every time he tried to eat his stomach could not handle it and it came back up again. He knew that Kaoru was noticing and he knew that he was concerned, but he did not want to, even for a moment, tell him. Hikaru did not want his brother to be disgusted by the thoughts his perverted twin was thinking about his, yet Hikaru couldn't help but think them. Kaoru was just so tempting.
Wiping the sweat from his face and rising the acidic taste from his mouth, Hikaru walked unsteadily back to the music room only to be told by Haruhi that Kaoru had already left. Feeling worn and depressed, he arrived home and walked into the kitchen, his empty stomach to feed it, though he knew better than that. Almost habitually, he opened the pantry and saw several bottles of maple syrup sitting there, waiting to be consumed. Several memories flashed violently through his mind and he grabbed them, feeling feverish from lack of food or sleep. Dumping them on the counter and the floor around the sink he screwed open one of the caps and began to pour the sticky substance down the drain.
"No more memories," he murmured to himself, half delirious as the next one he opened spilled down his Ouran uniform coat.
"Hikaru?! Why the hell are you dumping out the syrup?"
Kaoru stared at his brother, liquid dripping in languid droplets down his white blouse and in his hair and sticking to his face and clogging the sink before him. Was it really so bad that it had come to this; drowning all of his memories in the form of syrup in the kitchen sink? Tears began to mix with the sweet liquid on his face and he kicked through the remained bottles, staring at Kaoru as if he had never seen him before in his life. "I'm sorry," he told him softly, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."
Confused, Kaoru, ignoring the stickiness, hugged his brother comfortingly. "Hikaru what's been going on with you? It seemed like you're trying to kill yourself, but Haruhi says you're lovesick. What's really happening?" He stiffened in his brother's arms; Haruhi was very perceptive, he decided. Noting his lack of answer, Kaoru deduced, "So you are lovesick? Tell me who it is, maybe I can help?"
"No, I don't need help." He wanted to keep his brother out of his corrupt, incestuous world.
He became firm. "Yes you do. You look like a zombie, Hikaru. Just tell me what I can do so you aren't like this anymore!" His voice was hurt. Hikaru watched the face that was the same as his and blinked, his words building up behind anxious, trembling lips. Kaoru's expression softened.
"There's only one thing you can do," he told him, his voice wavering as tears brimming at his eyes. Kaoru looked prepared to kill himself for his brother's happiness, and Hikaru didn't want him to be so prepared to do anything at all. "You have to love me, really love me as much as I love you. Not in the brotherly way!" he added warningly as Kaoru opened his mouth to contradict his impression. "You have to love me Kaoru! Can you really agree to something as sick as that?"
His chest was heaving with emotion and he spat out the last sentence like a poison in his throat. "Isn't it sick that I'm in love with you?" There was silence in the kitchen as the two stared into each other's amber eyes, both covered from head to foot in sticky goop. One of them was shaking uncontrollably, regretting what he had said, and the other was standing still, almost statue-like, pondering on the last words spoken.
Kaoru was gaping at his brother and Hikaru shook his head with a bittersweet smile on his face, prying himself from the warm embrace of Kaoru's arms. He began to turn away, but Kaoru dived for him, gripping him tightly around the waist and causing them both to slip and land in the puddle of syrup on the floor, wrestling in it. As he began to think there was syrup in places there should no have been, those thoughts were gently washed away as his mind became delightfully vacant. Soft lips were pressing against his; they tasted sweet and sugary and were so familiar that Hikaru could not help but stare at the face they belonged to.
Kaoru was kissing him quite meticulously, straddling his hips as they were both soaked through by the substance on the floor.
Before he knew what had happened Kaoru's mouth was away from his, their identical eyes locking in amusement at their interesting situation. "You know what?" Kaoru asked and Hikaru let a smile play at his lips.
"What's that?"
His smile lit up the kitchen, looking handsome as ever despite the spots of brown goo dripping all over him. "Isn't it sick that I'm in love with you?" With that he threw his arms around Hikaru's neck and pulled him up to meet his mouth again, savoring the taste of it on his own.
It was the 'Commoner's Coffee.' It had to be. What else would cause Hikaru to appraise his brother in such a way, as if he was thinking about how to best come onto him? Tomorrow, when they returned to music room three, Hikaru would have to order Haruhi to buy some more.