Grell lay on her plush bed, arms behind her neck and covered to the waist in thick red blankets. She had been thinking. Thinking about herself and her life. It was definitely not as she expected, but then again, it never was like that for anyone.

Sure, her involvement with Madame Red as Jack the Ripper wasn't something to be proud of. She knew that now, they were not making any justice as they had proclaimed. In the end she killed her friend -her friend- all because she felt horribly betrayed for being cast aside. Madame Red had meant a lot to Grell, couldn't they see that? She had been the only one to truly understand, to know what it felt like to have a body that doesn't suit you. The consequences for that made her ache terribly in her sleep, nightmares occasionally plaguing her. She never regretted it. No, she would never regret befriending the red-loving human with a haunting past. She never would regret killing her, for deep down, she would not let her dearest one fall like a common criminal at the hands of her own nephew. He didn't deserve to be the one to condemn her, he didn't love her like she did. It was this confusion that kept her up at night. If anyone would ever be willing to listen, to simply be there, she would gladly welcome them into her life.

Alas, everyone mistreated her. They called her a 'he' when they were clearly made known that she was a woman, in soul at least. Isn't that what counted? They called her a 'thing' behind her back, when they thought she wouldn't hear. They were wrong. They were all wrong in thinking that she was useless, she was far from it! She was a deathly efficient reaper! She shouldn't be pushed around for openly displaying who she was. No, they misplaced her, believing that she wasn't worthy of the status she had. She had earned it, just like the others had earned their place. She was by no means a whore, despite what anyone else claimed. Sure, she had been with men before, but never had it been with more than one at a time. If anything, she was a devoted lover. She loved to flirt, but when she found someone, she would faithfully remain by his side until it was over. No, the conception that mostly everyone, save a selected few, was horribly wrong and deeply distorted.

But she knew; it never mattered how many times they refused her, she would stand tall and raise her head high. She was Grell Sutcliff, and nothing ever slowed her down. Let them think she was incapable, she'd gladly prove them all wrong. A few tears ran by the sides of her face, but she ignored them.

They always mistook her for what she was not. They always got her wrong. Not even the highly observant William T. Spears could figure her out. Her masks were just that flawless, and sometimes, she wishes they weren't. No one seemed to care enough when it came to her. She put on her mask so perfectly, they mistook her for what she was not. She doubted if that was any good for her, but why open herself to people that only mistreated her? She never knew if showing her true self would be a good idea. Would they push her away, more so than now? Or would they for once accept her. It never seemed like a good time. They always expected so little of her, what would actually happen if she surpassed their expectations for once? Despite all that, she hardly complained. She still had a better position than most, after all.

Her mind spun. She felt worthless, she felt downright terrible. These feelings clenched her guts and made her head throb. Grell curled into a little ball, clutching the pillow tightly. How she wished that pillow was someone who loved her, who thought she was worth something, that in a sense, she was perfect. She was sick of feeling like this. She groaned, biting into the pillow to vent her self pity.

No, she was important, she was someone! She had a job, and she was damn good at it. She didn't always follow the rules, but still, she was one of the best that they got. She graduated with flying colors for a reason! She was a mentor to an amazing reaper who did care for her, she had friends, that while sometimes annoyed by her antics, would still love her. She didn't need anyone else to know what she thought about herself. She was perfect for her, and that was what really mattered.

Despite her flaws, Grell couldn't speak ill of herself. No, she was far better than that and she knew it. She was wrong when she did that. It was never true, and it only served to bring her down. She didn't need to be harsh on herself when the rest of the world already was. She'd let them do the mean talks, she loved herself the way she was, and they couldn't change that. She knew she had flaws, but that wasn't their problem, what she had to say about herself was what she really needed to hear, and as of now, she decided that if she was stuck with herself for the rest of eternity, then she'd damn well love who she was.

She stood from her bed and went to the balcony, facing the gardens. She smiled at the full moon. She had once hated herself completely. She once loathed waking up from those dreams in which she was fully a woman. It tired her, all of that self hatred. She had done the best she could. Even without a dress, she could pull off the woman looks, and if that was as close as she was getting, well, it was better than nothing. As of this night, those demons would never plague her again, for she had finally exorcised them.

Grell Sutcliff is perfect for herself. If anyone disagrees, they are not worthy of me. I am who I am and they will never change that. I am not gender-confused, I am not insane, and I most certainly am no common whore. Those who don't get me don't matter. In the end I only need myself to be happy with who I am. Those who believe I'm nothing are wrong, and they don't know how to appreciate a flower such as I.

She went back into her room. Her fears had been drowned. She would show them the real Grell tomorrow morning. She would arrive at work on time, no more second guessing herself in the morning. She would be who she was, to hell with the ones that didn't like her. At least now she would be happy, for she wouldn't hide herself.

The redhead went to her kitchen, picking out a glass and a bottle of wine. She was done trying to be who she was not all that time. It tired her endlessly to pretend, it was an unnecessary waste of time. She raised her glass. 'To being myself, for good and for bad. They will never bring me down.'

There was no way she would seek for the other reaper's approval of her. She wasn't there to be criticized and judged. She was there to be the deathly efficient reaper she was, as well as an actress to die for. Really, she should get an award for hiding all her being for such a long time. She never knew if it was because she had been insecure, or maybe too prideful, but she would never understand why her younger self decided to pretend, instead of being.

She finished her glass, feeling a light-headed happiness swell in her chest. She entered her room and picked up a dagger from her night-stand. She smirked. She had a new use for her old partner. She went over to the wall parallel to her bed, and on the way turned the lights on. She raised the dagger and forced it onto the plaster. Skillfully, Grell wrote on simple word that held a lot of meaning.

Perfect

The letters were a bit jagged, but she would get to mastering them tomorrow. Perfection was only achieved through practice after all. This was only the first step.

Wow…. I really am starting to obsess with this character. I don't know why, but I just love Grell! I think that the anime doesn't fully cover her and how she is, but that's just my opinion. Anyways, for this fiction I was inspired by Pink's 'Fuckin' Perfect. I had originally written it with the lyrics, but that had to be changed. This is my first song inspired fic for any fandom and I truly hope you've enjoyed it. I might continue it, if I get enough inspiration to do so; this is supposed to be a stand-alone in any case. Leave a comment with your thoughts please!

As we all know, Kuroshitsuji and its characters belong to Yana Toboso.

Goodnight, my lovelies~

:)