HELD ONTO YOU
The story is inspired by Ryan Cabrera's songs, On the Way Down. Not much of a plot I think. AU, no magic. OOC. M for language. TW premature labour.
I ain't a writer. Unedited. Not Beta'd.
Disclaimer: OUAT, the characters and the songs/lyrics belong to their rightful owners, who obviously are not me.
Sick and tired of this world, there's no more air
Tripping over myself, going nowhere
Waiting, Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive
"You're off this case, Swan. Go home. Have some rest."
"What? Are you kidding me?"
"No, it is not my decision. In fact, the upper-hand wanted you to take a week off,"
"Hey, if this is about the thing that I do…"
"Yes, obviously it is all about the things that you did behind our back!" The blonde was startled by the sudden exclamation of her superior. The man sitting behind the table had a serious but calm look on his face. "You went against my order and decided to go your own way to take down the suspect, again. You could have jeopardized the whole mission."
"Dude, I took down that bastard and nobody got hurt except for that good for nothing…"
"Swan, just stop and don't dude me," The blonde stopped rambling and scoffed.
"Just go home now, Swan. I can't take the risk of losing any of my man anymore now." The tall blonde woman widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows upon hearing the statement.
"Yeah, Neal would still be here if…"
"Detective Swan, please just go now!"
"Fine, I am going now, Detective Taylor! " The blonde said as she walked towards the door. "Geez, go get laid, dude." She said before slamming the door closed.
Emma Swan, one of NYPD's best detectives at a very young age was also well-known for her attitude. She walked through the cubicles in a very grumpy expression. She heard that some of her comrades were calling her name but she was not in a talking mood. She had been much to herself particularly since her best friend, Neal, died while he was on duty few months ago.
"Go home!" The blonde rambled exasperatedly as she walked in the hallway towards the main elevator. "What sort of an idiotic order was that? Who would want to go home when we have murderers and robbers and rapist and God forsaken terrorist wandering all over the streets? Aren't we supposed to like crack our heads and gunning them down now?" Emma pushed the elevator button multiple times with such unnecessary forces. Then she realized that half of the people on the floor were staring at her.
"What are you guys looking at? This shit ain't moving at all. Aren't elevators supposed to be moving like up and down, are they? Well they're not and I am giving them the order!" The blonde snapped and immediately realized that she had been making a fool out of herself.
Suddenly, she heard the ding sound of the elevator and she quickly walked into the elevator. She instantly pushed the close door button on the elevator without waiting for anyone else to get into it. Well, she doubted that anyone would want to get into the elevator with her after seeing her peculiar act just now.
She rested her back on the wall and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath as she tried to figure out the thing that she should be doing during her day off. Go home and then what? She hated her so-called home very much and she could not figure out why though. She had been living in that apartment for years but it never felt like a home. The woman had rather be at work than to be at her apartment. She sure that she would be lost in her very own apartment, literally, and she could not stand being like that especially not during her birthday. Damn it, I hate my life.
The blonde pushed the door to her apartment slowly and turned on the lights. She then stopped and stared at her so-called home, the void living hall, the immense windows and the unexploited kitchen. She left her home three days ago and it still looked the same as it did. Then, Emma realized why she hated her house so much. It is because of the unsettled emptiness in the house. Alone again, bitch. She took off her boots and left them by her couch. Then she got out of red leather jacket and threw it across her living hall.
She placed two grocery bags on her diner table as well as her gun along with its belt and the holster. Emma had never been a domestic kind of a woman but since she would be staying at home for a week, she decided to shop and got herself some necessities or some drinks at least. Then, she rummaged through one of her grocery bags and pulled out a white square box. She noted that a pink birthday candle was taped to the box.
She walked towards the big windows and sat by the counter next to the windows. She looked through the windows and she took a deep breath upon seeing the night view of the big city. Maybe she hated her apartment but she was glad that she picked the eighteenth floor. She opened the windows and felt the cold breeze that was softly brushing her face. Then, she opened the white box and carefully took out an apple cupcake with cinnamon-cream frosting on top. She placed it on the counter and lit up the candle on the cupcake.
She looked at the small thing as if it was a living creature. She knew that it was stupid to hope for a wishing star, especially since there was barely a star can be seen from the sky of that city of millions lights, yet Emma decided to make a wish. Please, don't let me be alone anymore. Then she blew out the candle and closed her eyes.
"Pfft, who am I kidding anyway?"
It was about ten minutes before 8 in the morning when Emma got awakened by knocks on her door. She was lying down on her couch and she was sort of forgotten how she ended up there. She looked on her coffee table and saw an empty bottle. Then she realized that it must have been the booze that caused her to doze off. What a loser. Then she was stunned to hear the knocks on the door again. She was about to ignore the knocks as she thought that it could be a paperboy asking for his tips or something. However, the knocks just would not stop so the blonde forced herself to get up instead. She put on her belt and holsters before checking that her gun was loaded.
She walked towards the door and looked through the peephole but there was no one to be seen. So, she slowly opened the door and the blonde was sort of surprise to see her guest, a little boy. She studied the boy and made a simple guess that the boy would be around 8 to 10 years old. However, she failed to decipher whose child came knocking her door at 8 in the morning.
"Hello?" Emma said timidly.
"Hi," the dark haired boy said cheerily. "Are you Emma Swan?"
"Well, yes. Who's looking?"
"It's me, Henry," The boy introduced himself and the blonde started to recall any Henry that she had ever encountered in her life. The name sounded so familiar to her but she could not seem to remember anyone at all. "I am your son,"
The blonde gawked at the boy as she contemplated whether to ignore the little stranger and to get on with her life or to play along with him.
"I don't have a son," The blonde stated firmly but she could hear her voice wavered. The boy walked passed by the woman and went into the house ignoring the blonde.
"Wow, awesome view!" He quickly ran towards the windows as he took in the view before him.
"Hey kid, you can't just barge in into a stranger's house…"
"Remember that you gave birth to a baby boy in Boston General 10 years ago?" Emma was so stunned by the boy's question that she could only able to make an incomprehensible sound out of her. "Well, I am him," The boy said innocently. No… no… no. This is not happening.
"You survived… I mean… how come… but you were so…" Emma looked at the boy and she could tell that the boy was not lying. There were some familiar expressions and features of the boy that she could recognize.
"Why didn't you eat the cupcake? It already melted." The boy lifted the cupcake up and placed in his hands as he took a sniff at it.
"Hey careful, you don't want to get food poisoning or something," The blonde quickly took away the cupcake from the boy and threw it into a dustbin.
"It is apple. Do you like apple?" The boy asked as he rubbed his tummy using his hand.
"Well, yes." The blonde noticed the innocent gesture of the boy and she sighed. "I have another one of that, hold on," She pulled out another familiar white box from her fridge and took out the apple cupcake with the similar topping.
"Why do you have two of those?" Emma had no answer to that question. She placed the cupcake on a small plate and handed the boy a spoon. "Thanks Emma, do you want some?"
"No, I am full already." Yup, I am totally full right now. No joke. "You know what, you just enjoy that first. I am gonna get clean up a bit and I'll see you later." The blonde then quickly made her way to her bathroom and stumbled clumsily along the way.
Emma splashed her face with cold water multiple times and rubbed her eyes hard. It must be the booze! He will be gone later. However, the blonde realized that she was just fooling herself. She knew all that was real and her son was real. Henry was real and the name was so familiar. Henry, of course! A big realization struck her hard like a blow in a face. All the things that she tried to run away from and to forget were all coming back to her right away. She was hyperventilating as she realized that she just could not run away anymore. Not with the little boy sitting in her living hall.
She used a towel to dry her face and she looked into the mirror. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes hard. She opened her eyes as she let out a breath and looked into the mirror once again. It was my wish last night, wasn't it? Damn wishing star! It's okay, you can do this Swan.
She walked out of her bathroom and walked back to her living hall. She noticed the empty plate and the boy was standing by the window enjoying the view. "Geez, that was fast. You are starving," She walked to her fridge and took out an orange juice. Henry turned around and walked back to the table.
"It was delicious. I love apple." The blonde tried to ignore the boy as she poured down the orange juice into a glass. Then she handed the glass to the boy as she took a seat in front of him. Her mouth just could not form any word yet though she had a lot of things in her mind.
"My mom and my dad also love apple," Emma raised her eyebrows at that statement and she noticed the changes in the boy's face. She could sense sadness. "Well, my dad used to love apple especially if my mom made an apple pie but…"
"Hey, kid. I got some questions." The boy lifted his face to look at Emma.
"Great because I thought you will never ask a thing,"
"How do you know me? How do you get here? Aren't you parents looking for you? Are they even here? Do I know them?"
"Whoa, slow down. I am ten."
"You should think about that when you decided to drag your ass to this city." The blonde rolled her eyes and she noticed that the boy quickly covered his ears with his hands.
"Hey, you are not allowed to say any dirty word in front of children. My mom will be angry at you!" The blonde sighed and rolled her eyes again.
"Your mom will be so fu… pissed off at me and I don't think she will be mad at me mostly because of something trivial like curse words, kiddo. Gosh!"
"I'll answer your questions but right now you have to come with me. I need to fix something back at home."
"Where are you going now? You haven't answered any of my questions at all." Emma could feel the heat creeping up her face and the boy was getting on her nerves. "Hey kid, listen to me. Didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers or let alone go to a stranger house." The blonde scoffed.
"You are not a stranger to me. I know you. You're my mom. And my mom… I mean my other mom also knows you." Emma looked into the boy's eyes and she saw sincerity. Somehow, the blonde was touched by the boy's statement.
"You are from Storybrooke, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am." The detective could feel that her heart was pounding hard against her chest.
"You went to Storybrooke High with my parents and you gave birth to me after you left Storybrooke about 10 years ago, am I right?"
"Guilty," The young detective suddenly understood the anxious feeling of being interrogated. "So, your parents knew me?"
"Of course, you were my mom's best friend back in her high school," The boy rummaged through his backpack and took out a picture. "Didn't you hear me just now? You like apple just like my mom and me. Ring a bell?" The blonde started to feel giddy and she swore that the whole room was spinning as well. Henry handed her the picture and the blonde reluctantly took the picture from him.
"That is an old picture of you with my mom. Do you remember now?" Emma's eyes widened when she looked at the picture and she could only hear her own breathing at that time. She could feel that she was having a seizure or maybe about to have one later.
"Of course, I do remember your mom, kid." She let out a breath that she had not been aware she was holding.
"Regina Mills," Both of them said simultaneously. Emma was still staring at the picture intently and she realized that she had never mentioned the woman's name for years now. The blonde never stopped loving her brunette best-friend even after all these years of distancing. However, Regina was so oblivious about the blonde's feeling and the brunette was enamored by the town's miracle boy, Daniel Colter.
The boy looked at his blonde mother cheerily. "Yes, that is my mom!"
The blonde put down the picture on the table and peered up to look at the gleeful boy. I shouldn't make that wish.
The blonde could not believe herself for making a road trip worth hours of her life to go back to a town that she left 10 years ago. The two were in the blonde's yellow bug in the middle of the city and she was just filled up the tank about a while ago for the journey. She stole a glance at her son as she drove her car wondering how on earth the boy got to the city from her timeworn hometown. For a boy to travel such a distance alone, it might require days of his life.
"Why is it yellow?"
"What?"
"Why is your car yellow? And why did you choose a bug?" The boy asked as he tilted his head to a side and knitted his eyebrows. The blonde noticed the familiar gestures and sighed heavily.
"Kid, you owe me a day off."
"It's not like you really wanted a day off anyway." The kid said while gazing through the window
"Well, you don't know me. I might want my day off after all this."
The boy turned around to look at his blonde mother and turned again to gaze through the window. "Nope, you don't want the day off."
Emma knew that she should not be surprise with the boy anymore. The boy was his son after all and he seemed to have the ability to read other people just like her, or sort of. "What make you so sure?"
"Everyone in the town said that you and dad were similar. He didn't like to take day off as well." There was sorrow in his voice and Emma immediately figured out the cause.
"So, I suppose that I know your dad as well," The blonde side-eyed at her son and the boy was just nodding quietly. She knew that she should stop asking the boy but she just could not stop the curiosity from flooding her mind.
"You're a brave boy, you know, by going to New York all by yourself to look for me. You don't even know me." Emma decided to change the topic. "But you should not pull that kind of a stunt anymore. Gosh, Regina will kill me for this, and then she'll kill you and she will resurrect me to kill me again." The boy chuckled adorably and the blonde was glad that she managed to light up the atmosphere.
"Now tell me what are you trying to do? Why are you dragging me back to that fuc… to that town?" The blonde quickly corrected herself when she noticed that the boy was about to covered his ears with his hands.
"Well, it is because of my mom. She needs help but she will never tell me anything. So, I guess you are the right person to fix it."
"What is wrong with Regina?" There was concern in the blonde's voice and she hated herself for that. After all this years of estrangement, Emma still could not get over the other mother of his son.
"Hey Emma, I need your favor,"
"Kid, you didn't answer my question." The blonde sighed but deep inside in her heart, she appreciated the boy called her by her name instead of calling her mom.
"Not everyone in town knows that you're my mother, so I need you to keep it down for now. Right now, only mom and Grandma Cora know that you're my real mother."
"Okay, I'm so cool with that." Keeping secrets to herself and put up walls around her were Emma best moves. The blonde, however, was dying to know how her son ended up at her door.
The blonde had been suppressing her old memory all these years after she left Storybrooke. The blonde had just finished her high school when she got pregnant. Emma's mother, Ingrid Swan and Ingrid's best friend Cora Mills were the only two who knew that Emma was pregnant. When Ingrid learned that her daughter was pregnant, she decided to move to another place outside of Storybrooke and she asked for Cora's help. After all, it was upon Emma's request that they had to move away. Cora, a doctor and a politician's wife managed to get a home for the Swans in Boston. Ingrid herself was a doctor but she quitted her job years after she got married and spent her lifetime then by doing charity works as well as providing treatments in orphanages. The two of them were living happily until they got into an accident where Ingrid died and Emma suffered minor injuries. The events however made Emma emotionally and physically stressed and led to a premature labour. Emma remembered how painful it was to give birth and how small Henry was. He was born premature and the boy looked so fragile. He was in a baby incubator where he had so many wires on him and a tube attached to a ventilator. She thought that her son could never make it at that time. The young miserable Emma felt guilty so she made a rough senseless decision by leaving her struggling baby boy in the care of Cora.
Emma looked at her son and smiled. He was definitely another miracle boy. She was wondering whether the boy knew that his mother left him because of her blunt thoughts.
"So, are you going to tell me your story yet, kiddo?"
"Hey Emma, I am so sleepy. I didn't sleep all the way from Storybrooke to your house because I didn't want to miss any of the stops. Can you wake me up when we get there?"
"What? Are you kidding me kid?" The blonde looked at her son and stared into his puppy-eyes. Emma immediately recognized those green eyes. My God, I am looking at my own green-eyes. She could feel a chill creep up her spine.
"Fine, just go to sleep. I bet your mom will kill me if you have eye-bags."
"Can I ask you another favor? But you have to promise me that you won't tell mom."
"And here I thought that you were going to sleep and give me the peace that I needed for like ever ago. What now?" The boy chuckled coyly and Emma's heart fluttered at that. Henry might be Emma's son by blood but the boy did inherit the features of his adopted mother. His mannerism, his poise and his intelligence reminded Emma of Regina. I am in a deep shit. However, his boldness, or in other word, stupidity, to run away from his home and to get to New York was definitely a feature that he inherited from his blonde mother.
"And kid, have you forgotten that I am your mom too? You wanted me to keep a secret from your mom?" The blonde could not believe that she just said that ever.
"I know but you are different from my other mom. You're Emma."
"Fine, what do you want now?"
"Can we get a burger and fries for the lunch? I am hungry and it is going to be a long journey home. My mom always says that low blood sugar is not good for kids my age."
"Oh Lord, I am being tested and you are definitely being raised by Regina. I suppose that your mother doesn't even allow you to eat fast foods, right?" The blonde looked at her son and again she was attacked by familial puppy-dog eyes. "Fine, we get that lunch and then I want you to sleep all the way back to Storybrooke, is that a deal?"
"Yup, pinkies promise deal!" The boy held up his hand towards Emma's and interlocked his little finger with the blonde's. Emma looked at the gesture that reminded her of her old best friend.
"What are you? A girl?" The boy withdrew her hand and chuckled happily.
"Nope, you are." Henry said without looking at his mother.
"Oh kid, I am so gonna pop an aneurysm."
"My mom always said that an-uh, an-uh-rate… what was that again? What is that thing anyway?"
Emma swore that she was just going to ignore the boy and to get him his lunch right away. It is gonna be the longest day off ever.
It was already dark when they almost got to Storybrooke. Henry slept for hours before he woke up about an hour ago and started to terrorize Emma's sanity. She swore that the first thing that she was going to do when she got back to New York was to get a first-rated shrink.
"Look, there is the signboard!"
"Kid, I know. I saw it. It is like the only road and the only signboard available here. And I was born here, remember?" Emma said exasperatedly but the boy only shrugged her off.
"So, is your mom still staying at 108 Mifflin Street?"
"If you could remember everything so well, why didn't you come and visit us back here at all?"
"Oh kid, you know, we don't usually answer question with another question. Don't they teach that at school nowadays?"
"Yes, my mom is still staying at 108 Mifflin Street and so is Grandma Cora and Grandpa Henry."
"Just great." The blonde muttered under her nose and could feel the uneasiness in her stomach. The blonde realized that she had got herself into a lot of trouble. She should have called anyone she knew from Storybrooke to come and bring back the boy instead of sending him back here. However, she had lost all of her contacts and she had not even been contacted her own brother, David, for years now. "How about that wicked witch, Zelena? Is she still staying there?"
"Nope, Aunt Zelena is staying with Robin. They just had a baby."
"Oh, that's good, but weird, but kinda good cause I don't have to deal with her then," Emma wrinkled her forehead in disgust.
When they entered the town, Emma noticed that the town had changed a lot. There were so many taller and bigger buildings compared to the time when she left years ago. The streets seemed to be more alive now with all the lights, the shops, the people and the vehicles. She could remember that when she was a teenager the town was pretty much a ghost town by niine at night. The young detective, however, was going to ignore all of that because they were all insignificant to her and she would not be staying long or that what was she thought. She was just going to send-off the kid at 108 Mifflin Street and move on with her perfect lonely life. Wow, surprise, surprise, Swan.
The blonde kept on driving on the main street until she was in front of the town hall where she noticed a number of patrol cars and patrol officers with some other people gathered at the entrance. "Wow, I don't feel good about all this. Do we have some kind of a parade right now?"
The boy then sighed heavily and shook his head. "I think I just got myself into a huge trouble, Emma. I will be grounded forever." Henry sneaked a peek through the window and quickly sunk himself down.
"Oh kid. You have no idea." Emma just wanted to get away from the area as soon as possible and hoped that her bug would not draw anyone's attention. "Welcome to my life."
After a while, they managed to pass through the main street without having any problem at all. Both of them were so relieved and Emma was glad that she could avoid any commotion. The detective recognized the junction to the Mifflin Street and was about to make a turn when she heard a nearing sound of a patrol car's siren. She glanced at her rear-view mirror and there was a patrol car following her close.
"You can't be serious, dude."
"Oh no Emma, we are going to prison." Henry squealed softly before pulling a blanket over his body.
"Don't worry, kid. You won't go to prison. On the other hand, I will." And with that, Emma started to slow down her car.
The blonde started to look for her NYPD ID after she pulled over her car by the road side. She peeked at the rear-view mirror once again and saw that a man in a dark jacket got out of the patrol car. The dim lights at the junction to the Mifflin Street made it impossible for Emma to recognize the man but she was sure that the man was a sheriff or one of the deputies. Emma held on to her police ID and made sure that her gun was tucked neatly in the holster.
The blonde heard soft knocks on the window, so she took a deep breath, let it out and rolled down her window.
"Good evening, ma'am. May I see your ID please?" The officer greeted her and Emma promptly recognized the owner of the voice.
"David?"
"Yes ma'am. It's Sheriff David Nolan. Do we know…? Oh holy!" The man instantly recognized the blonde in the car. Emma quickly opened the door, almost hitting the man with it in his groin.
"Emma?" Clearly both of them were at a loss for words.
I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted
All that I needed
On the way down, I saw you
And you saved me, from myself
And I won't forget, the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you