Saving Ginny Weasley
No one realized how much he meant to me. No…. no one realized at all. I think I may have even been closer to him then Harry. All those days spent in that house, the twins were buys in their own world, and I was ignored by the Gold trio as per usual. Its not that they wanted to ignore me, but like the twins they were in their own world, one they thought to be too dangerous for me.
So I spent my days in Grimmauld place in the company of Sirius Black. I loved talking to him, over and over again. He was so interesting. He was unlike any other person I had ever met. I loved him, he made life easy for me. He was like the best friend I'd always wanted. I didn't care about the age gap. I wanted to be with him forever, because he was infact my best friend. And I hoped I was his.
When I lost him, I went into shock. I refused to believe it was true. No one knew how close we were. No one. When he died I didn't shed a tear. I didn't, not one. I was too upset. I was too upset to make sense of what was going on. I felt numb and detached, and I stayed that way.
When I found out about what happened my first reaction was 'it's a lie' I hadn't seen it happen while we had been fighting. I was frantic, asking everyone where Sirius was. No one had the fucking guts to tell me. Finally, Lupin looked sadly into my eyes and said, "He's dead Ginny." I ran from the house. I didn't look back. I didn't run infront of them of course, I slowly walked out of the room then ran. I ran outside passed every house into the middle of the city and it was the middle of the night. I screamed and screamed over and over. I could feel a knife being stuck in my chest over and over again. I couldn't break. I was dying. I found a real knife. I slashed my arms everywhere, my legs too. It felt better.
I went back to Hogwarts of course. I wasn't going to just loose everything that Sirius had helped me gain. But I just couldn't be myself without him. Sure, I knew that one day I would be without him, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I mean, this was just so unexpected, so…. So wrong. That's why I couldn't move on, because it was wrong.
Everyone had noticed a changed in me, but I didn't care. Why should I? They weren't Sirius. And they didn't care about me anyways, and I promised myself I would never care again. It hurt all too much to lose. Better to have loved and lost then not loved at all? What a stupid thing to say. Who ever said that should be hit, hard. They obviously never lost someone who meant everything to them…. Someone who was there entire world basically.
There had to be something to make the pain go away. There was a whole in my chest and it was bleeding all over the floor. I turned to the muggle world in search of comfort and I found it. I'd heard of drugs, sure, but it was uncommon for a person of the wizarding world to get involved in them.
I started off small, with marijuana. It calmed be down. It made me forget about Sirius, but the effects weren't strong of long lasting enough for me, and that giant hole in my chest would open up wider once the high wore off. It was like betraying Sirius. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to do anything like this, so I just did more drugs. To forget. To forget how to feel, to forget about him. That's all I had to do, forget. I could be happy again if I just forgot.
By the time I went back to Hogwarts I was on amphetamines daily. I couldn't get threw the day without them, besides people didn't except anything that odd. No one paid much attention to me anyways. I didn't think I would go past this point. That was until; the years first visit to hogsmeade. There was a whole part of the wizarding world I had never witnessed.
I walked down the road into the small village with Luna, her hand in hand with her boyfriend Blaise Zabini. I think if Sirius were here he would give me a piggy back ride and I would be laughing and smiling while he smiled just slightly, happy that I was happy. I cleared my thoughts immediately, but there were still lingering thoughts of Sirius that I chose to ignore. It was very busy, seeing as it was the first trip of the year. There were a lot of happy third years running around, this being their first trip there.
Me, Blaise and Luna stopped at the Hog's head, seeing as all other places were busy. I got coffee. Coffee was good for me. I was barely paying attention, but I was snapped out of my own thoughts as I noticed that Draco Malfoy had come over and struck up a conversation with Blaise. While I thought none of them were looking I poured some bailey's into my coffee. I saw Draco's eyes flicker my way. Oh well, it was just Draco. Like he gave a fuck. I bet he'd encourage me.
I got sick to hell of the pointless conversation they were having. Had life always been this vain? Maybe it was just my new perspective on life, and I was seeing things in a clearer way. But right now, I was too happy to be disgusted. Sometimes I wonder why I took things like speed and E. I didn't want to be happy anyways.
I abruptly stood up and pushed my chair, heading for the bathroom, almost skipping. I could feel Draco's eyes on my back. Once in the bathroom I washed my face. I felt disgusted. I had long since lost any reason to care about my appearance. I sat in the bathroom smoking for awhile (not cigarettes, obviously) and I watched with wide eyes as three girls who obviously didn't go to Hogwarts walked in. They all looked dead, yet completely alive at the same time. There clothes were dirty and they looked well, like the homeless people I'd seen on the streets of London. I watched as the girls proceeded to take a white substance, make lines with it and snort it. It was like I wasn't even here, but I continued to watch curiously. One of the girls, that had the white powder smudge on her upper lip, looked up at me like noticing me for the first time. "Wanna try?" She asked.
'Why not?' I thought. "What is it?" I asked coming closer. I was still fairly unfamiliar with the drug world, just trying whatever I came by and easily allowing myself to become hooked on it.
The girl smiled and said "It's coke. You'll love it." She said. I'd observed them enough to know what to do. The girl handed me a rolled up bill and a sniffed a line. I felt the effects nearly immediately. It was hard to really describe how I felt, I was paranoid yet felt amazing, I was alert and felt as if I had just had a great nights sleep, with a lot of energy. The girl smiled at my and grabbed my arm pulling me out of the bathroom, leaving the other two girls behind. I waved like an idiot at Luna, Blaise and Draco as me and the girl left out onto the streets.
She looked at me and I looked at her and I just started laughing and so did she. I spent the rest of the day in a daze, as the two of us kept sniffing lines. When the time came around for me to leave, I was completely sketched out. The girl assured me it was nothing to worry about. Before I turned to leave she grabbed me and crushed her lips hard against mine. I'd never kissed a girl in my life. And right then, I knew this wasn't going to be the last time. She smiled and pushed me out into the main spot of the street were a bunch of Hogwarts students were heading back. I followed them, not trusting myself to get back on my own.