The Legal stuff: J.K Rowling created Harry Potter, Mr. And Mrs. Weasley created Fred and George (Though I think that a bottle of tequila was probably involved in that somehow), so I'm just the fiction writer. I don't claim to be perfect, either.
-Written Pre OOtP-
That old 1990's muggle classic 'In the Middle of the Night' floated from the ceiling loudspeakers and gently whispered into the shoppers' ears like a subliminal message. It delighted the ears of those who remembered such old songs, and irritated the ears of others.
Professor Severus Snape hurriedly walked down the aisles, feeling a little naked without his robes on. Of course, he reminded himself, muggles didn't wear robes and, since he was shopping in a muggle convenience store, the robes would attract more attention than they needed to. Of course, the fact that he was wearing a long sleeved black sweater and long black pants in the middle of August was enough to attract attention anyway.
"Why... is that who I think it is?"
Snape's body seized up. That irritating voice... so familiar...
"I think it is!" Another voice, a little deeper said, "Oie! Professor Snape! Is that you?"
Pretend you don't hear it, pretend you don't--- Snape ducked his head down and began walking towards the end of the aisle, but to his dismay he could hear the muffled slap of sneakers following him.
"Oie! Professor! Don't you recognize us?"
Damn! Too late now. Snape had no choice but to turn and face his confronters. Two gangly tall smiling boys with messy red hair and freckled faces and necks smiled gleefully at him.
"Weasley." Snape said, "... and Weasley."
"Aw, school's out now, Professor!" The one on the left with a short sleeved scarlet shirt said, "You can just call me Fred!"
"Right... Fred." Snape said, then, upon spotting the dull gold G earring resting discreetly on his earlobe, asked "But then why..."
"You never could tell us apart could you?" the other boy (In a white baseball shirt) laughed, "Getting more observant in your old age, sir!"
Snape scowled and headed for the check out, and the Weasley twins (to his disgust) followed him.
"So, you two are just hanging out here, then?" Snape asked, making small talk to cover up how uncomfortable he felt with them behind him.
"Summertime means vacation time," Fred said.
"Can't run the store year-round, can we?" George asked.
"Don't want to spoil our customers," Fred said brightly. "Besides, do you know how much we've learned by vacationing in muggle London?"
"More than in muggle studies class, to be sure."
"We've got a nice 3 bedroom flat a few blocks from here, in case you ever want to drop in for a game of exploding snap or a quick potions lesson."
Seeing as he'd sooner challenge a basilisk to a staring contest, Snape just nodded, the small vein in his neck twitching as it always did when those two were irritating him. "I suppose you two haven't gotten married yet, then?" Snape asked.
"No, not yet." Fred said, knowing exactly what Snape meant, but deciding to let it go. They were both used to those kinds of snarky remarks.
The line was moving at a real crawl, and the insipid elevator music was becoming more and more of an irritation. It didn't help that the Weasley twins felt the need to hum along in (rather accurate) two-part harmony, either. Snape wished that the line would hurry up and move so that he could run home and be alone. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice his basket was moving slightly.
The young woman at the cash register smiled flirtatiously at Snape, who scowled back.
"Hey there, luv!" George said, as though he knew her, "How're you?"
"Fine, thanks!" She said in a squeaky Welsh accent, "And you, good sir?"
"Juuust fine!" George said, leaning against the counter. He turned his head up and smiled at Snape, as though the two of them shared a secret that the whole world wanted to know.
"I'm not paying for whatever you're buying." Snape said flatly.
"Aw, come on, professor! It's not like that!" George said, "We just want to spend some time with you!"
The woman began sliding Snape's things across the scanner. She stopped and made a face, then scanned the item in hand again. After two more tries, she leaned over to the small black loudspeaker.
"Price check at 2 on Mountain Breeze deodorant!"
Her voice seemed to echo through the store with casual confidence. Snape's eyes went wide, and he could feel the eyes of the other customers on him. Granted, there were only 3 other people on line, but it felt as though the world was looking at him.
"Happens every once in a while." The checkout woman said cheerfully. Fred's mouth puckered into a dwarfed smile.
"Hmm... Price check at 2 on triple strength oily scalp shampoo!"
Snape blushed, but tried to laugh it off along with the young man (who looked about fifteen) who was standing in the next check out. Could this get any worse?
"Price check at 2 on wart remover!"
George snorted lightly, but turned his head before Snape could look him in the eye.
"Something funny, Mr. Weasley?" He asked the back of George's head.
"Nobody's judging you, sir!" Came the reply, "We've all had to buy that at some---"
"Price check on fast acting odor eaters foot inserts!"
"--- point in our lives."
It suddenly occurred to the sallow skinned professor that it probably wasn't the machine's fault. Although he didn't claim to be an expert at divination, he suspected strongly that one of the two redheaded louts had something---"Price check on jock itch cream!" --to do with this.
"Price check on light days tampons!"
"Wait a minute, those aren't mine!" Snape said hastily, as Fred and George simultaneously covered their mouths and lowered their heads, trying to suppress their laughter.
"No? ... Cancel the price check on light days tampons!"
"Was that really necessary?" Snape asked, feeling rather over-heated all of a sudden.
"Changed your mind then, p'fessor?" Fred asked.
"No, you stupid git," his face , he was sure, was almost crimson by now, "What would I want with... with... ..."
"I believe the word you're looking for is feminine hygiene products, sir."
"Price check on---"
After what felt like an eternity (When really it was onlyfour minutesminutes) Severus Snape marched briskly out of the store, head bent over, scowl deeper than ever. Right behind him were Fred and George, George happily slurping away at a grape lollipop he decided to buy at the last minute.
"Really, some people sure can be rude!" He commented to his brother, "Who among us hasn't purchased a bottle of extra strength mouthwash?"
"Really!" Fred nodded in agreement, "So, Sevvy, want to join us back at home for some Chinese take-away?"
Snape stopped abruptly and turned around. The vein in his neck was throbbing, and there was murder in his eyes.
"If I EVER catch you two scratching out the barcodes again, I'm going to make life at Hogwarts a living hell for any bastard children you manage to squeeze out; do you understand me?" He said.
Without waiting for an answer, he stormed off down the block. Fred and George watched him go, as though they couldn't understand why he'd snapped at them.
"Must be his hemorrhoids acting up." George said, licking his lollipop contemplatively.
"Good thing he purchased some stuff to remedy them." Fred said.
-----
Poor Snape... his bad luck is only second to 'ol Hagrid's. So, did you like it?