She shut the door gently behind her and as she did, leaned back on it,
closing her eyes. She was absolutely exhausted. It was 3am and she'd just
had a double shift at the hospital and had spent half the night before up
with Max, as he had been sick with food poisoning from the pizza they had
eaten that day. She, herself had been feeling quite off at work, and had
experienced a couple of dizzy spells but she couldn't afford to take a day
off.
She collapsed on the couch and ran the events of the past day through her mind. The key points; almost losing a patient who had just had open heart surgery; having to deal with a patient that was up to her ears in speed that she couldn't put a coherent sentence together; being put on cleaning duty for the utilities room; and running into Michael. That had definitely been the pivotal point in her day.
She had been on duty, as usual when a burns patient had been brought up to the ward into her care. His condition was critical and he knew his chances; he didn't want to be intubated however, as he wanted a chance to say good-bye to his wife. Michael had come in with the patient, who was his best mate. His condition had deteriorated rapidly and he had to be intubated before his wife arrived. In the end it was his wife who had decided to let him go; it had been his wish that he wasn't to suffer. Terri had given him the last rights before he passed. It had been a pretty emotional day, but it had hit the peak when Michael confronted Paula in the tearoom. He told her that he was ready to commit to her and Max and that he wanted to be part of Max's life. She had been torn. This was what she had hoped for, dreamed for so many times, and it would be so great for Max to have that coveted father figure and for her to have that parental support, but what about the risk factor? He had deserted her eight years ago, leaving her to pick up the pieces alone. Who was to say he wouldn't do it again? Her feelings all over the place she had begged Luke for help. He had given advice but had said that it was her decision. And he was right – it was and she had made one. During a break, Paula asked her mother to bring in Max – and it was then that for the first time he met his father. The look of glee on his face was slowly shadowed by wariness. Why he hadn't wanted them before and why he was here were some of the questions that flooded out of Max's mouth. Paula had to admit that Michael was honest; he didn't go making up excuses and he was straight with Max, as straight as he could be to an eight year old anyway. He had really seemed to be trying. Michael after Max had left with her mum, had asked Paula to have coffee with him the next day. Paula was reluctant but finally agreed, seeing as she had nothing better to do with her morning off. And she supposed as he'd said, he was right – there were many pieces missing from the puzzle – and though it didn't seem fair, if her son was going to have a fair chance to a life with his father, she would have to be the one to fill in the blanks.
Paula woke, the next day at seven am. She desperately craved more sleep but just as she was about to roll over and drift back off, Max had bounded in, leaping on her bed asking for breakfast. She had wearily dragged her body out of bed and into the kitchen fixing the requested cheese on toast and orange juice. She had helped him get his bag, brush his teeth, fix his lunch and drop him off to school. She sat in the car, long after Max had left for school, just thinking. This is what she went through every day; she did it out of duty but also out of love. She loved her son to no end and he was her shining light. She knew that no matter how hard or horrible her day had been she could return home to an admiring face and a much needed hug. With her unrelenting hours at ASWGH and Max she didn't have much time for anything else but sleep, and had lost contact with most if not all her friends. Apart from her colleagues at work she was isolated from all adult contact – not that she was all that broken up about it – she had been burnt too many times by people her own age and had learnt not to trust them, as people often had ulterior motives behind the fronts that they put out to the world. She knew this much was true as this was a technique often practiced by herself; whilst Paula might have been hurting like hell inside, or be as exhausted as ever, all the outside world ever saw; was a for the most part clam, together face, who could take on the world. She had erected barricades to herself – she had had bad experiences with letting people get too close to her and had found the best way to protect herself was to simply hold everybody at an arms length. No-body had known the real her – that was until Luke had come along. Although he could be quite intense which at times could make him seem hard and therefore disliked, inside he was a gentle person who fought fiercely for what he believed in and was ferociously protective of the people he loved. When they had first met, he had immediately been attracted to her and had been more then ready to ask her out – until he found out she had a child. Like a repellent he backed right off and literally fled. Paula was used to this – blonde, tall, slim and down to earth she didn't have much trouble attracting admirers who were all keen as corn until they found out she had a kid – a responsibility. When they realized that they would never be the only one in her life they would flee like ants to a dead animal. She used to get hurt by this but by now, just like the rest of reality it hit her barriers of protection and bounced straight back off.
After a while on the ward though, Luke's flame for her seemed to be rekindled – she was wary off bat, as she always was but after spending time with him, she realized he was genuine. Although she didn't seem it, inside she was quite an insecure person – she was scared of getting too close to people in case they left her, and when she did she was often deathly scared of losing them. They had hit a lot of hurdles in their relationship – Max for one, Luke's dad, a kidney transplant – but their relationship had somehow miraculously survived through all this. It had seemed that things were finally getting back on track – then Michael appeared on the scene. Apart from everything else, him suddenly bursting onto the scene had worried her – what would Luke think? However, to her surprise and delight he had been great – polite, helpful, loyal – he had been absolutely amazing and she loved him to no end for being so understanding.
But no amount of understanding on his part could comfort her now. She was a wreck – facing Michael for the first time in years for more then ten minutes. Sure she had seen him yesterday – but there were always people around, always an excuse if things were getting difficult – oh, excuse me I'm sorry but I have to go a patient needs me – but this...this was going to be totally exclusive. There were them and only them, and no escape.
She collapsed on the couch and ran the events of the past day through her mind. The key points; almost losing a patient who had just had open heart surgery; having to deal with a patient that was up to her ears in speed that she couldn't put a coherent sentence together; being put on cleaning duty for the utilities room; and running into Michael. That had definitely been the pivotal point in her day.
She had been on duty, as usual when a burns patient had been brought up to the ward into her care. His condition was critical and he knew his chances; he didn't want to be intubated however, as he wanted a chance to say good-bye to his wife. Michael had come in with the patient, who was his best mate. His condition had deteriorated rapidly and he had to be intubated before his wife arrived. In the end it was his wife who had decided to let him go; it had been his wish that he wasn't to suffer. Terri had given him the last rights before he passed. It had been a pretty emotional day, but it had hit the peak when Michael confronted Paula in the tearoom. He told her that he was ready to commit to her and Max and that he wanted to be part of Max's life. She had been torn. This was what she had hoped for, dreamed for so many times, and it would be so great for Max to have that coveted father figure and for her to have that parental support, but what about the risk factor? He had deserted her eight years ago, leaving her to pick up the pieces alone. Who was to say he wouldn't do it again? Her feelings all over the place she had begged Luke for help. He had given advice but had said that it was her decision. And he was right – it was and she had made one. During a break, Paula asked her mother to bring in Max – and it was then that for the first time he met his father. The look of glee on his face was slowly shadowed by wariness. Why he hadn't wanted them before and why he was here were some of the questions that flooded out of Max's mouth. Paula had to admit that Michael was honest; he didn't go making up excuses and he was straight with Max, as straight as he could be to an eight year old anyway. He had really seemed to be trying. Michael after Max had left with her mum, had asked Paula to have coffee with him the next day. Paula was reluctant but finally agreed, seeing as she had nothing better to do with her morning off. And she supposed as he'd said, he was right – there were many pieces missing from the puzzle – and though it didn't seem fair, if her son was going to have a fair chance to a life with his father, she would have to be the one to fill in the blanks.
Paula woke, the next day at seven am. She desperately craved more sleep but just as she was about to roll over and drift back off, Max had bounded in, leaping on her bed asking for breakfast. She had wearily dragged her body out of bed and into the kitchen fixing the requested cheese on toast and orange juice. She had helped him get his bag, brush his teeth, fix his lunch and drop him off to school. She sat in the car, long after Max had left for school, just thinking. This is what she went through every day; she did it out of duty but also out of love. She loved her son to no end and he was her shining light. She knew that no matter how hard or horrible her day had been she could return home to an admiring face and a much needed hug. With her unrelenting hours at ASWGH and Max she didn't have much time for anything else but sleep, and had lost contact with most if not all her friends. Apart from her colleagues at work she was isolated from all adult contact – not that she was all that broken up about it – she had been burnt too many times by people her own age and had learnt not to trust them, as people often had ulterior motives behind the fronts that they put out to the world. She knew this much was true as this was a technique often practiced by herself; whilst Paula might have been hurting like hell inside, or be as exhausted as ever, all the outside world ever saw; was a for the most part clam, together face, who could take on the world. She had erected barricades to herself – she had had bad experiences with letting people get too close to her and had found the best way to protect herself was to simply hold everybody at an arms length. No-body had known the real her – that was until Luke had come along. Although he could be quite intense which at times could make him seem hard and therefore disliked, inside he was a gentle person who fought fiercely for what he believed in and was ferociously protective of the people he loved. When they had first met, he had immediately been attracted to her and had been more then ready to ask her out – until he found out she had a child. Like a repellent he backed right off and literally fled. Paula was used to this – blonde, tall, slim and down to earth she didn't have much trouble attracting admirers who were all keen as corn until they found out she had a kid – a responsibility. When they realized that they would never be the only one in her life they would flee like ants to a dead animal. She used to get hurt by this but by now, just like the rest of reality it hit her barriers of protection and bounced straight back off.
After a while on the ward though, Luke's flame for her seemed to be rekindled – she was wary off bat, as she always was but after spending time with him, she realized he was genuine. Although she didn't seem it, inside she was quite an insecure person – she was scared of getting too close to people in case they left her, and when she did she was often deathly scared of losing them. They had hit a lot of hurdles in their relationship – Max for one, Luke's dad, a kidney transplant – but their relationship had somehow miraculously survived through all this. It had seemed that things were finally getting back on track – then Michael appeared on the scene. Apart from everything else, him suddenly bursting onto the scene had worried her – what would Luke think? However, to her surprise and delight he had been great – polite, helpful, loyal – he had been absolutely amazing and she loved him to no end for being so understanding.
But no amount of understanding on his part could comfort her now. She was a wreck – facing Michael for the first time in years for more then ten minutes. Sure she had seen him yesterday – but there were always people around, always an excuse if things were getting difficult – oh, excuse me I'm sorry but I have to go a patient needs me – but this...this was going to be totally exclusive. There were them and only them, and no escape.