Author's Note:

Hi. This is meant to be a warning to all of you Harry Potter fans. If you like the Harry Potter book series, I strongly advise you to stop reading... NOW! If you simply don't care about what happens to Harry Potter and friends, then by all means keep reading. Just don't say you were never warned... so don't sue... please.

- PyroBitch13

Introduction:

One boring summer day a really disturbed and somewhat perverted 17 year old boy was outside in Little Whining, looking for trouble. This boy is rather special though. Many people don't believe in witchcraft, while those that do say its work of the devil. This rather peculiar boy was or is indeed a wizard currently attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His name, Harry Potter.

I trust that by now you know the story of Harry Potter. If you don't, never fear, I'll tell you. Harry was born to Lily and James Potter. They died. I'll tell you more later on. Now Harry lives with his aunt, uncle and cousin in number 4 Privet Drive in the city mentioned above. Harry thinks that his aunt and uncle are total assholes who do nothing but spoil his asswipe of a cousin Dudley so damn much and makes his life a living hell. He only lives with them because Lord Voldemort killed his parents when he was a baby using an extremely gay spell which consequently gave him an annoyingly gay scar. Harry now thinks Lord Voldemort is nothing but a gayass mother fucking shit head. Harry now goes to Hogwarts and has only two friends, Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger. He is also the seaker in quidditch for Griffindor house. Now... the story begins...

Harry Potter and the Final Fucking Year in This God Damn School - Chapter 1: The Gayness of it All

"Shit," said a young and bored Harry Potter on extremely gay August day. "I have no fuckin life! I don't have a girlfriend, I look like a fuckin' twig, I don't have a job, I can't drive, I'm only allowed to walk and occasionally ride a bicycle, I have no idea about my friends... they're probably fucking eachother right now and having a jolly good time might I say, while I'm getting the shit bored outta me! And to top it all off... I live with a load of fuckin' dumbasses!" said Harry quite angrily. "I could kill them all in an instant if it wasn't for the stupid Ministry and their retarded rules on underaged magic! Fuck them all! Those bloody bastards should go rot in hell!" See now what I mean by disturbed? Harry kept walking around in circles and eventually went home.

"Harry Fucker!" his uncle Vernon called him. "Where the bloody hell have you been boy?" He asked angrily. Harry answered,"I was off looking for hookers. Are you happy?" He only said this because he loved very much pissing his uncle off. His uncle was a fat man, roughly 400 pounds and could have a heart attack at anytime. That's why Harry liked pissing him off so much. "What the fuck boy?!" Suddenly, Uncle Vernon began clutching his heart and fell to the ground, flat on his ass.

At last, the moment Harry had been looking forward to all his life. His uncle was experiencing a heart attack. "Finally!" Harry Potter blurted out. "The ugly old fart is gonna die!" Aunt Petunia and Dudley stood there in shock looking at Harry. "What... the... fuck... boy?" she asked slowly. All of a sudden, Uncle Vernon got up and was alive and well. "I almost died for a minute there, didn't I?" He said happily. "Noooo!!" said Harry while Aunt Petunia and Dudley went to hug Uncle Vernon. Once again, Uncle Vernon fell on his fat ass and died. This of course made Harry very happy. Aunt Petunia took Uncle Vernon to the hospital and left Dudley home to watch Harry.

"Hey you fuckhole," said Harry to his cousin. "I have magic and can kill you in a heart beat if I felt like it. So you best hope you don't piss me off. Oh and if you tell, I'll do much worse than kill you. Mark my words." Dudley, naturally a wuss because his parents spoiled him so, ran to his room, tail between his legs crying like a French sissy girl. Hmm, thought Harry to himself. Those fuckers haven't sent me any bloody letters. So he went on to write them one. He started writing Ron's letter first.

Dear Ron,
You lousy fucker! Why haven't you sent me any fucking letters? Have you been to busy fuckin' Hermione or some other whore? Or are you really being such an asshole? Whatever your reason, write back soon.

Harry

"There, that's a great letter. Now to write one to Hermione, the whore of this outfit." And with that, he started on Hermione's letter.

Dear Hermione,
Why haven't you sent me any fuckin' letters you bitch? Have you been to busy fucking people? Or are you really such a bitch that you don't want to talk to me? Have you forgotten about last year and that "thing" Ron doesn't know about? Anyway, you better write to me soon!"

Harry

And with that, he sent Hedwig to Ron and Hermione's house. A few days later, Harry got his friends' letters. He opened Ron's first.

Dear Harry,
You fucking shit head! I have been not fucking any whores. The reason I haven't sent you any letters is because I'm having a self discovery. I might be gay Harry...

Harry rapidly put the letter down without finishing it. "Oh my God! Ron might be gay!" He opened Hermione's letter next.

Dear Harry,
You annoying asshole! If you really must know, I haven't been writing to you because I've been helping Ron with his self discovery. Harry, Ron might be gay! This is so fuckin' weird. Oh, I'll see you tomorrow at Diagon Alley. Oh, Ron's coming too! I wonder what it will be like having a gay friend...

Hermione

"Oh my God! Ron's going too! I wonder if he'll start hitting on me? Oh God... my life is so gay! And now I'll probably have a gay friend too! Oh the gayness of it all..." And with that, Harry shot some heroin and passed out.

Later that day, Harry woke up and heard is fucking pig of a cousin Dudley crying in his room. Harry, being the asshole that he is, decided to go with Dudley. "Why ya cryin' you fuckhole?" he asked casually. "S-Shut u- up... y-you sh-sh-shit.. h-head! D-Don't you know m-my d-dad died?" "Oh yeah," responded Harry, and began jumping for joy. This, however, made Dudley cry even harder. Harry thought it was funny at first, but then got bored. So he decided to kill him.. using magic. "Avada Kedavra!" he bellowed. A flash of green light shot out of his wand and struck cousin Dudley. This triggered many sad memories for Harry. This was the spell Voldemort used to kill his parents and give him his gay scar. "That lousy fucker.." said Harry. "He gave me this gayass scar..." Then he cried. He finally went to sleep thinking of the joys, horrors, gayness, and accomplishments of his day.