Sir Percy's Pen
First Chapter: The Phantom Goes to Burger King
It was dark in the Opera House. The show was over and the fiery gaslights were extinguished. The rumble in his stomach, however, was raging.
"I am famished! Where is she with my dinner?"
The Phantom considered a drastic move…
"I wonder if I am as delicious as my music? Maybe, just maybe, I can lick my hand and somehow satisfy my hunger for a while. No, that idea is…"
"HONEY, I'm home!"
"Holy Half-Mask, Cristine! You scared me to death!"
"Sorry."
"Well, it's okay, but don't let it happen again. Now, where is my dinner?"
"Now, don't be mad – you know how your temper is – the Wendy's didn't have any gaslight, so I couldn't get your triple with extra onions."
"CURSES! Once more to the dungeons of my dark despair without a morsel of mouthwatering masticated cow to accompany the Frosty!"
"A bit dramatic, don't you think?" observed Cristine.
"Well, maybe, but what will we do now?"
"Calm down. I sent Raoul out for a couple of Happy Meals, and a nice large McFish Sandwich for you. He'll be back in a minute, so I'll just…"
"WHAT! You called HIM to get our dinner? I thought you were through with that, that, slimey softhaired son of a successful societal scalawag!"
It is important to note here that the Phantom is just a little bit, shall we say, "over the top" about the cool, suave, and ultimate Bachelor #1, Raoul. But of course, you knew that already. On with the story…
"Let's get out of here!"
And with that, the Phantom swooped down from high above Christine's head, gripping the rigging in his right hand as he reaches for her tiny waist with his left. Christine, however, having seen this move more times than she could count, simply stepped out of the way.
"Oh, please. Can you just use the stairs like everybody else. If you want to go out to eat, FINE, let's go. I promised you ONE MEAL, so let's just get it over with. Where do you want to go?"
The Phantom, meanwhile, is pondering where to eat while trying to unwrap the cords twisted around his legs from his untimely, and should we say "unmanly" attempt at Tarzaneze.
"I want a Whopper" he finally declared.
So, the Phantom, cloak and hood shadowing his deformity, leaves the Opera House with Christine, walks the three blocks to the local Burger King (which just announced it stays open 24 hours!), and stood in front of the clerk at the register.
"Have it Your Way at Burger King. We have new burgers on hand. Have you tried the "Don Juan" burger? It is especially spicy and on sale today. Would you like one?" asked the young trainee behind the counter. Within seconds of the request to the oddly-dressed customers standing before her, the one in the cloak suddenly burst into a raging fury, leaped over the counter, grabbed her by the arm and roared "Give me a Whopper and don't mock me!"