A/N: hello. I'm back. Sorta. Enjoy. R&R! ~Mac

Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine.

iWill Wait

Italy was a dream; it really was. The sights, the sounds, the people—everything was exactly the way Carly had imagined it. She liked living with her dad; it was a huge improvement over sporadic video chats and phone calls in between disappointment over missed visits. It was a little strange, the switch, because now she got to see her Dad all the time while the people she hadn't spent a day without for years were now the ones she had to fit in with phone calls and periodic video chats. It didn't matter that she was in a beautiful place and living with her Dad again was everything she wanted; she missed her real home and the people she left behind. She didn't realize that until after she had said goodbye, when it was really too late to change a thing about it. Besides, she had to give it a real shot, living with her Dad in Italy, before she ran back to the comfort of the familiar. She couldn't let a little bit of homesickness influence a major life decision. She wanted to be with her Dad; she wanted to be back with Spencer and her friends again too, though. The beginning was going to be hard, but she would push through.

Carly stuck it out. The homesickness started to ware off after awhile once she was able to fall into a new routine. It was weird to not have iCarly every week, to not have to keep a fire extinguisher handy (because with Spencer you just didn't know), to not have to constantly keep Sam in check so she wouldn't end up doing something that would land her in jail, to not be wary that shirtless Gibby might wander by at any moment, and to not have Freddie just a hallway away. These were things she had to adjust to and that took time. Carly made a few new friends, because she had to. The time difference made it hard enough to keep up contact with her friends back home, but what she managed wasn't enough to count for as much companionship as she needed. She learned new normal activities—things she could do as substitutes for the things she could only do back when she was with Spencer, Sam and Freddie.

The first day was the hardest, but it passed. A week went by, then two, then a month and two months. It wasn't as painful (the separation), it wasn't as scary (a new place), it wasn't as lonely (the isolation), and it wasn't as tentative (her confidence). Soon enough, she stopped thinking of the loft as home and started thinking of it as a place she wanted to visit. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

oOo

"Do you ever think about it?" Freddie asked, his voice distorted by a yawn.

Carly found she seemed to always be waking him up with her phone calls—it was always just a little too late, or a little too early. To his credit, he always answered anyway and would talk to her as long as he could (time and the cost of international long distance considered). Mrs. Benson hated it, but that was probably part of the reason Freddie continued to do it. The other reasons all had to do with not wanting to miss out on talking to Carly, hearing her voice or what she had to say. He had tried not to sound overeager the first few times, but the strain to do so had just made his voice crack and she called him on it anyway. After that e gave up trying to hide how desperate he was to talk to her whenever he could.

"Think about what?" Carly responded. She had one eye on the clock, timing their conversation.

"The day you left, you know, in the studio," Freddie spoke in short phrases, unable to articulate what he really wanted to say, "between us."

Carly smiled slightly, thinking about the memory his words evoked. She had thought about. She had thought about it a lot—what it meant, what she wanted it to mean, what Freddie thought it meant and wanted it to mean. She had thought about it for other reasons too, but those were the most frequent. She had given it a lot of thought, but they had never talked about it before. She wondered why he chose now to bring it up, after all the time that had passed and, especially, when their conversation had a time limit.

"Yeah, Freddie, all the time," Carly answered. "Do you?"

"Of course I do," Freddie said. "I just wondered if you ever did."

"Why?"

"Because of the timing, Carly," Freddie sighed, "and we never talked about what it meant. You were leaving and, I don't know. Was it supposed to be a goodbye, or was it supposed to say that you wanted something more—and if the answer to that is yes, was it supposed to be now or later, when you come back?"

"You're rambling, Freddie," Carly said.

"You heard me, though."

"What do you want me to say, Freddie?"

"Tell me why you waited until right before you left," Freddie said. All the sound of sleepiness had left his voice. "I have to know."

"I didn't know if I would get another chance," Carly said after a moment of quiet hesitation. "I wanted at least one kiss that wasn't tainted by you saving my life and I wanted it before I left."

"Just the one? That's all you wanted?"

"I said, at least," Carly said.

"So, you did want more?" Freddie continued.

"Freddie," Carly started, "I could tell you yes, but that won't change how far apart we are."

"No, but it would change something," Freddie said.

"What would it change?"

"I wouldn't have to obsess about whether or not you feel the same," Freddie answered. "It would decide whether I give up the little bit of hope I've been harboring since you left or if I have something to look forward to."

"Why now, Freddie?"

"I—I have a chance to move on, but I don't want to even think about doing that if you have any kind of real feelings for me," Freddie said. "I will wait for you Carly Shay, but I need to know that I'm waiting for something that's actually going to happen. I don't want to be stuck alone in this and not find out until months later."

Carly sighed and ran a hand through her hair. This was not the conversation she had expected when she picked up the phone to call. Honestly, though, she had been waiting for it from the moment she had kissed him that day in the studio. It had nagged at the back of her mind each time she talked to him, thought of him, or heard his name. He deserved an answer, so she gave him one.

"The answer is yes, Freddie. I do want more. I have for awhile—"

"Yes!" Freddie exclaimed. Carly could almost hear the fist pump in his voice.

"—but," Carly added, "we can't actually have more until I come back. I don't know how long it might be before I do. If you have a chance to move on," Carly swallowed hard. There was an ache in her chest as she finished her sentence, "maybe you should take it. I don't want to keep you from something better when I can't guarantee how long you'll be waiting."

Freddie chuckled, "I don't know if better than you exists, but even if it does, I don't want it. I can wait as long as it takes. I've waited this long, haven't I?"

oOo

The wait ended up being much longer than either of them expected. Her father's time in Italy was extended, which meant so was hers. Time schedules got in the way of more than one of her intended visits—not that anything would happen on a visit, but being able to see each other in person again would have confirmed that they wanted something to happen in the future. Carly felt horrible that she had to back out of her trips. She felt worse because she had gone through the same thing with her Dad and she knew how Freddie and the others must have felt when she didn't show. It did give her a chance to bond with her Dad. She could sympathize with him now. She did not like being the one to disappoint, but it was all she seemed to do.

"I miss you, Carls," Sam said. She pouted at Carly from the computer screen. It was only a day or two since the last time Carly was supposed to take a trip back and hadn't been able to. "I thought you'd actually make it this time."

"I know, Sam," Carly said. "I thought so too."

"What'd you say to Freddie?" Sam asked.

"The truth," Carly answered. "Things here...The timing was just wrong."

"Sounds like the timing is always kinda wrong," Sam said. "And I'm not just talking about the canceled trip."

"What are you talking about, Sam?"

"It's just a little convenient that you give the guy a chance right when you're moving to another country," Sam shrugged like what she said wasn't loaded. "I'm not exactly ethically opposed to the practice, but you're stringing him along and he's just going along with it."

"I am not stringing him along," Carly shook her head. Sam leveled an unconvinced expression at her. "I'm not! Sam, I told him not to wait for me. I told him it could be a long time before I came back. It kinda broke my heart, but I told him to move on. He made the decision to wait. I never asked him to."

"You're my best friend, Carly, and even though I don't like to admit it, so is Freddie," Sam said. "I know I've told him I would trade him for a fried chicken, or a steak, or a rack of ribs, or one of those delicious plates of supreme nachos—"

"Sam, get to the point."

"—but I care about the guy, okay?" Sam finished. She made a slight gagging motion as if the words wasted foul in her mouth. "I don't think he deserves to have his emotions toyed with, you see? Even if it's by you."

"Sam," Carly said. "I'm not..."

"It's just easy for you to say, Carly," Sam cut in. "You're there. You're not here. You can say just about anything, because you don't have to face the consequences of saying it."

"That's not true."

"It is," Sam insisted. She leaned in close to her web cam. "Carly, listen to me. I'm going to get really sensitive here and I really do not want to have to repeat myself. You can say what you think Freddie wants to hear, because you don't have to act on it. Like I said, it's convenient. You don't hurt his feelings, but you don't have to really be with him. He's happy hoping for the future and you can postpone that future as long as you want. If you come home, all that changes—even if it's only for a weekend. If you come back and you decide that you were wrong about having feelings for Freddie, you will break his heart and he'll have waited for nothing. Can you tell me with absolute certainty that you're not putting off visiting because you're afraid you'll have to tell Freddie that you changed your mind?"

Sam stared at her from the computer screen and Carly frowned at the intensity. She understood Sam's concern, even if it seemed a little out of character. Part of her wanted to keep to herself what she was about to say, but she also wanted to get Sam off her back.

"Yes, I can," Carly said firmly. "It tears me apart not being able to visit, but it has nothing to do with doubting what I told Freddie."

"Then what is it? What's keeping you away?"

Carly wrung her hands. "Freddie promised me he would wait until I was able to come back for good. I believe he will. I'm just not as good at waiting as he is."

"What?" Sam's eyes went wide. "Is there someone else? Someone there in Italy?"

"No! Of course not," Carly scowled and she shook her head. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant—what I meant was, I could visit and Freddie would probably be okay with nothing happening, because he can wait for when I'm back for good, but I wouldn't want to wait. I'd either be miserable trying to hold back until I left again or I'd let something happen and then leaving would be excruciating."

"Oh, Carls," Sam's expression softened.

"You see? I'm not stalling because I'm doubting my feelings," Carly said. "I'm stalling because I know for a fact just how strong my feelings are."

"You need to come home, Carly," Sam said. "If you feel that strongly about Freddork, then neither of you should be waiting this long."

"This is my home, Sam," Carly responded. "For the immediate future it is, at least."

"You can come back whenever you want, Carly. If you explained to your Dad how you felt," Sam started, "he'd understand."

"I want to be here, Sam," Carly said. "It's not there and I miss all of you so much. Kinda crazy, but I almost miss Mrs. Benson and Lewbert too—"

"That is crazy," Sam smiled.

"—As much as I want to be there...for Freddie, for you, Spencer, Gibby and everyone else," Carly shrugged. "I feel like this is my one chance to be with my Dad. If I run out on him, for a boy, what will he think of me?"

"If it's the boy you run out on him for—and I can tell you with great certainty after what you said a few minutes ago, Freddie is the boy—your Dad will be okay," Sam said. "I wish I had a family like yours who care enough to give you what you need to be happy. Your Dad loves you. He loves you enough to want you there and he loves you enough to let you go if you want to go."

"I have to wait it out," Carly sniffed. "I owe it to my Dad."

"If that's really what you want, Carly," Sam sighed. "We'll all be here when you do come back. Freddie, especially. It's stupid, because I dated the guy and everything, but I really want to see you two together for real. You're the girl for him, always have been. It's about time he actually got to have you, without me screwing it up with the whole foreign bacon thing. It'll let me off the hook at least."

"It'll happen when the time is right," Carly said. "Thanks for all the advice. I really needed my best friend today."

"Yeah, yeah," Sam waved her hand dismissively. "You need to hurry up and get your butt back here, because I'm a little exhausted being the problem solver now that you're over there. I wanna go back to making trouble while you clean up all of my messes. I don't know how you did it, Carly Shay, but you kept everyone in line, even me."

"It's a skill gained from experience and a wealth of knowledge," Carly laughed lightly.

"Well, your experience and knowledge are well missed, just so you know."

"I know," Carly nodded. "I'll talk to you later, Sam."

"See you later, Carly."

oOo

Upon closing up her laptop after her web chat with Sam, Carly felt a heaviness on her chest that refused to disperse. It made it hard to breathe and when the tears came, it choked them off into sobs. Despite everything she said about sticking it out with her Dad, she wanted her own bed, in her own room, in her and Spencer's apartment. That was where she wanted to be whens he curled up to cry over missing her friends. It was stupid to cry harder over not being able to be there to cry, because if she could be there, she wouldn't have a reason to cry in the first place. Thinking about how stupid she was being only made her cry even harder and it was an endless cycle she couldn't get out of. Tears were still falling when her Dad came in to check on her.

"Carly? How are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked as he knocked on and opened her door. As he caught sight of her shaking form, he continued, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing, Dad," Carly answered. "I'm fine. It's silly. You don't want to hear about it."

Her dad came to sit on the edge of her bed next to her. "Of course I want to hear about it. If it's important enough to put you in this state, whatever your problem is, I want to hear about it. That is...if you want to tell me?"

"I miss my friends," Carly said. "I miss Spencer. I miss my old room ad my old bed and my old apartment. I miss...I miss Freddie."

"Oh, it's that kind of problem," her Dad nodded. He cleared his throat awkwardly and added tentatively, "This friend of yours, Freddie, do you like him?"

Carly wiped away a few tears, "We don't have to talk about this, Dad, really."

"Who do you usually talk abut this kind of stuff with?"

"Sam," Carly answered, "Before it was about Freddie, I sometimes talked about it with him."

"Spencer?"

Carly nodded.

"Then you can talk to me about it," Her Dad said. "I can do my best."

Carly took a deep breath, "I like Freddie; I like him a lot—maybe more than that. I don't know."

"Does he know that?" Her Dad asked and she nodded. "Does he feel the same?"

"Yeah," Carly nodded again. "He does."

Her Dad struggled a minute to come up with his next response. "Are you two...dating?"

"No," Carly said. "We're on different continents. We're waiting until I move back, whenever that is."

"There's no problem, then?"

"Not when it comes to Freddie," Carly said. "I mean, technically."

"Then why are you crying, Carly?" Her Dad's face crinkled with concern.

"Waiting that long...I can see it, the time between now and when we actually get to be together, it stretches out so far I can barely see the end," Carly explained. "It feels...too long."

"You don't think he'll wait?"

"He will, that's the problem," Carly said. "I hate that he has to and that it's my fault that he does."

Her Dad's shoulders dropped as he released a deep breath. "Carly, do you want to go back to living with Spencer? Is that what this is about?"

"No, it's not that. I like it here," Carly said, shaking her head back and forth quickly. "I have to stay here."

"I have to stay here, because this is my job," Her dad said. "You don't have to stay here. You can choose to go back at any time."

"I know I don't have to stay here," Carly said, "but I feel like I have to stay here—"

"Carly," Her dad cut her off. She quieted instantly. "As much as I love having you here, and as much as I'll miss you if you go, you don't have any obligation to stay. This was supposed to be about us being able to have time together, and we've had it, plenty of it. It'll never feel like enough, because you're my daughter, I love you and it's hard being apart. Still, if you're going to be even the least bit miserable being here...I think maybe it's time you went back."

"Dad—"

"I want what's best for you, Carly. I trust your judgment. Whatever you choose to do, I'll support it."

oOo

When Carly finally got to visit Seattle, she was not expecting a party, but when she arrived at Bushwell Plaza, that was what she found in her apartment. Before she could utter so much as the first word of her question, Spencer had lifted her off her feet in a tight hug and spun her around until she was slightly dizzy. He placed her on her feet a little further into the apartment. Carly wobbled a bit before standing up straight.

"Finally, my little sis comes to visit," Spencer exclaimed.

"About that—" Carly started.

Spencer put an arm around her shoulders and turned her around to face the party. "Everyone is here to celebrate."

"Figured we would pull out all the stops since you're only here for two days," Sam said as she came to as top in front of Carly. She pulled Carly into a hug. "It's good to see you in all your unpixelated glory."

"A party was hardly necessary," Carly said as she was released from the embrace."

"Please, we make a hobby of doing everything over the top, myself especially," Sam rolled her eyes, "Necessary was never a factor."

"We haven't seen you in months, Carls," Spencer said. "We got a little carried away."

"More than a little."

Sam stepped aside to reveal the source of the last comment. Carly smiled as Freddie stepped forward.

"Spencer set more than a few things on fire during the prep for this thing," Freddie continued as he moved forward for a hug as well.

"Three!" Spencer protested from the background. "That is not 'more than a few.' That is a few."

When he had his arms around her, Freddie said, "It is really good to see you, Carly. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Carly said, resting her head on Freddie's shoulder for a moment as she hugged him. For a moment, she felt completely content.

"Carly!" Gibby's excited shout pulled Carly back to reality.

"Hey, Gibby," Carly said, stepping away from Freddie. "Got all you clothes on I see."

Gibby grinned, "Party's just getting started."

From that point on, Carly played the part of honored party guest. She mingled and chatted. Dancing with her friends took up much of her night. She listened to each little sigh over the brevity of her visit even though she already knew everyone was disappointed that it as only supposed to be a weekend trip. Most of the time she tried not to look directly at Freddie or be alone with him for too long. She was really trying to avoid the conversation that would likely ensue if she was left alone with him for too long. It wasn't that she didn't want to have it, she just needed a little more time to prepare.

Until then, she would enjoy the party. Her brother and friends had thrown it special for her and the least she could do was let go of her worries and have a good time. She would also pretend that she didn't notice the way Freddie was watching her from across the room.

oOo

When the party started to die down and people started to leave, Carly took the opportunity to disappear up to the iCarly studio. It was a bit of a shock to her system to be up there after so much time had passed. The feelings from that last day still felt tangible somehow, like they lingered in the air there, locked up and waiting for her return. She crossed to the center of the room and glanced around her. It was so strange to find it so empty, with all the gear packed up and returned to Freddie's and everything else stored away. Carly wrapped her arms around herself as she took a deep breath. What she had hoped to find up there, she wasn't sure, but it wasn't the emptiness she now encountered.

The door to the studio opened to admit someone, but Carly had her back to the door. She didn't know who had come in until he spoke. "I thought I'd find you up here."

"Hey, Freddie," Carly said softly. She took another deep breath; it was time for that conversation.

Freddie walked over and stopped to stand next to her. He looked around, "It's different up here, huh?"

"Yeah," Carly nodded. The word 'empty' was on the tip of her tongue, but when she opened her mouth all that came out was, "lonely."

"Hmm," Freddie murmured. "That's an accurate description. You leaving kinda sucked the life out of the place."

"Well that makes me feel really good about myself," Carly replied.

"I didn't mean it like that," Freddie said. "I only mean that, we missed you. I missed you. Nothing was really the same without you here."

Carly sighed, but didn't say anything.

Freddie filled the silence. "It's good to have you back. I can speak for everyone when I say that. Everyone walks a little lighter when you're in the room. It's a welcome change from the past months, even if it is temporary. I know you're just here for the weekend and—"

"Freddie," Carly spoke up. "I'm not here for the weekend."

"Oh," Freddie's face feel. "You're not going back tonight are you? You're at least going to be her until tomorrow, right? Right?"

Freddie moved closer to her. His hands came up to grasp her shoulders and to turn her towards him. Carly's breath caught in her throat as his eyes searched hers. She wanted to respond, to answer him, but somewhere in between his hands touching her and his gaze locking on hers, she lost the ability to speak. She reached up her own hands to rest on Freddie's chest. He frowned slightly, his brow crinkling, and his hands slid down from her shoulders to loosely grip her elbows. Still, she couldn't speak.

"Carly?" Freddie prompted.

"I'm not good at waiting, Freddie," Carly finally managed. Her fingers curled to grip his shirt. "I'm usually a patient person, but when it comes to this, when it comes to you, I really don't want to wait."

"Don't do this to me, Carly," Freddie closed his eyes. His grip tightened on her arms. "You're not even staying for a weekend, you just said so. We can't—"

Carly shuffled closer to Freddie, quickly closing the small distance between their bodies. Her hands moved from his chest to grip at his shoulders, close to his neck. She could feel his breaths coming in short, strained puffs as she shifted to align their faces. Freddie's fingers continued to clutch at her, but he wouldn't open his eyes. She knew she should wait, it was what she was supposed to do, but his warmth was radiating off him and her patience had run out.

"There's something I have to tell you," Carly whispered, angling her mouth toward Freddie's ear so he could hear her, "but first I really have to—"

With each word she moved her lips closer to his, but the anticipation built too quickly and she had to cut off her own sentence with their kiss. Freddie tensed at the first contact, but his hands dropped from her arms and found her waist a more convenient place to clutch at. He drew her against him and kissed her back with a passion she hadn't experienced in a kiss since their first thirty-four minute kiss. When she finally pulled back, she was breathless and she rested her forehead on Freddie's shoulder as she caught her breath.

"You shouldn't have done that," Freddie said, but he kept her hugged close to him. "Letting you leave is going to be harder than last time. How am I supposed to wait for you to be home for good after that?"

Carly recovered from her need for air while Freddie spoke and while his mouth was busy talking, she occupied her own by pressing her lips in soft kisses against his neck. She enjoyed the way his voice faltered at each touch. She murmured her response, but it was rendered incoherent by her mouth being pressed to his skin.

"Say that again?" Freddie said.

Carly pulled away from his neck and angled her face so she could look into his eyes. She repeated the five words spoken with her kiss. "I am home for good."

Freddie's face shifted from confusion, to understanding, to elation in a span of three seconds. The wide grin that stretched across his face was catching and Carly soon found herself smiling right back. Freddie laughed and hugged her tightly, before leaning in and kissing her again.

"You're really back for good?" Freddie asked when they broke apart from the second kiss. "That's what you meant by not staying for a weekend? Why didn't you tell everyone before?"

"I grappled with the decision almost right up to the minute I left Italy. I told everyone it was only a visit, because I wasn't sure if it was going to be more than that," Carly answered. "I think, though, I knew what I was going to do and so did my Dad, because I was actually allowing myself to come. It was one of the hardest decisions I've made, but knowing I was coming home to you, to this...it made it a little easier."

"I'm going to enjoy not having to miss you," Freddie said. "Do you know what it was like not being able to just walk across the hall and see you everyday?"

Carly leveled a raised eyebrow at him.

Freddie chuckled, "That was a stupid question. Of course you do."

"Well, we don't have to worry about that any more," Carly said. She pressed one light kiss to his lips and added, "You think you waited long enough?"

"I think I could have held out a little longer," Freddie smiled. "Maybe a few days or a week. Two weeks tops."

"And then what would you have done if I hadn't come home yet?" Carly asked, laughing lightly.

"I would have done what any self-respecting guy would have done," Freddie said.

"Called it quits and moved on?"

"Gone to Italy and begged you to come home, and if that didn't work, drag you back forcefully."

"Sounds like the makings of a good romantic comedy," Carly joked.

"Got to admit it's in keeping with the way the rest of our story has gone," Freddie said.

"Mmm," Carly nodded. "Was it worth the wait?"

"The wait?"

"Yeah," Carly said. One of her hands played with the hair at the base of Freddie's neck. "Was it?"

"For you, Carly, more than worth it," Freddie said. "I've been waiting for you forever. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't certain it was going to pay off."

"You're worth it too," Carly said, looking up into his eyes. "Just so you know."

Freddie smiled that contagious smile again and kissed her once more. Carly had to wonder why she had ever postponed doing this, how she hadn't been able to differentiate this from the accused hero worship from their first try. She wondered why she hadn't just been honest with herself that this was what she had wanted all along—the first time, the in between time; before, during and after Italy. Then she stopped wondering, because it didn't really matter what the answers to those pestering what ifs were. Maybe they would have gotten to this place sooner, but all that really mattered was that they got there. They had waited their fair share of time, and now there was no time for wondering about the past. Now, all there was to do was reap the benefits of finally getting what they were waiting for.

-fin-